Do you ever feel like life is guiding you, or at least providing the medicine you need to move forward at certain times?

Lately I've been getting impatient with my lonliness and some personal problems. I guess life just isn't what I thought it would be. When I started meditating I saw it as a way for me to dump all this clutter in my life so I could maintain a tranquil state of mind and a perspective on life unaffected by judgment and prejudice. I knew it'd take a long time to achieve this goal and that I ought to find rewards out of meditating itself rather than "having meditated" if you know what I mean.

But in just starting the road to letting go of unnecessary attachments and whatnot, I naturally didn't really see how long and slow the road really is. I lost sight of "living for the moment." Frankly, a girlfriend almost became a material, qualifying factor to judge myself and my self worth rather than what it ought to be, someone I can trust, understand and go through life experience with.

Right now I'm beginning to tighten my grip on my life. I'm learning to regiment myself and complete tasks on time when I used to succumb to laziness and procrastination in observation of how ultimately pointless such chores are. I realize now working in the moment and doing things that feel like no fun have a point because they make me better at handling the inevitable parts of life that are just no fun. So, upon realizing this and working harder I received a glimpse of an end of stagnation and boredom. One can't have fun without work, you know. I can't stand living with my mom in her house because there are no sources of fun here, but I can't live anywhere else unless I work hard for it.

So my sister was promoted to manager at the ski resort she works at and has decided to lend a helping hand to me and hire me. So my life is as follows: Take the train to Utah to visit my Dad on the 13th and hang out there over Thanksgiving, work for my sister, and then go back to one of my old stomping grounds in the Bay Area as a volunteer for the California Conservation Corps where I'll be preparing Marin County in handling natural disasters as well as training to respond to Natural Disasters that could occur anywhere in the country. In short, after January I'll be at ground zero of any natural disaster that hits this country. It sounds cool to me, and at first I felt like stagnation was over and I felt a brief moment of happiness before I was reminded of what I don't have which I stupidly allowed to affect my self worth.

Back to what I said at the beginning of this ramble. I was watching Cast Away on TV and after Tom Hanks came back from the island I couldn't help but wonder how the movie could end well. Helen Hunt could have either chose him over her family, or the movie could have ended inconclusively, or so I thought. Then Hanks had a monologue that gave the movie its theme and drew a sharp parallel to being stranded on an island with losing someone you love. Somehow, you just stay alive and keep breathing because tomorrow the sun will rise... and who knows what the tide will bring in. It was at that moment when the movie went from good to great. Before that it was just compelling to watch and see how he'd manage, but when he says that I realized we're all cast aways just doing what we can until we are fortunate enough to get the next step. I wallowed in not having a next step right in front of me all the time, but it's just part of life.

So there's my melodramatic update for you all.

That's one helluva update, Doomman. I'm glad to hear you're on the move and have a job; keep yourself safe in the zero grounds.

Biggest news here is the jaundice epidemic in my city:
http://www.b92.net/eng/news/society-articl...mp;nav_id=45075

All because of dirty hands. People will never learn.

Hmm. Sounds like life is.. moving forward Doomed.

But I suppose working at a ski resort can't be to bad. Cept for that snow and stuff. I was so amazed when in snowed up here in the hippy capitol of the world in October.

My Spanish Teacher showed my class this video, and it gave us all a laugh! The Spanish Spanish Love Song If anyone needs me to translate anything he says (or missays) just ask. Enjoy!

I love the snow. Actually I hate the snow, but I love snowboarding.

Talking about snow, this is the second time today thats its snowed so far this year.

Its stupid summer here, all the ski fields are closed now, there was one open until recently but that was too expensive and is closed now too.

Actually wintwer is coming here, snow at the east coast and in the northern part. Where I am just now it's just terribly windy...

Anyway my project has started, we are assembling and establishing our equipment. Performance will start around the 18th, before that there's a lot to do, including a big fat party!

This weekend my family will be visiting me, we're gonna have this surprise-party for my old parents, they're turned 80 and 85 years old this year so my brother and me are arranging some family-celebration on saturday.

Today after work I'm supposed to go shopping....mmmm the foodstuffs!

Be well guys, I'll be in touch, the wireless lan on my hotel works good for me....maybe because my clever lil Mac always finds a good network to connect to!

Pisces, wanna trade places? Bone-chilling cold, snow, wind, we have it all. You can even have whatever kind of flu-like infection I have!

Ok, you can have my broken wrist.

I'll trade you both this apathy bug I'm having.

Hmmmm... I don't really need a third wrist, but I'll take that deal anyway!

Seriously though, how did that happen?

I'm sure I mentioned this a couple of pages ago, but I feel off my bicycle on the way home from a ministry for the environment talk.

Edit: Apologies. It is a legitimate question to ask though, just how much money is that guy making off that site. I for one believe there has got to be some sort of scam in there.

Okay, is it just me .. but could that first site take all the money for setting the site up and the people they must pay for it to function and whatever advertising budget there might be and ALL their expenses and PREVENT at least a few of those deaths by hunger with their money .. instead of almost glorifying in those deaths or at least have the attitude of we are cool because we have the finger on all this and you don't ..... .



Sorry - I tend to talk in long sentences when I get upset! Get off your horses people, turn the calvary around and buy some darn meals for those kids if your so concerned. Ah well .. better to sit in an office and alert other people after the fact, eh?



As for the other freerice site .. I got up to 200 grains of rice and then realized .. grains?? grains? Don't they mean barrels or 30 lb. bags or what? Very weird stuff Mil - where did you find those sites?

Just got back from seeing Dark Forest, The Agonist, Arsis, The Faceless, and Enslaved live. Dark Forest, Arsis, and Enslaved were amazing, The Faceless were very technical but a little too scatterbrained for my liking and I couldn't get into The Agonist. But the three bands I did like totally made up for the other bands and the night was overall pretty awesome. Norwegians know how to make good metal!

Another couple setbacks were that the friend I was bringing with me ended up getting ill today so she couldn't come. Some dude accidentally spilled some beer on me, so now I kinda reek of it. And I almost got nailed by a car on my walk home because the guy wasn't paying attention.

But still, I had an amazing night! Now I can't wait until the 22nd when Vader comes into town!

Vader?

A Polish death metal band. All I know is that they've made some music for a promo of The Witcher. (which is a great game, by the way. The RPG genre might not be completely dead after all )

Rane... you... posted something. Like, a post. In Coffee Shop.

Hey, we all make mistakes sometimes.

...


Crap. I did it again, didn't I?

Hey, it only confirms the dreadful truth: you're a human being.

And we wubs yoo for that, don't we, preciousssssss? <3

Well, looks like I'll be too busy to get to 50,000 words on NaNoWriMo. I'm currently dwelling over the plot and such for something I'd like to get published. I'm also a little busy with the report I have to write by December 7th. I'm not absolute swamped, but my mind is too much towards wanting to get that other thing on paper. I think it's something I could actually publish too.

Anyways, today I looked up my ACT score online. I have a composite score of 30! I'm so excited and thrilled. I did way better on the math than I expected. I got a 25 on the math and that was my worst score. Whew. The best was science at a 33.

As soon as I actually get my ACT crap in the mail, I'm going to get my transcript and apply to OSU. I'mma major in Computer Science. I want a dorm to myself, so I'm applying as early as I can. XD

Whew, I'm tired.

Based on my Pre-ACT test results, I'll only get 20-25 or something like that, but from the percentile chart thing, I did quite well in relation to other (2 cubed) graders.

Math was my worst subject, the only one that I did out do 90 percent of my grade nation-wide.... I'll have to work on that.
But English (usage/mechanics) was by far my best, outdid 99 percent of the country, wahoo!!!
According to the careers section, I' d' do well in management, employment services, and market+sales. But I intend to go to an academy rather than a university. So, I probably won't be some corprate manager or anything..... Oh well, pros and cons, pros and cons.

Night everybody,

Too bad about the nano. but getting actually published is a good thing!


You definitely want a room to yourself. When I was a freshman I had some messed up roommates. Note the plural: due to overbooking or overcrowding or just greed+stupidity on the part of that college, I was one of three people in one room!

Well my last exam is over with, that last one was pretty awful, lots of curveball questions asking extremely specific information which is irrelevant to the course. Think I still passed though, and my other exams went over. And I have a job lined up for the summer, the park ranger one at a native wetland. I still think I should go to the first day of work in a cloak and bow.

Don't forget your prosthetic latex woodelf ears ... good first impresions are made in the first 10 seconds of meeting someone. Their never gonna believe your a fish anyways, even if you are working in a wetlands.

That's bat crap insane, dude.

My ex successfully got a dorm to himself. I should be able to because I'm applying earlier than he is.

Only one roommate!? You spoiled..

Hah, some of my buddies are stuck 4 to a room.. I was lucky and got a double.

Anyways a round of vodka in the house! I go home tomorrow for the first time in 3 1/2 months!!!!

Welcome home, Channler! I will break out my best Lithuanian cherry-flavored vodka and have a drink in your honor. Wait .. I don't drink anymore. Well, I'll have a cran/grape juice in commemoration. It's the thought that counts. right?



When I went to college in the late sixties .. we all bunked 3 to a room in a huge 3-wing 8 story all-female dormitory. We heard of more elite schools where they bunked two to a room; but having your own dormroom to yourself?? That kinda took the fun away of camaraderie with your roommate(s) and the hanging out of the sixties mentality. You kids are spoiled today .. but not always in a good way.

My life has just gotten wonky.

Yesterday, I find out I'm supoosed to take driver's lessons now. So I went like: ,,Huh?...Oh yeah, it's the fifteenth today. Guess I had my birthday yesterday."

Anyway, I managed not to crash, missed the sidewalk, thereby saving untold dozens of people and their dogs, stuck to the right side of the road, overtook a horse and got overtaken by one scooter, while I was driving ten kmh faster than that thing was supposed to be able to pull in the first place. Stuck with 30 kmh for the most part and that's kinda funny. In a car it doesn't feel that fast while on my bicycle, I'm pretty damn convinced I'm going fast.

Today got even weird. I arrive at school without expecting a thing. The second class, suddenly everyone starts asking: ,,Sir, can we please go on strike?"
Asking to go on strike? What the hell?! And why didn't I hear anything about that beforehand?! Anyway, I stuck around (one of six) and followed class instead of going on strike. We were watching a documentary anyway, so I wasn't willing to sacrifice my tranquill to shout for a cause I don't support. We even got a message over the intercom, that all students had to go to the forum (Ridiculous name for the lunch-hall meant to make our school sound more sophisticated and 'in tune with the classics') due to the strike. I laughed at that and gave the following comment.
,,Go to the forum? Are we now being forced to strike or something?" We were too lazy to get out of our seats and abandon class. I later heard that there were also a lot of people on the bridge and they got sent away because the bridge might collapse under all that weight.

Ok, a short explanation. The school I'm on has two buildings, one on each side of a rather busy road. So they build this really expensive, two-floor bridge so the students and teachers can pass freely between the two. There is also one of the four lunch-rooms for the teachers, the biggest and only one that is actually used.

Third hour, the whole class was present. Half an hour in, someone looks out of the window and saw a huge crowd outside. Ok, we shrugged for a bit and went on for another five minutes. We were at our last sentence in the discussed text anyway. Afterwards, we got the chance to look out the windows to our heart's content.

Thousands (well, twothousand at most) of students had gathered on the street, blocking the traffic. People were climbing over the fences (while the gate was wide open), students simply rode off to home (lifting their bicycles over the fences, again while the gate was open), abandoning their classes. And the conciërge appeared to yell at people to get the damn off the road this instant. I felt the need for another of my comments, this time to a friend: ,,If they're trying to obstruct class, they are succeeding. Look where everyone here is standing." Everyone was standing at the wall with the windows, even the teacher. And uh, I don't think this bit was organised at all. It just went out of control.
Later, (1.5 hours later) a cop-van arrived and suddenly the streets were empty again.

Anyway, fourth hour, the time when the cop-van arrived. Since then, I've had a short break and noticed a journalist running around with a big camera. I'll have to check the newspapers tomorrow. Anyway, I was one of six again, at math. Math is the only subject I really need classes for as I have quite a bit of trouble with it. Anyway, teacher arrived, we walked in and prepared to sit down. Then another teacher arrived to say all classes had been cancelled due to the strike. We got another announcement later.
,,Due to circumstances, we have been forced to cancell all remaining classes. The students are asked to leave this building as soon as conveniently possible." Since I need math so much, I'm pretty damn pissed at that.

Now what was the whole point? Due to law, each student has the right to receive 1040 hours of education a day. The schools meanwhile, have the duty to make sure that each student gets those 1040. So you're free to choose how many hours of education you'll follow, as long as you make sure they're at least 1040. Sounds like a contradiction to me. Anyway, schools can't really turn that to reality, so they've been going to great lengths to get everything possible calculated as education-time so they won't have to pay up for breaking the law. Now the students don't agree with that and decided to go on strike, with this as the result.

My own opinion is pretty damn simple and perhaps a bit selfish. I'm in the last year and the law makes an exception in this case since I can't be expected to keep following classes for subjects I've already made the final exam of. Likewise, my table is pretty relaxed compared to some, with only 2 eight hour days, 1 seven hour and 2 five hour. No nine hours here. And then, I really need some subjects and won't appreciate a damn strike to get in my way. Another thing, even if the strike pays off, I'll be gone from school by then and the change won't affect me. And I'm too selfish to go strike for some students who I don't give a damn about. I don't mind they went to strike, but I do mind that they made me and the rest of the class-following students suffer the consequences.

It'll be a pretty cool story to tell, if nothing else. Where do you live again? Because I can't see that ever happening here in the US. Or at least not in the part I inhabit.

Oh here I go like an old fogey again, but back in the late sixties and early seventies what Jack is talking about was the norm. Strikes, sitdowns, walkouts, etc. were regular business on campuses all acrost America.



The participating students .. usually freaks aka hippies .. were very serious about their goals for striking and felt it their total right to have a voice in their education. Their attitude was that they were the paying members of the relationship and that the college worked for them .. they were the employers/the college was their employee.



The straight students seemed to take this all in stride and made merry mostly during the shutdowns of class. I remember the only sit-in I ever participated in (which resulted in a Student Controlled Center including a Women's Center being established) was over a St. Paddy's Day long weekend and was called the Green Beer Strike .. due to the fact that the other students were rollicking all over campus on green 3.2 beer.



Oh well .. those were the days. But I do think the quality of education overall is better now due to classes not being so often interupted.

My ACT scores didn't arrive today, so I guess it'll be a little longer until I start applying.

Meh, today has been boring. Tomorrow I'll do my homework over The Metamorphosis by that Kafka dude.

Is anyone else looking forward to AVP 2? Seeing as it comes out next month, I thought I'd bring it up. And before anyone brings up AVP 1, this is going to be much more true to both franchise. (I'll secretly miss the human-predator team-ups, it gives the predators more depth than being simple homicidal mosters.)

Btw, it's rated R this time around (not PG-13) for violence, gore, and language. Edited Video on youtube

Anyone know what the deal is with the avatars/icons here? I uploaded an updated 65x75 one and it's been stretched up to 90x90.

EDIT - now the avatar shows up correctly sized. Weird when stuff up and fixes itself like that.

I have no knowledge at all, I can't even upload a non-standard avatar like yours. Everyone else knows more about that then I do.

Orwell, Kafka, Shakespeare... your class literature >>> our [HS] class literature. Thank you so very ****ing much, soc-realism.

I can't describe how tired I am. It's not tiredness as overpowering fatigue, like this morning when I really felt how 2 hours of sleep don't work well with beer crates... it's more like "every muscle I didn't even know I have in the body is protesting in slow fiery pain" type of tired.

Work is good, though. People who work with me are waaaaay more humorous and cheerful than I am, always cracking jokes and making each other laugh - they know each other for a long time. But we treat each other well and pull for each other every day.

And as for the "If you don't finish some schools/Uni you'll be baging people's groceries" cliche: one of our female cashiers finished Uni, Environmental Protection engineer :S sounds wonky when translated on English, huh? It's not quite as tough as other Faculties, but it's no pushover either.

In between trying to work 6 days a week, I have discovered a new pleasure: Chuck (the TV show). I love the fact that he is just an over-educated, under-employed computer nerd. Kinda like me. (Yvonne Strahovski and Sarah Lancaster don't hurt either....)

Meanwhile, we are prepping for the invasion of the grandkids at Casa Treydog. Ah, Thanksgiving- food, football, more food.....

What human-Pred teamups? Predators *are* homicidal machines, rapid and effective. Just like Aliens.

I know they won't think twice about killing anything, but they are sentient, not berzerk animals. Just as a hunter won't kill a simple cow and hand its head on their wall, a predator doesn't kill sick, elderly, (important) unarmed and unaggressive humans.
They don't kill because they feel like it, they do it as a sport and (when things get out of hand) for their own survival, aliens don't fit into any of the catagories that one needs to be in in order to be spared, so they'll kill every alien they have to.

If predators were truly just homicidal, then why have they honored worthy humans in the past? I'm not saying their human because they aren't, but they aren't psychotic and mindless creatures. People are more bloodthirsty than predators, we kill for no good reason sometimes; we don't get anything out of it mostly.
The predators aren't two-demensional like the aliens, the latter don't require any insight to understand, but the predators have a society and culture.

I'm rooting for the predator.

So I was going to read the fan fiction section and I saw something that was not fanfic. Backup. Clicked again. Still no fanfic but some post about a game or something. I backed up again and then realized what had happened. I always click the second thing to go to fan fiction and the first thing to go to general. Some one added a new section and I'd been clicking that out of habit. Oh. I wish they had put it on the bottom or something, next to the Role Playing section.

I finished The Metamorphosis today. Well, that was a depressing ending. Slightly.

I'm excited for tomorrow. I'm going to show my AP Studio Art teacher what I finished over the weekend. Let's just say that it's very Tool (Lateralus in particular) inspired.

For some reason (or combination of reasons), I have been profoundly depressed for the last month or so.

Maybe it is because October is the anniversary of my mother's death, perhaps it is because I seem to be working more and accomplishing less--- or maybe I am just a morose Irish so-and-so.

I know the solution- I simply need to get over myself and move forward. Sometimes that is a bit difficult.

In any event, I am thankful that this community is here to listen to me venting. Thanks, folks.

Anyway, happiness is probably over-rated.

Tomorrow (Nov 22nd) is Thanksgiving Day, a holiday in the U.S. that involves hopping in the car and driving to visit distant family that you have not seen since last Thanksgiving. Activities include eating too much food and watching football on TV. So anyway, I mention this here because many of us won't be on the internet, and thus not on the forums ... now you know why.

treydog: for many, the shorter day & longer night of this time of year causes depression. Just a thought.

Ohh noos .. my favorite doggy is depressed? You know Trey, Blockhead has something there to think about .. I suffer from SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder. Take medicine from the V. A. clinic for it; and some other things like thyroid. But for many people the longer darkness does have an effect on mood.



I cannot remember when your birthday is now ... but maybe this will cheer you some .. consider it a Happy Thanksgiving pic:



http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g144/Ath...ydogatparty.jpg

I got my ACT scores in the mail, so its a fully confirmed composite score of 30.

Applying for college tomorrow.

Yesterday my ex came to visit me. We drove back to this father's house and spent some time together. I'll be interesting going up to college with him. He likes it and doesn't like it up there. He doesn't like it up there because he's lonely... :/

Just got back from the Vader concert and Vader themselves were amazing; I had a blast rocking out to them. The other 3 bands were a mixed bag; Cattle Decapitation were certainly entertaining just because they were completely nuts, though I wouldn't personally listen to their music in CD form. They're more of a live band.
Light This City had a bit of a slow start, the first few songs they played didn't really stand out or blow me away. Once they started playing stuff from "Facing The Thousand" I noticed a definite change of quality in the material, there were some really nice melodic guitars on those songs. Veil of Maya had a few moments of interest but their vocalist just needed to shut up and let the music speak for itself. The vocalist wasn't bad per se, in fact he possessed a decent variety of extreme vocals, it's just that he overdid it as far as I'm concerned.

Overall, due to the entertaining performances from Cattle Decapitation and Light This City and the ridiculously awesome set by Vader, tonight's concert was really great. I'm also happy that the friend I brought along enjoyed Vader and Light This City.

Damn it Trey, you sound just like me now. And for less reason :/ turn around, look back at what you've achieved, at what you have. Sometimes, what we have and concieder small things means a world to someone else... come to think about it, maybe I should look back too and be thankful for what I have - a home and loving parents. Some don't even got that much.

There were times during this last week when I wanted to quit the damn job because pain in my entire body, which was too soft for too long, was unbearable. Now, however, when I have some new developments going on, I have grim determination to stay there for at least 30-day period and honor that agreement. After that... well, read rest of my post down there, folks.

And I should really stop beating myself for being a computer redneck, compared to you lot [Starge, R, Zarr, I'm talking about you]. In a land in which my colleagues don't even know the bare basics, my knowledge of 'what does this button do' comes in handy. At least I won't starve to death anytime soon.

We really need a celebration smiley. Oh well, cake will do just imagine it's cheesecake.

Hopefully, that will change once you're closer to him

...
My fingers, bones and joints hurt viciously every morning. I understand that's understandable when I'm dragging 2.5l 6-packs wrapped in plastic with no handle all day long, using only them but that gives me little consolation. I hate this job.

Luckily, there is hope ahead. Son of old friends and neighbors who moved decade ago, the one whose C-64 we abused when I was a hatchling, is now regional manager at a certain firm that deals PC configurations and components. He has offered me a job at their depot here; it's a great opportunity, since I'd be able to watch and learn from techies first hand, as well as have a good pay and lots of free time [normal working hours, yay for weekends].

I didn't want to say anything earlier since I didn't want to jinx it, but it's confirmed now. I can start working there from mid-December. As soon as I finish with this engagement I have now, I'm going there and not looking back. Hopefully, Mil will have his day.

Oh my dearest friend! You who are the most gifted writer I know and also a really great person, whom I do care a lot for....please don't be sad! I'm sitting here in my nice hotel room, surfing these forums just because I love all the ppl here...Now you know you are very special to me, also being one of the two persons here that I actually have met IRL...So I hope you feel better knowing that there's at least one person far up in the northern parts of the world who is thinking of you, hoping the best for you. I know you will acheive all that you decide to, and you will always be my friend...

Enough rambling for now...but you see my point, right?

Thanks everyone. I figured it would be therapeutic (ph). to cry on your virtual shoulders.... and it was. You folks are the best. Ibis, Minque- we are some of the "old folks" around here- your words of wisdom resonate with me. Mil- what can I say? Thank you- you are right about realizing what I've got.... Holding lots of good thoughts for the computer job- I may consider becoming a member of the "Nerd Herd" (gratuitous "Chuck" reference") myself....

I hope everyone has a wonderful, joyful winter season, filled with promise for the year to come. I know I have already been blessed beyond measure by having so many wonderful friends.

Be well.... and I hope I will have some new Athlain sooner rather than later....