Part 3
Alexander: "So it's my turn now, then?"
Chris Tarrant: "Yes. The first question, the 500 septim question: where does Aengoth the Jeweler ask you to look for the book Withers-"
Alexander: "In the Maar Gan tradehouse, in Miles Gloriosus' possession!"
Chris Tarrant: "Eh... Not bad. But you didn't choose between a), b), c) and d), so..."
Darth Fargoth: "His answer is good. And I'm in a bit of a hurry here, by the way. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Chris Tarrant: "Fine. The second question, the 1000 septim question: what Dwemer books does Balad-"
Alexander: "Nchunak's Fire And Faith, Chronicles of Nchuleft and Antecedents of Dwemer Law!"
Chris Tarrant: "Hmm... Correct. You're pretty good, you know."
Alexander: "Thanks. Just a question: why aren't you asking us questions about Oblivion?"
Chris Tarrant: "Sorry, but who's making the questions hasn't played Oblivion yet."
Alexander: "Oh, ok."
Chris Tarrant: "The third question, the 3000 septim question: who is the archnemesis of Arena? a)Jargon Thrown; b)Jagar Tharn; c)Jareg Throon; d)Jarg Thren."
Alexander: "Uh... Well, I haven't played Arena..."
Stargelman: "Call a friend. Call me."
Alexander: "I want to call Stargelman."
Chris Tarrant: "Suit yourself."
Alexander picked up the phone.
Alexander: "Hey, Stargelman!"
Stargelman: "Hi, Alex."
Alexander: "Why am I calling you anyway? You're right behind me!"
Stargelman: "You have a point there."
Alexander: "Who's the archvillain of Arena?"
Stargelman: "Jagar Tharn."
Alexander: "Thanks."
Alexander closed the phone.
Alexander: "The answer is b)."
Chris Tarrant: "Correct! So, it's time for the fourth question, the 5000 septim question! Ken Rolston multiplied with Ken Rolston equals what? a)A pickle jar; b)An expert swordsman; c)Ray Charles; d)Seven chorists."
Alexander: "Eh... 50/50."
Chris Tarrant: "You're left with a) and d)."
Alexander: "I do think this question is very silly."
Chris Tarrant: "Sorry, but I'm not the guy making the questions."
Alexander: "I don't know what the answer is, and I don't want to take any risks, so I'll walk away with 3000 septims."
Chris Tarrant: "Alright. Alexander has left the game with 3000 septims!"
Shardie: "Congratulations, Alexander."
Alexander: "Thanks, Shardie."
Referee: "Alexander is the victor of this round! So far, the good guys, meaning Alexander, Sebastian, Stargelman and W0nders, have two victories!"
Sebastian: "Cool."
Referee: "So, let me think about who should fight in the third round."
Darth Fargoth: "May I suggest W0nders versus Anghardel67? They are both called Steve. (c) Muahahahaha!"
W0nders: "Whoa! How did you know about that?"
Darth Fargoth: "I have my sources. But perhaps it would be best to have W0nders versus Sebastian. That way, we would see who the better Australian is. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Referee: "No... I would rather have the good guys against the bad guys."
Darth Fargoth: "Suit yourself. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Referee: "In that order of ideas, W0nders will be facing Dagoth Lich."
Dagoth Lich: "Oh, at last, a victim. I shall crush you, W0nders. You shall witness the power of my infinite strength! I am the greatest lich in Tamriel!"
W0nders: "I don't like this one bit... How am I supposed to defeat him anyway!? He's got a level 600 character!"
Happy Adolf: "Use your sword! Hah!"
Referee: "So, the third round pits one man who can make wonders against one bad son of a noble seamstress called Dagoth Lich. Dagoth Lich is actually the strongest lich in Tamriel, so he's also the strongest spellcaster in Tamriel!"
Dagoth Lich: "I sure am."
Referee: "Three... Two... One. It's time for Cyrodiil Kombat to begin!"
Dagoth Lich: "For starters, let me cast a deadly spell on you, which is actually a combination of twenty different deadly spells..."
The lich started casting his spell, waving his skeletal hands around. He kept waving his hands around for five minutes...
Dagoth Lich: "In case you're wondering why it's taking so long, it takes a long time to cast a spell of this magnitude. I mean, you could easily destroy and entire province with just this spell."
Sebastian: "You've got to be kidding me."
Dagoth Lich: "Nope. I'm just very evil."
Five minutes later...
Dagoth Lich: "This will take a while..."
W0nders: "I'm scared..."
Five minutes later...
Dagoth Lich: "Almost done now. My one hundred consecutive megagigantic fireballs will hit you in ten seconds, after which the more dangerous parts of the spell will take effect."
W0nders: "MORE DANGEROUS!? That's it! I give up! Please don't hurt me!"
W0nders put his sword on the ground.
Dagoth Lich: "Sorry, W0nders, but it's too late. Not even I can stop the spell now."
Stargelman: "I'll save you, Steve!"
Stargelman quickly grabbed Dagoth Lich's skeletal hands and pointed them towards the sky. Dagoth Lich finished casting his incredibly deadly spell. And the spell hit and destroyed the smaller moon of Nirn, Secunda.
Happy Adolf: "Holy muffins! That was a powerful spell, no doubt about it!"
Dagoth Lich: "I could have done better."
Sebastian: "I wonder what this means for those poor Khajiiti out there..."
Somewhere in Elsweyr...
Ra'Stafarian: "Where has the small moon gone!?"
Ma'Cabre: "Ma'Cabre does not know! But these Khajiiti need another moon!"
Dro'Ller: "Dro'Ller agrees! Without another moon, we will perish!"
Ja'Bber: "Ja'Bber knows of another moon!"
Ma'Cabre: "Please tell Ma'Cabre of this moon."
Ja'Bber: "It lies in Vivec City, in Morrowind, Vvardenfell, and it is called the Ministry of Truth..."
S'Uaver: "S'Uaver says that all Khajiiti from Elsweyr should go to Vivec City!"
Ra'Stafarian: "Ra'Stafarian agrees!"
Back to the tournament.
Referee: "Because W0nders has given up, Dagoth Lich is the victor of this round!"
Dagoth Lich: "If you mess with the lich, you die!"
Referee: "The fourth round pits one logical Australian against Anghardel67! Anghardel67 used to be a very kind and caring person, until Darth Fargoth corrupted him! Now Anghardel67 is constantly under the mind control of Darth Fargoth."
Darth Fargoth: "He will never escape from my tricks! (c) Muahahahaha!"
Referee: "Three... Two... One. It's time for Cyrodiil Kombat to begin!"
Sebastian: "Thanks for the compliment."
Anghardel67: "I shall release the rage inside me, destroying you."
The terrible Anghardel67 approached Sebastian. The Patriarch's armor looked demonic and his eyes were blazing. The fear that overwhelmed those who stared at him was eldritch.
Anghardel67: "Die!"
Anghardel67 raised his evil-looking sword and tried to hit Sebastian with it. Only through sheer luck was Sebastian able to dodge the blow.
Happy Adolf: "How come Anghardel is so powerful?"
Dagoth Lich: "He's a Patriarch. That's why."
Sebastian: "I do not desire death. I surrender."
Referee: "Sebastian has surrendered. Anghardel67 is the victor of this round. So far, the good guys have two wins, while the bad guys also have two wins."
Stargelman: "That was fun... So, who's next?"
Referee: "The fifth round pits one nasty German webmaster against the scourge of Tamriel: Dagoth Lich!"
Stargelman: "Ok, lich, let's dance. And guess what? I'll lead."
Dagoth Lich: "Bring it on, little Redguard!"
Referee: "Three... Two... One. It's time for Cyrodiil Kombat to begin!"
Stargelman: "Your boney spotted owl is gonna get whipped now!"
Stargelman readied his sword and rushed towards Dagoth Lich, but the lich grabbed the webmaster by the neck and threw him over a large distance.
Dagoth Lich: "You actually think you can ever defeat the greatest spellcaster in all of Tamriel!?"
The German approached the lich.
Stargelman: "I probably can't, but seeing how he isn't here..."
Stargelman rushed towards Dagoth Lich again, but the lich used a fireball spell on him.
Dagoth Lich: "It is pointless to resist. You cannot win."
The lich cast a wide array of offensive spells on Stargelman, most of which hit the webmaster. They were not powerful enough to kill him, though. Then again, the lich was taking his time.
Stargelman: "Ok. I've just had about enough of this! I'm tired, and I'm hungry, and I AM PISSED OFF! Time for drastic measures. Time to cheat!"
Darth Fargoth: "You cannot use the console, Stargelman. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Stargelman: "Who said anything about using the console?"
Alexander: "What are you up to, Stargelman?"
Stargelman: "Time to use some Javascript against boney."
Dagoth Lich: "And how will you do that? Hahahaha!"
Stargelman: "You've got that demonic creation called Internet Explorer opened, now don't you?"
Dagoth Lich: "Why... Yes, I do..."
Stargelman: "Good. Time to get some nasty popup advertisments to cover your screen, boney!"
Suddenly, a hundred popups appeared on Dagoth Lich's screen.
Dagoth Lich: "What the!?!?!?!?!? How did you do that?"
Stargelman: "I'm a webmaster. By the way, good luck in closing all of those popups."
Dagoth Lich: "Just a minute... Let me press Alt+Tab..."
The lich pressed Alt+Tab on his computer, after which he activated his Internet Explorer popup stopper. He then came back to the game.
Dagoth Lich: "There's nothing you can do to me now!"
As Dagoth Lich prepared to use some of his most powerful spells on Stargelman, the webmaster used Javascript to stop the lich in his tracks.
Dagoth Lich: "WHAAAAAT!?!?!?!?"
Stargelman: "Tired of dancing yet?"
Stargelman then used Javascript to remove the lich's robe.
Dagoth Lich: "What!? You PERVERT!"
To enjoy himself even more, Stargelman turned the lich into a chicken by using Javascript.
Stargelman: "Hahahahahaha!"
Alexander: "Hilarious."
Shardie: "This is so weird."
But Dagoth Lich pressed Alt+Tab again, to deactivate Java, after which he went back in the game, where he found himself a powerful, clothed, moving lich once again.
Dagoth Lich: "FOR HAVING THE ODACITY TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT, YOU WILL ENDURE TORTURE FOR ALL ETERNITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And thus the lich began casting one of his most powerful spells, which took just several seconds to cast, but had an immense power.
Dagoth Lich: "Time to die. For once and for all!"
Stargelman: "Your shoelace is untied!"
Dagoth Lich: "What?"
The lich looked to see if his shoelace was untied and accidentally cast the spell on this foot.
Dagoth Lich: "DAMN YOU, STARGELMAN!"
Stargelman: "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful."
Dagoth Lich: "Argh! You might have made me destroy my right foot, but you have not defeated me just yet!"
Stargelman: "I wonder how much longer it will take."
Dagoth Lich: "Very little! I'm going to walk towards you right now! And I'm going to destroy you!"
The lich tried to walk, but was unable to move without his right foot. Plus, Stargelman had put sticky HTML code everywhere on the ground.
Dagoth Lich: "Crap."
Referee: "The lich is unable to continue the fight, so Stargelman is the victor of this round!"
Stargelman: "I'm good."
Dagoth Lich: "I'll be back for you! I will torment your soul for eternity! Eventually! Just you wait!"
Referee: "The sixth round will be the most thrilling one yet! In it, the master of posts, the man who can instantly use UESP to answer questions, the great Alexander shall face someone who was once a nice and kind Patriarch but was eventually corrupted by the wicked Darth Fargoth: Anghardel67! Now Anghardel67 is one of the nastiest, evilest, cruelest, most vicious beings in Cyrodiil!"
Alexander: "Say, just to be clear there, Ref, not everything I say is copied from the UESP you know. In fact, most of it is not."
Darth Fargoth: "Before the fight starts, I would like to speak with Anghardel67 for a minute. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Referee: "Alright."
Anghardel67 approached Darth Fargoth.
Darth Fargoth: "If you win now, you will face Stargelman in the final battle. But Stargelman does not deserve to get as far as the final fight. So I want you to make sure that this battle ends in a draw, so you can fight Stargelman afterwards. In that case, the final battle will be against Alexander. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Anghardel67: "Fine. I'll do what you want me to do. But I'll need a pencil, an easel and paper."
Darth Fargoth: "Ah, yes, I have what you need. (c) Muahahahaha!"
After Anghardel67 was given the pencil, the easel and the paper, the Referee was told that Anghardel67 was ready for the fight.
Referee: "Three... Two... One. It's time for Cyrodiil Kombat to begin!"
Immediately after the referee announced that the battle had begun, Anghardel67 put the paper on the easel and started drawing.
Referee: "Stop! It's a draw!"
Darth Fargoth: "(c) Muahahahaha!"
Alexander: "What do you mean? How come?"
Referee: "It's a draw! Just look at him!"
Darth Fargoth: "Yep. Anghardel67 is drawing. So it's a draw! (c) Muahahahaha!"
Referee: "This means that it's time for the seventh round, in which Anghardel67 shall face Stargelman!"
Alexander: "Very strange..."
Stargelman: "So, I'm fighting Anghardel now?"
Referee: "Yes. The dangerous German webmaster shall face a being even more dangerous than himself: Anghardel67! Prepare for the seventh round!"
Stargelman: "Last fight was hors d'oeuvre, this time it's lunch!"
Anghardel67: "I shall destroy you."
Referee: "Three... Two... One. It's time for Cyrodiil Kombat to begin!"
Stargelman tried his Javascript and HTML tricks on Anghardel67, but was unable to harm the Patriarch in any way.
Anghardel67: "Do not make the mistake of underestimating me, Stargelman."
Stargelman: "What're you gonna do? Draw yourself some chutzbah?"
Anghardel67: "I will slice you in half."
The two readied their swords and started fighting each other. Stargelman was a great warrior, so he actually stood a chance against the homicidal Anghardel67.
Stargelman: "When I'm through with you, people will no longer mistake you for a human."
Anghardel67 smiled.
Stargelman: "Hm. I don't much care for your smug smile, but we can easily fix that with a bit of pummelling."
The webmaster tried to hit Anghardel67, but the vile artist blocked every single blow of the German's.
Stargelman: "Don't you know you have to submit to your webmaster?"
Anghardel67: "Nice suit. Did your boyfriend give it to you?"
Stargelman: "You wish."
Stargelman tried to hit Anghardel67, but Anghardel67 knocked him down and punched him in the head very hard.
Stargelman: "Eh, you fight like bottle empty!"
Anghardel67: "Time to finish this."
Anghardel67 held his evil-looking sword and prepared for the final blow.
Stargelman: "Seems I was wrong about the good guys always winning. That really turns my world upside down. Perhaps I did bet on the wrong team... Tell you what, let's team up!"
Anghardel67: "I will accept your surrender, but know that there is no place for you by my side."
Referee: "Stargelman has surrendered, then?"
Stargelman: "Gah, shoulda picked a different race - a Bosmer - then I could give up now and cower behind a bush. But Redguards never surrender."
Referee: "So... You're not surrendering?"
Anghardel67: "He isn't surrendering? In that case, I'll have to remove his entrails."
Stargelman: "Now that I think of it, surrendering isn't so bad..."
Referee: "Are you saying that you want to surrender?"
Stargelman: "Sort of."
Referee: "In that case, Stargelman surrenders!"
Anghardel67: "I was hoping for some bloodshed, but I guess that will have to wait."
Referee: "Now it is time for the eighth and final round! The greatest battle of our times! Alexander, the man of many posts and secret knowledge, shall face the vengeful and corrupted Anghardel67! This cannot end in a draw, and one of them must die. But who will win? Alexander has the power of the post on his side, but Anghardel67 has accumulated more rage in his heart than there is water in an ocean. But one thing is certain: whoever wins, Tamriel loses. Before you fight, is there anything that you want to say to each other?"
Alexander: "Yes. Why are you doing this, Ang? I know you can resist Fargoth if you want to!"
Anghardel67: "But... No. I would never betray Fargoth."
Alexander: "Oh come on, Ang. Hmm... Now that I think of it, I guess you have been really evil for some time now. More precisely, ever since you stopped helping in the cheat section. Should have seen it coming then."
Darth Fargoth: "Enough chit-chat. Start the fight. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Referee: "Three... Two... One. It's time for Cyrodiil Kombat to begin!"
And thus the greatest battle of our times began. The two Patriarchs took out their swords and attacked each other. They were both incredibly skilled, as they were both Patriarchs, and one could not tell who the victor would be, as they were both just as dangerous. Could Alexander's superior post count truly help him win this battle? Or would his rival release all his anger in such an artistic manner that it would be deadly? One could not predict the outcome. But one could predict bloodshed. When Alexander tried to hit Anghardel67, the evil Patriarch would dodge or block his blows. And Alexander himself was unhittable.
Alexander: "So, Ang, just like that you'd betray people you've called friends."
Anghardel67: "Oh, pooh."
Alexander: "Ang, I told you this before, don't pooh me!"
The two continued to fight. Both had fatal tricks up their sleeves, but they could not trick each other because they already knew what was going to happen before it happened. Neither one could win easily. Knowing this, Anghardel67 taunted Alexander.
Anghardel67: "Where'd you come from? No, besides the zoo."
Alexander: "You're really pushing your luck here! Don't make me do something you'll regret!"
Anghardel67: "I'd mess your face up a bit, but I think nature's done my job already."
Alexander: "You're not nearly the poster I am."
Anghardel67: "Your posts only help you scrub the toilet easier."
They continued fighting, as there was no way to avoid fighting. One fought for his friends, one fought for revenge. And one would think that they would keep fighting like this forever, neither of them ever being able to win, but Alexander, the man of many posts, the defender of the weak, spotted a hole in Anghardel67's defenses.
Alexander: "Take your words back, Ang."
Anghardel67: "Never, toilet scrubber!"
Alexander: "In that case, there is no way to save you from yourself."
And with those words, the brave Alexander used his massive strength to try to deliver a fatal blow. Anghardel67 was able to block the hit, but his great sword crumbled to pieces. The blow had been that strong. Because Anghardel67 was now unarmed, Alexander stabbed him in the torso. And thus Anghardel67, the evil Patriarch, fell to the ground in a pool of his own blood.
Alexander: "Hah, told you I could beat you. No match for the power of the post."
Sebastian: "Congratulations, Alexander!"
Stargelman: "Congrats, Alex."
W0nders: "Yay!"
Alexander the mighty Patriarch had defeated Anghardel67 through the goodness of his heart and the number of his posts. He had won the tournament. He turned his eyes towards Fargoth.
Alexander: "So, Fargoth, what happens now?"
Darth Fargoth: "This fight is far from over. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Alexander: "What?"
One blow, no matter how powerful, is never enough to kill a Patriarch. Anghardel67 might have been injured and knocked to the ground, but he was not dead. He stood up again.
W0nders: "Uh... Alex..."
Alexander: "Not now, W0nders. I'm talking to Fargoth."
Anghardel67 took out a dagger from his belt and approached Alexander from behind.
Stargelman: "ALEX!"
Sebastian: "Oh, no..."
Alexander: "I need to speak with Fargoth!"
Alexander ignored his friends, so he did not suspect that Anghardel67 would come behind him and stab him in the shoulder with a Daedric Dagger. After he did realize that his rival was still alive, he tried to turn around and face his adversary, but Anghardel67 stabbed him in his back, after which the evil Patriarch kicked him several times, knocking Alexander down and disarming him.
Anghardel67: "You underestimated me, Alexander. Now you shall pay."
Darth Fargoth: "Yes! Yes! YES! Release the anger from within your heart! Kill Alexander! Finish him! Win! (c) Muahahahaha!"
Anghardel67: "Ever since you made more posts than me, I've been jealous, Alexander. And how dared you make 40.000 posts before I did!? That, Alex, was the last drop. Which is why you must die now."
Darth Fargoth: "Kill him. Do it. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Alexander: "Can't you see that Fargoth has brainwashed you? But... I do not care anymore. Kill me, if that is what you truly want to do. After all, you are not the same Anghardel67 that I knew a while ago. You are not the same person. I can't even recognize you."
Darth Fargoth: "He wants to die. Kill him. Deliver the final blow. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Anghardel67 was in a battle with his inner demons. Fargoth commanded him to kill Alexander, and he had never been able to resist Fargoth's commands before. But Fargoth had not been able to corrupt Anghardel67 completely, as there was still goodness in his heart. And it is this goodness that took control in that moment. It is this goodness that made him do what he did.
Anghardel67: "No."
Some seconds passed with silence.
Darth Fargoth: "What did you just say?"
A few seconds passed.
Anghardel67: "I said 'no'."
Darth Fargoth: "You said no!?"
Anghardel67: "That's right. No. I don't want to kill Alexander."
Darth Fargoth: "It's not really up to you, now is it?"
Anghardel67: "Your mind tricks no longer work on me."
Fargoth wanted to see if this was the case, so he tried using a mind trick on Anghardel67.
Darth Fargoth: "What!? My mind tricks are not working on you!?"
Anghardel67: "I am immune to your tricks, Fargoth. I will not let myself be your pawn anymore."
Darth Fargoth: "How is it possible that you can resist my mind tricks?"
Stargelman: "He's a Patriarch. He can do stuff like that."
Darth Fargoth: "Now, isn't this a disappointment!?"
Referee: "This is starting to look like a soap opera."
Darth Fargoth: "Referee, we don't need you anymore."
Referee: "What about my money?"
Darth Fargoth: "Leave, or you shall find yourself six feet underground quite soon."
Referee: "Cheapskate..."
The referee left.
Darth Fargoth: "So, you think that you can defeat me, Anghardel67?"
Anghardel67: "By myself, no. But the help of my friends, I can."
He looked at the players around him.
Darth Fargoth: "Dagoth Lich, Happy Adolf and Shardie are still under my mind control. (c) Muahahahaha!"
Dagoth Lich: "That's what you think, bastard."
Darth Fargoth: "But... How is it possible that you are no longer under my mind control tricks?"
Happy Adolf: "Once you've seen a lot of crazy muffins going on, no one can control your mind anymore."
Shardie: "I know Jyggalag would want me to fight you, Darth Fargoth. For the sake of Kitty Demons."
Sebastian: "It's time to pay for your actions, Fargoth."
W0nders: "I've got a sword and I'm not afraid to use it."
Stargelman: "Oh, I've been waiting for this so long..."
Alexander: "If someone will kindly help me get up, I'll help you fight this rodent."
Anghardel67 helped Alexander get back up on his two feet.
Alexander: "Thanks... Ang."
Anghardel67: "No problem."
Darth Fargoth: "You mortals are foolish to believe that you could ever defeat me. I am invulnerable! (c) Muahahahaha!"
Dagoth Lich: "And I'm the strongest lich in Tamriel. Let's not forget that I can cast spells without having to move."
Sebastian: "Why didn't you finish off Stargelman anyway?"
Dagoth Lich: "Um... Well, it's kinda embarrassing, but I was out of magicka... But now I've restored it."
Happy Adolf: "It's time to show this pathetic Bosmer that Bosmer suck."
Shardie: "I don't have anything against Bosmer in general, but I'll say yes to that."
Darth Fargoth: "Bring it on! (c) Muahahahaha!"
Meanwhile, in Nazton's base, I had woken up to find myself on a bed with chains strapped around me.
Frank: "Ah, he has finnaly awoken."
Nazton: "It was about time. I will now finnaly increase my prestige as a villain by having captured Sinder Velvin!"
Sinder Velvin: "I feel hungover. Would you mind explaining to me what's going on?"
Nazton: "Wow, Sinder Velvin has been captured by me!? How cool is that?"
Sinder Velvin: "Yeah, yeah, could you please answer my question?"
Miss Terlana: "We found you on a field. You had been poisoned. Twice. We realized that capturing the player would increase our prestige, so we decided to capture you. But there would have been no point in capturing you if you were going to die soon, especially if the kill wasn't going to be ours, so we decided to heal you."
Frank: "It was very hard to heal you. You were poisoned twice with incredibly powerful poison."
Miss Terlana: "But now you're alive. And in our grasp."
Sinder Velvin: "I have no time for this! My friends have probably been captured by those mad Khajiiti, or, worse, by Fargoth! So please let me go."
Frank: "We will never let you go. You're here to stay."
Nazton: "And increase my prestige along the way."
I tried to release myself from the chains.
Miss Terlana: "Don't even bother trying that, player. There's no way you can escape. Those chains cannot be destroyed through strength."
But I was no longer a warrior. I was a wizard now, and a powerful one as well.
Sinder Velvin: "Fine. I'm here to stay. But... Could you please leave me alone for a bit? I feel like sobbing."
Frank: "Erm... Sure..."
The villains left the chamber that I was in. Being alone, I was able to use telekinesis to bring a nearby toothpick to me.
Sinder Velvin: "It seems that my fate is inexorably tied to toothpicks."
I grabbed the toothpick with my hand and attempted to open the lock around my chains using it. I then realized that my security skill was as low as hell, so I decided to just use an unlocking spell on the lock. Free of my bonds, I exited the chamber.
Frank: "What!? He's escaped!"
Sinder Velvin: "Yep. Never leave a player alone in a room."
Miss Terlana: "Let me just write that in my upcoming guidebook for villains..."
Nazton: "Quickly, my evil minions! Attack the player!"
Nazton's Evil Minion 1: "Sure thing."
Nazton's Evil Minion 2: "Urgh."
Although I was unarmed and they were armed, I managed to punch them and knock them to the ground.
Sinder Velvin: "Does anybody else want to try to stop me?"
Frank, Miss Terlana and Nazton were silent.
Sinder Velvin: "In that case, I'll be on my way now."
And thus I left Nazton's base.
Miss Terlana: "Don't worry, Nazton. You just have to hire a few more evil minions, and then we'll recapture him."
Nazton: "Hopefully... Why didn't we use the Net For Capturing Goody Two Shoes on him, though?"
Frank: "Um... I guess I didn't think of that."
I had snatched a player-detecting gadget from Nazton's base, so I used it to detect the locations of my fellow players. Realizing that they were almost certainly in some sort of danger, I rushed towards them. Back on the cliff on which the other players were located, Fargoth activated his lightsaber.
Darth Fargoth: "I'm going to kill you! (c) Muahahahaha!"
Stargelman: "Give it your best shot."
The Sith used the force to choke all the players at once, but Dagoth Lich used a fireball spell on Fargoth, which the vile Bosmer dodged.
Darth Fargoth: "I am too fast to be hit by your spells, lich! (c) Muahahahaha!"
That's when the lich started casting one of his incredibly powerful spells on Fargoth. The other players tried to distract Fargoth while the lich was casting his spell, but Fargoth was too powerful for them. Eventually, all of the players were disarmed by the Sith.
Darth Fargoth: "There can be no victory against me. (c) Muahahahaha!"
But as Fargoth prepared to behead the other players, Dagoth Lich finished casting his powerful spell on Fargoth. A hundred fireballs all hit Fargoth at the same time, followed by some other offensive spells. The Bosmer crumbled to the ground, very injured, but still not dead.
Dagoth Lich: "Don't mess with the lich!"
Anghardel67: "Good job, Dagoth!"
But Fargoth got back up. He was full of blood, and one finger from his robotic hand had fallen off. He had also lost his left ear.
Dagoth Lich: "You still want more, don't you?"
The lich prepared to cast another powerful spell at Fargoth, but the Bosmer threw his lightsaber at Dagoth Lich, shattering the torso of the lich. The lich's spell was interrupted, of course.
Dagoth Lich: "I am a powerful lich, so I have a phylactery. As long as my phylactery is unharmed, I shall always be resurrected."
Darth Fargoth: "But where is your phylactery, lich? Yes, you guessed correctly. On my starship."
Dagoth Lich: "You can never destroy it anyway. It is made of very powerful metals."
Darth Fargoth: "Lightsabers can cut through anything."
Alexander: "Why aren't you laughing anymore, Fargoth?"
Darth Fargoth: "I don't laugh like that when I'm in a very bad mood. AND I AM IN A VERY BAD MOOD RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHICH IS WHY I'M GOING TO KILL EACH OF YOU NOW! AND NO ONE IS GOING TO SAVE YOU THIS TIME!"
He activated his lightsaber and prepared to kill my friends. But that's when I showed up in front of Fargoth.
Sinder Velvin: "Your business is with me, Bosmer."
Happy Adolf: "Sinder!"
Stargelman: "What took you so long!?"
Sinder Velvin: "I was poisoned. Twice. And I was injured. A lot. And I fell off a cliff. And I was captured by a villain and put in chains. There was a slight... Delay."
Darth Fargoth: "Enough talk. It is time to settle this for once AND FOR ALL. But... Wait a minute. Why are you unarmed?"
Sinder Velvin: "Because I don't need weapons to defeat you."
Darth Fargoth: "You can never defeat me anyway. And now, prepare to fight!"
He threw his lightsaber at me, but I dodged it, after which he used the force to pull me towards him. But I threw three shockballs at him, which he was able to dodge.
Darth Fargoth: "I might be injured and my powers might be seriously drained, but I am still the greatest Sith alive!"
He used the force to jump right next to me, after which he tried to cut me with his lightsaber. I difficultly managed to dodge his hits, after which I punched him. He punched me back with his robotic arm, after which he once again attacked me with his lightsaber. I hit him with a fireball, knocking him down, after which I rushed towards him and punched him. He used a powerful force push on me, trying to knock me off the cliff, but he did not succeed in his endeavor, so I started casting many shockballs at him. He dodged some of them, but several hit him, so he was once again knocked down. I rushed towards him with the intent of disarming him, but he kicked me, knocking me to the ground. He then tried to stab me with his lightsaber while I was on the ground, but I rolled to the right just in time, avoiding getting hit. I got back up and I kicked the Sith, finnaly making him drop his weapon. I then picked it up and went to the edge of the cliff, with the desire of throwing the weapon over the cliff. Fargoth tried to pull me towards him, but I cast several fireballs towards him in order to distract him. After he managed to dodge the fireballs, he once again tried to pull me towards him, but by this time I had already thrown the lightsaber over the cliff. Because he was now unarmed and his force powers were fading away, he had to engage me in melee combat. My own magicka had also been almost completely drained, so I could cast no more offensive spells at him. He punched me with his robotic arm, as punches with his robotic arm hurt more. After I fell to the ground, he started kicking me, slowly pushing me towards the edge of the cliff. Seeing that he wanted to push me off the edge of the cliff, I kicked him in the nuts, after which I got back up and started punching him again. Once again trying to push me off the edge of the cliff, he grabbed me by the neck with his robotic arm and pushed me to the edge, after which he started choking me. He then tried to kick me to push me off the edge of the cliff, but I rolled to the right, got back up and punched him right in the face, making him fall off the edge of the cliff. Knowing that there was no way for Fargoth to survive the fall, I turned towards my friends, who were all wounded in the game and exhausted in real life.
Sinder Velvin: "We won't have to worry about him anymore."
W0nders: "Yay! Sinder has defeated Fargoth!"
Alexander: "Congratulations, Sinder."
Anghardel67: "I can't believe he's finnaly going to die."
But that's when the falling Fargoth used the force to pull me with him.
Sebastian: "Oh, no!!!"
Fargoth probably knew that he was going to die, so that was why he pulled me with him. But before we both died, I wanted to let him know that I had defeated him, even if that meant giving away my own life. And he was right next to me, so I was able to speak with him.
Sinder Velvin: "I've beaten you, Fargoth."
Darth Fargoth: "What makes you think that?"
Sinder Velvin: "Neither one of us can survive this fall. Both of us are going to die."
Darth Fargoth: "No, Dark Elf. It was all a trick to finnaly get you killed. Do you actually think I would allow myself to be thrown off a cliff by anybody?"
Sinder Velvin: "Aren't you going to die as well?"
Darth Fargoth: "I'm afraid not. You see, I have a parachute."
He activated his parachute.
Sinder Velvin: "Why, you son of a noble seamstress! I'll get you for this! You mark my words!"
Darth Fargoth: "If you manage to survive. Now, I would love to chat with you some more, but I really have to go. Bye bye."
And thus Fargoth managed to escape his supposedly inevitable doom, while I kept getting closer and closer to the ground.
(c)2005 Sinder Velvin