Well than, howsabout an impromptu episode of MTV Cribs?
"S'up Chorrol! Welcome to my humble abode. My tiny single apartment, which is barely larger than a typical carport is still my home, and I do like coming home to a nice, clean and decorated place."
"Now this here...this is my study and the like,...by which I mean the southwest corner of my glorified shoebox."

"Now I see you looking at that dark mass just above the Computer Screen, scratchin' ya head askin yerselves, what the heck is that thing? Well, if you look closely, you'll see it's actually a cosplay dagger and a bunch of black roses bein' held up with a transparent push pin."

"Yeah, it's like....uh...supposed to represent...my,...uh...dark side and stuff,...yeah, that sound's good...not just cuz it looks cool or nuthin' like that...I get
deep son! Movin' on..."
"Yeah, this bookshelf top over here, got a Buddha Statue, cuz you know, I'm like...all spiritual and (bleep),...yeah, I'm real deep, son. Got these four votive candle holders over here, cuz they represent the four Noble truths of Buddhism, not cuz they match the bookshelf, and they had exactly four on sale at Target, or nothin' like that...told you. I'm
deep, son!"

"Now, just on the other side of the study, I got myself a nice bathin' area, and the theme of that place, is like...white...cuz...a lotta cleanin' and stuff, purgin'...takes place...the bathroom, is actually, like the most spiritual place of a house...I learned that in an online Feng Shui course."

"Now, right next to the study there, I got me a nice three piece set, probably made by Monet, or some other fancy arteeste, mostly because all you can see out my window is another Apartment's window. And that guy be starin' me down and stuff like he want's to fight or sumpin'....dude be scary..."

"All right, allright! Over here we got the Kitchen by which I mean the east end of this 16x12 foot box, now you'll notice I ain't got no Wine Bottles on the rack right now...that's got nothin' to do with my supposed DUI, or rumors of rampant alcoholism. Naw, I just had company over last week, and those dudes be drinkin' me outta house and home."

"And right here, we got the Coffee Table right in the center of the place. This where I be entertainin' my many fans and guests,...*sobs uncontrollably*...movin on..."

"And yeah, that's a Board Game, Risk! Whach 'chu know about STRATEGY, son?!"
"Yeah, this here's the Ikea, Futon/Couch....that's where all the action happens! Ha Ha! Not me cryin' myself to sleep every night in a forsaken existence of a failed rapper...naw, not like that son? Who you been talkin' too? Did Steve tell you that?"

"All right, that's all you get too see MTV...pleasure havin' you by, but don't let the door hit you on the way out. Naw, I'm serious! Why you still here? Man! Get to steppin'!! "