-_-




Just you wait...I'll get you back!!!

From the shadows he smiled to himself. If he had an evil goatee which any self-respecting evil supervillain should have he would be stroking it in consideration of his forming evil plan.

"So...Mrs. Hollow likes to play. I like to play too!" he whispers sinisterly.

With a dramatic flourish of his dark cloak he takes off for the Lair of Shadows© whilst laughing:

"Muhahahahahaha!©"

Only to bump into his Coat Rack of Darkness!®

"By all the spirits of the nether-regions! Could we do something about the lighting in here! I keep knocking my own stuff over!" he grumbled, continuing on to his Evil Plan (patent pending).

I'm glad you're around, Blackie <3

Muhahahahaha!©

Yes! Play into my hands unwitting fawn! You will soon face the maw of Machiavelli!

How shall I plan your downfall? The age-old ding-dong-ditch? The bouillon cubes in the shower head? Replacing the labels upon your cans of tuna with the cat food? Soon, you will know that Darkness has...uh...darkened your doorstep!

Muhahahahhaha!


Yeah, I'm pretty awesome to have around.

Muhahahahahah!©

Speaking of, I SWEAR someone is coming into our house and eating our food when we aren't here!!

Muahahahahahahahahaha!©

Missing some Honey Nut Cheerios are we?! Yeeeess. Everything is going perfectly according to plan!

Dude, that sucks. You need to get some security force or something.

Owned by me, naturally!

Sorry


But on a more serious note, that's wierd. Check for raccoons.

Raccoons?! Where?!

*Points*

SQUIRREL!

*Meanders off.*

Squirrel! Where?!

-looks around in hopes of seeing a squirrel he can chase-

"GAAAAAAH! Excuse me? You don't want to see my squirrely wrath in action!"


*mALX dusts off her fur*

[whispers] Even the Darkness fears something. She is that something. Run Kobby-Luke, Run! [/whisper]

-runs as fast as he can-

*Kiln sits quietly with a squirt bottle in case of Malx emergency.*

The singular force that can counter nearly anything this forum can produce!

The shining star to my blackest night!

The crucible from which all impurities are burned away!

The MIGHTY......



KILN!

If his name wasn't in shiny red letters, he wouldn't be so tough

-retreats into hiding spot-

Yeah! You BETTER run!!

Oh, I will And you'll never find me

-retreats again-

The Darkness....writhes around me.

If there is one thing I am good at, Kobby. It's finding fools!

And then pitying said fools!

And I pity the fool who thinks they can hide from me in.....*long dramatic pause*...the Shadows®!

Ah, but you're mistaken my friend. I don't need the shadows to hide

For I, am the master of disguise

No...could it be?! Are you...the Last of the Disguisi Family?

Yours isn't the only evil presence on this forum my friend...

Oh I'm not evil. I am the Darkness that evil fears.

I am the venom that acts as a cure.

I am the scarred hand that brings retribution.

I am justice. I am the night.

I. AM. NOT. Batman!

But the master of deception doesn't fear the darkness. My evil is too powerful

KoB.

-taps foot with raised eyebrow-

Evil is my squeaky toy.

Fear the dachshund.
















For he may widdle on your shoes.

What did I do

Acadian is a much more useful mod. Bots and spammers alike cower in fear when they see that screen name perusing the forums. If they attempt to spam then they are struck down with prejudice.

Precisely. Even the good guys have Minions.


Oh Lord! It was a joke Acadian, please don't make with the Ban-Hammering!

I dunno man, must've been bad. She looks positively *glowing*!!

I feel like I'm in trouble, lol

Yes- even the mighty dachshund knows to cower in fear from the absolutely-not-pregnant-and-stop-saying-that Liz.

(It was radioactive spiders I tell ya- or possibly guppies).

Or maybe it is simpler than that. To quote no less an authority than Rudyard Kipling:



WHEN the Himalayan peasant meets the he-bear in his pride,
He shouts to scare the monster, who will often turn aside.
But the she-bear thus accosted rends the peasant tooth and nail.
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

When Nag the basking cobra hears the careless foot of man,
He will sometimes wriggle sideways and avoid it if he can.
But his mate makes no such motion where she camps beside the trail.
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

When the early Jesuit fathers preached to Hurons and Choctaws,
They prayed to be delivered from the vengeance of the squaws.
'Twas the women, not the warriors, turned those stark enthusiasts pale.
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

Man's timid heart is bursting with the things he must not say,
For the Woman that God gave him isn't his to give away;
But when hunter meets with husbands, each confirms the other's tale—
The female of the species is more deadly than the male.

Man, a bear in most relations—worm and savage otherwise,—
Man propounds negotiations, Man accepts the compromise.
Very rarely will he squarely push the logic of a fact
To its ultimate conclusion in unmitigated act.

Fear, or foolishness, impels him, ere he lay the wicked low,
To concede some form of trial even to his fiercest foe.
Mirth obscene diverts his anger—Doubt and Pity oft perplex
Him in dealing with an issue—to the scandal of The Sex!

But the Woman that God gave him, every fibre of her frame
Proves her launched for one sole issue, armed and engined for the same;
And to serve that single issue, lest the generations fail,
The female of the species must be deadlier than the male.

She who faces Death by torture for each life beneath her breast
May not deal in doubt or pity—must not swerve for fact or jest.
These be purely male diversions—not in these her honour dwells—
She the Other Law we live by, is that Law and nothing else.

She can bring no more to living than the powers that make her great
As the Mother of the Infant and the Mistress of the Mate.
And when Babe and Man are lacking and she strides unclaimed to claim
Her right as femme (and baron), her equipment is the same.

She is wedded to convictions—in default of grosser ties;
Her contentions are her children, Heaven help him who denies!—
He will meet no suave discussion, but the instant, white-hot, wild,
Wakened female of the species warring as for spouse and child.

Unprovoked and awful charges—even so the she-bear fights,
Speech that drips, corrodes, and poisons—even so the cobra bites,
Scientific vivisection of one nerve till it is raw
And the victim writhes in anguish—like the Jesuit with the squaw!

So it comes that Man, the coward, when he gathers to confer
With his fellow-braves in council, dare not leave a place for her
Where, at war with Life and Conscience, he uplifts his erring hands
To some God of Abstract Justice—which no woman understands.

And Man knows it! Knows, moreover, that the Woman that God gave him
Must command but may not govern—shall enthral but not enslave him.
And She knows, because She warns him, and Her instincts never fail,
That the Female of Her Species is more deadly than the Male.

"GAAAAH! Squirt bottle!"

Yeah, but I fired mine because I felt cruel even having one!!... ...

I thought you fired him because he wasn't doing a good job as your minion

I'm too poor to pay my minion.

I have to keep him in check with my estrogen-fueled fury.

That's just what the paperwork says... ...

He was as fine a minion as anyone could possibly have *sniff* and that's why keeping him was just too darned difficult a weight to bear anymore...

*Wails and drives off around a pile of tires knocking them over*...

Please tell me I'm not your minion....



It's okay.

He's better off free

Dude, you totally are. We all know it to be so.

In other news, we started learning how to use nanchaku at the academy today, because I'm clearly not dangerous enough already.

I wasn't aware of this!!!!



Hey. The more dangerous you are, the better

Don't know what country you're from but you also might want to practice close range firearm use and disarmament techniques.

Even Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee owned firearms, which says something about hand to hand combat. Even people who are advanced when it comes to unarmed combat felt the need to own firearms and practice techniques to defeat them at close range.

It is also good to know exactly what is legal in your area. Some weapons (like nanchaku) may be illegal to own or carry in your area. It is important to be aware of local laws and restrictions. For instance here in the USA it is illegal to carry switchblade knives or brass knuckles.

I live in the UK so I'm not allowed anything other than double-barrelled shotguns and low-calibre rifles, and even then under incredibly strict restrictions, an extensive license and a ban on simply carrying them with you. Concealed firearms are out of the question, and using any kind of weapon such as brass knuckles is not allowed; I think you can own weapons such as nanchaku or replica/antique swords without a license so long as you keep them in private property and pass a background check before purchasing.

Basically, all I have going for me over here in Blighty is my hands.

That is unfortunate but understandable. Lots of areas have different laws regarding different weapons and it is always good to be on the right side of such restrictions. Laws between states in the USA are very different as well. There is no "one size fits all" rule of law here for the most part. Hopefully if you ever end up needing your combat training it will never be against someone who doesn't care about said laws.

It never hurts to have training for fighting, although you should hope you never have to use any of it, sometimes people leave you no choice.

Most of my martial arts practise is done for self perfection rather than self preservation (though I'm certainly capable of protecting myself and others), though I subscribe to the philosophy that the best way to defend yourself is to avoid situations wherein you need self-defence skills.

That´s why I have guns

That's why I have these guns! *Flexes*

I hate working out. It´s just boring as all hell and it can be all for nothing if you suddenly lay there with a knife in your guts

That said, I have been working out before.

And that's why my self defence hobby involves both improving my self-defence skills and making sure that when I take my shirt off, the view is magnificent.

But if you want to protect yourself from sharp object, you should really get as fat as you can get! That´s what the gladiators of old did; they weren´t as sixpacked as they are in the popular movies now, not by a long shot. Lots of fat protects the internal organs so much better than a layer of muscles which, no matter how hard, is alot thinner.

Function has always taken priority over good views for me!

And improving self-discipline.

Unfortunately, in your absence we learned that Blackie is a chiseled marble of a greek god of perfection; meaning you will have to work out 2-3 times as hard to match his magnificence. (despite any assumed paunch or clouds of vapor Blackie claims to have, we just see that as godly traits).

I've spent the past month doing 15-20 hours of exercise per week, every week. I'm probably OK...