I know many of you have probably given me up for dead, and you were very nearly right. As you probably have already guessed, I suffered another stroke last fall. What the first one didn't take from me, the second one did.
This second stroke was a bad one. I can only use my right hand to type, "hunt and peck" style typing; (so this will say pretty much what I sent in emails to Liz/Kobby/Acadian/McB/Blackie/DE/etc. to get it posted quicker).
My hair turned white overnight, (the color has just started coming back in the last couple weeks, so I must be improving). They had me on steroids for a while, and I blew up like a balloon - hope that goes away. I can walk, but fall easy. I have a lot of trouble concentrating, remembering things I did 10 minutes ago, etc. I had some severe depression for a while - not just because I am totally disabled now, but on top of that it was hard to see myself looking this way. I don't even recognize myself in the mirror anymore.
After the second stroke everything here went all to hell. My email/internet has been shut off since last fall. My husband lost his job before all/any of this happened (some of the stress that caused the strokes), we were already living on our savings. No one was hiring then, especially not someone my husband's age.
When the savings was all gone, we lost the internet/telephone/cable TV. My husband pawned our car titles just to keep eating/mortgage/electric paid. By New Years the house was going into forclosure, by March water and electricity was shut off (for two months before a local church helped us out and got everything turned back on again at the end of May). We lost all the cars but one (Bob's SUV) to the Title Pawn. Not funny how quickly life can turn it around on someone.
Bob got a temporary job and just got the house out of forclosure July 30th - and got the internet turned back on yesterday (finally!), right before the job ended.I'm hoping Bob finds more work soon, because I won't be able to work anymore now.
So yeah, I have been depressed as hell. I have friends in other states more than in TN - friends I needed a phone or internet to contact. I felt so isolated without either, and couldn't leave the house without someone taking me till just this past month. My vision is still blurred, but I have been able to get out and about a few times on my own (going to doctor's offices, but at least I was out on my own - even if I was driving like the Brady girl that "Very Brady" movie).
The Internet installer left at 4:00PM yesterday, but they didn't get the Email working till just now. I spent all last night up reading all the posts on Chorrol (here) that I missed since I've been off here - was freaked out as hell when I saw that someone got on there pretending to be me! Who would do that?
Whoever it was, their English was really iffy, just like FlowerBoom's was (who I was instrumental in getting banned from here last year, so he was my first thought when I saw that). I was really glad most of you who know me well could see/feel the difference. That was really shocking to me, that anyone would have done that.
I hope and pray that jackass didn't hurt anyone in my name, especially not Liz. Liz said she cried when she thought I was alive - I cried when I read where she said that. I care a LOT about all of you, Liz especially because she can be hurt easier than most.
You can have no idea how much I have thought about you all this past year laying in that stupid bed - wondered and worried how you all were and wished I could contact any one of you somehow. You all were in my thoughts every single day. I have missed you all beyond even friends I know IRL, wish I did really know you all IRL.
I have missed you all so much