Just watched
Resident Evil: Retribution, and I'm gonna have a little fun with this one
[Dramatic movie advertising voice]
Watch! As Mila Jovovich continues to careen down the slippery slope that this franchise has somehow
still yet to reach the bottom of.
Groan! As the unexplained villain from the previous movie returns, having somehow survived his own death in a nuclear explosion, but
this time as a good guy?Scratch your head in bemusement! As you spend the entire film asking question like: How is he alive? Why isn't Alice even remotely surprised by this fact, and most importantly: How did the writers think they could just gloss over all of that.
Shake your head in dismay! As Alice becomes massively attached to a clone girl for no reason than to pad out the film, at a car chase sequence that involves a Rolls Royce with spinners, and the return of the weird heart thing from the previous film that still hasn't really been explained.
Laugh! At the ever more obvious desperation of the writers, as they mindlessly hurl characters from the previous films at you in a tragic attempt to provoke nostalgia for the days when they could actually make a good film, and at the pathetic attempt to justify the ridiculous bridge to a plot that defies comprehension.
And finally, switch off in disgust and swear off the whole franchise! At the discovery that the last two films have been about nothing more than setting up what is basically a biologically based ripoff of Terminator as
Skynet The Red Queen (The AI from the first film) and her army of
machines zombie things embark on an unexplained and farcical mission to eradicate all life on Earth. By... Replacing them with dead things that are still wandering around?
[/Dramatic movie advertising voice]
And to be honest, I still think I'm being generous here. I mean, I could keep going in this theme for some time. IF you ever wanted to see what a plot would look like if it was constructed entirely from plotholes, then this is a movie you need to watch. Otherwise, avoid it like it's a mutant zombie.