No

Nuh uh

WOO HOO! I love this! Westley was truly impressed by Martin's heroism, but in the repeated retellings was even finding his own self bored with it - that means he's probably going to bust free and do something to shake up his existance, can't wait to see what he finds to do! Awesome beginning KOB! Love it!

Thanks! I enjoy writing a lot and I'm glad you like the first chapter.

GAAAAH! You added to it - a werewolf! MORE !!!!! MORE !!!!!!


Nice screens!

Can't delete a thread so gonna yeet this out of existence

Adios

Welcome to Westley the Werewolf and I'm glad to see you bring his story to chorrol. I wonder if his condition aided him in his battles to become Champion of Cyrodiil. It’s very interesting to have his perspective on being a moon doggie though. I enjoyed the tension between him and the vampires. I wonder also if Rex has bit the vampire dust.

Oooh, nice transformation scene! Awesome descriptions there! Bye Bye Rex the vampire! HoHoHo - Vokun! WOO HOO !!! And Ben and that werewolf shot too - Awesome shots to go along with your story! In case I forgot to say it before, Welcome to the Fic Forum!!!!! Awesome story so far, and I love the screens backing the story up!!!

Acadian: Thanks for reading and I'm glad you enjoy the story so far. This is my first fanfic, so it probably isnt very interesting right now, but it should get better as the story goes on. The chapters should get longer too.

mALX: Thank you for reading and for your kind words. I'm glad that you enjoy the story. I think it's alright, considering that it's my first fanfic, and it should get more interesting soon.

Running out of things to say!

Betrayed by Rex and rescued from a desperate fight by a pair of mysterious Bretonic vampires. How ironic to be both betrayed by and rescued by vampires! I loved the welcome touch of humor as the voracious rabbit charged out of the forest!

Let me offer some thoughts that I hope you will find constructive and helpful –

Your paragraphs are rather large. In the forum’s format, this can present a bit of a ‘wall of text’. Most of us here try to break our prose into smaller paragraphs so they are easier to read.

Also, I highly recommend you google ‘Dialogue Punctuation’ and study up on a few of the sites that cover this rather arcane aspect of fiction writing. For now, suffice it to say that a golden rule in fiction is that every time you change speakers, start a new paragraph. Happily, this can also result in much shorter paragraphs.

Regarding lengthening your episodes, actually this current one is probably about perfect, as it is just under 1500 words. I shoot for 800 – 1800 words; much longer and you begin to lose some of your impact. The reason your episodes appear kind of short is simply that, as I mentioned, your paragraphs are too long.

I'm coming to read this tomorrow KOB, too tired and almost cross-eyed from driving!

You beat me to it. I get distracted by the wall of text and can't read it. Maybe I'm a snob for that but it makes me itchy.

What I COULD read of it seemed interesting, however. :]

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LOVE the title of this chapter!! Woo, Rex is alive and seeking revenge! What a battle! Love how Westley lost his sword right off in the fight, makes it more exciting! Very exciting battle!

You didn't ask for tips, but I'll give one that may help the readers: When different characters are speaking, put a blank line between each different character's speech so the reader can quickly decipher that someone else is speaking. Doing that will also break up the "wall of words" effect that Elisabeth spoke of.

Your story is too good to have something like that keep others from taking the extra effort to read through it (because some may stop reading when they come across several different character's dialogues in one paragraph).

I am loving this story!!!! You write an Awesome fight scene!!!


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I fixed the format so it's easier to read! Thanks for the advice guys!

Awesome! Thank you, that is easier on the eyes and really helps know who is talking! You ROCK !!!

Acadian: I really want to thank you for the constructive criticism. It helped a lot

Elisabeth Hollow: Thank you for checking my story out! I'm also glad for your criticism too. It was quite useful

mALX: I'm glad you enjoy the story so far and thanks for the tip!

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Gosh diddly darn emojis are censored now

Ooo I like how this story is starting to turn out, some interesting intrigue between the sons of Hircine and Bal :3
I wonder what they're fighting over...
You have a pretty solid standard in your prose, and your dialogue does lend a lot to the characters, the only fault I can see is that I find who is saying what a bit confusing.. adding something as simple as 'whispered Rex' or 'said the Breton' would lend itself great to enhancing the story
Great work with this! Kudos with the regular updates, shall be following this

As a big fan of werewolves, I have to say I am loving this story. It has action and humor written all over it! And a good interesting, story, too. All of the nits were practically said and mentioned by other members, so I can't comment on those. But I love it. If you need any help on lore regarding Elder Scrolls werewolves, I am most happy to help.

The thing is about saying he said, or she said after every sentence someone says can get repetitive, but I will try to find a way to make it less confusing to understand, and if you have questions feel free to ask. I'm glad you're enjoying the story

" No. You're not my boss, I'm not listening, I can't hear you!"
" Hastrel, stop acting like petulant child!"
You’re not the boss of me! This whole exchange was very funny!

You did a good job developing the squabbling vampires. And it was fun to see Jensine giving Westley an interrogation to buy a blanket!

Loved the dialogue in this chapter, had me rolling! Great Write!

** I am really loving the screenshots you post to go along with your story! Thumbs up on Hastrel, WOO HOO!

Fiach: thanks for reading. I'm Glad to know you are enjoying the story It's my first fanfic, so it's probably going to start out a bit confusing, but it should be easier to understand as I move along in the chapters. Also, I'll work on making the dialogue less confusing, while not being to repetitive.

Lycanthropic-Legend: Thanks for reading my story and glad you are enjoying it. Honestly, I like weaving my own lore into the story, but I would appreciate some of the lore you know on the werewolves of the elder scrolls universe, it would be quite helpful.

Acadian: I gotta say, I really enjoyed writing the argument between the vampires. Hastrel can be a real pain in the neck. He disagrees with everything anyone says, unless it's the same opinion as his. He's also quite immature, and tends to whine excessively. Everyone who is involved in being around him will most likely have an extreme migraine by the time he is out of there life.

mALX: thanks for the kind words! And about the screenshots: sometimes it's hard finding them, especially when the character is one that I made up and I can't use an in-game screenshot. It's fun looking for them though, and for some reason, I feel every new character introduced into the story should have a screenshot to go along with them. ( I'm horrible at describing people)

We out here taking out the trash

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Cattle prod ...SPEW!!!! ROFL !!!! Hastrel and Jakben over the wine had me dying laughing! LOVED this !!!! Once again your dialogue has rocked this chapter! Now Seridur and Vicente ... I am LOVING this story!!! Awesome Write!


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Thanks! I enjoy writing the story, and I'm glad you like it. If you have any advice you want to share feel free to share it, because I need it, and it would be a big help.

mALX: Thanks for reading! I wonder where everyone went, in guessing to visit other family members because of Christmas. I'm glad you like my story, I'm not the best writer though.

No

ROFL!!! I will try to keep up with your story while I am out of town, but all depends on what is going on here whether I can or not - just know I will catch up when I get home or whenever possible before then.

If your readership is dropping, you may think about slowing down posting a bit and give people time to read before posting the next chapter. I usually post 1 chapter every 4 -5 days (about once per week), and a good chapter length is between 1,000-2,000 words per chapter. That keeps readers from getting burned out, it is important to keep your reader's comfort in mind with your posting schedule.

I've rewritten the ending of this chapter because I hated the original one.

What a pair the two vampires make with all their arguing! The plan to get Westley out of the city didn’t pan out too well. You really cranked up the tension as we learn that Ben has been turned to the dark side and Westley learns to control his inner wolf.

mALX: Thanks for the advice! I hadn't thought about that. Been a bit busy lately but I enjoy writing my fanfic, and when I enjoy something I tend to rush through it.

Acadian: Thanks for reading. The forums seem somewhat....dead. I don't often see many users online so it's nice to actually have someone read my story ( I hate and like my story at the same time so I'm a bit surprised when people actually read it.)

Absolute disgust

Wish I could delete threads I started

SWEEEET, they're gonna go kick Vokun's butt!

I loved both the Hircine screens/pictures - especially the one of Hircine himself - Awesome job! The drawing of the wolf pack was grossly well done, lol. Awesome chapter update !!!

That was a well-done meeting with Hircine. I’m glad Westley didn’t kill a unicorn as an offering. So, Westley’s small army is off to take on Wolfsbane Castle to help out poor Ben.

Elisabeth Hollow: Thanks for reading and congrats on starting your own fanfic! It's a bit difficult to get readers now, because nobody ever seems to be on so I appreciate it when someone takes the time to read my first fanfic.

mALX: I thought the one of Hircine was pretty cool too. The only problem when finding it was that there were a lot of awesome pics of Hircine to choose from, and if you like every single picture of the choice, the decision isn't necessarily easy...

Acadian: Dont remind me about Hircine's quest! I died about fifty times before realizing you need an enchanted or silver weapon to kill the damn unicorn, and then I died about another 50 trying to get away from the minotaurs! I gotta say though, the reward was worth it.

Why is this so long

" Please don't snap animals in half, I'm never gonna be able to unsee what I have seen." The Earl looked disgusted.’
This was hilarious! Perhaps they need some ‘Do not feed break the bears’ signs.

Despite their valiant efforts, poor Ben didn’t make it.

Poor ben D:

Acadian: a 'Do Not Break The Bears sign'? ROFL Maybe the bears should be less breakable. They tried to save Ben, but he was too wounded. He bled to death, but Vokun is in an ungodly amount of danger now. Westley is real mad, and is out to get him.

Elisabeth Hollow: Ben was already dying when they found him. I'll tell you this though, Vokun killed Ben for a very specific reason. It wasn't intended to be a warning. You'll find out why later on in the story.

Hope this thread gets locked tbh

Punch Vokun in the MOUTH.

‘I was so busy watching everyone else that I didn't notice the tree in front of me. I walked straight into it and fell to the ground from the impact. I stopped and began to plot the tree's demise. I was so pre-occupied plotting my revenge on a plant that I nearly jumped out of my skin when Jakben approached me.’
RazzlefrazzleGrrrPeskyTrees!

" I hate nature" Imbel began to scowl
" At least we're away from Hastrel's complaints and nagging."
" I bet the werewolves killed him by now." Jakben sniggered before tripping over a large rock. He started a tirade.’
This was just fun to read! And threats of Kynareth’s revenge were just as entertaining!

Only one thing left to say:

LOL Acadian! That's my solution to everything. Mean boss? Punch him in the mouth. Irritating friend? Punch them in the mouth. Bad kidney? Punch it in the mouth. Don't like that hurricane? Punch it in its MOUTH XD

Yep, Vokun is due for a thorough mouth-punching.