Part 2
Meanwhile, in Zar's castle.
Zar: "So... The job is done?"
Murders-For-Money: "Yes. The Dark Elf is dead."
Zar: "Wow! He's finnaly dead!?"
Murders-For-Money: "Yes."
Zar: "Excellent. Here is your huge payment."
Murders-For-Money: "Wait a minute."
Zar: "What is it?"
Murders-For-Money: "The Dark Elf managed to injure me slightly. I don't like that. So I want you to pay me double."
Zar: "But... I don't have double."
Murders-For-Money: "Yes, you do."
Zar: "If I pay you double, I will go bankrupt and my evil empire will collapse."
The Argonian took out his sword.
Murders-For-Money: "Pay me double."
Zar: "But..."
Murders-For-Money: "Now."
Zar: "Alright..."
Meanwhile, in Presumably's lair.
Dremora: "Boss, scouts report seeing your archnemesis, Alexander, on a field nearby."
Presumably The Final Boss: "Great. Make sure that he gets killed."
Dremora: "I will."
Meanwhile, in a forest in Cyrodiil.
Stargelman: "It seems that we've been separated from Sinder and Creeper."
W0nders: "What are we going to do?"
Sebastian: "I guess we'll just have to keep on going... Hopefully, we'll run into Sinder again."
Five minutes later, in Nazton's recently built secret base.
Frank: "Tell me again... How did you build this so quickly?"
Miss Terlana: "Well, this is just a game."
Frank: "You have a point..."
Nazton's Evil Minion 1: "True."
Nazton's Evil Minion 2: "Urgh."
Nazton: "Who the hell is Frank again?"
Miss Terlana: "He's going to be one of your evil scientists. All villains need evil scientists."
Frank: "Yes, they do. Villains that have no scientists are not half as succesful as those that do."
Nazton: "Are there any other villains that you've worked for, Miss Terlana?"
Miss Terlana: "There was this one ogre called Sogard that I used to work for a while ago, but no longer. He was far too overconfident and idiotic. But no more chit-chat. We've got work to do."
Nazton: "What do we have to do now?"
Miss Terlana: "You need to make other villains respect you. And the best way to make them respect you is to capture the only character in the game that can defeat absolutely every single villain."
Nazton: "You mean..."
Miss Terlana: "Sinder Velvin."
Nazton: "Won't that be a little... Impossible? Heck, many others have tried and failed."
Miss Terlana: "I'm not asking you to kill him. Just to capture him. That will greatly increase your prestige."
Nazton: "Hmm... But how will I find him?"
Miss Terlana: "Use this Hero Radar."
Nazton: "And how will I capture him?"
Miss Terlana: "We've got the Net For Capturing Goody Two Shoes for that."
Meanwhile, on Fargoth's starship.
Darth Slash: "So, anything interesting going on lately?"
Officer: "Yes. You've been receiving tons of death letters."
Darth Slash: "I have?"
Officer: "Yes. From the deceased one's family."
Darth Slash: "Deceased one?"
Secret Spy: "The deceased one. Darth Potato."
Darth Slash: "But... Potatoes can't die!"
Officer: "Yes, they can."
Darth Slash: "I bet..."
Officer: "We believe that the sorrowful potatoes will try to assassinate you tonight."
Darth Slash: "Oh, really!?"
Officer: "That's what our spies tell us."
Secret Spy: "Sure is."
Darth Slash: "And how do you know, Secret Spy?"
Secret Spy: "I read the letters that the deceased one's family sent."
Officer: "Without Secret Spy the secret spy, we would have never known about the impending assassination attempt."
Secret Spy: "We're going to have to take measures to make sure that nothing happens to you."
Darth Slash: "I think you're both crazy."
Officer: "Not crazy. Just loyal."
During this time, in a secret underground lair somewhere in Cyrodiil...
Bduriyv: "Do you think that the fact that Miss Terlana is no longer working for you will negatively affect your succes, boss?"
Sogard: "Say what?"
Chameleon: "This stupid idiot doesn't know half of the words that you've used in that phrase, Bduriyv."
Sogard: "Don't call me stupid idiot."
Chameleon: "I can't help it and you know it. You know about my little problem."
Sogard: "Sogard does."
Chameleon: "So? Look at things from my point of view."
Sogard: "I am sorry if you are sorry."
Chameleon: "I am not sorry."
Sogard: "Sogard still doesn't know what point of view is."
Vevid: "Maybe you should go and take your second brain and put it in your head."
Sogard: "I think idea is good."
Akohlaby: "After that, we should discuss your evil plans."
Meanwhile, in Zar's castle.
Zar's Guard 4: "Wait a minute. Are you saying that your evil empire has gone bankrupt?"
Zar: "That's what I'm saying. All I'm asking is for you to keep working for me for free until I become rich again."
Zar's Guard 2: "That's gonna take a long time."
Zar's Guard 1: "Yep."
Zar: "So, will you work for me or not?"
Zar's Guard 3: "No."
Zar: "Erm... Pretty please?"
Zar's Guard 5: "No."
Zar: "Bah. Close the door on your way out."
A few seconds passed.
Zar's Guard 3: "What door?"
Zar: "Oh, yeah... I had to sell the door..."
During this time, somewhere near Fargoth's starship, Fargoth had returned to the tricked players.
Shardie: "Hello, Archie and Freddo!"
Happy Adolf: "Hi, guys!"
Dagoth Lich: "Greetings, wise moderators."
Anghardel67: "Hello..."
Archeopterix: "Hi, everyone."
Freddo: "Hello..."
Darth Fargoth: "These two very nice moderators have agreed to help us find and butcher Sinder Velvin and his friends. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Shardie: "But... Butcher?"
Darth Fargoth: "It was a joke, of course... This is just a game. Sinder Velvin and his friends are in fact nice people who we would never even think of hurting in real life."
Archeopterix: "It's a lie!"
Freddo: "Yes, it is!"
Happy Adolf: "What is?"
Archeopterix: "Darth Fargoth is using jedi mind tricks to make you fight Sinder Velvin and his friends! You must resist! If Sinder's friends die in the game, they die in real life as well!"
Freddo: "Yes! Don't let Darth Fargoth fool you!"
Dagoth Lich, Happy Adolf and Shardie looked at each other confused.
Happy Adolf: "What!?"
Darth Fargoth: "Oh, don't worry... It's just one of their moderator jokes. I do wonder how they know so much about my plans, though..."
Dagoth Lich: "Everybody knows that moderators know everything. I also know everything."
Freddo: "Whatever you do, don't listen to Far-"
That's when Fargoth took out a remote control and pressed the big, red button on the remote.
Darth Fargoth: "They cannot hear you now, moderators. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Archeopterix: "But... How did you..."
Freddo: "Can they hear you?"
Darth Fargoth: "No. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Archeopterix: "I don't like this one bit."
Darth Fargoth: "I figured you would try to backstab me. So I modified your special moderator suits to respond to commands from this remote control. There is now no way that you will be able to persuade these mortals to do what you desire. (c) Muahahahaha!"
The silence was unnerving for the players. But then Fargoth pressed another button on the remote control.
Archeopterix: "Yes, we were joking."
Freddo: "Yes, we were joking."
Archeopterix: "Wait a minute. We didn't just say that."
Freddo: "Yes, we did."
Archeopterix: "I agree."
Freddo: "What is going on?"
Archeopterix: "Absolutely nothing."
Freddo: "Fargoth is making us say things that we don't mean!"
Archeopterix: "You're right!"
Freddo: "No, I'm not. I don't know what made me believe that."
Archeopterix: "Indeed, you are very wrong."
Freddo: "Am not!"
Archeopterix: "Are too."
Freddo: "Yes."
Shardie: "I am completely confused now."
Darth Fargoth: "They are in a very good mood right now, so they like making jokes. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Archeopterix: "Damn you, Fargoth!"
Freddo: "Yes, damn you!"
Dagoth Lich: "Why are they damning you?"
Archeopterix: "Damn you, Fargoth, for being so adorably evil!"
Freddo: "You are such a wonderful person. And very evil too."
Archeopterix: "We really like you, Fargoth."
Freddo: "No, this can't be happening!"
Archeopterix: "Did I just say that?"
Darth Fargoth: "Thanks for the compliments, but that's enough for now. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Fargoth tinkered with the remote control again.
Darth Fargoth: "There are still a few problems with this remote control. But I'll ask my evil scientists to fix them some other time. Right now, we've got a deathmatch to start. (c) Muahahahaha! Archie and Freddo, show us the way."
Fargoth pressed a button on his remote control that made Archie and Freddo point towards the direction in which Alexander could be found.
Darth Fargoth: "For starters, we're going to get rid of Alexander, who apparently escaped from my starship. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Happy Adolf: "I still have doubts about you."
Shardie: "So do I."
Fargoth used his mind tricks on the players to remove their doubts.
Darth Fargoth: "Not anymore. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Anghardel67: "I never had any doubts."
Darth Fargoth: "Of course you didn't. You are under my complete control, so you cannot have doubts. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Five minutes later, in a secret underground lair somewhere in Cyrodiil...
Sogard: "Ok, I put my second brain in my head. I am smarter now."
Akohlaby: "How much smarter, though?"
Klayar: "I think we should try to find out."
Bduriyv: "Ask him something difficult to answer."
Vevid: "Let me try. What effect does the parallelism of railroad tracks have on the menstruation of chickens?"
Sogard: "Uh..."
Akohlaby: "That might be a bit too hard."
Vevid: "Let me try again. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"
Sogard: "Err..."
Akohlaby: "Still too hard, apparently."
Vevid: "Well, heck, if he can't even answer simple questions..."
Several seconds passed.
Sogard: "Let us discuss my evil plans!"
Bduriyv: "Ok."
Sogard: "I want to use our nuclear bomb to DESTROY THE UNIVERSE!"
Chameleon: "You can't destroy the universe with just one nuclear bomb."
Klayar: "Yeah. Aim lower."
Sogard: "Alright. I want to use our nuclear bomb to DESTROY THIS CHAMBER!"
Bduriyv: "That would get us killed. Not good."
Akohlaby: "That is way too low."
Sogard: "Ok. I want to use our nuclear bomb to DESTROY THE IMPERIAL CITY!"
Bduriyv: "Now we're getting somewhere."
Sogard: "I want to destroy it tomorrow."
Klayar: "Tomorrow never dies."
Vevid: "Die another day."
Bduriyv: "The world is not enough."
Akohlaby: "Never say never."
Chameleon: "I have no idea what you folks have been smoking lately."
Vevid: "We're just huge James Bond fans."
Meanwhile, right next to me.
Nazton: "We got here pretty fast."
Miss Terlana: "Yes, we did. And, apparently, our Dark Elf friend is down to 2 health and 0 fatigue."
Nazton: "I guess capturing him will be much easier, then."
Miss Terlana: "It would appear that he has been poisoned. There isn't much of a point in capturing him now. He's going to die soon anyway."
Nazton: "But... Sinder Velvin can't die."
Miss Terlana: "Everyone dies eventually. It is inevitable."
Nazton: "But... Whoever is the killer will become incredibly prestigious. I really don't want that."
Miss Terlana: "What are you suggesting that we do?"
Nazton: "Don't you have any gadgets that cure poison?"
Miss Terlana: "You know, these two types of poison are incredibly powerful. But I guess I do have something that we can use to cure him... But remember: the more gadgets I use for you, the more you'll have to pay me."
Nazton: "Ok, I'm fine with that. Cure him."
Miss Terlana: "After he's cured, we should take him and put him in our base's prison. That way, he will be both captured and alive."
During this time, near Chorrol, Alexander encountered a farmer.
Alexander: "Sir, have you seen any other odd looking people come by here lately?"
Farmer: "Eh? Odd looking people? You mean... Players?"
Alexander: "Yes. You've seen them, then?"
Farmer: "Why yes, I saw three of them while I was in the woods with my son earlier. Not that I go to the woods often. I'm not a hunter, I'm a farmer."
Alexander: "Can you tell me where exactly in the woods you saw them? And where they were headed?"
Farmer: "They were headed to the east. And I saw them right on the outskirts of the woods. You should be able to catch up with them, if you really want to. But I despise you players. Everywhere you go, you bring only trouble!"
Alexander: "Well, thanks anyway."
Five minutes later, I had been taken to Nazton's base to be cured completely.
Frank: "Eh? You forgot the restorative superglue?"
Miss Terlana: "No, we just didn't take enough of it."
Frank: "Hmm... Hurry up, then. Before it's game over for him."
During this time, near Chorrol, Alexander had spotted Stargelman, Sebastian and W0nders in the distance.
Alexander: "Guys, I'm over here! Wait up!"
Stargelman, Sebastian and W0nders ran towards Alexander.
Stargelman: "Hey, we were looking for you! How did you escape from Darth Fargoth?"
Alexander: "I snuck out."
Sebastian: "I'm glad that you're with us, Alex."
W0nders: "Yeah, me too!"
Alexander: "Where are Sinder and Creeper?"
W0nders: "We got separated from them."
Alexander: "How long ago?"
W0nders: "I don't know. But I'm starving... And I have to pee."
Stargelman: "We've been looking for them for ages, but no luck..."
W0nders: "Aren't you hungry too, Alex?"
Alexander: "Yes I am, W0nders. Very hungry. So I hope we can get out of here soon."
Sebastian: "So, what are we supposed to do now?"
Alexander: "Find a way to get out, of course. So I guess that maybe, by beating Fargoth, we will be able to return to the real world."
W0nders: "How are we supposed to defeat Fargoth anyway? We're just level one characters."
Sebastian: "Don't you have a sword, W0nders?"
W0nders: "Yes, I do... But things are getting serious now."
Stargelman: "Let's get some training, then!"
Sebastian: "Where are we going to get the money for that from?"
Alexander: "We can use alchemy for that."
Stargelman: "Hmm... Are you opposed to looting?"
Sebastian: "What are we supposed to loot?"
Stargelman: "Well... There's gotta be some NPCs with too much money around here somewhere! Let's rob them blind."
Alexander: "Or we can go to Chorrol. I'm sure there are lots of ways to get money there."
W0nders: "Maybe we can rob the people in Chorrol."
Stargelman: "Yes... There is a quarter full of rich people, near the cathedral."
Sebastian: "Chorrol it is, then."
Alexander: "Why would we want to rob people? There are honest way to make the money, you know."
Stargelman: "Ok listen. We're all annoyed and hungry, and I've just had about enough of this nonsense. So forget your noble ways. Let's just get the money whatever way we can, and get out. I have a daytime job, you know."
Alexander: "Ok, ok. You win. Let's just go there and we'll see when we get there."
Stargelman: "Right. Let's move, people!"
As they were walking towards Chorrol, Darth Fargoth ambushed them.
Stargelman: "YOU!"
Darth Fargoth: "Ah, so there you are! Now I have all four of you! (c) Muahahahaha!"
Alexander: "Oh, please, just stop that ridiculous laughter."
Darth Fargoth: "You dare insult the evilness of my evil laugh!? (c) Muahahahaha!"
Sebastian: "What do you want, Fargoth?"
Darth Fargoth: "For starters, I would like to find out where Sinder Velvin is. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Alexander: "How would I know? I've only just escaped myself."
Darth Fargoth: "Perhaps one of your friends can answer the question better. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Stargelman: "Get lost, pal."
Darth Fargoth: "Perhaps you would like to taste the edge of my lightsaber, Stargelman? (c) Muahahahaha!"
Stargelman: "I bet it doesn't taste half as foul as you, you farty trumped-up little smeghead!"
Fargoth took out his lightsaber and approached Stargelman.
Darth Fargoth: "Tell me... Are you suicidal? (c) Muahahahaha! Tell me where he is, or say goodbye to this world."
Stargelman: "No, thanks, buddy. I'm fine. But I'll say goodbye to you! I'm tired of your stupid face, and if you don't scadaddle right now, I'll dent it good!"
Darth Fargoth: "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!?!?!?!?"
Alexander: "Wait a minute, Fargoth. I'm sure he didn't mean it like that."
Stargelman: "Right. I meant to say something insulting."
W0nders: "Sinder isn't with us anymore. We got separated."
Darth Fargoth: "That is of little consequence. I will find him and I will kill him. Right after I'm done with you. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Alexander: "Ok, Fargoth, either kill me now or stop that laughter before I get ill."
Stargelman: "Let me handle him. I'll rip off his head and spit down his throat!"
Darth Fargoth: "Oh, I'm not going to be the one to kill you. I have a few friends of yours who will do that for me. (c) Muahahahaha! And, Alexander, please put a leash on your dog."
Stargelman: "It's 'Mr. Carcharoth' for you, hamsterface."
Alexander: "Now, now, Star. No need to get excited over such a rodent."
Darth Fargoth: "Why, you little... I'd kill you two right away if I didn't have something special planned for you. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Sebastian: "What do you have planned for us?"
Darth Fargoth: "See that cliff over there? I'm going to go there now. Follow me. Or the consequences will be dire. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Stargelman: "Right, let's get this over with."
The four followed Fargoth. A few minutes later, on the cliff, Alexander, Sebastian, Stargelman and W0nders were shocked to see Anghardel67, Dagoth Lich, Happy Adolf, Shardie, Archeopterix and Freddo.
Darth Fargoth: "Say hello to each other. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Sebastian: "But... This makes no sense whatsoever."
W0nders: "What the heck?"
Alexander: "What are you doing here? How did you get here?"
Happy Adolf: "We're here to play some multiplayer deathmatch!"
Dagoth Lich: "I've been waiting a long time to try out my level 600 character. And now I finnaly have the opportunity to do so."
Alexander: "Against whom?"
Dagoth Lich: "Against you, of course."
W0nders: "But... How did you get here?"
Shardie: "Darth Fargoth was kind enough to send us the official unofficial multiplayer patch."
Sebastian: "Do you also know about the coma thing?"
Shardie: "Coma thing?"
Sebastian: "If we die in the game, we die in real life as well."
W0nders: "It's true."
Dagoth Lich: "WHAAAAAT!?"
Happy Adolf: "Huh?"
Darth Fargoth: "Pay no heed to them, my fellow team mates. Isn't it obvious that they are cowards? (c) Muahahahaha! They are just insulting your intelligence by trying to fool you thus! I mean, what they said is silly beyond belief!"
Shardie: "Guess you're right, Fargoth..."
Archeopterix: "No, he isn't right. He's a lying, cheating-"
Fargoth took out his remote control and pressed a button on it.
Archeopterix: "Adorable Bosmer!"
Freddo: "Not the remote control again..."
Stargelman: "I have to admit, that's moderately amusing."
Anghardel67: "This is no time for puns, Stargelman."
Darth Fargoth: "There is nothing you can do, moderators. I suggest that you sit quietly in your corner. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Archeopterix: "No, I will never give up!"
Freddo: "Neither will I."
Archeopterix: "These poor Elder Scrolls fans need us, Freddo!"
Freddo: "Yes."
Darth Fargoth: "You're just asking for it, aren't you? (c) Muahahahaha!"
Fargoth pressed another button on his remote control.
Freddo: "No."
Archeopterix: "We must give up..."
Alexander: "You're moderators! You have more powers, don't you? I'm sure you can resist his tricks!"
Freddo: "Alexander is right. No matter how powerful Fargoth might be, he is not powerful enough to keep us from protecting people in need."
Archeopterix: "Yes! Let's attack this vile Bosmer!"
Stargelman: "Go, bird girl! Go, Mr. Frodo!"
Alexander: "I knew you could do it."
W0nders: "Yay, Archie and Freddo!"
Darth Fargoth: "You think you've got what it takes to defeat me? To defeat ME!? I'm sorry, but I am the greatest Bosmer and Sith that the world has ever seen. I am the greatest MORTAL the world has ever seen. I am nigh invulnerable. You will never defeat me, moderators! (c) Muahahahaha! So, bring it on."
The two moderators readied their incredibly powerful weapons and prepared to attack Fargoth.
Archeopterix: "Justice and righteousness will always prevail, Fargoth!"
And with those words, she attempted to strike down Fargoth with her mighty beak, while Freddo attempted to strike down Fargoth with his mighty Nordic axe. But something went wrong, and they were unable to strike Fargoth, because some sort of forcefield was protecting the malevolent Bosmer.
Darth Fargoth: "Now you shall witness the extent of my powers. (c) Muahahahaha!"
With those words, Fargoth used his unrivalled force powers to grab Archie and Freddo and throw them on a faraway field, somewhere on the other side of Cyrodiil.
Darth Fargoth: "Do not mess with me. Do not mess with me. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Shardie: "Wait a minute, here. Why did you do that?"
Happy Adolf: "Yes, why? Moderators are the nicest people in the universe! You are a nasty, mean Bosmer who deserves to die!"
Dagoth Lich: "That made me angry, Fargoth. And you won't like me when I'm angry."
Darth Fargoth: "Ah, having doubts again, are we? It is, once again, of little consequence. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Fargoth used his jedi mind tricks to erase the doubts from their minds.
Sebastian: "This is simply shocking..."
W0nders: "Fargoth is just a dirty, little Bosmer!"
Alexander: "That was odd. It seems we'll have to fight this battle without the moderators after all."
Darth Fargoth: "Do you have any questions or shall we begin? (c) Muahahahaha!"
W0nders: "Yes. Why did you do that? It was mean!"
Darth Fargoth: "I am the meanest creature ever born! (c) Muahahahaha!"
Alexander: "Well, I know Dagoth is level 600, but what about the rest of you? And you Ang... To see you there is very disappointing."
Happy Adolf: "We're level 25. Same as you."
Darth Fargoth: "Indeed. (c) Muahahahaha! And Anghardel67 did not have a choice. I forced him to come here. And he, unlike Dagoth Lich, Happy Adolf and Shardie, is constantly under my mind control. The others actually want to fight you to enjoy themselves, so controlling them is much easier. They, of course, do not know exactly how serious things are. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Sebastian: "But... We're level 1, not level 25!"
Darth Fargoth: "Nonsense. Do not listen to this Australian liar! He is trying to cheat! (c) Muahahahaha!"
Sebastian: "I never cheat."
W0nders: "Fargoth, if you're going to make us fight these people, at least make the odds even. At least level up our characters to level 25! Come on!"
Darth Fargoth: "Hmm... Evilness does not contain a lot of fairness. (c) Muahahahaha!"
W0nders: "But what do you want more? An unhonorable victory, or a great and even fight?"
Darth Fargoth: "The second one, I guess. I do want this to be enjoyable. (c) Muahahahaha!"
W0nders: "Ok, then please make us the same level as them."
Dagoth Lich: "Wait a minute here. I don't care what you do with these dudes, but I am KEEPING my level 600 character, you got it? Or else... Heck, you don't want to know what I'm going to do to you if you change my level!"
Darth Fargoth: "Ah, yes, keep your level 600 character, Dagoth Lich. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Sebastian: "But... How the hell are we supposed to defeat him if he has a level 600 character!?"
Darth Fargoth: "It's not my problem! (c) Muahahahaha!"
Sebastian: "I have just one thing to say to that: crap."
Fargoth made all the characters level 25... Except Dagoth Lich's.
Darth Fargoth: "And now, it is time to fight. Just so you know, this will be a tournament of sorts. With rounds. And it will have one-on-one battles! (c) Muahahahaha!"
Alexander: "Can we now get started, yes?"
Stargelman: "Finally, some action."
Darth Fargoth: "We're going to need a referee. (c) Muahahahaha!"
A few seconds later.
Referee: "Here I am!"
Shardie: "That was quick."
Referee: "The cabby driver knew the road."
Happy Adolf: "What!?"
Referee: "But enough chit-chat! It's time to get this rolling!"
Stargelman: "'Tis about time."
Referee: "There are going to be several rounds. Anybody who surrenders gets to live, but loses the round. The first round pits the fearsome German webmaster called Stargelman against another dangerous German, one who is fascinated by the nudity from Daggerfall and Battlespire. Say hello to Happy Adolf!"
Stargelman: "Right, little bratwurst. I've been looking forward to this for a while now. I'll chew you up and spit you out as if you were sauerkraut!"
Happy Adolf: "Bereite dich auf den Tod vor, Deutscher!"
Referee: "If you're going to taunt each other, at least do it in English. That way we can understand what you are saying."
Happy Adolf: "Ok."
Referee: "Three... Two... One. It's time for Cyrodiil Kombat to begin!"
A great battle started between the two. They fought with swords, each dodging and deflecting the other one's blows. Eventually, Stargelman was able to disarm Happy Adolf.
Stargelman: "Surrender or die!"
Happy Adolf: "No. I shall never surrender. As long as there is still nudity in Elder Scrolls, I shall never stop fighting! It is an honorable cause and I shall defend it with my life!"
Darth Fargoth: "Happy Adolf, I bet you didn't know that there is nudity in Sinder's game. And it's of excellent quality. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Happy Adolf: "Is the nudity... Better than Battlespire's?"
Darth Fargoth: "Oh, yes... (c) Muahahahaha!"
Happy Adolf: "In that case, I must live to see it!"
Stargelman: "Prepare to get your spotted owl whipped!"
Despite the fact that he was unarmed, Happy Adolf was able to fight with new strength now that he knew that there was nudity in the game. In fact, he fought so well that he managed to disarm Stargelman.
Stargelman: "Ok, kid. Let's see if your kung fu is better than mine."
The two Germans fought unarmed. Eventually, Happy Adolf knocked Stargelman to the ground.
Happy Adolf: "Now I shall see the nudity!"
Stargelman: "If you want to see the nudity, you're going to have to get through me first!"
Stargelman got back up and punched Happy Adolf, after which the two continued to fight.
Ten minutes later, on Fargoth's starship.
Officer: "Darth Slash, we just wanted to know that we've taken care of the potato problem."
Darth Slash: "Again with that nonsense!?"
Officer: "To prevent your death, we asked the storm trooper armies to quickly gather all the potatoes in Cyrodiil. The potatoes have been taken to a huge prison where they are currently awaiting execution. They shall all be electrocuted soon."
Darth Slash: "I think you've lost it..."
Meanwhile, Stargelman and Happy Adolf were both tired.
Stargelman: "Do you like the Waiting4Oblivion forums?"
Happy Adolf: "I guess I do..."
Stargelman: "Give up now, or I shall ban you from those forums! Forever!"
Happy Adolf: "No..."
Stargelman: "Do it."
Happy Adolf: "Fine! I give up!"
Referee: "And thus the first round ends with Stargelman as the victor!"
Stargelman: "I'm good."
Referee: "The second rounds pits one Patriarch with manners against the eternal stalker of Jyggalag. Alexander versus Shardie!"
Alexander: "Do I really have to fight her?"
Referee: "Sort of."
Shardie: "Ah, well."
Referee: "Three... Two... One. It's time for Cyrodiil Kombat to begin!"
Alexander: "Wait a minute, here. I really don't want to fight Shardie. If I were to fight a man, fine. But I don't attack ladies."
Shardie: "I don't attack gentlemen, either."
Darth Fargoth: "You are going to have to compete somehow. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Chris Tarrant: "You know, we could always play Who Wants To Be An Oblivioneer."
W0nders: "Wow, the best Who Wants To Be A Millionaire host is here! But how come?"
Chris Tarrant: "I know when I'm needed."
Referee: "Do you two want to compete in Who Wants To Be An Oblivioneer?"
Alexander: "Yes."
Shardie: "Sure, why not?"
Chris Tarrant: "Shardie plays first. The first question, the 500 septim question: what is Meridia associated with? You have to choose between a)sausages; b)giant mutant walking pizza-eating fish; c)the energies of living things; d)beer from the planet Lipstick."
Shardie: "Um... This is very easy."
Chris Tarrant: "No, no, no, no! This is veeeeery hard! I mean, seriously now. This is hard. Trust me."
Shardie: "No, it's not."
Chris Tarrant: "Yes, it is. Very hard. Trust me, dear. I'm the host, after all."
Shardie: "I choose c)the energies of living things."
Chris Tarrant: "Are you sure?"
Shardie: "Yes."
Chris Tarrant: "Are you sure twice?"
Shardie: "Yes."
Chris Tarrant: "Are you sure thrice?"
Shardie: "Yes."
Chris Tarrant: "But are you also certain?"
Shardie: "Um... Yes."
Chris Tarrant: "But how sure are you, anyway?"
Shardie: "Can we move on, please?"
Chris Tarrant: "Alright... You've chosen c). Now you have to wait an infernally long time until you find out if it was the correct answer."
Five minutes later...
Chris Tarrant: "It was c)! You were correct! Yay! Congratulations! Very few make it this far! Whee! You are good!"
Shardie: "Very few make it so far?"
Chris Tarrant: "Hey, don't look at me. That's what it said on the prompter."
Cameraman: "Uh... Could you please move a bit to the left?"
Chris Tarrant: "No problem..."
He moved a bit to the left.
Chris Tarrant: "Time for the 1000 septim question! Which of the following greetings is a Redguard greeting from Morrowind? You have to choose between a)Greetings! It's not often I find such good company. Please, speak,
Shardie: "The answer is a)."
Chris Tarrant: "Now, now, it might be your answer, but are you sure that it is the correct answer?"
Shardie: "Yes."
Chris Tarrant: "Then, a) it is! And it's correct! Yay! So, it's time for the third question, the 3000 septim question! Which of the following joinable factions were supposed to be in the initial Morrowind game but didn't make it in the final version of the game? a)The European Union; b)NASA; c)House Indoril; d)FBI."
Shardie: "It's c)!"
Chris Tarrant: "And why should I believe you?"
Shardie: "Um..."
Chris Tarrant: "Gimme proof!"
Shardie: "I choose c)."
Chris Tarrant: "Alright, alright, take it slowly. Did you just say c)?"
Shardie: "Yes, I did."
Chris Tarrant: "Alright. It's actually the correct answer! WOW! U R GOOD SHARDEI!1!1!!1 OMG WTF LOL."
Sebastian: "What a strange host."
Chris Tarrant: "Okies, it's time for the fourth question, the 5000 septim question! Todd Howard multiplied with Todd Howard equals what? a)A deity; b)The Talking Mudcrab Merchant; c)A lot of Todd Howards; d)A gigantic penguin."
Shardie: "Um... I have no idea."
Chris Tarrant: "Remember that you can always use 50/50 to get rid of two incorrect answers. Or you can call a friend to tell you the correct answer. And, of course, you could always ask the audience."
Shardie: "I want to call a friend."
Chris Tarrant: "Alright. Who?"
Shardie: "Jyggalag."
Chris Tarrant: "Great. Here's the phone. Pick it up."
Shardie picked up the phone.
Shardie: "Hey, Jyggalag!"
Jyggalag: "Hiyas, Shardie. You wanna get jiggy with Jyggalag?"
Shardie: "No, I want you to answer a Who Wants To Be An Oblivioneer question for me."
Jyggalag: "Go ahead, cat girl."
Shardie: "Todd Howard multiplied with Todd Howard equals what? The choices are a)A deity; b)The Talking Mudcrab Merchant; c)A lot of Todd Howards; d)A gigantic penguin."
Jyggalag: "Eh... I don't know the answer to that. But maybe my friend Cthulhu does."
Cthulhu: "Howard Phillips Lovecraft is my daddy!"
Jyggalag: "Say, Mr. C, what's the answer to Shardie's question?"
Cthulhu: "The answer is either a), b), c) or d)."
Jyggalag: "Bah. It seems that Mr. C isn't of much help, Shardie. I'm sorry."
Shardie: "It's ok... Bye."
Shardie closed the phone.
Chris Tarrant: "So? Do you have your answer?"
Shardie: "I'll try c)."
Chris Tarrant: "You will? Be my guest."
A few seconds passed.
Chris Tarrant: "I am afraid that... YOU WERE WRONG! C) WAS NOT THE CORRECT ANSWER! HAHAHAHA!"
Shardie: "Oh, no!"
Chris Tarrant: "You lose, Shardie. Better luck next time."
(c)2005 Sinder Velvin
On to the next Chapter