Sinder Velvin's Note: Slightly modified the text from the second one so it could make a bit more sense.
From the first one:
Once a lad whose name was Oozae travelled far into the land without clean underwear and got himself stuck in a big scary cave containing a lot of purple witches all of whom ate green porridge, with chunked Ogrims with pierced nipples, servants of Molag Bal, so they asked the poor lad to give up his life to Crassius Curio, but instead he kissed his cheek and went far away in the big bad world to obtain an Ebony cuirass and greaves. For Dagoth Ur has been banished because he made everyone suffer greatly with his blightstorms intended to rid Cliff Racers from existance. Which is a relief to everyone except those who don't mind their screaming high in the mountains whose names awake dread and Undead from the depths of dark dungeons in the lands of blasted red ash coming from the ruins of ancient Daedric shrines buried in red ash-containing soil, cursed concoctions of magical spells used in times of death and corruption. For the guilty and the condemned will die twice and then awake only to find that they died one more time and roamed the West Gash region in pouring rain while being chased by a Nix-Hound in its skinnies, which made him get deathly ill with no cure, so he died in sheer agony. An Orc comes, loots his body, and then eats the found Crab meat over the body in shameless guily. Very scared and frustrated he walks from the scene to Dagoth Ur in delightful glee and says "how you doin'?". And Ur is a little horny like Crassius Curio and now I hit him a large trout filled with ice, so he becomes as gay as someone very gay called Crassius Curio before running off into the wilderness to find his little lost pony that ran away into the woods to find a place to hide from the Dremora that approached from the glowing portal of a tower in the middle of a big desert with no food or water, but it had a big tower that was evil and really big and utterly monstrous and really evil, which was cool. He entered the enormous front door and faced a gigantic frozen trout with twenty tentacles with clear sticky explosive bombs so he threw a small grenade at the tentacled trout and the trout exploded into millions of smaller trouts, into the floor of the dungeon where Ur was already dead but will rise once more to return to the big bad world in order to kill random people just for the sheer fun of seeing them dead, for he takes great pleasure in acts like these. But along came an adventurer by the name of Baron Von Muscles who had a freakin' big axe which he used to cleave people and throw their disposable heads at passers-by who looked like the Vampires to feast on living human heads that had been removed from their bodies by a big black saucy werewolf called Minque the Black Furry Demon of nasty death and terrible destruction who liked eating lots of large cows and people that were walking on a road leading to an escalator to nowhere, where they find a drop to some drunken mages, who cast lotsa fireballs, destroying all the clowns in dirty worn cloaks and large leather boots with pink straps, looking as if they also had fleas on their misshapened purple neckties which they had tied around their waists in an intriquate beautiful pattern.
From the second one:
That attracted many undead spawning from the dungeons of Kroz where some dangerous allies of a nasty demon were wearing many enchanted pieces of purple glowing armor that looked like lackered guar brains. The nasty demon was wearing a very large hat that resembled the nose of the big, bad giant whose name was Bob the Bloody, a huge fan of the Mournhold Actors, whose salaries include Daedric wakizashis. Bob the Bloody was very hungry. And while he had his supper he realized that it was poisoned. While this doesn't affect him much, we are still moving ahead westwards. But a question about that guy arises: "why do we not have stronger feelings for each others in the same toilet? Or for the man over there who is wounded?" Bob the Bloody is really bloody all over his third leg that is hanging from his right eye like a dangling disgusting rotten cadaver that got shot by James Bond and double-o 56. In the next chapter we will know more of how this happened in the first chapter of "Bob's Travels In Vvardenfell Against Dagoth Ur" by Gerald Mc Doogle, who was once a big warrior who fought the bandits of Addamasartus. So next chapter is that Gerald and his army will fight the hordes but die. So Gerald is now alone and cleaving people in twain despite the pain that can be very sharp and deleterious, not to ignore if he suddenly decides to chop off his disgraced cousin's head in order to save his blighted wreck of a Ash Slave that was respawning again. The cousin, however, didn't want to lose his head so he went to a cave because he wasn't very afraid of big bad monsters that could be big and bad and hurt him causing him pain in his entire body of great mass and volume which was strange becoase he was not normally strong but still he was magically made after he was magically killed by the archmage of the Mages Guild. And he used the necromancer's amulet to constantly regenerate his bloody health since he had many gaping wounds that were as wide as a drunken Ox in the heat of summer. And you know how wide they were because they stretch in heat. Only when their bodies go wonky do they start to expand like popcorn that is very hot but very cold at the same time. For some reason popcorn tastes like banana flavoured pie and soft "geléhallon" which is not to say that it is healthy. So he didn't do anything at eating it but he went away to find some more candy for the little kids living in a dark mouldy dungeon owned by Bob the Builder who talks to construction people in the nearby town, people who were eating. Pie is the greatest jackass to ever have visited this dingy little world in order to kill very many ugly annoying people like Fargoth and all other Bosmer who like to annoy us with lost rings and money and other stupid things like clothing, weapons, etcetera, and I'd rather kill the one who stole my ring to earn a a toy from the Morag Tong, with its magic so powerful, that it did this and this and this to anyone who hounded Oozae and annoyed Crassius Curio because he called people sweetie and also dumpling. So now Gerald ate his shoes for no reason, or so it seemed! That they thought he was dead but now he seems to be very scared about not being dead. He said "hey...