My thoughts are with you mALX in your time of need.

Thanks for taking the time to answer my PM.

I shall whisper a prayer for you tonight.

His liver is shut down, he is experiencing jaundice, extreme weight loss, and lungs are shutting down? I give my condolences. Malx, if you EVER need to talk, just let me know. I won't judge you, laugh at you, mock you, etc. I will listen, as you have done for me in the past...

Oh mALX!

Having lost my grandfather, uncle and father to the same thing (throat cancer), and witnessed my best friend's father deteriorate the same way, I know too well how devastating this can be. While we have made great strides against various forms of cancer in recent years, we still lose too many beloved ones to this dread disease.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your son at this difficult time. May you find the comfort you need in your family and friends, including those of us in cyberspace who have missed you terribly these past few weeks.

Take care of yourself, and come back when you are able to. We will be here waiting.

So sorry to hear that mALX. I've been there before, and understand how difficult it is to deal with.

mALX- I cannot find words to express how sorry I am for what you and your family are experiencing. Instead, I want to talk about this place. Way back when we were all still “waiting for Oblivion,” some talented and wonderful folks decided they wanted to start an online community. It was not (and is not) intended to compete with the “Official” forum. Instead, it was designed to be a little smaller, a bit more friendly, somewhat more relaxed.

The result you see before you, and you can decide for yourself whether it has been successful. But the key to all of that, what makes it work- is the concept of “community.” We come here to share. We share our stories, our opinions, our triumphs- and yes, our pain. Residents come and go, growing away from this community and finding new ones. And we stay small, and friendly, and relaxed. But mostly, we remain a group of people who care for one another. Visit when you feel the need, write when you can. We will be here. (((mALX1))) from Treydog, Mrs. Treydog, and Princess Juneipurr.

mALX...my thoughts are with you in this. I know how you feel, I lost my father about two years ago and the pain was immense, then, now it's a bit better.

We will be here for you, waiting....

mALX, I can only echo what others have said. I am sorry to hear about this but really words fail. I can only wish you strength and comfort for this time and hope that you know that should you need it you can find a sympathetic ear here with any or all of us.

As haute said, take your time and take care of yourself and return here when best suits you. We will be here.

mALX,

They say you can't choose your family, and mostly they're right. I was lucky to have my dad, whom passed away just recently. I didn't have to see him go through what you've seen twice. It was sudden, and unexpected.

Now those we do choose to be our family, that's something else entirely, I'd imagine. Somehow deeper and more instrinsic then just waking up to this world, and developing bonds with those who want to give you love and affection. It's something earned, yet not.

Death is never easy, some can take it better then others. However in your case, you are given additional things to deal with, so I can't imagine what its like.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I can feel your pain, but I'm not entirely certain if I can imagine the rest of it, yet, you are not alone.

-BH

I have two poems written specifically for Malx, a dear friend of mine...

Tears of a Champion

I take a beating,
I show no pain or woe,
I am stunned by a powerful punch to the skull,
I show no pain or woe,

I watch you cry,
Tears burn my face as they roll down,
Your's burn my very soul like acid on flesh,

I watch you in depression,
I feel a weight around my soul,
It drags me down into a dark abyss,

I am here to listen,
I always will be,
Yet whenever you're sad,
So will my anguish,

Whenever I watch you suffer,
I show no rage, no woe,
I am slowly eaten away internally,

I have watched death,
I have been in it's icy grip,
I have been in what should've been a watery grave,
I am here, but still weakened by your emotion,

I will always be here,
Eternally...


The Moonwalker

I walk in the shadows,
I stare at the moon,
I watch the stars,

I am the shadow in the night,
The creature of the void,
You've seen me before,
You'll see me again,

I am immune to your beatings,
Impervious to your traps,
Invulnerable to your guns,
Yet, your tears are like poison,

I walk in the shadows of the ebon night,
I bathe in the freezing chill of the dusk,
I watch the darkness corrupt people,

I have protected the weak,
Attacked the wicked,
Yet, your tears always bring me down,

I know your name,
I know your story,
I know your life,
I have empathy for all, but not as much as for you,

Your tears are like Nightshade,
Your eyes are like sparkling gems,
Your skin is pristine,

I've seen you fall,
I've seen you rise again,
I've watched you destroy the shadows,
I've watched you embrace the darkness,

Yet, your tears are my bane,
Your anguish is my terror,
You're are my hero,
When you're glum,
I am too,

I'll never leave,
Because you are one of my dearest friends,
I'll be alive long after you, yet I'll always remember,
I am the Moonwalker, Eternal,

However, I will always remember,
My closest friends,
Which I count you amongst...


Malx, I hope you always find happiness in life. You're a true friend to me and always will be.

(stands up and claps to Zalphon's poem) That was just epic, Zalph!

Everyone seems to enjoy my poetry, I've read it to several different people, and they love it.

Yes.....are you surprised? It's darn good you know!!

This is what I posted in the other forums.

Perhaps, Rosa, and others, it may be applicable to you as wel...

And I believe.

I believe that Love finds all that was lost
I believe that Love pays for all Karma's cost
I believe that Love forgives all in one breath -
And I believe ... that Love ... is stronger than Death.

Malx, when will you come back?

The stories aren't the same without you

The blackness of Edgar Allen Poe's soul symbolizes the bleakness of these forums without you...

Heatwave...sucks the gut out of everybody...I know I shouldn't complain about the weather but..pleeeease, give some rest from this everlasting heat! And I'm not even on holiday! Working I am, one more week! bleh!

Poor kitty is not happy with this either....just lying in the shadows, not moving unless it's necessary, i.e to drink some water. Food? nah....not very interesting..

Oh my, minque. I though you lived where the climate was like Skyrim? What kind of temps are you having?

Oh aye! I do live in Sky....ehhh Sweden...And we're not so used to high temperatures, Now we have had about 30-33 degrees Celsius for a couple of weeks and ...nope it's too high, far too high.

I prefer about 23-25 degrees!

Hmm and we did have a very very cold and snowy winter!!!

Weather is extreme now..

Ah, I understand. That is pretty warm for anywhere methinks, especially if you're not used to it.

I live in the mountains of southern Nevada. Although it's 40 degrees today, there is a nice breeze, it's lovely and DRY, and we're used to it. I would never survive Sweden I think. We only visit Bruma, in fact, when we have to.

I do hope it cools down for you soon though.

Wow, you guys are weird. I live in Morrowind. Surrounded by xenophobic people and mushroom trees! Or wait was that my friend's home when he did LSD, Peyote, and Psilocybin Mushrooms after Morrowind? Nonetheless, I'm surrounded by xenophobic people at least!

Wow...I don't know how you survive in Vegas Acadian. I've only stayed there for 4 days for my uncle's business meeting and it's HOT AND DRY.

I loves Seattle and The Imperial City. I love Chorrol more though

Zerker! Welcome to the forums! I hope you find chorrol.com as warm and friendly as I have.

Oooh, Seattle's nice.

I love the desert, but I admit it's a suble or even acquired taste. I find the low humidity makes such a world of difference, at least for me. I'm also up in the mountains at 3000 feet looking down on Vegas (2000 feet) so we always get a 5 degree (F) break.

As far as Cyrodiil, we like everywhere there except Bruma (Brrrr).

I prefer Washington D.C but yeah, until we get a lucky break with a business deal, we're staying in Seattle.

Thank you, Acadian and Buffy. I'm looking forward to a nice stay in this website.

The three of us hate Leyawiin. Too humid...

Yup- we have been running +30 C (over 90 F) for most of the last 2 weeks here in East TN, with very little rain- until today. Despite that, the mosquitos have been terrible this summer.

The good news- there has been no need to mow the lawn- as it is rather, ahh- crispy.

@minque- I left a "surprise" for you in the latest Interlude- a relationship that was not previously known.

@DarkZerker- Welcome. Pull up a spot near the window. I thoroughly enjoyed the fish market on my 2 visits to Seattle.

In other news, my computer appears to have packed it in for good... Overheating because of a failed exhaust fan appears to be the culprit. The graphics card is definitely fried, so I tried a different AGP card (it pays to be a computer nerd and have 5 or 6 old PCs sitting around). Still no joy. Tried the hard drive in a different machine- no boot. Tried it as a secondary in the other machine- the BIOS sees it, but Windows does not....

This is very bad, as it has both of my older stories on it, as well as all my Morrowind and Oblivion saves. Athlain's journal is safely ensconced on my USB drive, but he may be in limbo for some time if I cannot unlock his prison.

I have one more- well actually 2 more- tools to try. The first is a remote connect cable that can read the drive via USB port. The second, which I just remembered, is a commercial data-recovery program I own.... Hmmm- the weekend just will not get here fast enough...

Ugh, PC problems. Sorry treydog. At least you know about such things. Heck, I can't even spell compeuwteurz.

Best of luck as you reforge that precious and tenuous link to Tamriel. Try not to use your hammer.

Hard drive problerms are my least favourite (barring those nearly impossible to diagnose pull everything and try it with a known working box ones), I tend to back up everything which I don't mind losing remotely as well as on a second drive. A bit obsessive but it does mean that I never lose much data... If the bios can see it then that's certainly a good sign though so best of luck.

As for weather here it's ideal. Well maybe a bit of heavy rain at night would be nice if it was forecasted but... I've just finished (I think, this has been said many, many times) building a boat from scratch and the warm (about 20C here which counts as warm) sun and strong wind have been great for getting the various paints, oils and sealing gunges dry quickly and with minimal fuming of my brain. It hasn't been tested since the project was put on standby *cough* years ago but it floated well then and now it has a floor, mast, sail and somewhat more convincing waterproofing.

The next job is to find someone mad enough to go sailing in it...

@Olen:
Huh. And you're not?

@ all: Warmish, but not too much so here. Def cooler than minque and trey! Little rain, though - most of the storms keep passing by north and south of us. There must be some kind of energy field over this part of the Midwest - it's not the first time that's happened.

@ trey: Sorry to hear of your PC problems, trey. In the fifteen years I've owned computers, I've been lucky - no hard drive failures ever. I can always argue that's because all I've owned are Macs. Heck the 15 year old one probably still runs fine, though the CRT gave up the ghost years ago. The 13 year old is hunky dory, as is the 10 year old - I've kept those to play old Mac games (think Rainbow Six) that don't do well on my Intel Mac. The only reason I get new ones is because the software I routinely use for my photography and graphic design outstrip the processors every couple of years. Otherwise I think I'd be happy still with the old G3.

Even so, I still live in fear of that catastrophic hard drive failure. I've got the laptop set to back up my fiction (all of it) once a week so if this kitty dies, I won't lose Julian! All my photography are backed up onto external hard drives and DVD's. Yeah, overkill maybe, but I don't want to take any chances!

As for the XBox, well, I have the games saved onto a removable memory card. Saved my butt already once when the hard drive failed on it (dang microsoft machine!).

So best of luck to you trey. Hope to see Athlain and Athynae roaming free again soon!

@Zerker: I was in Seattle last summer, left the first day of that monster heat wave they had there. It was gorgeous there, and I really enjoyed the little bit of the city I got to see. I'd love to go back again. Someday. My other favorite place to visit is Northern New Mexico - Santa Fe and Taos. The high desert is something else. Both the Sangre de Cristo Range (including Taos Mountain) and (more recently) the Olympic Peninsula are recurring themes in my writing - those places are special.

Monster heat wave? More like Dante's last level of Hell! I mean wow...was it hot. I was so close to just stealing an AC unit from my neighbor. Heck, I wanted to cleave my neighbor who refused to give us just one minute of AC.

I keep up with Maxical outside of the forums via e-mail. I think she is dealing with more than just her ex-husband. I sent it two weeks ago, I think she too may be deathly ill. Wherever she may be, I hope she is okay...

All you can do is hope for the best I guess.

Good luck.

I'd personally rather not hope. She is one of my closest friends. If anything happens to her, I just don't know what I'll do...

If she's sick, you got to trust the doctor to do everything in his power. Trust modern medicine, it saved hundreds upon thousands of lives including my own.

Ok so...tomorrow the journey begins! First visiting my mother, then my brother and his family...and after that....GERMANY! Here I come!

Our annual camping-holiday will last for nearly three weeks this year, it will be awesome as usual.

Update on Bolzmann The Cat: He's recovered very well and is now acting like an old gentleman as he should. Mostly ouside in the garden, lying on the veranda in a big sun-chair with a thick cushon on it. Very comfortable! The heat-wave has declined just a bit, much better temperature for a fur-ball like The Bolz!

Dear kitty has resumed his old habits of craving service during night-time, and I just love it! I love getting out of bed and feed my baby, caress him and see to that he has all he needs. This morning he was sleeping beside my bed on the "camoflage-carpet" It's a black-ish carpet and when Bolzie is lying on it. it's hard to see him...same color.. . He's eating regularly again..not much each time, but many times a day! Of course he's a bit to skinny for my taste, but older ones often get skinnier!


My dear son is going to take good care of Bolzie during our absence, as well as of my private "jungle". He might even get the kitty a bit fatter..

@minque: Be sure to tell your son to PM me if he has any questions about Bolzie while you are gone!

Oh, and have a great trip! Which part of Germany are you going to visit? My family roots trace back to Bremershaven (in the 1870's, likely have a different name now) and to East Prussia (now part of Poland).

@hautie. Of course I'll tell him! He knows you're a vet btw. You know him from here he's "Bolzmania" As if you couldn't guess...

I sort of feel bad for leaving him now, he's my little baby-kitty and I know I'll miss him terribly! But then again I also know that he and my som will have some quality-time when they're on their own!

Mine is the same way! I only give her dry food now, because she got tired of all the wet food (I tried every brand, she gets tired of each after a while and won't eat it anymore). Even though I keep her bowl full, I still have to go and stand next to her while she eats. If not she won't eat. Except when I am not home, then she can eat just fine without me!

hehe...I recognize that! If I sit beside Bolzie and talk to him he eats more.....but of course if I'm not present he eats anyway! Cats are so clever...He doesn't like the dry food so much at the time, I give him dry food suitable for "old neutered cats who have access to the outside!"...very expensive, genuine Royal Canin! Then i have "Food for just neuterd cats" and the special diet food for sensitive digestion...but he's more into wet food now...and tuna! tuna is delicious! Also full fat sour milk...and an egg-yolk occasionally

But best of all...are the small prey he himself hunts during night time! ahhh yummy. Beetles, small birds and so on. One evening a small bird flew right into our kitchen window and was unconcsious, it fell down about 2 metres from Bolzie...he didn't believe his eyesight....and really got himsekf a delicious steak!

The two of you are classic examples of cat people - people who exist only to serve their kitties!

My two get fed twice daily, that's it. 50-50 dry and canned food, grain-free formulas (Wellness brand). Both are indoor only cats. They don't bother me at night (mainly because I throw them off the bed when they do), but do bother me starting about 5 am for their breakfast. One is particularly persistent!

I find that feeding them grain-free products makes them less "hungry" through the day, and they feel more satiated. As they have innate insulin resistance, it makes sense that the 'diabetic' diet is better for them (low carbs). The pest isn't scavenging as much for scraps as he was on the old food. He's not picky about what he eats, though. The cat thinks he is a Labrador retriever (notorious among vets for eating anything). The retired queen, on the other hand, is picky, picky, picky. She loves dry food, and will only eat turkey flavored wet. If it has anything else, or gets 'contaminated' by anything else, she won't eat it!

A mistake I see people making a lot is keeping the food bowls full. Cats don't need that much food to begin with. Mine only get about a quarter ounce of dry food and a quarter of a 5-oz can of wet food per feeding. They're both at their ideal weight, though I think the pest is a little on the heavy side (mainly because he finishes off what Her Highness doesn't eat). They're not small cats, either. Both are about 10 lbs (average size).

I'm taking off now! Have a great trip, minque!

Have a great trip! Try not to worry 'bout kitty - sounds like he is in great hands!

He Surely is!

So bye bye everyone.....Try not to miss me too much!

Safe travels, minque!

I should have a new (used) computer later this week. I "think" I have salvaged my saved games for the story... And I have found my Morrowind and Bloodmoon disks. Tribunal is MIA- but then, the Tribunal actually IS missing by the time of Athlain...

Turns out I do have a saved version of Trey in Mournhold, but the only places the first Trey story exists are on the deceased hard drive and my 2 eBooks. Well, perhaps transcribing it will give me the opportunity to polish it a bit- and a reminder to BACK UP MY STUFF!

The first Trey story still exists in the fanfiction section of chorrol (the main site, only the end is on the forums) so you could copy and paste from there... likewise Trey in Mournhold.

I'm glad to hear you're getting another computer and that you've rescued the material for the story at least, I'm not sure what I'd do without my occasional bit of Athlain.

Things are so so with me, the knee injury I took in June seemed to be better but returned within the first mile of me trying to run again and seems to be back where it started almost. I'm begining to suspect I've damaged the cartilage which is annoying. It certainly puts an end to this summer's activities.

Congrats on getting a new (used) computer, Treydoggie! May it serve you well for years to come!

Oh, Olen, sorry to hear about your re-injury. Ugh! I got kicked by my mare (unintentionally on her part) and it put my hip out of joint. It was a few years before I felt I could trust it again to start riding again. By that point my horse was quite advanced in years and not as strong as she used to be, so I couldn't return with the same intensity I had before. Now that she has passed away (spring last year), I'm currently horseless, except for dear pixelated Paint.

Best of luck treydog, on rescuing your stuff and getting back in business. I surely don't envy you. I worry about that, and try to back up my stuff too.

Sorry 'bout your knee Olen. I'm a runner too. Occupational requirement for several decades till I retired. I still run 3x/week and lift weights on 3 of the other days each week. I guess old habits are hard to break. That's what Rider says anyway. I hate the feeling of not being able to run or lift weights when so forced by injury - ugh. Hope it gets better.

Is there perhaps a real paint in the future for our Lippizan Lady? Are you riding these days?

These last two days have not been fun for me or anyone in my family.
So yesterday my mom and dad left for Germany. That was the last time anyone saw Bolzmann. I couldn't find him anywhere but I assumed he was pissed since they left.
However today I got really worried when I still couldn't find him. I looked for him for hours.
And at last at 9 pm my neighbour found him. He was watering his bushes when suddenly heard a noise. It was Bolzmann who was under the bush. He contacted me and told me that Bolzmann looked sick. He was indeed. I picked him up and took him inside. He could barely move was complaining alot. I called mom and dad. Me and my sister took him to the vet. The vet told us there weren't much they could do.

He was put to rest


We are still not sure of what the cause of death was.

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your namesake!

He may have had underlying disease not detectable by basic bloodwork (i.e. cancer, heart disease, rickettsial disease, etc), and the heat you have been having there put him over the edge.

I don't think it has anything to do with your parents' leaving - the timing is likely pure coincidence.

That said, it just plain sucks. I'm glad you had your sister with you and didn't have to go through this by yourself.

Take care of yourselves, both of you. Take comfort in the fact that Bolzie didn't sound like he was suffering unnecessarily.

Oh, my very dear friends, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. We certainly know how difficult it is- only with your folks just started on vacation, it is even more so. However, as haute said, it was certainly a result of a condition that had developed over time...

Be well, and know that you are in our thoughts.

I'm so sorry Bolzmania. I know your mother was so looking forward to the trip to Germany. I'm sure that Bolzie slipping away for the night was not the cause of his death. Horrible timing I know, but then there is really not a good time for this, is there? Not your fault, just his time. Again, I'm sorry.

I am so sorry about Bolzmann. And such a terrible time for it to happen as well. My thoughts go to you and your family in this sad time.

I'm sorry about Bolzmann, my thoughts are with you.

Sometimes, Time has a sick sense of humor. I should know, I experienced this kind of thing as well. Again my thoughts go with you.

My condolences friend. When I was six, one rainy night we had a sick dog who needed to pee. We let him out and never saw him again. I still miss him, he was one of the best dogs I've ever seen .

When I was an infant and toddler, my brother and I (who is two years younger) would mess with him a lot. Not intentionally, we were toddlers, we liked to play with stuff. However, that dog if anyone rose a finger against us, he'd threaten to bite your face off.

I know how it feels, bud.