What is a chemist's favorite heroine? = Xenon (warrior princess)



What do you call a funny chemist in jail? (a silicon)

Okay, i’ll play:

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
Cause they’re cheaper than day rates.

Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the medical elements?
Because if you can’t helium or curium, you barium!

Snigger...

The thieving chemist was arrested for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt. He was booked for a salt and battery.

The Superbowl squares are filled in, which means the Grits family is ready for today’s event. Mr. Grits has only provided three prizes (iTunes cards) to guarantee a memorable night. Meaning that the person who SHOULD have won third quarter but got nothing will gripe about it forever.

I should mention that it’s only the four of us. We do not torture guests in this manner. Usually.

Speaking of

I’m still undecided about this year’s key phrase (when you hear it you have to finish your drink). I’m torn between “felony assault” and “aggravated assault.”

I'll throw a dog or a feral cat onto that board for the half-time winning square, and give you a points spread.

PS: I prefer to aggravatedly assault people myself. Less jail time and better conditions.

I guess if I assaulted anyone I would have to be pretty aggravated.

If I was to assault someone every time I got aggravated, no one would be safe, ROFL !!!

Oh I forgot it's superbowl day. Work is going to be really easy tonight then.

Meh. Work was so boring today! People did flood the gym early this morning but in the afternoon and evening is was . .. so . . .boring . . .and quiet.

I can pretty much do what ever I want as long as I'm here (at work) and I don't have anyone to help.

Honest pay for honest work, haha!

This is the strangest decoration for a house! It was at target

If that's the size of the silverware Wesley was flinging in the RP...

That's exactly what I was thinkin'!

After the slew of chemistry jokes on the previous page, here's a programming joke:

To understand recursion, you must first understand recursion.

Ha ha ha that's pretty funny right? Right? Anyone?

How many software programmers does it take to change a light bulb? (None, that's a hardware issue).

“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
very long pause….
“Java.”


The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.



*

Damn right it is!

There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who do not.

Made it a byte

for no reason...

Oh that just give it away...

I heard Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like

O Mg !

There are 11 types of people in this world: those that can count in binary, and those that cannot.

I got called fat for no reason by a customer.

I was nice to him, helped his wife with their card when it didn't work, etc. etc.

Then he called me fat in Spanish. Fine. Be that way. My revenge will be slow, but it will be SURE.

This gets added to my book! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAaaaaaa!

Dear Gods?...And the worst thing is, he probably doesn't think you understood him...

Ist un tropo grande mal hombre!!...*Manages to insult several languages in one go*...Booyah!!...

I remember when I used to work for a company that sent me here there and everywhere doing insurance reports on damaged carpets/furniture kind of thing, and I'd get sent to some tiny villages down into proper Wales, where they speak Welsh all the time...So this one time, I get sent out, can't find the place...I stop and ask a bunch of blokes for directions...One of them starts on about this, that and the other...You know, the equivalent of "Stuuuuupid English pigdogs!!"...So I let him carry on in his perfect Welsh, and when he was done, I quite calmly went through his points, pointing out that I did, in fact, come from Wales, and spent my entire school career in the Welsh medium and that, in future, it would be best to not assume everyone he speaks to with an english accent is as ignorant as he is...Then he gave me directions...

Never assume other people don't know stuff...Stuff is great...

Gah!

I got a skyrim t-shirt





Anyway, I can't think of a joke, but I have a riddle.


The daughter of a family that lived in a spherical house was murdered. When the police investigated the murder, they were able to narrow the list of suspects down to the family of the girl. When they interviewed the residents of the home, they were given these details:

The father said: "I was watching TV on the couch with my son"

The mother said: "I was doing the laundry"

The butler said: "I was taking a nap"

And the maid said: "I was dusting the corners"

Who murdered the daughter?

The maid's story doesn't match up; spherical housese have no corners.

I like that T-shirt, by the way, very nice!



And a joke:
Why do Native Americans make the best strippers?
Because when they dance, they make it rain.

Correct!


And thanks I also saw a t-shirt that said Fus Ro Dah, but I think the one I bought looks cooler.

Lol It took me a moment to get your joke.



I made This in minecraft.

I'm learning insults in ten different languages so I'll know if someone is insulting me, lol. I know the most in Spanish, am working on Swedish and Russian right now.

Damn. That's ten different languages I can't swear at you with so you don't understand now


Just kidding I only speak English and Spanish. But I definitely see why speaking different languages is a good thing though. If someone swears at you in a language that you learned, then you can sock em in the stomach

As soon as they left, I locked the doors and started swearing. My cashiers were like "Geez, calm down!" and I say "NO! I'm ANGRY!" lol.

Pahaahaha! That literally made me LOL

Your customers are extremely rude. I'd probably be very bad at your job. I have a really bad temper, and I hate it when people try to insult me in different languages so I don't understand what they're saying.

Do you own a shop Elizabeth Hollow?

No ma'am! :] I'm an assistant manager at a dollar store. I've had the exact same people come in every day for a year, and this guy has never been a jerk to me before. What I find weird is his wife is the same size as me.

Sigh. Speaking of work, I should probably go eat so I don't pass out halfway through my shift, lol. Which means I gotta get dressed. And get out of bed.

Nooooooooooooooo!

Geez, who crapped in his cornflakes?

I'm writing a program in a text editor called Gedit. In that program, the hotkey to save is control+s. Control+d deletes the entire line your cursor is on. Anyone see any problems with that?

Yikes. That would be especially problematic on my keyboard. The A and S are worn off.

I could see me never bothering to even start with a program like that...

I remember having one of them lovely laptops where you tap the glowing pad thing to highlight...Oh the times I spent absolutely ages typing an email only to have it disappear in two keys cause my hand had brushed the pad...It didn't last very long... ...

So I walk in, and my District Manager is there. He took my boss to the back room, and when they came out, my boss clocked out and handed his keys over and left.

The District Manager calls a guy over and says "Here's the new store manager. [old boss' name] no longer works here and is not allowed in any of the stores."

"Uhhh... why?" I asked.

I swear I thought my DM's head was going to pop off. His face turned really red. He asked me to not ask about it again. I found out from another store manager that he stole a whole lot of money... a shameful amount. If they don't press charges on him, I'm going to be very upset.

Even though I'm already upset. This guy was supposed to be my friend, and he made me believe he was something he wasn't. Which was honest.

... Holy crap! Was this the same guy that you were worried about a couple of pages back?

Sure was. It just goes to show you that you really don't know anyone in your life. Friend or foe. This is the same man who hugged me after I came back to work after my father died and said if I needed ANYTHING, he'd help me out.

...

Wow... ...

I'm betting that his not coming in that day was probably because he'd been discovered...

Sorry about yer "friend" though...Can't be easy to find something like that out...

I'll be okay. I'm kind of used to people in real life turning out skeevy. Which is why I keep people at arm's length. I'm not anti-social, nor uncaring. I love being there for people, but people let you down.

Good thing about people insulting you in different languages is that you can do the same to them. All the Eastern Curses I know are yours to wield, my lady Elizabeth. Say the word and they're yours. If they would dishonor other languages by using it so low, then dishonor them in return. What is sweeter however, is that you should laugh right in their faces and give them an insult they would never forget. What are they going to do in return, clock you on the chin? They can't touch you as you can always sue them. Thing about these kind of people is that they judge by appearance and move in for the 'kill'. So what if you're fat? So what if you wear glasses? So what if you're short? So what if you're black? So what if you're white? So what if you're brown? So what if you're yellow?

These doesn't change the fact that you're a Goddamn-MthrFking Human Being and deserve the Respect, the barest MthrFking Respect, that THAT title represent. If they would treat you as a lowly dog, a tool...

LAUGH.

LAUGH in their faces and treat them as a worm that is beneath your notice! If they would treat like that, then there's no need for you to service them. Call in another clerk for them.

But as you retreat, make sure you give them the Finger.

Looking at my post, I admit that shamefully I sound like an immature child. For that, I offer my apologies to those who may have been offended. Its just that, imagining the hell sister Elizabeth has to go through just to pay her bills, well...

It stokes the memory of similar experiences I had to go through myself. It saddens me greatly that people like Elizabeth has to experience things like this.

Pink Wizard Out.

Laters.

*vanishes in a puff chocolate smoke*

That was great! A bit showy, but TEACH ME THE WORDS! XD And that chocolate smoke thing. That seems like it could come in handy XD

*raises devil-horns*

I must admit that I got a bit carried off in that. HA! As to the chocolate smoke vanishing act, only the Ninjas of Tsouko'Reito-u can teach you the jiutsu required to do that.

*vanishes in a puff of chocolate smoke*

You're so weird.

I like it XD

* Pulls out straw, sucks chocolate smoke in hoping it will taste chocolatey ... * "URK...GAAAAAK!"


*Leaves disappointed. Makes note in diary: "Chocolate colored smoke does NOT taste like chocolate."