One never knows what to expect with Gwyn. However it's most likely she was fixing a tea to enjoy in bed. |---------------------|
Chapter XVII – Chasing Memories
After twenty-nine harsh years of life that no one should ever deserve, Gwyndala Louvain finally discovered true bliss in the arms of an honest and uncommonly kind Redguard. She relaxed in his arms by a fireside at their home, completely content with her life in a way she’d once only dreamed of. Well… mostly content. Weary from the day, Cain had dozed off before she could broach a touchy subject and his loud snores were bordering on obnoxious.
Their visit to Falkreath went very well and Gwyn surprised even herself with how much she enjoyed the jaunt south by his side, and she even got to have a little fun teasing him with the improvised fiancé bit in the Jarl’s Longhouse. Now she found herself truly pondering over his reaction. Was he already thinking about that sort of thing? They’d only been together for about a month at this point – did he see the two of them being wed? It didn’t surprise Gwyn in the least, considering they’d been a part of each other’s lives for much longer than a month.
I suppose it’s just a formality at this point, thought Gwyn. And I did tell him to put a baby in me…
She craned her neck up and studied his sleeping face. Things had come so far between the two of them since that day in the mountains above Evermor. Further than she’d ever thought possible. But there still remained a singular subject Gwyn found herself nervous to bring up: Serana’s advice on how to ease the burden of her dark past.
In the time since they’d spoken, she’d thought about it constantly, and now, weeks later, Gwyn finally felt that she was ready to take that next step with Cain. The unanswered question was whether or not he could bring himself to do such a thing after how it ended last time. Gwyn was there at his worst… she knew exactly how much the loss of that connection with Anska broke him. Dare he take that risk again?
She pulled herself away from his torso and sat up, running a gentle finger along his cheek to gently rouse the sleeping man. Cain’s eyelids fluttered and then opened groggily. He rubbed at them with his palms and smiled at Gwyn.
“Everything okay?”
“Mhmm,” said Gwyn. “I just, uh, wanted to talk to you about something. But if you’re tired, we can wait until the morning.”
“I’m never too tired for you.”
“And that’s why I love you. This is something serious, though. I need you to be aware of that.”
Cain sat up and looked at her with concern, his fatigue suddenly forgotten. “What is it, Gwyn? What’s got you so hesitant?”
Her stomach began to churn uncomfortably. Gwyn had been rehearsing this conversation in her head for a couple of days now, but it didn’t actually help now that the moment had arrived. There was a certain level of uncertainty bordering on fearfulness as to what she would do if he said no. It was a lot to ask of Cain – much more than he’d taken on with Anska. Gwyn knew without a doubt that he wanted to help her deal with the past in any way that he could but sharing that trauma in their minds meant that her beloved would experience the darkness the same way that Gwyn did every minute of every day.
She swallowed hard and made the leap. The hell with it. This is who I am, and I know what I want.
“I want… No, not want. I need you to do something for us. I – “
“You want me to link our minds.”
She nodded while her body filled with the dreaded weight of overpowering nervousness.
“Gwyn, you know that I would do anything in my power to help you…”
Oh, [censored]. No no no no no! Don’t do this to me!
“…but are you certain you want to be in here?” finished Cain while pointing at the side of his head. “I know what I’m getting into with you when we become that intimate, even if I don’t understand it yet. But it’s not just me that you will be dealing with.”
“I don’t… what do you mean?” asked Gwyn. Her heart rate began to settle, but she was still on edge.
“Sharing a mind leaves impressions, for lack of a better word. And despite my making peace with it, there are still echoes of Anska in there. Her thoughts, her memories, her desires - all of who she was left a mark that I don’t think can ever be erased, and you will be privy to it. Her consciousness may be absent, but on some level, I still carry her with me.”
Gwyn realized in this moment just how much that meant. It explained a lot about why Cain was in such pain for so long a time following Anska’s death – why he had so much trouble letting go. And why it took the direct intervention of the Divines to finally allow him a measure of closure.
“I never, um… I never would have considered that. Why haven’t you said anything about it before?”
“Because it wouldn’t have changed anything,” said Cain. “I love you completely and that’s why I need to make sure you understand what you’d be getting into. If you’re worried about some sort of conflict between the two of you, then cast it aside. I know what we are and what we have. You will find nothing other than the devotion that I carry for you.”
Gwyn saw the truth in his eyes, and she felt no doubt in his words, but they had still caught her flat-footed. The echoes of his late fiancé were not a thing she would ever have guessed were something to be contended with when they became joined in that manner. More importantly, however, Gwyn did not feel intimidated by that in the least. Her feelings for Cain were clear.
“You can take some more time to think about if you’d like,” said Cain. “I’d give anything you have you in there with me and – “
“Hush,” interrupted Gwyn, putting a finger to his lips. “Just [censored] do it.”
“As you wish,” said Cain. He scooped Gwyn’s tiny frame up in his arms and carried her to the bedroom. “We’ll need to be somewhere soft for this. I don’t know what will happen with you being awake for it.”
-----
Panic followed by a flash of fear surged into Cain’s mind before he heard the scream and shattering of dishware from the kitchen. By the time he made it out of his bedroom with a dagger in hand, Gwyn was already giving Linneá and Serana a loud dressing down for recalling unannounced into their home. His sisters covered their eyes in the face of Gwyn’s immodesty until she fired a silent request to Cain.
Don’t just stand there gawking, go get me something to wear!
Yes, ma’am.
Once Gwyn adorned some clothes and settled down, she bustled around the kitchen again with Serana while Linneá joined her brother at the dining room table. They made small talk for a few minutes until they were joined by the other two bearing a platter of freshly brewed tea and coffee. Cain wasted no time in pouring a cup of the caffeinated liquid and he sipped it gratefully.
“Long night?” asked Serana. “Elle and I have had a morning, too.”
“Yeah, we were both up late,” said Cain. “I think it was worth it though.” His brown eyes twinkled while Gwyn rolled hers and snorted loudly. “Yes, dear?” he asked her.
“Quit being coy,” said Gwyn. She turned to his sisters and pointed at the side of her head. “He’s in here now. And vice versa. It was… an experience. For the both of us.”
There passed a brief moment of silence until Linneá fished a Septim out from her belt satchel and handed it to her wife. “I don’t get how you know these things, Ana, I really don’t.”
“Uh, what just happened?” said Cain. “Did you have a bet on us?”
“Yep,” grinned Linneá. “It was only a matter of time before you two made the link, but I figured there’d be some stuff to work through first. However, my better half excels at reading people, and she noticed the adoring way in which you often stare at our brother, Gwyn, and felt you’d want him as close as possible.”
Gwyn’s eyebrows furrowed. “I feel like past me would have been really [censored] annoyed at the both of you right now, but I’m actually not surprised at all. Mind telling us why you’re here?”
“Got a map?”
Cain nodded and went to grab it from their traveling supplies. He unfurled it over the center of the table and set their mugs on the corners to keep it spread. Serana pulled a piece of charcoal out from her satchel this time and marked a spot near the southern foot of the Druadach mountains with an ‘X’.
“Dad needs you stop here on your way to Markarth. It’s a decent sized series of caves called Gloomreach and there ought to be Falmer living there.”
“Ought to be?” said Cain. “Guess the hunt doesn’t go well?”
“Something’s [censored],” said Linneá. “And I don’t like it. I am glad you and Gwyn didn’t wait around to make your connection, though. Serana and I were discussing next steps if the scouts have similar reports, and a long trip to somewhere hidden will likely be in order. The kind of trip that we can’t both go on. If it comes to that, I want you to come with me, Gwyn.”
“Me? What about our travels? I can’t leave Cain to deal with those fops all on his own.”
Her reaction came off as genuine to his sisters, but Cain felt the anxiety creeping up in her mind and knew that Gwyn really did not want to leave his side. The idea was borderline frightening to her and would take some time to get used to.
“He’ll have to manage on his own,” admitted Linneá. “Or with some guards.”
“Linn, this is bullshit!” protested Gwyn. “I don’t want to be anywhere else, and I certainly don’t want to be dragged off to some mysterious place for weeks on end! Why the hell do you need me so badly?”
“Because it will be dangerous, and I trust you to help keep me safe. For Ana and Salihn.”
-----
Later that same evening found Cain and Gwyn sitting around a fire just off the road. In the distance, lights glowed dimly in the windows of Fort Greymoor seated on a small rise that overlooked the tundra on every side. They could have stayed inside the safety of the fort’s walls, but Gwyn didn’t want to sleep in the barracks with a bunch of self-important soldiers.
The news brought by their morning guests had caused a point of consternation they’d been talking about it off and on throughout the day. But, at this moment, Gwyn rested her head on his shoulder while staring aimlessly into the dancing flames and tried not to think any about it anymore with poor results.
“I’d just as soon say all three of us should go,” she said. “If Linn thinks this place is so important and necessary to find, then we should ditch this silly quest to meet the Jarls until a better time.”
“That’d be up to my father. And this is something I was supposed to have done last year.” Cain took her hand and held it to his lips for a kiss. “Let’s not dwell on it anymore. We still have our trip to Markarth together.”
“Fine,” grumbled Gwyn.
She stared into the fire some more and thought instead of the night prior to this one. The actual process Cain used to link their minds had been fascinating to experience initially as an observer, and the actual depths of power in his dragon blood that she peered into were unfathomable to her. Then Gwyn soon realized that the feelings of peace and serenity Serana described to her when she first suggested it were severely understated in the best possible way. The warmth and encompassing love of Cain comforting the darkness within her mind brought an inner peace she hasn’t known since she was a child.
But the image of her beloved’s face when he finally, truly understood what she carried with her seared itself into Gwyn’s memories – the abject horror of her past and the tears for her that followed drowned out everything else on her mind – including the echoes of Anska.
The hours after were difficult for the both of them, but by the time that sleep blissfully descended upon them, Gwyn felt a happiness and affection for life that was increasingly new to her.
-----
“That’s [censored] disgusting.” A grossly obnoxious squishing sound escaped from under Gwyn’s leather boots while they hiked up a rocky path towards the outline of a small cave entrance. She paused to rub the heel of her boot on the nearest rock, grimacing at the smell of animal scat. “How much further do we have to climb?”
“Another hundred yards or so,” said Cain. “Want me to carry you?”
“I’m seriously considering it. And I can only imagine what I’m gonna step in while spelunking through a goddamn Falmer hive.”
“It’ll probably just be mud, if Linn’s gut is anything to go by.”
“Here’s hoping. I preferred the road we left behind.”
Cain’s (and Linneá’s) estimation would soon prove true. The evidence began mounting just outside of the cave mouth where a few broken Falmer totems were laying, and there were a series of tracks frozen into the cold earth that led further up into the mountains. He unslung their traveling gear from his shoulders and set it behind a shrub while Gwyn readied herself with a flesh spell.
“Ready?”
“Ready.”
They entered the caves of Gloomreach and the first words Cain spoke were those of the Aura Whisper Thu’um. It revealed no signs of life, other than rats, spiders, and a few bats clinging to the craggy ceiling. Further into the empty hive they crept until it descended deep down under the mountains and still there was nothing. The desolate caves eventually ended and after another whisper from his Voice revealed no hidden Falmer, they headed back for the entrance.
Just as she had with Linneá and Serana, Kyne sat perched in wait outside the cave under the mid-morning sun, eager to hear if Cain and Gwyn had learned anything new.
“Another empty one?” frowned the goddess. “Very well. I’ll let the others know.” She fell silent for a moment while relaying the news to her champion and then morphed into her familiar human form. “The roads were empty while I circled on high. Mind if I walk with you for a bit?”
Gwyn shrugged. “Makes no difference to me. Just watch your step on this trail. My boot still smells like [censored].”
“I appreciate the advice, dear,” smiled Kyne. “But I do not actually touch the ground while in this body.” She hiked up the hem of her shimmering sky-blue robes to show reveal her feet floating an inch or two above the dirt.
“Must be nice,” muttered Gwyn, still trying to scrape the dung off on a rock.
