Full Version: No Elves in Sovngarde
Why thank you! I hope I continue to do so :]
Dang, it is a regular drama here. Just when things start to look up, they plummet again. 
That said, I did like how in the end it all came down to the same issue and the same arguments again. Maybe someday, Onmund can convince Kayla he is worth taking along. But till then, he'd better take a vow of celibacy and do some serious training.
That said, I did like how in the end it all came down to the same issue and the same arguments again. Maybe someday, Onmund can convince Kayla he is worth taking along. But till then, he'd better take a vow of celibacy and do some serious training.
I've had Onmund as a follower, and he really kicks some butt. If Kayla would give him a chance, she's see how competent he is. But because of how protective she is and worried, that won't happen.
Unless something forces her hand.
-waggles eyebrows in a devilish manner-
Ehhhh? EHHHHHH? No? Oh. XD
Unless something forces her hand.
-waggles eyebrows in a devilish manner-
Ehhhh? EHHHHHH? No? Oh. XD
What, like this?... 
...
Ooooh, and then there's the mystery paralyze potion...
Sorry, forgot to mention the previous post which was also brilliant...Definately intrigued by the potion meself...
...
*Applauds further*...
...Ooooh, and then there's the mystery paralyze potion...
Sorry, forgot to mention the previous post which was also brilliant...Definately intrigued by the potion meself...
...*Applauds further*...
Well, the point isn't whether Onmund is a badass or sucks in combat. The point is indeed that he needs to convince Kayla he is badass enough to stay alive and all. The whole training thing might help a little with that. And besides, brushing up on fighting in a controlled environment and slowly ramping up to the real thing is never a bad thing. Just slinging spells at a wall in an empty room for a few days is nice, but battles are rarely so peaceful.
Knowing how to cast 'volcano on demand V2.3' doesn't do you much good if you can't focus on your fingerwiggling while someone is swinging an axe at you.
Knowing how to cast 'volcano on demand V2.3' doesn't do you much good if you can't focus on your fingerwiggling while someone is swinging an axe at you.
QUOTE(jack cloudy @ Jan 20 2013, 12:30 PM) 
Well, the point isn't whether Onmund is a badass or sucks in combat. The point is indeed that he needs to convince Kayla he is badass enough to stay alive and all. The whole training thing might help a little with that. And besides, brushing up on fighting in a controlled environment and slowly ramping up to the real thing is never a bad thing. Just slinging spells at a wall in an empty room for a few days is nice, but battles are rarely so peaceful.
Knowing how to cast 'volcano on demand V2.3' doesn't do you much good if you can't focus on your fingerwiggling while someone is swinging an axe at you.
-snort!!!!- Yeah, if she would just stop being such a control freak and let him prove himself, she'd see he's good. But on the other end, what training has he had? Instead of sitting around the house while she went off, he could have been training. But he didn't. So, I mean... she feels if he were serious about it, he would have done something more productive towards letting him go with her.
I love what you’re doing with your characters, Elisabeth. I’d like to give them both a hug and a smack, so I’d say you have me involved in their lives!! So often the story ends at the wedding, but sometimes that’s where the real trouble begins. 
QUOTE(Grits @ Jan 20 2013, 06:37 PM)
I love what you’re doing with your characters, Elisabeth. I’d like to give them both a hug and a smack, so I’d say you have me involved in their lives!! So often the story ends at the wedding, but sometimes that’s where the real trouble begins.
I'm glad you're feeling the feels, Grits! Consider it payback for your story making me bawl like a baby XD
Okiday, y'all, I PROMISE there will be some fighting soon, but Kayla is an emotional being... if you can't tell. She has to get back on her feet first before doing anything, lol.
CHAPTER 11
"Sometimes the thing you've been waiting for is snatched from you. You pretend to move on, but secretly you keep hoping, leaving doors open, loose ends untied, praying that what you want most will find its way to you. You smile, nod, and lie to peoples' faces. You accept the sword thrust into your hands, and view every obstacle as one step closer to your desire. Everyone trying to kill you is another evil being trying to stop you from getting what you want, what you need, to survive.
Then, you feel as if you've reached the end. Where is your reward? Where is what you want? Where is the money, the fame? Where is the man or woman you've fought for? Where is the family, the comfort of obscurity? You spend most of your life fighting, waiting, hoping, praying, and for what?
Some say something greater. I do not feel that way. "
I put down my quill and stare at what I wrote. When was the last time I had written? I wondered. I turned back a page and read, and when I did, a note fell out. I glanced at the page before opening the note.
"I have never felt such warmth from a man as I have from him. One glance tells me all I need to know, that he cares for me like no one else has before. He slipped me another note during practice today, and enchanted it to whisper my name. I am keeping it folded in this journal to remind me that I AM loveable, even to humans.
To think I grew up listening to the lies of my adoptive parents, that I wasn't good enough for a Nord man, that I would never find anyone like me. Onmund is more like me than anyone I've met. He too, was discouraged from magick, and though he still has his family, he knows what it's like to be alone."
I opened the note, and I heard Onmund's voice whisper gently, "Kayla..." I closed my journal before allowing the ink to dry, putting the note back between the pages. I slammed the journal so hard against the table, it skidded and hit the wall, and knocked the ink bottle over.
I swore, grabbing a cloth, wetting it in the washbasin in my room and scrubbing the ink. All I accomplished was spreading the dark ink around on the unfinished wood. With a growl of frustration I threw the cloth across the room before kicking at the table. The table shifted slightly, the heavy wood popping my toe.
I screeched in pain and fell on my bed. Lydia leapt into my room as I started sobbing. She pried my hands away from my bare foot and examined it. I continued to bawl like a child, even as she stared at me.
"Kayla, you're fine. Your foot isn't even broken."
"BUT MY HEART IS!" I wailed.
"For the love of- for a woman raised by Nords, you sure are the weakest thing I've ever seen!"
I sniffed and glared at her. "I am not weak!" I spat, sitting up on the bed and yanking my foot from her grasp. "I have all of these emotions, and don't know how to deal with them."
Lydia looked at me straight in the eyes and grabbed my shoulders. "How do you think Uthgerd deals with her emotions? How do you think Aela deals with hers? How do I deal with mine?"
She shook me gently. "This world will keep on moving whether you are in pain or not, whether your emotions are good or bad. You need to stop blubbering like an infant and woman up!"
She let me go. "It's been two weeks now. All you have done is sit around, moping, reading trashy novels and eat sweetrolls." She poked my belly. "You are getting soft. The fiercest fighting elf I've ever met besides Irileth is crying over a boy!"
Lydia faced me on my bed and took my shocked face into her hands. "Do you know what Nord women do when they are heartbroken?"
I shook my head. "I've never stayed around anyone long enough to find out."
Lydia grinned. "Put on your most comfortable set of clothing. You and I are going to have some fun."
~~~~~~~~
"No."
Lydia pulled harder at my arm. "Kayla, it will be fine. He won't be in there. Besides, there's someone I want you to meet." Lydia gave a final tug on my arm and I relented, allowing her to pull me to The Bannered Mare. Along with the usual patron, the place was filled with those who usually didn't frequent the inn. Hulda's usually stern expression was brightened with a smile.
That was odd enough, but was was even stranger was the man twirling her around in the middle of the main room. Her blonde hair looked matted with sweat, and her blue eyes were lit up with enjoyment. The man, wearing a black robe, caught my eye and winked before twirling a willing Hulda around in a circle, then leaning her back and planting a kiss on her cheek. She giggled and bowed when the patrons began to clap.
As Hulda took her normal spot behind the bar, the man walked up to us, grinning from ear to ear. He greeted Lydia with a kiss on the cheek and eyed me up and down.
"Is this the friend you told me about, Lydia?" His brown eyes glittered in the firelight. Up close, I could tell he was a Breton, something that explained his litheness on the dance floor and the mage robes. His strong cheekbones weren't hidden by a burly beard, that should have been my third clue. The air about him told me he was a strict magick user. I supposed that was what kept his dark brown hair looking smooth and strangely dry from sweat.
He took my hand in one of his and gently touched it with his lips. Warmth spread up my arm and into my gut. Was he using a charm spell on me? I quickly pulled my arm from his grasp. That didn't seem to bother him.
"My name is Sam Guevenne, Conjurer and Breton scholar." He bowed deep. "Lydia said you've been in a fog the past few months, and are in need of some fun." He leaned in close and whispered something to Lydia, who blushed and shook her head. He shot me a disappointed look but it was quickly replaced with another easy grin.
"Lydia says you're more of a one-on-one kind of girl. A shame," His eyes darted between Lydia and I appreciatively,"but I can work with that."
He motioned to a nearby table, and we sat. Mikael began playing his lute as the patron settled back down into the usual murmur of quieted voices. Sam sat across from Lydia and I, leaning back into his chair. As it dawned on me what he meant about one-on-one, I began fidgeting. My leg bounced up and down and I sorely wished I had brought a dagger. Although if he tries anything, a fireball down his pants might cure any ideas he may have.
Sam seemed to sense my uneasy nature. Either that, or he saw my eyes look longingly at the exit, my bouncing knee, and what was probably an owlish loook of anxiety on my face. He produced a conjured mug and slid it towards me.
"You look like you could use a drink. Here. My own special brew." His eyes glinted dangerously at that last statement, and my own eyes narrowed.
"No thank you, I don't drink," I lied.
Sam's eyes shot up in surprise. "You were born and raised in Skyrim, and you don't drink? Not even wine?"
Lydia elbowed me in the ribs. "Kayla, I've had a sip, and it's delicious."
I sighed and pulled the mug towards me. I sniffed it. It seemed alright. I began to put the mug towards my lips when I noticed the grin on Sam's face. It wasn't quite malevolent, but it definitely wasn't a grin that would be on the lips of someone who was safe, either. I put the mug down and slid it back.
"I'm sorry, but I don't trust magically inclined beverages."
Sam shrugged.
"Alright, more for me." He grabbed the mug and chugged it, wiped his mouth, then let out a loud belch. Lydia stifled a laugh. I looked at her in surprise. She scooted her chair closer to him and suddenly I felt like a third wheel.
"I, uhm, am going to go talk to Hulda. See what I've missed." Neither one of them looked up or acknowledged my departure. They were immersed in flirty glances and close whispers before I could even speak.
I sat down at the bar and before I could ask Hulda about any gossip, I heard my name.
"Hello, Kayla. I didn't expect you to be in here."
I turned around at the familiar voice.
"Hello, Onmund."
CHAPTER 11
"Sometimes the thing you've been waiting for is snatched from you. You pretend to move on, but secretly you keep hoping, leaving doors open, loose ends untied, praying that what you want most will find its way to you. You smile, nod, and lie to peoples' faces. You accept the sword thrust into your hands, and view every obstacle as one step closer to your desire. Everyone trying to kill you is another evil being trying to stop you from getting what you want, what you need, to survive.
Then, you feel as if you've reached the end. Where is your reward? Where is what you want? Where is the money, the fame? Where is the man or woman you've fought for? Where is the family, the comfort of obscurity? You spend most of your life fighting, waiting, hoping, praying, and for what?
Some say something greater. I do not feel that way. "
I put down my quill and stare at what I wrote. When was the last time I had written? I wondered. I turned back a page and read, and when I did, a note fell out. I glanced at the page before opening the note.
"I have never felt such warmth from a man as I have from him. One glance tells me all I need to know, that he cares for me like no one else has before. He slipped me another note during practice today, and enchanted it to whisper my name. I am keeping it folded in this journal to remind me that I AM loveable, even to humans.
To think I grew up listening to the lies of my adoptive parents, that I wasn't good enough for a Nord man, that I would never find anyone like me. Onmund is more like me than anyone I've met. He too, was discouraged from magick, and though he still has his family, he knows what it's like to be alone."
I opened the note, and I heard Onmund's voice whisper gently, "Kayla..." I closed my journal before allowing the ink to dry, putting the note back between the pages. I slammed the journal so hard against the table, it skidded and hit the wall, and knocked the ink bottle over.
I swore, grabbing a cloth, wetting it in the washbasin in my room and scrubbing the ink. All I accomplished was spreading the dark ink around on the unfinished wood. With a growl of frustration I threw the cloth across the room before kicking at the table. The table shifted slightly, the heavy wood popping my toe.
I screeched in pain and fell on my bed. Lydia leapt into my room as I started sobbing. She pried my hands away from my bare foot and examined it. I continued to bawl like a child, even as she stared at me.
"Kayla, you're fine. Your foot isn't even broken."
"BUT MY HEART IS!" I wailed.
"For the love of- for a woman raised by Nords, you sure are the weakest thing I've ever seen!"
I sniffed and glared at her. "I am not weak!" I spat, sitting up on the bed and yanking my foot from her grasp. "I have all of these emotions, and don't know how to deal with them."
Lydia looked at me straight in the eyes and grabbed my shoulders. "How do you think Uthgerd deals with her emotions? How do you think Aela deals with hers? How do I deal with mine?"
She shook me gently. "This world will keep on moving whether you are in pain or not, whether your emotions are good or bad. You need to stop blubbering like an infant and woman up!"
She let me go. "It's been two weeks now. All you have done is sit around, moping, reading trashy novels and eat sweetrolls." She poked my belly. "You are getting soft. The fiercest fighting elf I've ever met besides Irileth is crying over a boy!"
Lydia faced me on my bed and took my shocked face into her hands. "Do you know what Nord women do when they are heartbroken?"
I shook my head. "I've never stayed around anyone long enough to find out."
Lydia grinned. "Put on your most comfortable set of clothing. You and I are going to have some fun."
~~~~~~~~
"No."
Lydia pulled harder at my arm. "Kayla, it will be fine. He won't be in there. Besides, there's someone I want you to meet." Lydia gave a final tug on my arm and I relented, allowing her to pull me to The Bannered Mare. Along with the usual patron, the place was filled with those who usually didn't frequent the inn. Hulda's usually stern expression was brightened with a smile.
That was odd enough, but was was even stranger was the man twirling her around in the middle of the main room. Her blonde hair looked matted with sweat, and her blue eyes were lit up with enjoyment. The man, wearing a black robe, caught my eye and winked before twirling a willing Hulda around in a circle, then leaning her back and planting a kiss on her cheek. She giggled and bowed when the patrons began to clap.
As Hulda took her normal spot behind the bar, the man walked up to us, grinning from ear to ear. He greeted Lydia with a kiss on the cheek and eyed me up and down.
"Is this the friend you told me about, Lydia?" His brown eyes glittered in the firelight. Up close, I could tell he was a Breton, something that explained his litheness on the dance floor and the mage robes. His strong cheekbones weren't hidden by a burly beard, that should have been my third clue. The air about him told me he was a strict magick user. I supposed that was what kept his dark brown hair looking smooth and strangely dry from sweat.
He took my hand in one of his and gently touched it with his lips. Warmth spread up my arm and into my gut. Was he using a charm spell on me? I quickly pulled my arm from his grasp. That didn't seem to bother him.
"My name is Sam Guevenne, Conjurer and Breton scholar." He bowed deep. "Lydia said you've been in a fog the past few months, and are in need of some fun." He leaned in close and whispered something to Lydia, who blushed and shook her head. He shot me a disappointed look but it was quickly replaced with another easy grin.
"Lydia says you're more of a one-on-one kind of girl. A shame," His eyes darted between Lydia and I appreciatively,"but I can work with that."
He motioned to a nearby table, and we sat. Mikael began playing his lute as the patron settled back down into the usual murmur of quieted voices. Sam sat across from Lydia and I, leaning back into his chair. As it dawned on me what he meant about one-on-one, I began fidgeting. My leg bounced up and down and I sorely wished I had brought a dagger. Although if he tries anything, a fireball down his pants might cure any ideas he may have.
Sam seemed to sense my uneasy nature. Either that, or he saw my eyes look longingly at the exit, my bouncing knee, and what was probably an owlish loook of anxiety on my face. He produced a conjured mug and slid it towards me.
"You look like you could use a drink. Here. My own special brew." His eyes glinted dangerously at that last statement, and my own eyes narrowed.
"No thank you, I don't drink," I lied.
Sam's eyes shot up in surprise. "You were born and raised in Skyrim, and you don't drink? Not even wine?"
Lydia elbowed me in the ribs. "Kayla, I've had a sip, and it's delicious."
I sighed and pulled the mug towards me. I sniffed it. It seemed alright. I began to put the mug towards my lips when I noticed the grin on Sam's face. It wasn't quite malevolent, but it definitely wasn't a grin that would be on the lips of someone who was safe, either. I put the mug down and slid it back.
"I'm sorry, but I don't trust magically inclined beverages."
Sam shrugged.
"Alright, more for me." He grabbed the mug and chugged it, wiped his mouth, then let out a loud belch. Lydia stifled a laugh. I looked at her in surprise. She scooted her chair closer to him and suddenly I felt like a third wheel.
"I, uhm, am going to go talk to Hulda. See what I've missed." Neither one of them looked up or acknowledged my departure. They were immersed in flirty glances and close whispers before I could even speak.
I sat down at the bar and before I could ask Hulda about any gossip, I heard my name.
"Hello, Kayla. I didn't expect you to be in here."
I turned around at the familiar voice.
"Hello, Onmund."
This is the most powerful chapter to date, immensely immersive into Kayla's mind. The whole chapter could be quoted, but this in particular is so stunning I couldn't leave without quoting it:
"Sometimes the thing you've been waiting for is snatched from you. You pretend to move on, but secretly you keep hoping, leaving doors open, loose ends untied, praying that what you want most will find its way to you. You smile, nod, and lie to peoples' faces. You accept the sword thrust into your hands, and view every obstacle as one step closer to your desire. Everyone trying to kill you is another evil being trying to stop you from getting what you want, what you need, to survive.
Then, you feel as if you've reached the end. Where is your reward? Where is what you want? Where is the money, the fame? Where is the man or woman you've fought for? Where is the family, the comfort of obscurity? You spend most of your life fighting, waiting, hoping, praying, and for what?
This was your most tremendous write to date, I absolutely loved this chapter!
QUOTE
"Sometimes the thing you've been waiting for is snatched from you. You pretend to move on, but secretly you keep hoping, leaving doors open, loose ends untied, praying that what you want most will find its way to you. You smile, nod, and lie to peoples' faces. You accept the sword thrust into your hands, and view every obstacle as one step closer to your desire. Everyone trying to kill you is another evil being trying to stop you from getting what you want, what you need, to survive.
Then, you feel as if you've reached the end. Where is your reward? Where is what you want? Where is the money, the fame? Where is the man or woman you've fought for? Where is the family, the comfort of obscurity? You spend most of your life fighting, waiting, hoping, praying, and for what?
This was your most tremendous write to date, I absolutely loved this chapter!
QUOTE
"My name is Sam Guevenne, Conjurer and Breton scholar."
More like Sanguine, daedric prince of debauchery
I sense trouble....I don't think the encounter with Onmund will go well either, but I'll find out next chapter, eh?
I absolutely loved that section in the house...Such wonderful writing...So sad, and heartbreaking...Loved it!!... ...
And then she went to the pub and got hit on by a Daedric Lord...Pfft...Yeah, we've all been there...*Does the snail fingers salute*... ...
Loved the way Kayla managed to sidestep Sammie-boy's advances...That was cool...
Also made me laugh that while Kayla is a "One on one kinda girl." The suggestion is, of course, that Lydia isn't necessarily so... ...
It'll be interesting to see how she deals with Onmund...
I'm loving this story so much...
Excellent stuff...
Nice one!!...
*Applauds heartily*...
...And then she went to the pub and got hit on by a Daedric Lord...Pfft...Yeah, we've all been there...*Does the snail fingers salute*...
...Loved the way Kayla managed to sidestep Sammie-boy's advances...That was cool...
Also made me laugh that while Kayla is a "One on one kinda girl." The suggestion is, of course, that Lydia isn't necessarily so...
...It'll be interesting to see how she deals with Onmund...
I'm loving this story so much...
Excellent stuff...
Nice one!!...
*Applauds heartily*...
QUOTE(McBadgere @ Jan 22 2013, 09:54 PM)
Also made me laugh that while Kayla is a "One on one kinda girl." The suggestion is, of course, that Lydia isn't necessarily so...
...
Some wonderful time spent with Kayla’s thoughts, doubts and insecurities. A note enchanted to whisper Kayla’s name! Wow, how romantic is that? I simply loved the ink mishap that you used to transition from her rumination. And the temper toe tantrum that followed.
Lydia’s stern counsel was so spot on and insightful, but I had to laugh at her unwise prescription of a threesome with Smooth Sam. Even if he can conjure his own drinks.
And another encounter with Onmund along the rocky road of a relationship she has with him.
Couple small nits -
’ I put down my quill and stare at what I wrote.’
You want stared vs stare of course.
‘That was odd enough, but was was even stranger...’
I’m sure you wanted ‘what’ instead of the first ‘was’ here.
Lydia’s stern counsel was so spot on and insightful, but I had to laugh at her unwise prescription of a threesome with Smooth Sam. Even if he can conjure his own drinks.
And another encounter with Onmund along the rocky road of a relationship she has with him.
Couple small nits -
’ I put down my quill and stare at what I wrote.’
You want stared vs stare of course.
‘That was odd enough, but was was even stranger...’
I’m sure you wanted ‘what’ instead of the first ‘was’ here.
I finished the first chapter. You certainly start your tale out well. One of the things I learned from my creative writing classes (and from reading books on writing) is to always start your story with something that will grab the reader. Your first page is like a hook, you need to set it firmly in the fish (reader's) mouth and reel them in. Otherwise they might become bored and put your book down. Well, you got my attention, and in a good way, I am not putting this down now!
Kayla is certainly an interesting character, she is fun, has an obvious sense of duty, and seems to be pretty good at what she does.
Since you asked for feedback, my first thought after finishing the first chapter is that I have no idea what she is (as in, is she an elf, or old, or young, a red-head, a mohawk punk grrl, etc... That makes it a little hard to picture her in my head, since I do not know what to picture! Maybe you will be filling us in with those things in the following chapters I have not gotten to yet. If so, then no worries, I will get there. If not, you might consider working in some of those things about K.
Now on to some steam of consciousness style things I noticed when I was reading (I always comment while I read, otherwise I forget what I was going to say).
You're dead. Stop acting like you're alive!
This was very cute!
Potema has called me to her side. When she spoke, my vision grew fuzzy. I wasn't expecting her to use her magicka to contact me. I'll have to steel myself for any future contact.
I liked how you made the implication here that Potema's speech was telepathic, rather than physical. It is a nice piece of world-building.
I will never understand why Skyrim has so many caves. How has it not collapsed from under them?
Again, very tongue in cheek. I love Kayla's ironic sense of humor.
Kayla is certainly an interesting character, she is fun, has an obvious sense of duty, and seems to be pretty good at what she does.
Since you asked for feedback, my first thought after finishing the first chapter is that I have no idea what she is (as in, is she an elf, or old, or young, a red-head, a mohawk punk grrl, etc... That makes it a little hard to picture her in my head, since I do not know what to picture!
Maybe you will be filling us in with those things in the following chapters I have not gotten to yet. If so, then no worries, I will get there. If not, you might consider working in some of those things about K.Now on to some steam of consciousness style things I noticed when I was reading (I always comment while I read, otherwise I forget what I was going to say).
You're dead. Stop acting like you're alive!
This was very cute!
Potema has called me to her side. When she spoke, my vision grew fuzzy. I wasn't expecting her to use her magicka to contact me. I'll have to steel myself for any future contact.
I liked how you made the implication here that Potema's speech was telepathic, rather than physical. It is a nice piece of world-building.
I will never understand why Skyrim has so many caves. How has it not collapsed from under them?
Again, very tongue in cheek. I love Kayla's ironic sense of humor.
Why thank you! At some point I'll be going back and revamping the chapters, since I've seen my writing weaknesses and plan on strengthening them. At first, I was working with the assumption that everyone knew where I was and what I was doing because they had done that quest, but felt that was a bit lazy and needed to put more detail in there.
I really really appreciate you stopping by and reviewing! :]
I really really appreciate you stopping by and reviewing! :]
I caught up! I caught up on the parts I missed!
They were pretty good, all in all. I'll admit that Kayla was kind of pushing against my Maximum Tolerable Broodosity Threshold in these last few chapters but I'm pleased to see Lydia knocked some sense into her. I'll admit that I was a tad disappointed that Kayle decided to turn down Sam's offers of a good night, though I admit that while I would find a hungover Kayla blearily stumbling across Skyrim trying to work out what the hell happened last night absolutely hilarious, it would be a pretty major shift in the story's tone.
And oh look, Onmund's here. This is going to be interesting...
They were pretty good, all in all. I'll admit that Kayla was kind of pushing against my Maximum Tolerable Broodosity Threshold in these last few chapters but I'm pleased to see Lydia knocked some sense into her. I'll admit that I was a tad disappointed that Kayle decided to turn down Sam's offers of a good night, though I admit that while I would find a hungover Kayla blearily stumbling across Skyrim trying to work out what the hell happened last night absolutely hilarious, it would be a pretty major shift in the story's tone.
And oh look, Onmund's here. This is going to be interesting...
Oh, I love the whispering note!
Yay for Lydia calling it like she sees it. She is a friend who would tell you when there’s lipstick on your teeth (maybe even while you’re hitting on the same guy).
Whoa, or maybe she’s the friend who accidentally gets you in a threesome with a daedric prince.
Either way, she sounds like a keeper!
Kayla’s thoughts in the beginning provided so much insight into her. What a great chapter!
QUOTE
"Kayla, you're fine. Your foot isn't even broken."
"BUT MY HEART IS!" I wailed.
"For the love of- for a woman raised by Nords, you sure are the weakest thing I've ever seen!"
"BUT MY HEART IS!" I wailed.
"For the love of- for a woman raised by Nords, you sure are the weakest thing I've ever seen!"
Yay for Lydia calling it like she sees it. She is a friend who would tell you when there’s lipstick on your teeth (maybe even while you’re hitting on the same guy).
QUOTE
"Is this the friend you told me about, Lydia?"
Whoa, or maybe she’s the friend who accidentally gets you in a threesome with a daedric prince.
Either way, she sounds like a keeper! Kayla’s thoughts in the beginning provided so much insight into her. What a great chapter!
Wow, I must not have been paying attention. I didn't see these reviews!
Yeah, Kayla was getting on my nerves too. But she's out and about! Although threesomes aren't her style. She doesn't know he's Sanguine, but she could definitely tell there was something up in that "special brew" Sam tried to give her.
Yeah, Kayla was getting on my nerves too. But she's out and about! Although threesomes aren't her style. She doesn't know he's Sanguine, but she could definitely tell there was something up in that "special brew" Sam tried to give her.
I haven't been working on this too much... real life being a real drag sometimes... work, children...animals. I haven't decided which one of those my husband is yet.
Anways...
Where we are: Lydia convinced Kayla to visit the local inn, The Bannered Mare, after getting tired of her moping. She met Sanguine, disguised as a Breton mage named Sam Guevenne. After turning down an evening with him Onmund finds her.
I shifted uncomfortably in the bar stool. Hulda raised her eyebrows and pretended to search the bar.
"I think there's a clean mug around here somewhere... Ah, nope. Guess I'll look in the cellar." She disappeared quickly before I could beg her to stay.
I couldn't look at Onmund. He sat next to me, his shoulders tense. He's wearing the robes I got him, I thought. The corner of my mouth twitched, a small smile threatening to spread. I then remembered the circumstances we faced and the chasm threatened to swallow me whole. I remembered Lydia's words and found a foothold.
"So, how are you doing?" I inquired. I kept my face as neutral as possible, hands in my lap, sitting as straight as I could. I wished I had a drink to sip nonchalantly. Onmund's head bobbed, his face neutral as well.
"Good, good." He said. "I'm doing well. I've been-" He was cut off by a sudden roar of the crowd. We turned to see what the commotion was, and see Lydia dancing with Sam, her brown hair already gistening with sweat while Sam's was completely in place. Sam had her twirling like a child's top toy, her face alight with glee and excitement. Onmind continued over the laughter and clapping.
"I've been speaking with Farengar Secret-Fire," he shouted. The next thing he said was drowned out by more laughter and clapping, and I waved him closer. He leaned in, practically shouting in my ear.
"He's been helping me with my enchanting skill, and I've learned a few things from him. I'm still not that good, but I'm a bit better than I was before." I remembered the enchanted note and felt the chasm open wider.
"That's great!" I shouted. Lydia was now dancing with Farkas, a hulking man from the Companions, his twin brother Vilkas laughing at his clumsy footing. I heard him shout an insult about how his footing while dancing was almost as bad as his footwork while fighting, but I couldn't laugh. Onmund's eyes caught mine, and I felt the chasm open wider with the yearning I felt.
My hand twitched to touch his, but I reeled in the impulse and looked away from Onmund. I began to fidget with the stitching on the hem of my shirt. Onmund sighed.
"Kayla-"
Another roar from the crowd interrupted Onmund, and he leaned in and shouted, "Can we go somewhere quiet? I have something to say to you."
I grinned half-heartedly."What, you don't like it in here?" Onmund handsome face cracked a smile.
"Come on. Come to my room."
It wasn't too much quieter in his room, but we didn't have to shout. It was too cold for me to stand outside anyways, I reasoned. I knew it wasn't the smartest idea to be alone with Onmund, especially with how fresh the heartbreak was in my heart.
Onmund's room looked like it was well lived-in. Dirty clothes occupied a corner by the large wooden door, books and notes were scattered on the table against the wall on the farthest side of the room, and the bed was unmade. Sketches of soul gems adorned the wall above the table with notes scribbled on them, some with ink splatters, some with smudges and smears.
A small glint caught my eye. A silver dagger sat on the bedside table, along with a clay cup of water. I picked up the dagger, twirling it in my fingers. I looked closely at the blade.
"This is enchanted," I remarked. I pressed the tip of the blade against the area above my knuckle and made a small cut, barely enough to draw blood. Onmund's eyes nearly bugged out of his head.
"WHAT are you doing?!" He made a grab for the blade, and I ducked under his arm.
"I'm seeing what the enchantment is! Calm down!"
"You could have asked!"
I felt a bit tired, and slightly weaker, then rejuvinated again. "You made a vampire blade?" I asked. I set the bade back on the nightstand, a little less than gently.
"I don't call it a vampire blade," Onmund sniffed. "I just call it 'The First Weapon I Have Ever Enchanted Alone.' Or Fwihea for short." He pronounced it "fweh."
I stared at him. "That's the dumbest-" A loud clamour in the hallway interrupted me, and shortly died down.
"This place is insane!"
"It usually isn't like this," Onmund agreed. He sat on the bed, the neatest place in the room. I sat on the chair next to the larger table and glanced at his notes. Onmund stood up and quickly neatened the clutter. I held my breath to avoid smelling the musk he used, and sat stiffly in my chair as he leaned over me.
Once Onmund sat back down I folded my hands in my lap.
"You wanted to discus something?" My voice sounded a little bit too bright. Onmund cleared his throat.
"Yes, uhm," He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. When he opened them back up, his green eyes looked me in the eye... no, more like my cheek. He looked a bit nervous. He swallowed.
"I've been thinking," What seemed like a rehearsed speech became a rant with the words run together. He stood back up and began pacing in front of me, gesturing emphatically as he talked.
"I've thought hard about it, and think you're right, I don't need to be adventuring with you, maybe I should be focusing on the skills I need to enhance instead of thinking the ones I have are enough, like my enchanting skill, because that could bring in a lot of money and maybe I wouldn't be so bored at the house, and besides I miss you and maybe if I acted a little more serous about being useful out there, you'd think I was good enough."
He took a deep breath, panting. He waited for me to answer, staring nervously at me. I could only blink in surprise. I realized my eyebrows were almost to my hairline and lowered them, clearing my throat.
"So... uhm..."
Onmund sat down on his bed. "I know how it sounds, but just listen. Once I get back from the College-"
"Oh, whoa, wait, what?" I jumped up from my chair. "You're going back to the College to do this?"
Onmund sighed, and stood up. In two strides he reached me and took my trembling fists in his hands. He looked up at me, his mossy green eyes full of...
"Kayla, I love you. That has not changed. And because I love you, I want to be with you and protect you. The only way to do that is become better than what I am."
"But you-"
At that, I was cut off by a banging on the door. A gravelly male voice shouted, "Hey you two!" He slurred his words terribly. "I jess wan' -hic- see if-" The rest was inaudible, and there was such a ruckus I suspected he had fallen asleep against the door. I turned towards Onmund.
"We will continue this discussion tomorrow."
"There is no discussion, Kayla. I'm going. I don't understand why you won't let-"
Another crash interrupted. Already furious, I flung the door open and roared.
"WHAT IS GOING ON OUT HERE?"
Drunken bodies lay on the wooden floor of the inn, most of them half clothed, and the rest were fully nude. I saw parts of people I had known for years that I had never thought of, and never wanted to think of again. I saw Lydia propped in a corner, half-clothed with a vacant glazed look on her face. She had a man and a woman on either side of her, both of them in different states of undress.
I could feel the revulsion travel up my throat at the site of the townsfolk. Onmund came out behind me. Most of the revelry had died down, but a few stragglers kept up the festivities, drinking, belching, and romancing. Sam included. The first thing I noticed was that he was fully nude. The second...
"Dear gods, how do you walk with that?!"
I clamped my hand over my mouth and turned bright red, embarrassed at my outburst. I heard Onmund choke behind me, and turned around to face him. I felt hot embarrassment rush into my face as Onmund's face turned green. The image of Sam's not-so-little "Sam" looking freely about would haunt me for the rest of my natural life.
"Please put that away. I can't... how am I supposed to yell at you with that looking at me?"
Sam laughed behind me, and Onmund huffed.
"What do you feed that thing, anyways?" Onmund shot.
"Kayla!" Sam called. "Look! It's as flexible as a Khajiit's tale!"
I buried my head in Onmund's robe, fighting the urge to look and to laugh from embarrassment. I never thought of myself as a prude, but I'm no voyeur. The sight of others naked usually didn't bother me, unless they were... well...
Onmund got angry. He planted his hands on my shoulders. "Stop taunting my WIFE, Sam!"
I heard Sam laugh behind me. "Oh, you can indulge in adultery, but your wife can't appreciate another man?"
Onmund growled.
"Just conjure yourself a loincloth... if you can find one with enough cloth!" I shouted into Onmund's robe. I felt a shudder of magick, and cautiously turned around. Sam was fully clothed in the unassuming black mage robes he had on when we met earlier that evening. He had the same easy grin on his face, and his eyes sparkled with amusement.
"Aw, what's the matter, elf? A little prudish, are we? Lydia was right, you do need some more fun."
"Come on, Onmund, we're leaving." I grabbed Onmund's arm and started to pull him along. Sam chuckled as we passed him.
"You don't have to leave. I can loosen you up really well." He put an arm on my shoulder. I let go of Onmund and aimed a punch straight at Sam's mouth. I struck air. I stumbled forward and noticed my complete lack of clothing.
"Nice tattoo." Sam quipped from behind me. I covered myself frantically with my hands and looked incredulously at him.
"Give me back my clothing! You sore-sucking festering piece of-"
Sam chuckled. "Been too busy to groom?"
"Shut-"
"I see you're getting a bit soft in the midsection."
"Vile scamp fu-"
"Calm down, those things could cut glass!"
Onmund stared at me.
"ONMUND! Cover me up!"
Onmund snapped back into reality. He quickly rushed over and wrapped his arms around me. Sam was bent over, howling with laughter. I shot him the most venomous look I could while clinging to Onmund.
"I'm going to kill you!"
"Unlikely." Sam straightened up and wiped tears from his eyes. I began to pull Onmund along, inching towards the door. Sam shrugged.
"I think I've had enough fun for tonight." He waggled his eyebrows devilishly.
And with that, Sam vanished in a shimmer of magick.
Anways...
Where we are: Lydia convinced Kayla to visit the local inn, The Bannered Mare, after getting tired of her moping. She met Sanguine, disguised as a Breton mage named Sam Guevenne. After turning down an evening with him Onmund finds her.
I shifted uncomfortably in the bar stool. Hulda raised her eyebrows and pretended to search the bar.
"I think there's a clean mug around here somewhere... Ah, nope. Guess I'll look in the cellar." She disappeared quickly before I could beg her to stay.
I couldn't look at Onmund. He sat next to me, his shoulders tense. He's wearing the robes I got him, I thought. The corner of my mouth twitched, a small smile threatening to spread. I then remembered the circumstances we faced and the chasm threatened to swallow me whole. I remembered Lydia's words and found a foothold.
"So, how are you doing?" I inquired. I kept my face as neutral as possible, hands in my lap, sitting as straight as I could. I wished I had a drink to sip nonchalantly. Onmund's head bobbed, his face neutral as well.
"Good, good." He said. "I'm doing well. I've been-" He was cut off by a sudden roar of the crowd. We turned to see what the commotion was, and see Lydia dancing with Sam, her brown hair already gistening with sweat while Sam's was completely in place. Sam had her twirling like a child's top toy, her face alight with glee and excitement. Onmind continued over the laughter and clapping.
"I've been speaking with Farengar Secret-Fire," he shouted. The next thing he said was drowned out by more laughter and clapping, and I waved him closer. He leaned in, practically shouting in my ear.
"He's been helping me with my enchanting skill, and I've learned a few things from him. I'm still not that good, but I'm a bit better than I was before." I remembered the enchanted note and felt the chasm open wider.
"That's great!" I shouted. Lydia was now dancing with Farkas, a hulking man from the Companions, his twin brother Vilkas laughing at his clumsy footing. I heard him shout an insult about how his footing while dancing was almost as bad as his footwork while fighting, but I couldn't laugh. Onmund's eyes caught mine, and I felt the chasm open wider with the yearning I felt.
My hand twitched to touch his, but I reeled in the impulse and looked away from Onmund. I began to fidget with the stitching on the hem of my shirt. Onmund sighed.
"Kayla-"
Another roar from the crowd interrupted Onmund, and he leaned in and shouted, "Can we go somewhere quiet? I have something to say to you."
I grinned half-heartedly."What, you don't like it in here?" Onmund handsome face cracked a smile.
"Come on. Come to my room."
It wasn't too much quieter in his room, but we didn't have to shout. It was too cold for me to stand outside anyways, I reasoned. I knew it wasn't the smartest idea to be alone with Onmund, especially with how fresh the heartbreak was in my heart.
Onmund's room looked like it was well lived-in. Dirty clothes occupied a corner by the large wooden door, books and notes were scattered on the table against the wall on the farthest side of the room, and the bed was unmade. Sketches of soul gems adorned the wall above the table with notes scribbled on them, some with ink splatters, some with smudges and smears.
A small glint caught my eye. A silver dagger sat on the bedside table, along with a clay cup of water. I picked up the dagger, twirling it in my fingers. I looked closely at the blade.
"This is enchanted," I remarked. I pressed the tip of the blade against the area above my knuckle and made a small cut, barely enough to draw blood. Onmund's eyes nearly bugged out of his head.
"WHAT are you doing?!" He made a grab for the blade, and I ducked under his arm.
"I'm seeing what the enchantment is! Calm down!"
"You could have asked!"
I felt a bit tired, and slightly weaker, then rejuvinated again. "You made a vampire blade?" I asked. I set the bade back on the nightstand, a little less than gently.
"I don't call it a vampire blade," Onmund sniffed. "I just call it 'The First Weapon I Have Ever Enchanted Alone.' Or Fwihea for short." He pronounced it "fweh."
I stared at him. "That's the dumbest-" A loud clamour in the hallway interrupted me, and shortly died down.
"This place is insane!"
"It usually isn't like this," Onmund agreed. He sat on the bed, the neatest place in the room. I sat on the chair next to the larger table and glanced at his notes. Onmund stood up and quickly neatened the clutter. I held my breath to avoid smelling the musk he used, and sat stiffly in my chair as he leaned over me.
Once Onmund sat back down I folded my hands in my lap.
"You wanted to discus something?" My voice sounded a little bit too bright. Onmund cleared his throat.
"Yes, uhm," He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. When he opened them back up, his green eyes looked me in the eye... no, more like my cheek. He looked a bit nervous. He swallowed.
"I've been thinking," What seemed like a rehearsed speech became a rant with the words run together. He stood back up and began pacing in front of me, gesturing emphatically as he talked.
"I've thought hard about it, and think you're right, I don't need to be adventuring with you, maybe I should be focusing on the skills I need to enhance instead of thinking the ones I have are enough, like my enchanting skill, because that could bring in a lot of money and maybe I wouldn't be so bored at the house, and besides I miss you and maybe if I acted a little more serous about being useful out there, you'd think I was good enough."
He took a deep breath, panting. He waited for me to answer, staring nervously at me. I could only blink in surprise. I realized my eyebrows were almost to my hairline and lowered them, clearing my throat.
"So... uhm..."
Onmund sat down on his bed. "I know how it sounds, but just listen. Once I get back from the College-"
"Oh, whoa, wait, what?" I jumped up from my chair. "You're going back to the College to do this?"
Onmund sighed, and stood up. In two strides he reached me and took my trembling fists in his hands. He looked up at me, his mossy green eyes full of...
"Kayla, I love you. That has not changed. And because I love you, I want to be with you and protect you. The only way to do that is become better than what I am."
"But you-"
At that, I was cut off by a banging on the door. A gravelly male voice shouted, "Hey you two!" He slurred his words terribly. "I jess wan' -hic- see if-" The rest was inaudible, and there was such a ruckus I suspected he had fallen asleep against the door. I turned towards Onmund.
"We will continue this discussion tomorrow."
"There is no discussion, Kayla. I'm going. I don't understand why you won't let-"
Another crash interrupted. Already furious, I flung the door open and roared.
"WHAT IS GOING ON OUT HERE?"
Drunken bodies lay on the wooden floor of the inn, most of them half clothed, and the rest were fully nude. I saw parts of people I had known for years that I had never thought of, and never wanted to think of again. I saw Lydia propped in a corner, half-clothed with a vacant glazed look on her face. She had a man and a woman on either side of her, both of them in different states of undress.
I could feel the revulsion travel up my throat at the site of the townsfolk. Onmund came out behind me. Most of the revelry had died down, but a few stragglers kept up the festivities, drinking, belching, and romancing. Sam included. The first thing I noticed was that he was fully nude. The second...
"Dear gods, how do you walk with that?!"
I clamped my hand over my mouth and turned bright red, embarrassed at my outburst. I heard Onmund choke behind me, and turned around to face him. I felt hot embarrassment rush into my face as Onmund's face turned green. The image of Sam's not-so-little "Sam" looking freely about would haunt me for the rest of my natural life.
"Please put that away. I can't... how am I supposed to yell at you with that looking at me?"
Sam laughed behind me, and Onmund huffed.
"What do you feed that thing, anyways?" Onmund shot.
"Kayla!" Sam called. "Look! It's as flexible as a Khajiit's tale!"
I buried my head in Onmund's robe, fighting the urge to look and to laugh from embarrassment. I never thought of myself as a prude, but I'm no voyeur. The sight of others naked usually didn't bother me, unless they were... well...
Onmund got angry. He planted his hands on my shoulders. "Stop taunting my WIFE, Sam!"
I heard Sam laugh behind me. "Oh, you can indulge in adultery, but your wife can't appreciate another man?"
Onmund growled.
"Just conjure yourself a loincloth... if you can find one with enough cloth!" I shouted into Onmund's robe. I felt a shudder of magick, and cautiously turned around. Sam was fully clothed in the unassuming black mage robes he had on when we met earlier that evening. He had the same easy grin on his face, and his eyes sparkled with amusement.
"Aw, what's the matter, elf? A little prudish, are we? Lydia was right, you do need some more fun."
"Come on, Onmund, we're leaving." I grabbed Onmund's arm and started to pull him along. Sam chuckled as we passed him.
"You don't have to leave. I can loosen you up really well." He put an arm on my shoulder. I let go of Onmund and aimed a punch straight at Sam's mouth. I struck air. I stumbled forward and noticed my complete lack of clothing.
"Nice tattoo." Sam quipped from behind me. I covered myself frantically with my hands and looked incredulously at him.
"Give me back my clothing! You sore-sucking festering piece of-"
Sam chuckled. "Been too busy to groom?"
"Shut-"
"I see you're getting a bit soft in the midsection."
"Vile scamp fu-"
"Calm down, those things could cut glass!"
Onmund stared at me.
"ONMUND! Cover me up!"
Onmund snapped back into reality. He quickly rushed over and wrapped his arms around me. Sam was bent over, howling with laughter. I shot him the most venomous look I could while clinging to Onmund.
"I'm going to kill you!"
"Unlikely." Sam straightened up and wiped tears from his eyes. I began to pull Onmund along, inching towards the door. Sam shrugged.
"I think I've had enough fun for tonight." He waggled his eyebrows devilishly.
And with that, Sam vanished in a shimmer of magick.
Onmund is still on my 'I'm going to feed you to the bears' radar, but he's sort of.....redeemed himself in this chapter.
Sanguine was hilarious
He's my second favorite daedric prince, and you've really showed his mischievous personality. Well done -claps-
My comment shouldn't be complete without a:
Good Job
Sanguine was hilarious
He's my second favorite daedric prince, and you've really showed his mischievous personality. Well done -claps-My comment shouldn't be complete without a:
Good Job
Call me a party-pooper, but Sanguine really irritates me, He's all "PARTAAAAAY! WHOOOOOOO!" and I'm like "I have work in the morning, go to bed!"
And he's all "NO! You need to get drunk!"
And I'm all
"Shaddup, I have to sleep! Now I'm wide awake! Jerk!"
Then he drags me out of bed and tosses me in the middle of a 9 person orgy, hands me a bottle of vodka and tells me good luck.
He KNOWS I'm allergic to vodka!!!
And he's all "NO! You need to get drunk!"
And I'm all
"Shaddup, I have to sleep! Now I'm wide awake! Jerk!"
Then he drags me out of bed and tosses me in the middle of a 9 person orgy, hands me a bottle of vodka and tells me good luck.
He KNOWS I'm allergic to vodka!!!
You brought Sam "Sanguine" to life in this - really showed his personality tremendously! Awesome write!
QUOTE(Elisabeth Hollow @ Jan 26 2013, 05:11 PM)
Call me a party-pooper, but Sanguine really irritates me, He's all "PARTAAAAAY! WHOOOOOOO!" and I'm like "I have work in the morning, go to bed!"
And he's all "NO! You need to get drunk!"
And I'm all
"Shaddup, I have to sleep! Now I'm wide awake! Jerk!"
Then he drags me out of bed and tosses me in the middle of a 9 person orgy, hands me a bottle of vodka and tells me good luck.
He KNOWS I'm allergic to vodka!!!
And he's all "NO! You need to get drunk!"
And I'm all
"Shaddup, I have to sleep! Now I'm wide awake! Jerk!"
Then he drags me out of bed and tosses me in the middle of a 9 person orgy, hands me a bottle of vodka and tells me good luck.
He KNOWS I'm allergic to vodka!!!
Well the other nine of us are trying to enjoy the orgy, you know.
It's good to see Onmund and Kayla are willing to talk about things like adults, but I'll admit that the real star of the chapter was Sanguine; he just kept making me laugh throughout that chapter ("Look! It's as flexible as a Khajiit's tail!") but at the same time he still managed to be faintly sinister. Very nicely done.
"I just call it 'The First Weapon I Have Ever Enchanted Alone.' Or Fwihea for short."
Creative! I do think it’s kind of strange that she’s willing to find out what the enchantment is by using it on herself! Good thing it wasn’t a blade with properties like Mehrunes’ Razor!
Lydia’s certainly in a better mood than she normally is.
"Kayla!" Sam called. "Look! It's as flexible as a Khajiit's tale!"
This just gets worse and worse!
Creative! I do think it’s kind of strange that she’s willing to find out what the enchantment is by using it on herself! Good thing it wasn’t a blade with properties like Mehrunes’ Razor!
Lydia’s certainly in a better mood than she normally is.
"Kayla!" Sam called. "Look! It's as flexible as a Khajiit's tale!"
This just gets worse and worse!
What I thought was most interesting about it was Kayla's hypocrisy in it all...She wants to go get back out there, which caused the row which led to her letting Onmund go, yet now she's going to complain and stamp her feet if he wants to go back to the College to improve his abilities?... 
...Blimey...*Tuts*...Women!!... 
...
An excellent chapter with many a raised one proudly on display...Eyebrows!!!...Raised eyebrows!!...Blimey... ...
Fantastic write...Brilliant stuff...
Nice one!!...
*Applauds heartily*...
...Blimey...*Tuts*...Women!!... ...An excellent chapter with many a raised one proudly on display...Eyebrows!!!...Raised eyebrows!!...Blimey...
...Fantastic write...Brilliant stuff...
Nice one!!...
*Applauds heartily*...
QUOTE(McBadgere @ Jan 26 2013, 09:36 PM)
What I thought was most interesting about it was Kayla's hypocrisy in it all...She wants to go get back out there, which caused the row which led to her letting Onmund go, yet now she's going to complain and stamp her feet if he wants to go back to the College to improve his abilities?...
...Blimey...*Tuts*...Women!!... ...Welcome to the mind of a woman. We want you to be a man, but you should just do it magically! XD
What, like us magically knowing what to buy you for Valentine's or somehow magically remembering when our anniversary is?... ...
...
You captured the busy bar very effectively, right down to having to lean closer to hear a conversation. I’m glad you lingered a moment to describe Onmund’s room – it helped show a bit about him and reinforced the distance between them. And another conversation that makes some progress. . . or not, because it was cut off by the remnants of Sam’s orgy. I see Sanguine is having plenty of fun with the same ‘clothes-be-gone’ spell he issued out to intrepid adventurers in Oblivion.
QUOTE(McBadgere @ Jan 27 2013, 03:14 AM)
What, like us magically knowing what to buy you for Valentine's or somehow magically remembering when our anniversary is?...
...Hey, if you LISTENED to us... XD
I've got the next chapter written up.
Good news. ^
Bad news is it's almost 3,000 words, and I've trimmed all of the fat not important to the story or scenery.
I can Post all of it at once, or split it in half and post about 1500 in one post, then post the next part a few hours later.
Or, The first post would be about 546 words, which is where the first break in the story is, then the rest in the second post.
The choice is up to y'all. I know a few of y'all like wordy postings, but a lot of y'all don't. I knew some readers get bored with a giant wall of text. Hence why I'm leaving it up to y'all.
Good news. ^
Bad news is it's almost 3,000 words, and I've trimmed all of the fat not important to the story or scenery.
I can Post all of it at once, or split it in half and post about 1500 in one post, then post the next part a few hours later.
Or, The first post would be about 546 words, which is where the first break in the story is, then the rest in the second post.
The choice is up to y'all. I know a few of y'all like wordy postings, but a lot of y'all don't. I knew some readers get bored with a giant wall of text. Hence why I'm leaving it up to y'all.
QUOTE(Elisabeth Hollow @ Jan 30 2013, 01:48 AM)
I've got the next chapter written up.
Good news. ^
Bad news is it's almost 3,000 words, and I've trimmed all of the fat not important to the story or scenery.
I can Post all of it at once, or split it in half and post about 1500 in one post, then post the next part a few hours later.
Or, The first post would be about 546 words, which is where the first break in the story is, then the rest in the second post.
The choice is up to y'all. I know a few of y'all like wordy postings, but a lot of y'all don't. I knew some readers get bored with a giant wall of text. Hence why I'm leaving it up to y'all.
I suggest splitting into roughly equal halves, and posting them several days apart, if not longer. I typically make a post that size once week. It does not hurt to have a few posts sitting in the can. That can give you something to put up even when you have not been writing for one reason or another. It also helps people keep caught up with all of the fics they are trying to read.
Gotta agree with SubRosa on this, if there is any good stopping point midway to cut it into two posts it is always better than a wall of words.
I tried splitting it into 2 parts, and it failed. So I split it into 3. I will post one part tonight, one tomorrow morning, then one at the end of the day tomorrow. That way it doesn't feel like I've interrupted the story so much.
Give me a bit more time to edit and quadruple-check that everything is okay. I've been a bit sick lately, so I'm not 100% sure everything is good.
Give me a bit more time to edit and quadruple-check that everything is okay. I've been a bit sick lately, so I'm not 100% sure everything is good.
Previous Chapter Summary: After being convinced by Lydia to out instead of moping, they both went to The Bannered Mare, where they met Sam/Sanguine. Kayla met Onmund at the bar at the inn. After heading to his room to talk, the commotion made Kayla angry after Onmund told her he was leaving Whiterun. Checking on the noise, Sam promptly removed her clothing via magick and humiliated her.
Chapter... I don't know what chapter this is.
Onmund sheltered me from the nips of the Skyrim chill with his robe. When my teeth bagan to chatter, he didn't say a word. He didn't tease me for being susceptible to the cold, nor did he tease me about the goosebumps on my body. When we got to our house, I quickly dashed inside and up the steps.
Onmund stoked the fire while I changed into my nightgown and dove under the covers. Once the house was toasty, he climbed the steps slowly. He sat on the bed next to me.
After a moment, I spoke. "So you're really leaving?"
Onmund shifted his weight. "I am. But not for a few days now. After what happened tonight, I'm afraid to leave you alone."
I turned to him. "Really? You're looking out for me? You're not just afraid I'll leave you for Sam's huge..." I shuddered with disgust.
He smiled. "Sam could get the crowd rowdy. I don't think Sanguine himself knows how to get folks in a good mood like he does." He scooted closer to me, and his green eyes were serious. "But that aside, I want to make sure you're alright."
He leaned closer. "You think you're strong, but there are some things you can't protect yourself from. People like Sam are one of them. They'll do whatever they want with no regard for anyone else. I want to keep you safe from that, or at least stand beside you when you face it."
My eyes watered. "Okay."
That's all I could say. What else was there to say? Onmund was leaving, and he was set in his decision. He wanted to become a better mage to protect me. And he was right. As strong as I've become, sometimes I can't protect myself. Just because I'm terrified of losing Onmund, doesn't mean he isn't terrified of losing me.
He laid beside me, and I put my head on his chest and snuggled close to him. I listened to his heart for a few moments. Suddenly, it sped up.
"Kayla..." Onmund began. "Are we going to talk about... our argument a few weeks ago?"
"What is there to talk about? I treated you-"
He shushed me. "Stop. Kayla. Just stop. That's not what I meant." When I looked at him curiously, he swallowed.
"You... said... 'another town.' Was Morthal not the first town you've seen...?"
My throat felt dry. He was treading dangerously close to what I had kept hidden. The lies of why I was terrified of vampires, of why I never spoke of my family. Why I kept him so close.
"So, I didn't know Lydia swung both ways," My tone was too bright. I shrugged. "I don't care, but it's surprising t-"
"Kaylaaaa." Onmund drew out the last syllable of my name impatiently. He tapped my forehead gently, then sat up. I faced him, sitting on the bed. He gave me a serious look.
"Tell me."
"It's ugly."
"Tell me."
"It's horrifying."
He took my face in his hands, and locked his mossy green eyes onto mine.
"Tell me."
"There's something you should know first. My real name isn't Kayla. It's Nisse."
"Is that a Nord name or an Altmer name?"
"I don't know..."
"Tell me the rest, love."
I took a deep breath and readied myself for the long tale.
Chapter... I don't know what chapter this is.
Onmund sheltered me from the nips of the Skyrim chill with his robe. When my teeth bagan to chatter, he didn't say a word. He didn't tease me for being susceptible to the cold, nor did he tease me about the goosebumps on my body. When we got to our house, I quickly dashed inside and up the steps.
Onmund stoked the fire while I changed into my nightgown and dove under the covers. Once the house was toasty, he climbed the steps slowly. He sat on the bed next to me.
After a moment, I spoke. "So you're really leaving?"
Onmund shifted his weight. "I am. But not for a few days now. After what happened tonight, I'm afraid to leave you alone."
I turned to him. "Really? You're looking out for me? You're not just afraid I'll leave you for Sam's huge..." I shuddered with disgust.
He smiled. "Sam could get the crowd rowdy. I don't think Sanguine himself knows how to get folks in a good mood like he does." He scooted closer to me, and his green eyes were serious. "But that aside, I want to make sure you're alright."
He leaned closer. "You think you're strong, but there are some things you can't protect yourself from. People like Sam are one of them. They'll do whatever they want with no regard for anyone else. I want to keep you safe from that, or at least stand beside you when you face it."
My eyes watered. "Okay."
That's all I could say. What else was there to say? Onmund was leaving, and he was set in his decision. He wanted to become a better mage to protect me. And he was right. As strong as I've become, sometimes I can't protect myself. Just because I'm terrified of losing Onmund, doesn't mean he isn't terrified of losing me.
He laid beside me, and I put my head on his chest and snuggled close to him. I listened to his heart for a few moments. Suddenly, it sped up.
"Kayla..." Onmund began. "Are we going to talk about... our argument a few weeks ago?"
"What is there to talk about? I treated you-"
He shushed me. "Stop. Kayla. Just stop. That's not what I meant." When I looked at him curiously, he swallowed.
"You... said... 'another town.' Was Morthal not the first town you've seen...?"
My throat felt dry. He was treading dangerously close to what I had kept hidden. The lies of why I was terrified of vampires, of why I never spoke of my family. Why I kept him so close.
"So, I didn't know Lydia swung both ways," My tone was too bright. I shrugged. "I don't care, but it's surprising t-"
"Kaylaaaa." Onmund drew out the last syllable of my name impatiently. He tapped my forehead gently, then sat up. I faced him, sitting on the bed. He gave me a serious look.
"Tell me."
"It's ugly."
"Tell me."
"It's horrifying."
He took my face in his hands, and locked his mossy green eyes onto mine.
"Tell me."
"There's something you should know first. My real name isn't Kayla. It's Nisse."
"Is that a Nord name or an Altmer name?"
"I don't know..."
"Tell me the rest, love."
I took a deep breath and readied myself for the long tale.
Heh...Nips... ...*Slaps wrist*...Grow up man!!...
Aaaamywho...Excellent chapter...They're talking all nice at the mo...It'll be interesting to see how he feels at the end of her tale, now knowing she's not who she said she was...And all that...
Hah...Excellent deflection... ...
Brilliant stuff, as ever...
Nice one!!...
*Applauds heartily*...
EDIT!!...Ooooh, normally people drop the "H" in words...You've added one to "Our house" towards the start of the chapter...Not a big thing...Just saying...Is all...
...*Slaps wrist*...Grow up man!!...Aaaamywho...Excellent chapter...They're talking all nice at the mo...It'll be interesting to see how he feels at the end of her tale, now knowing she's not who she said she was...And all that...
QUOTE
"So, I didn't know Lydia swung both ways," My tone was too bright. I shrugged. "I don't care, but it's surprising t-"
Hah...Excellent deflection...
...Brilliant stuff, as ever...
Nice one!!...
*Applauds heartily*...
EDIT!!...Ooooh, normally people drop the "H" in words...You've added one to "Our house" towards the start of the chapter...Not a big thing...Just saying...Is all...
Ooh, backstory time!
I don't have tons to say on this chapter, seeing as it's kind of short and concerned only with buildup and so forth, but I enjoyed reading and you've certainly got me interested in the next chapter.
And this is the bit where the man just in front of the stage holds up the sign saying 'irony'.
I don't have tons to say on this chapter, seeing as it's kind of short and concerned only with buildup and so forth, but I enjoyed reading and you've certainly got me interested in the next chapter.
QUOTE
He smiled. "Sam could get the crowd rowdy. I don't think Sanguine himself knows how to get folks in a good mood like he does."
And this is the bit where the man just in front of the stage holds up the sign saying 'irony'.
Here's the second part :] I apologize that the story is declining in substance. I'm trying to make it good :/
Where we are: Kayla is spilling secrets about her past, part one.
I sifted through the dirt with my tiny grubby hands, looking for any new plants I could find. While the other children played in the streams, and dared each other to walk as far away from the village as they could before running screaming back into the safety of the guardsmen's sights, I was digging in the dirt.
The town was small, mostly farming, with one blacksmith's shop. I had strong arms and legs from helping with digging the plants, hoeing, and pulling weeds. But I was still slight, and didn't grow muscles like the other kids. I was told it was due to me being an elf. Our frames were smaller than humans.
An old Breton man stood outside his shop. He had only been in the town for a few weeks, but his potions of stamina for the farmers as well as his remedies for sleepless infants, monthly visitors for the women and his mixtures to keep said monthlies coming, made him a welcome asset to the town. I caught his eye, and he ushered me towards him with a wave of his hands.
"My, my, child you're filthy! Come here, little elf, let me look at you."
I held out my grimy hands to the grey-haired Breton, his wrinkled face pulled into a look of shock by his bushy white eyebrows. I kept my eyes averted, staring at the man's shoes.
"What's that in your mouth?" He asked, staring at the green stem poking from between my tiny lips. I quickly pulled the stem from my mouth and hid it behind my back.
"Were you eating a flower?"
I nodded. "The purple and blue ones taste bad, but the red ones make me feel sick. They smell pretty though." I stuck my hand into the pocket of my dress and showed him the contents, naming what they do.
I pulled out what I now know to be a White Cap mushroom and said "This makes the tingling in my fingers feel funny. Don't tell Ma, but I can make fire in my hands." I gave him a serious look and whispered, "She says that's bad."
A small, impressed smile crept onto his face as I continued. There was something else in his eyes, but my younger self never realized what it was.
"This makes me sleepy, people don't notice me so good with this, and this," I proudly held up my most prized possession, "Makes me feel not so cold. Ma says because I'm an elf and not a Nord, I get colder than they do." I shrugged. " I don't know what that means."
The old Breton man seemed to shift his demeanor at this statement. I mistook his head-shaking and mutterings of "Tis a shame," as me doing something wrong, and wanted to keep the man's attention.
I pulled out a dead bee and held it up to him. "I don't feel sleepy if I eat this. Ma says it's cuz the stinger's in my tongue."
A look of comprehensive horror crossed the old man's face. He shrieked, "You eat these?!"
I slunk back, feeling as if I had done wrong. "I only ate it once. I'm sorry!" I ran, dropping the ingredients I had clutched in my hand, including the Frost Mirriam. The old Breton man shouted after me. Tears streaming from my eyes, I ran behind the shop to behind the town tavern and cried.
My Ma found me and scolded me for being there.
"There are drunks who might mistake you for a stump. Stay away from there." She pulled me up by my hand and knelt down.
"Why the tears?" She thumbed away the tears on my face, and I wiped the snot on my sleeve.
"I made Old Bear angry."
"You made who what now?"
"Old Bear." I pointed to the alchemy shop a few buildings away.
Ma laughed. "You mean Albert." She pronounced it 'al-bear.' "Unless you swiped a potion, or set something on fire-" Her eyes grew wide. "You didn't set his shop on fire, did you?"
I shook my head vigorously. "I showed him the stuff I picked up. He got mad when I told him about the bees." I knitted my eyebrows together. "You know about the fire?"
She drew me in for a hug. "Of course I do, Nisse."
Despite the filth I was covered in, Ma always gave me hugs. She was a strong, shapely woman, with lines on her face and ample hips and stomach from bearing 2 children. Her salt and pepper hair spoke of age before her time, though she was in her 30's, she had 3 children to tend to as well as a husband to feed. She never shorted me on love, though.
We walked, her pale hand in my small tan one, to our house. My grip tightened as we approached. Uncle Njal would be in there. She returned the squeeze reassuringly and planted a quick kiss to my cheek before opening the door.
I kept my head down, ignoring the angry stare from Uncle Njal. He said nothing to me, but spoke to Ma.
"Was it playing in the dirt again?"
"Njal!" My mother exclaimed.
I snickered, as always, at my uncle's unfortunate name. This caught his attention, and he stood up.
"Silence, you disgusting knife-ear!"
I bolted to the room I shared with my two sisters, tears spilling from my eyes. I threw myself on the straw bed I shared with my younger sister, covering my ears against the screaming match between my Ma and her brother.
"I TOLD you to stop talking to her like that! She is-"
"An ELF! She isn't even human, and you insist on treating her like one!"
"She is my CHILD!"
"You should have left her to die in the cold!"
"That's IT! That's the last straw!"
I began to sob into the scratchy pillow. My Ma threw my uncle out of the house and told him to never come back. I heard her bolt the door after slamming it. She tapped on the wooden door to my and my sibling's room and opened it a crack. She saw me sobbing on the bed and sat next to me, patting my back.
"There, there," she soothed. "He's gone."
"Why -hiccup- does he -hiccup- hate me so much, Ma? What did I do?"
"He's always been like that. He's always hated anything not human."
I sat up. "I'm not human? Am I a monster, Ma?" My lower lip trembled as another wail threatened to escape from my lungs. She pulled me into another one of her soft hugs.
"No, my child, you're no monster. You're just an elf. And there's nothing wrong with that. I love you as much as I love your sisters." She thumbed away the tears on my face for the second time that day.
"Come help me make dinner. Wash your hands and face and put on a clean smock." She stood up, gave me a kiss, and walked out. A few moments passed and I walked to the washbasin. I meticulously scrubbed my hands, arms, and face before putting on a clean smock.
"I don't care if you're an elf."
The small voice made me jump, and I look around for the source. A tiny raven-haired girl with curls framing her face climbed out from under the bed I was lying on moments before.
"Asta, you scared me!"
My youngest sister smiled slightly. For a child, she was solemn. Ma said the day she was born, she didn't cry. She just opened her big blue eyes and stared at her, much like she was staring at me now.
"I don't care that you're an elf," Asta repeated. I hugged her.
"You're getting too good at hiding. One of these days you're going to fall asleep!"
She shook her head, her black curls dancing around her small, oval-shaped face. "Nah." She said simply. I shrugged.
"What do you want for your birthday?" I asked her. She mimicked my shrug as we walked out of our room into the kitchen.
"I don't see what's so special. I'm only turning ten."
My mother glanced at her as she was cutting up potatoes. "Each year is a blessing. Be thankful you get to have another year."
Asta shrugged again. She took the potatoes Ma had already cut up and dropped them into the water warming up over the fire, one by one.
"Don't play around, Asta! You're going to burn yourself!"
"Yes, Ma."
I washed a few carrots in the kitchen washbasin and began cutting them. Meanwhile, Asta transferred the chopped carrots to the pot as well as our mother's potatoes. Wiping her hands on her apron, my mother turned the deer leg over on the spit. The juices sizzled on the coals as the dripped from the leg. The aroma made my mouth water.
"Where is your father and Eeva?" she fussed. I could sense her concern as the night grew darker. As if summoned, a loud bang on the door made all of us jump. Ma unbolted the door and threw it open. Da strode in, with Eeva close behind. Asta and I rushed in to greet Da first, who hugged us tightly, and hugged Eeva second, who gave us a sly grin.
I have something to show you, she mouthed to me while Da was busy kissing Ma. Asta looked from me to Eeva, and was about to ask what she said when I shook my head at her. She clammed up.
"So, Albert told me to dropped some stuff off at his shop." He eyed me as we ate. "What were you doing bothering him?"
My face turned crimson. "I was looking at plants by his shop and he asked me to come talk to him ."
"Is that all?"
"I don't think Old Bear likes me."
"Old Bear?" He shot a questioning look at my Ma, and she just smiled and stifled a laugh with her hand. He turned his attention back to me.
"What did you two talk about?" He asked before he bit into some deer.
"I told him about the bees."
Da spat out the deer, which hit Eeva, who was sitting across from him at the table, in the face. Asta and giggled quietly while Eeva shrieked. Ma clapped Da on the back as she howled with laughter. I turned crimson again as I giggled. Eeva peeled the deer off her nose with disgust.
"What did-" he coughed, and Ma clapped his back again. "What did he say?"
"He got really white and looked like he was going to pass out."
Da's laughter could've shaken the walls.
Where we are: Kayla is spilling secrets about her past, part one.
I sifted through the dirt with my tiny grubby hands, looking for any new plants I could find. While the other children played in the streams, and dared each other to walk as far away from the village as they could before running screaming back into the safety of the guardsmen's sights, I was digging in the dirt.
The town was small, mostly farming, with one blacksmith's shop. I had strong arms and legs from helping with digging the plants, hoeing, and pulling weeds. But I was still slight, and didn't grow muscles like the other kids. I was told it was due to me being an elf. Our frames were smaller than humans.
An old Breton man stood outside his shop. He had only been in the town for a few weeks, but his potions of stamina for the farmers as well as his remedies for sleepless infants, monthly visitors for the women and his mixtures to keep said monthlies coming, made him a welcome asset to the town. I caught his eye, and he ushered me towards him with a wave of his hands.
"My, my, child you're filthy! Come here, little elf, let me look at you."
I held out my grimy hands to the grey-haired Breton, his wrinkled face pulled into a look of shock by his bushy white eyebrows. I kept my eyes averted, staring at the man's shoes.
"What's that in your mouth?" He asked, staring at the green stem poking from between my tiny lips. I quickly pulled the stem from my mouth and hid it behind my back.
"Were you eating a flower?"
I nodded. "The purple and blue ones taste bad, but the red ones make me feel sick. They smell pretty though." I stuck my hand into the pocket of my dress and showed him the contents, naming what they do.
I pulled out what I now know to be a White Cap mushroom and said "This makes the tingling in my fingers feel funny. Don't tell Ma, but I can make fire in my hands." I gave him a serious look and whispered, "She says that's bad."
A small, impressed smile crept onto his face as I continued. There was something else in his eyes, but my younger self never realized what it was.
"This makes me sleepy, people don't notice me so good with this, and this," I proudly held up my most prized possession, "Makes me feel not so cold. Ma says because I'm an elf and not a Nord, I get colder than they do." I shrugged. " I don't know what that means."
The old Breton man seemed to shift his demeanor at this statement. I mistook his head-shaking and mutterings of "Tis a shame," as me doing something wrong, and wanted to keep the man's attention.
I pulled out a dead bee and held it up to him. "I don't feel sleepy if I eat this. Ma says it's cuz the stinger's in my tongue."
A look of comprehensive horror crossed the old man's face. He shrieked, "You eat these?!"
I slunk back, feeling as if I had done wrong. "I only ate it once. I'm sorry!" I ran, dropping the ingredients I had clutched in my hand, including the Frost Mirriam. The old Breton man shouted after me. Tears streaming from my eyes, I ran behind the shop to behind the town tavern and cried.
My Ma found me and scolded me for being there.
"There are drunks who might mistake you for a stump. Stay away from there." She pulled me up by my hand and knelt down.
"Why the tears?" She thumbed away the tears on my face, and I wiped the snot on my sleeve.
"I made Old Bear angry."
"You made who what now?"
"Old Bear." I pointed to the alchemy shop a few buildings away.
Ma laughed. "You mean Albert." She pronounced it 'al-bear.' "Unless you swiped a potion, or set something on fire-" Her eyes grew wide. "You didn't set his shop on fire, did you?"
I shook my head vigorously. "I showed him the stuff I picked up. He got mad when I told him about the bees." I knitted my eyebrows together. "You know about the fire?"
She drew me in for a hug. "Of course I do, Nisse."
Despite the filth I was covered in, Ma always gave me hugs. She was a strong, shapely woman, with lines on her face and ample hips and stomach from bearing 2 children. Her salt and pepper hair spoke of age before her time, though she was in her 30's, she had 3 children to tend to as well as a husband to feed. She never shorted me on love, though.
We walked, her pale hand in my small tan one, to our house. My grip tightened as we approached. Uncle Njal would be in there. She returned the squeeze reassuringly and planted a quick kiss to my cheek before opening the door.
I kept my head down, ignoring the angry stare from Uncle Njal. He said nothing to me, but spoke to Ma.
"Was it playing in the dirt again?"
"Njal!" My mother exclaimed.
I snickered, as always, at my uncle's unfortunate name. This caught his attention, and he stood up.
"Silence, you disgusting knife-ear!"
I bolted to the room I shared with my two sisters, tears spilling from my eyes. I threw myself on the straw bed I shared with my younger sister, covering my ears against the screaming match between my Ma and her brother.
"I TOLD you to stop talking to her like that! She is-"
"An ELF! She isn't even human, and you insist on treating her like one!"
"She is my CHILD!"
"You should have left her to die in the cold!"
"That's IT! That's the last straw!"
I began to sob into the scratchy pillow. My Ma threw my uncle out of the house and told him to never come back. I heard her bolt the door after slamming it. She tapped on the wooden door to my and my sibling's room and opened it a crack. She saw me sobbing on the bed and sat next to me, patting my back.
"There, there," she soothed. "He's gone."
"Why -hiccup- does he -hiccup- hate me so much, Ma? What did I do?"
"He's always been like that. He's always hated anything not human."
I sat up. "I'm not human? Am I a monster, Ma?" My lower lip trembled as another wail threatened to escape from my lungs. She pulled me into another one of her soft hugs.
"No, my child, you're no monster. You're just an elf. And there's nothing wrong with that. I love you as much as I love your sisters." She thumbed away the tears on my face for the second time that day.
"Come help me make dinner. Wash your hands and face and put on a clean smock." She stood up, gave me a kiss, and walked out. A few moments passed and I walked to the washbasin. I meticulously scrubbed my hands, arms, and face before putting on a clean smock.
"I don't care if you're an elf."
The small voice made me jump, and I look around for the source. A tiny raven-haired girl with curls framing her face climbed out from under the bed I was lying on moments before.
"Asta, you scared me!"
My youngest sister smiled slightly. For a child, she was solemn. Ma said the day she was born, she didn't cry. She just opened her big blue eyes and stared at her, much like she was staring at me now.
"I don't care that you're an elf," Asta repeated. I hugged her.
"You're getting too good at hiding. One of these days you're going to fall asleep!"
She shook her head, her black curls dancing around her small, oval-shaped face. "Nah." She said simply. I shrugged.
"What do you want for your birthday?" I asked her. She mimicked my shrug as we walked out of our room into the kitchen.
"I don't see what's so special. I'm only turning ten."
My mother glanced at her as she was cutting up potatoes. "Each year is a blessing. Be thankful you get to have another year."
Asta shrugged again. She took the potatoes Ma had already cut up and dropped them into the water warming up over the fire, one by one.
"Don't play around, Asta! You're going to burn yourself!"
"Yes, Ma."
I washed a few carrots in the kitchen washbasin and began cutting them. Meanwhile, Asta transferred the chopped carrots to the pot as well as our mother's potatoes. Wiping her hands on her apron, my mother turned the deer leg over on the spit. The juices sizzled on the coals as the dripped from the leg. The aroma made my mouth water.
"Where is your father and Eeva?" she fussed. I could sense her concern as the night grew darker. As if summoned, a loud bang on the door made all of us jump. Ma unbolted the door and threw it open. Da strode in, with Eeva close behind. Asta and I rushed in to greet Da first, who hugged us tightly, and hugged Eeva second, who gave us a sly grin.
I have something to show you, she mouthed to me while Da was busy kissing Ma. Asta looked from me to Eeva, and was about to ask what she said when I shook my head at her. She clammed up.
"So, Albert told me to dropped some stuff off at his shop." He eyed me as we ate. "What were you doing bothering him?"
My face turned crimson. "I was looking at plants by his shop and he asked me to come talk to him ."
"Is that all?"
"I don't think Old Bear likes me."
"Old Bear?" He shot a questioning look at my Ma, and she just smiled and stifled a laugh with her hand. He turned his attention back to me.
"What did you two talk about?" He asked before he bit into some deer.
"I told him about the bees."
Da spat out the deer, which hit Eeva, who was sitting across from him at the table, in the face. Asta and giggled quietly while Eeva shrieked. Ma clapped Da on the back as she howled with laughter. I turned crimson again as I giggled. Eeva peeled the deer off her nose with disgust.
"What did-" he coughed, and Ma clapped his back again. "What did he say?"
"He got really white and looked like he was going to pass out."
Da's laughter could've shaken the walls.
That, was proper excellent right there that was...
Absolutely amazing stuff...
Reminds me of Athynae's writing...(Go read it!! Princess thread...Excellent writing there too )...
Aaaaamywho...
That was just full of the tugging at various emotion thingies...I laughed...I was just ever so slightly creeped out by "Old Bear"...Not sure if I should have been...But I was...I was disgusted by the uncle and cheered when "Ma" threw him out...
Oh so many goodnessess herein!!...
Um, if you were refering to Mustard's comment with the "Declining in substance" bit, I'm not sure he wasn't simply refering to the fact that the chapter was - from what you said - part of a larger whole and therefore served to set this next bit up, rather than having tonnes to do of itself is all...Not a complaint about yer story...Well, I'm assuming...I remember his excellent self saying much the same about one of mine in the J'Zirlo story I was doing some time ago...
This is truly some brilliant writing...
Loving it muchly...
Much muchly...
Nice one!!...
*Applauds most heartily*...
Absolutely amazing stuff...
Reminds me of Athynae's writing...(Go read it!! Princess thread...Excellent writing there too
)...Aaaaamywho...
That was just full of the tugging at various emotion thingies...I laughed...I was just ever so slightly creeped out by "Old Bear"...Not sure if I should have been...But I was...I was disgusted by the uncle and cheered when "Ma" threw him out...
Oh so many goodnessess herein!!...
Um, if you were refering to Mustard's comment with the "Declining in substance" bit, I'm not sure he wasn't simply refering to the fact that the chapter was - from what you said - part of a larger whole and therefore served to set this next bit up, rather than having tonnes to do of itself is all...Not a complaint about yer story...Well, I'm assuming...I remember his excellent self saying much the same about one of mine in the J'Zirlo story I was doing some time ago...
This is truly some brilliant writing...
Loving it muchly...
Much muchly...
Nice one!!...
*Applauds most heartily*...
Oh no! I just meant that I feel like I'm doing poorly since I haven't been giving y'all any action scenes.
And thank you for the compliments :]
And thank you for the compliments :]
When the story is due an action scene, I'm sure you will furnish us with a brilliant one...
Don't worry about what we might want, just keep writing the story as you want it...As soon as you start worrying about what others want, you'll lose focus on where you were going with it...*Points*...
*Applauds some more*... ...
Don't worry about what we might want, just keep writing the story as you want it...As soon as you start worrying about what others want, you'll lose focus on where you were going with it...*Points*...
*Applauds some more*...
...
Kayla's uncle is an a**! That's a good thing his sister kicked him out.
So, Kayla was munchin' on plants and bees? She's got some balls, considering that she ate a bee. I don't thinkin I could do that, and I'm a full grown man
So, Kayla was munchin' on plants and bees? She's got some balls, considering that she ate a bee. I don't thinkin I could do that, and I'm a full grown man
She's a kid, kids eat weird things XD
I used to eat dirt and grass and flowers to see how they tasted. I STILL look at a plant and go "I wonder what that tastes like..." XD
Clovers taste good :]
I used to eat dirt and grass and flowers to see how they tasted. I STILL look at a plant and go "I wonder what that tastes like..." XD
Clovers taste good :]
QUOTE(Elisabeth Hollow @ Feb 1 2013, 08:55 PM)
She's a kid, kids eat weird things XD
I used to eat dirt and grass and flowers to see how they tasted. I STILL look at a plant and go "I wonder what that tastes like..." XD
Clovers taste good :]
I used to giant Beatles and worms.
I found them tasty at the time, but now whenever I think about it my stomach churns.
Oh god, WHY?!
QUOTE(Elisabeth Hollow @ Feb 1 2013, 09:16 PM)
Oh god, WHY?!
I don't know
@ KoB Stop distracting me, it's time for the next installment, lol.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once we were sent to bed, Eeva slipped out from under her covers after Ma left the room.
"Do the magic light," she whispered to me.
I opened my palm and, which much concentration, a white orb of light emitted from it. I held my hand up to see what Eeva had. The light illuminated her straight blonde hair, and the same blue eyes as Asta's looked back at me. Asta sat up beside me and peered curiously at our sister's closed palm.
"You can't tell anyone about this," Our older sister whispered seriously. We nodded solemnly, and she opened her palm. In it was a smooth, oval-shaped pearl. Asta's eyes grew wide as Eeva's were smug with pride.
"Where did you get that?" I asked suspiciously.
"Shh! I told Da I needed to relieve myself, and went and snatched it from Albert's shop."
I opened my mouth in horror. "YOU STOLE-"
Eeva slamped her hand over my mouth. "I said SHH!"
"You stole from Old Bear?!" I whispered loudly. She reached over and pinched one of my longer, pointed ears.
"OWW!"
"Don't tell anyone," she warned. Asta was sitting quietly until now.
"Why did you take it?" She asked Eeva in a timid voice.
Eeva shrugged. "Because I wanted to. To see if I could."
Asta blinked. "He didn't notice?!"
Eeva shook her head. "That old goat wouldn't notice if I had reached into his pocket with him staring straight at me."
I was upset, even though I thought Old Bear was angry with me. Old Bear liked plants, like I did.
"I need to go to sleep," I announced, and promptly laid down and turned over. When I laid down, the light went with me. In darkness, my sisters had no choice but to lie down as well. I didn't see where Eeva tucked the pearl, but I was sure it was hidden in her pillow. After a few moments, when Eeva's breathing became deep and steady, Asta whispered to me.
"Nisse."
"Yes, Asta?" I whispered back.
"Who is the bald man who comes in at night?"
"There is no bald man, Asta."
"Yes there is. He comes in and watches us sleep."
I pulled Asta close. Her soft curls rested on my arm as she snuggled up close to me.
"I'll keep you safe, Asta. I won't let the monsters get you."
"You'll throw fire at him?"
"I will."
She drifted off after a few moments, with me close behind. I pulled the covers tighter over us to keep the chill out.
What I guessed were a few hours later I awoke to Asta shaking me awake.
"He's here!" She whispered frantically. "He wants me to follow him! Nisse, I'm so scared!"
I looked sleepily around the room. I saw no dark figures, nor and shapes that looked different.
"Go back to sleep, Asta. You're still dreaming."
I turned over to put my back to her. She started sobbing quietly.
"Leave me alone! Just leave me alone."
I started to panic. I sat up and drew Asta close to me. I held out my hand and lit up the ball of light. The light filled the room, and there was no one in the room besides Asta, Eeva, and I. Still shaking, Asta whispered, "I promise you, Nisse, he was here! I swear it!"
The light woke up Eeva.
"Turn that off!" She hissed, and turned her back to us. I closed my palm, squashing the light. I pulled Asta close again, and shushed her. Her gaze fixated on a spot on the wall behind me, across the room.
"Shh, it's okay," I cooed. "He's gone now. He was too scared of your big sister." I pulled the covers closer to us and closed my eyes. Before I drifted off, I opened my eyes once more. Asta's gaze was still fixated behind me.
I fell asleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Onmund blinked at me.
"Your family didn't torture you? Why would you lie about that?"
"What's harder to hear, that my family tortured me and died, or that I had a wonderful family, aside from a rotten, racist uncle, who died?"
Onmund stared at me for a moment. He shook his head, looking away from me. After a moment, he looks back, his expression slightly harder.
"Keep going."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once we were sent to bed, Eeva slipped out from under her covers after Ma left the room.
"Do the magic light," she whispered to me.
I opened my palm and, which much concentration, a white orb of light emitted from it. I held my hand up to see what Eeva had. The light illuminated her straight blonde hair, and the same blue eyes as Asta's looked back at me. Asta sat up beside me and peered curiously at our sister's closed palm.
"You can't tell anyone about this," Our older sister whispered seriously. We nodded solemnly, and she opened her palm. In it was a smooth, oval-shaped pearl. Asta's eyes grew wide as Eeva's were smug with pride.
"Where did you get that?" I asked suspiciously.
"Shh! I told Da I needed to relieve myself, and went and snatched it from Albert's shop."
I opened my mouth in horror. "YOU STOLE-"
Eeva slamped her hand over my mouth. "I said SHH!"
"You stole from Old Bear?!" I whispered loudly. She reached over and pinched one of my longer, pointed ears.
"OWW!"
"Don't tell anyone," she warned. Asta was sitting quietly until now.
"Why did you take it?" She asked Eeva in a timid voice.
Eeva shrugged. "Because I wanted to. To see if I could."
Asta blinked. "He didn't notice?!"
Eeva shook her head. "That old goat wouldn't notice if I had reached into his pocket with him staring straight at me."
I was upset, even though I thought Old Bear was angry with me. Old Bear liked plants, like I did.
"I need to go to sleep," I announced, and promptly laid down and turned over. When I laid down, the light went with me. In darkness, my sisters had no choice but to lie down as well. I didn't see where Eeva tucked the pearl, but I was sure it was hidden in her pillow. After a few moments, when Eeva's breathing became deep and steady, Asta whispered to me.
"Nisse."
"Yes, Asta?" I whispered back.
"Who is the bald man who comes in at night?"
"There is no bald man, Asta."
"Yes there is. He comes in and watches us sleep."
I pulled Asta close. Her soft curls rested on my arm as she snuggled up close to me.
"I'll keep you safe, Asta. I won't let the monsters get you."
"You'll throw fire at him?"
"I will."
She drifted off after a few moments, with me close behind. I pulled the covers tighter over us to keep the chill out.
What I guessed were a few hours later I awoke to Asta shaking me awake.
"He's here!" She whispered frantically. "He wants me to follow him! Nisse, I'm so scared!"
I looked sleepily around the room. I saw no dark figures, nor and shapes that looked different.
"Go back to sleep, Asta. You're still dreaming."
I turned over to put my back to her. She started sobbing quietly.
"Leave me alone! Just leave me alone."
I started to panic. I sat up and drew Asta close to me. I held out my hand and lit up the ball of light. The light filled the room, and there was no one in the room besides Asta, Eeva, and I. Still shaking, Asta whispered, "I promise you, Nisse, he was here! I swear it!"
The light woke up Eeva.
"Turn that off!" She hissed, and turned her back to us. I closed my palm, squashing the light. I pulled Asta close again, and shushed her. Her gaze fixated on a spot on the wall behind me, across the room.
"Shh, it's okay," I cooed. "He's gone now. He was too scared of your big sister." I pulled the covers closer to us and closed my eyes. Before I drifted off, I opened my eyes once more. Asta's gaze was still fixated behind me.
I fell asleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Onmund blinked at me.
"Your family didn't torture you? Why would you lie about that?"
"What's harder to hear, that my family tortured me and died, or that I had a wonderful family, aside from a rotten, racist uncle, who died?"
Onmund stared at me for a moment. He shook his head, looking away from me. After a moment, he looks back, his expression slightly harder.
"Keep going."
QUOTE
"Nisse."
"Yes, Asta?" I whispered back.
"Who is the bald man who comes in at night?"
"There is no bald man, Asta."
"Yes there is. He comes in and watches us sleep."
I pulled Asta close. Her soft curls rested on my arm as she snuggled up close to me.
"I'll keep you safe, Asta. I won't let the monsters get you."
"You'll throw fire at him?"
"I will."
She drifted off after a few moments, with me close behind. I pulled the covers tighter over us to keep the chill out.
What I guessed were a few hours later I awoke to Asta shaking me awake.
"He's here!" She whispered frantically. "He wants me to follow him! Nisse, I'm so scared!"
I looked sleepily around the room. I saw no dark figures, nor and shapes that looked different.
"Go back to sleep, Asta. You're still dreaming."
I turned over to put my back to her. She started sobbing quietly.
"Leave me alone! Just leave me alone."
I started to panic. I sat up and drew Asta close to me. I held out my hand and lit up the ball of light. The light filled the room, and there was no one in the room besides Asta, Eeva, and I. Still shaking, Asta whispered, "I promise you, Nisse, he was here! I swear it!"
The light woke up Eeva.
"Turn that off!" She hissed, and turned her back to us. I closed my palm, squashing the light. I pulled Asta close again, and shushed her. Her gaze fixated on a spot on the wall behind me, across the room.
"Shh, it's okay," I cooed. "He's gone now. He was too scared of your big sister." I pulled the covers closer to us and closed my eyes. Before I drifted off, I opened my eyes once more. Asta's gaze was still fixated behind me.
I fell asleep.
"Yes, Asta?" I whispered back.
"Who is the bald man who comes in at night?"
"There is no bald man, Asta."
"Yes there is. He comes in and watches us sleep."
I pulled Asta close. Her soft curls rested on my arm as she snuggled up close to me.
"I'll keep you safe, Asta. I won't let the monsters get you."
"You'll throw fire at him?"
"I will."
She drifted off after a few moments, with me close behind. I pulled the covers tighter over us to keep the chill out.
What I guessed were a few hours later I awoke to Asta shaking me awake.
"He's here!" She whispered frantically. "He wants me to follow him! Nisse, I'm so scared!"
I looked sleepily around the room. I saw no dark figures, nor and shapes that looked different.
"Go back to sleep, Asta. You're still dreaming."
I turned over to put my back to her. She started sobbing quietly.
"Leave me alone! Just leave me alone."
I started to panic. I sat up and drew Asta close to me. I held out my hand and lit up the ball of light. The light filled the room, and there was no one in the room besides Asta, Eeva, and I. Still shaking, Asta whispered, "I promise you, Nisse, he was here! I swear it!"
The light woke up Eeva.
"Turn that off!" She hissed, and turned her back to us. I closed my palm, squashing the light. I pulled Asta close again, and shushed her. Her gaze fixated on a spot on the wall behind me, across the room.
"Shh, it's okay," I cooed. "He's gone now. He was too scared of your big sister." I pulled the covers closer to us and closed my eyes. Before I drifted off, I opened my eyes once more. Asta's gaze was still fixated behind me.
I fell asleep.
A creepy bald dude stalking Kayla's sister?
I'm a bit scared now 
Is it Movarth? Or is it a ghost. Slenderman?
Kayla had an interesting childhood.....
You just copied 90% of the post, lol
QUOTE(Elisabeth Hollow @ Feb 1 2013, 09:39 PM)
You just copied 90% of the post, lol
Oops
Still, who was that bald dude? He's scaring me
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