QUOTE(Colonel Mustard @ Apr 22 2013, 01:13 PM)

I have had an epiphany regarding the afterlife. For a long time, I've dismissed the idea as incorrect and false, but now I have had my eyes open and the truth, or at least part of the truth, about the what happens to us when we die has been revealed to me. Christians have been both right and wrong about what happens to us when we die if we are bad people. They are right about us going to hell, but they are wrong about hell's true nature.
It is not a place of fire and brimstone, of screams and clanking chains and demonic cackling. There are no pits of burning sulfur, nor barbed whips and sharp hooks designed to rend flesh and slice it from bone. Such things may have once been used, but they have been made redundant by the perfect, sublimity of hell's refined cruelty.
Hell is a quiet place, and it echoes not with the screams of the damned. There is the sound of pens scratching on paper, of computers humming, of printers whirring into life, and the occasional cough. The air does not stink of sulfur, and instead it is carefully maintained by air conditioning and the occasional opened window. The pits of burning sulfur have been replaced by the false hope-raising respite of the water cooler (for what is hell but an unfulfillable dream of that which is better than it?), and the whips and racks and hooks have been replaced by the far more effective tools of the pen and the computer tower and the word 'synergy'.
Right now, I am trapped in hell, and it is really, really boring.
Really? I see hell as an endless line of people, demanding your attention despite there only being one of you. I see it as your bladder being full, but your replacement called in and you can't move. I see if as your whole body feeling fluish while being forced to maintain a constant smile and easy demeanor.
Hell has no more large bags, and people demand your blood. Hell is also out of quarters.