Hey check this out jona and you others out there and tell me what you think of the start of this and if we should persue it, we were lookin for a base to it so i figured i would throw an idea out there tell me what cha think.
Chapter 1
As we aproached the base of Red Mountain, i could feel the tension and fear of my men under my comand givin to me by Lord Nerevar. I am not afraid to admit it, i was afraid to, mostly for the life of my men and their children and wifes they would leave behind. But even with all the tension of the battle that was to come, i saw Lord Nerevar, Vivec, Soltha Sil, Alemexia and Dagoth Ur sitting there on their horses that they had imported from Cyrodill years back, calm as the night sky. Lord Nerevar on the other hand, despite the cool, calm look that was washed over his face, i could tell he was deeply troubbled.
Lord Nerevar and the Dwemer king were great friends, brothers you might say, and it broke Lord Nerevars heart to hear that his dearest friend would betray him like that, and that he had no other choice but to kill him. I noticed Lord Nerevar wisper something into Dagoth Urs' ear and then Dagoth Ur turned around and came over to me and said,
"My good friend Darius, by Lord Nerevars wishes, i command you that when the fighting starts, you and 1,000 other of your men go the back route to the core of Red Mountain and clear a path to the Heart of Lorkhan." Dagoth Ur told me, cheerfully, like he was Oblivious to the onslaught the Dwemer and Nordic Allience would bring us. I mean, how could a group of just 1,000 men make their way through 25,000 Nords and Dwemers. I had the upmost confidence in my men yes, but not even Azura could deal with those odds.
Full Version: Battle of Red Mountain
Well it´s a pretty good start but you´d have to check the spelling, that would improve it, se minor corrections below! So keep it up and tell us more....mkay? 
[quote]Chapter 1
As we approached the base of Red Mountain, i could feel the tension and fear of my men under my command givin to me by Lord Nerevar. I am not afraid to admit it, i was afraid too, mostly for the life of my men and their children and wives they would leave behind. But even with all the tension of the battle that was to come, i saw Lord Nerevar, Vivec, Soltha Sil, Almalexia and Dagoth Ur sitting there on their horses that they had imported from Cyrodiil years back, calm as the night sky. Lord Nerevar on the other hand, despite the cool, calm look th at was washed over his face, i could tell he was deeply troubled.
Lord Nerevar and the Dwemer king were great friends, brothers you might say, and it broke Lord Nerevars heart to hear that his dearest friend would betray him like that, and that he had no other choice but to kill him. I noticed Lord Nerevar wisper something into Dagoth Urs' ear and then Dagoth Ur turned around and came over to me and said,
"My good friend Darius, by Lord Nerevars wishes, i command you that when the fighting starts, you and 1,000 other of your men go the back route to the core of Red Mountain and clear a path to the Heart of Lorkhan." Dagoth Ur told me, cheerfully, like he was Oblivious to the onslaught the Dwemer and Nordic Alliance would bring us. I mean, how could a group of just 1,000 men make their way through 25,000 Nords and Dwemers. I had the upmost confidence in my men yes, but not even Azura could deal with those odds.[/quote]
[quote]Chapter 1
As we approached the base of Red Mountain, i could feel the tension and fear of my men under my command givin to me by Lord Nerevar. I am not afraid to admit it, i was afraid too, mostly for the life of my men and their children and wives they would leave behind. But even with all the tension of the battle that was to come, i saw Lord Nerevar, Vivec, Soltha Sil, Almalexia and Dagoth Ur sitting there on their horses that they had imported from Cyrodiil years back, calm as the night sky. Lord Nerevar on the other hand, despite the cool, calm look th at was washed over his face, i could tell he was deeply troubled.
Lord Nerevar and the Dwemer king were great friends, brothers you might say, and it broke Lord Nerevars heart to hear that his dearest friend would betray him like that, and that he had no other choice but to kill him. I noticed Lord Nerevar wisper something into Dagoth Urs' ear and then Dagoth Ur turned around and came over to me and said,
"My good friend Darius, by Lord Nerevars wishes, i command you that when the fighting starts, you and 1,000 other of your men go the back route to the core of Red Mountain and clear a path to the Heart of Lorkhan." Dagoth Ur told me, cheerfully, like he was Oblivious to the onslaught the Dwemer and Nordic Alliance would bring us. I mean, how could a group of just 1,000 men make their way through 25,000 Nords and Dwemers. I had the upmost confidence in my men yes, but not even Azura could deal with those odds.[/quote]
i know i just wanted to bust something out fast
Cool. I might just have to use this when i get to that part of my story.
Ok guys! So WRITE please....I´m waiting...right behind you
I have added another part to my story so i wrote somthing. but thats nothing compared to the 3 NEW STORYS Davions put out in the LAST WEEK Thats crazy man! You're gonna have alot of work to do or your gonna have to ababdon some of those storys. Make sure to tell a moderator when you choose so they can lock it or somthing.
Slow Down! I'm getting pushed off the first page! Not enough post for me
Slow Down! I'm getting pushed off the first page! Not enough post for me
OOC: I'll try to atempt battle scenes but i know i wont be able to pull it off as perfectly as jona here, you damned professional battle-writer.
As i walked down to talk to my men and prepare them for the upcomming battle i saw Nerevar and Dagoth Ur make their way up to the Dwemer king.
Once i got to my men i shouted, "Aufmerksamkeit!". To the westerners reading this that ment Attention. My men stood at parade rest and i told them,
"Wir sind ungefähr, die größte Schlacht in allen von Tamriel zu inszenieren! Etwas von den Sie ist, etwas von Ihnen ist nervus, etwas von Ihnen wahrscheinlich wont macht es durch den Tag erschrocken. Erinnern Sie sich nur an, ich bin direkt hinter Ihnen Burschen, die entlang kämpfen, unterstützen jedes und jedes ein von Ihnen. Ich werde das erste auf den Berg, und ich wird sein das zuletzt ein hinabgehen den Berg sein! Die allerletzte Prüfung von Glaubenlagen bevor uns. Wir WERDEN suceed, werden wir an diesem Tag triumphieren. Schauen Sie die Männer an, die neben Ihnen stehen, behandelt sie als ein Teil von Ihnen!
Wir haben togeather geschlafen, haben wir togeather geweint, haben wir einander rechtzeitig von Trauern gehalten
Wir sind ein Band der Brüder, die geheime Verbindung zwischen zwei Soldaten nie kann gebrochen werden, auch nicht durch den gottlosen Dwemers. Zeigen Sie sie, dass wir still in zu jener guten Nacht nicht gehen werden! Was diesen Tag heimlich plant, wird in die Seiten unsere Geschichte von der Geschichte, ewigem carring auf verbrennen!
Meine Brüder, lässt uns marschieren in Schlacht, für jedes ein von uns die fällt, werden fünf von ihnen ebenso fallen!"
What i said was,
"We are about to stage the greatest battle in all of Tamriel! Some of you are scared, some of you are nervus, some of you probably wont make it through the day. Just remember, i am right behind you guys, fighting along side each and every one of you. I will be the first one up the mountain, and i will be the last one going down the mountain! The ultimate test of faith lays before us. We WILL suceed, we will triumph on this day. Look at the men standing next to you, treat them as a part of you!
We've slept togeather, we've cried togeather, we've held each other in time of mourning
We are a band of brothers, the secret bond between two soldiers can never be broken, not even by the godless Dwemers. Show them that we will not go silently in to that good night! What conspires this day will burn into the pages of history, forever carring our story on!
If we are defeated, we will give them hell before we do!!!"
I was never good at speaches and the like, but my men cheered none the same. That filled me with pride.
As i walked down to talk to my men and prepare them for the upcomming battle i saw Nerevar and Dagoth Ur make their way up to the Dwemer king.
Once i got to my men i shouted, "Aufmerksamkeit!". To the westerners reading this that ment Attention. My men stood at parade rest and i told them,
"Wir sind ungefähr, die größte Schlacht in allen von Tamriel zu inszenieren! Etwas von den Sie ist, etwas von Ihnen ist nervus, etwas von Ihnen wahrscheinlich wont macht es durch den Tag erschrocken. Erinnern Sie sich nur an, ich bin direkt hinter Ihnen Burschen, die entlang kämpfen, unterstützen jedes und jedes ein von Ihnen. Ich werde das erste auf den Berg, und ich wird sein das zuletzt ein hinabgehen den Berg sein! Die allerletzte Prüfung von Glaubenlagen bevor uns. Wir WERDEN suceed, werden wir an diesem Tag triumphieren. Schauen Sie die Männer an, die neben Ihnen stehen, behandelt sie als ein Teil von Ihnen!
Wir haben togeather geschlafen, haben wir togeather geweint, haben wir einander rechtzeitig von Trauern gehalten
Wir sind ein Band der Brüder, die geheime Verbindung zwischen zwei Soldaten nie kann gebrochen werden, auch nicht durch den gottlosen Dwemers. Zeigen Sie sie, dass wir still in zu jener guten Nacht nicht gehen werden! Was diesen Tag heimlich plant, wird in die Seiten unsere Geschichte von der Geschichte, ewigem carring auf verbrennen!
Meine Brüder, lässt uns marschieren in Schlacht, für jedes ein von uns die fällt, werden fünf von ihnen ebenso fallen!"
What i said was,
"We are about to stage the greatest battle in all of Tamriel! Some of you are scared, some of you are nervus, some of you probably wont make it through the day. Just remember, i am right behind you guys, fighting along side each and every one of you. I will be the first one up the mountain, and i will be the last one going down the mountain! The ultimate test of faith lays before us. We WILL suceed, we will triumph on this day. Look at the men standing next to you, treat them as a part of you!
We've slept togeather, we've cried togeather, we've held each other in time of mourning
We are a band of brothers, the secret bond between two soldiers can never be broken, not even by the godless Dwemers. Show them that we will not go silently in to that good night! What conspires this day will burn into the pages of history, forever carring our story on!
If we are defeated, we will give them hell before we do!!!"
I was never good at speaches and the like, but my men cheered none the same. That filled me with pride.
good good. Don't worry about comparing your story to others. All storys have thier own sort of... goodness... Nevermind. Just keep writin the good parts.
I normally don't read the stuff on this subforum, but I was in the mood to nitpick on lore inconsistencies. So expect no mercy.
[quote=davion]
Chapter 1
As we aproached the base of Red Mountain, i could feel the tension and fear of my men under my comand givin to me by Lord Nerevar. I am not afraid to admit it, i was afraid to, mostly for the life of my men and their children and wifes they would leave behind. But even with all the tension of the battle that was to come, i saw Lord Nerevar, Vivec, Soltha Sil, Alemexia and Dagoth Ur sitting there on their horses that they had imported from Cyrodill years back, calm as the night sky. Lord Nerevar on the other hand, despite the cool, calm look that was washed over his face, i could tell he was deeply troubbled.
[/quote]
The Chimer did not have any diplomatic relationship with Cyrodiil. Plus, despite the fact that there was no Blight back then, one could assume that Chimer did not use horses.
[quote=davion]
"My good friend Darius, by Lord Nerevars wishes, i command you that when the fighting starts, you and 1,000 other of your men go the back route to the core of Red Mountain and clear a path to the Heart of Lorkhan." Dagoth Ur told me, cheerfully, like he was Oblivious to the onslaught the Dwemer and Nordic Allience would bring us. I mean, how could a group of just 1,000 men make their way through 25,000 Nords and Dwemers. I had the upmost confidence in my men yes, but not even Azura could deal with those odds.[/quote]
If there was truly a back route into Red Mountain, Nerevar took it. We don't know if there was a back route, and I think that there wasn't one. Anyway, the Dwemer and the Nords were clearly not allied. By the way, the plural of Dwemer is Dwemer, not Dwemers. Sometimes Dwemeri is used.
[quote=davion]As i walked down to talk to my men and prepare them for the upcomming battle i saw Nerevar and Dagoth Ur make their way up to the Dwemer king.
[/quote]
Nerevar and Dagoth Ur (who was called Voryn Dagoth back then) snuck into Red Mountain.
[quote=davion]
Once i got to my men i shouted, "Aufmerksamkeit!". To the westerners reading this that ment Attention. My men stood at parade rest and i told them,
"Wir sind ungefähr, die größte Schlacht in allen von Tamriel zu inszenieren! Etwas von den Sie ist, etwas von Ihnen ist nervus, etwas von Ihnen wahrscheinlich wont macht es durch den Tag erschrocken. Erinnern Sie sich nur an, ich bin direkt hinter Ihnen Burschen, die entlang kämpfen, unterstützen jedes und jedes ein von Ihnen. Ich werde das erste auf den Berg, und ich wird sein das zuletzt ein hinabgehen den Berg sein! Die allerletzte Prüfung von Glaubenlagen bevor uns. Wir WERDEN suceed, werden wir an diesem Tag triumphieren. Schauen Sie die Männer an, die neben Ihnen stehen, behandelt sie als ein Teil von Ihnen!
Wir haben togeather geschlafen, haben wir togeather geweint, haben wir einander rechtzeitig von Trauern gehalten
Wir sind ein Band der Brüder, die geheime Verbindung zwischen zwei Soldaten nie kann gebrochen werden, auch nicht durch den gottlosen Dwemers. Zeigen Sie sie, dass wir still in zu jener guten Nacht nicht gehen werden! Was diesen Tag heimlich plant, wird in die Seiten unsere Geschichte von der Geschichte, ewigem carring auf verbrennen!
Meine Brüder, lässt uns marschieren in Schlacht, für jedes ein von uns die fällt, werden fünf von ihnen ebenso fallen!"
[/quote]
My God! Chimer didn't speak German!!!!!!!!!!!
[quote=davion]
What i said was,
"We are about to stage the greatest battle in all of Tamriel! Some of you are scared, some of you are nervus, some of you probably wont make it through the day. Just remember, i am right behind you guys, fighting along side each and every one of you. I will be the first one up the mountain, and i will be the last one going down the mountain! The ultimate test of faith lays before us. We WILL suceed, we will triumph on this day. Look at the men standing next to you, treat them as a part of you!
We've slept togeather, we've cried togeather, we've held each other in time of mourning
We are a band of brothers, the secret bond between two soldiers can never be broken, not even by the godless Dwemers. Show them that we will not go silently in to that good night! What conspires this day will burn into the pages of history, forever carring our story on!
If we are defeated, we will give them hell before we do!!!"
[/quote]
Once again, no Dwemers here. And what is "if we are defeated, we will give them hell before we do!!!" supposed to mean?
Oh, I get it. It's something along the lines of "I played Morrowind before I played Morrowind", or "you saw that before you did", or "we were born before we were born".
Groovy.
[quote=davion]
Chapter 1
As we aproached the base of Red Mountain, i could feel the tension and fear of my men under my comand givin to me by Lord Nerevar. I am not afraid to admit it, i was afraid to, mostly for the life of my men and their children and wifes they would leave behind. But even with all the tension of the battle that was to come, i saw Lord Nerevar, Vivec, Soltha Sil, Alemexia and Dagoth Ur sitting there on their horses that they had imported from Cyrodill years back, calm as the night sky. Lord Nerevar on the other hand, despite the cool, calm look that was washed over his face, i could tell he was deeply troubbled.
[/quote]
The Chimer did not have any diplomatic relationship with Cyrodiil. Plus, despite the fact that there was no Blight back then, one could assume that Chimer did not use horses.
[quote=davion]
"My good friend Darius, by Lord Nerevars wishes, i command you that when the fighting starts, you and 1,000 other of your men go the back route to the core of Red Mountain and clear a path to the Heart of Lorkhan." Dagoth Ur told me, cheerfully, like he was Oblivious to the onslaught the Dwemer and Nordic Allience would bring us. I mean, how could a group of just 1,000 men make their way through 25,000 Nords and Dwemers. I had the upmost confidence in my men yes, but not even Azura could deal with those odds.[/quote]
If there was truly a back route into Red Mountain, Nerevar took it. We don't know if there was a back route, and I think that there wasn't one. Anyway, the Dwemer and the Nords were clearly not allied. By the way, the plural of Dwemer is Dwemer, not Dwemers. Sometimes Dwemeri is used.
[quote=davion]As i walked down to talk to my men and prepare them for the upcomming battle i saw Nerevar and Dagoth Ur make their way up to the Dwemer king.
[/quote]
Nerevar and Dagoth Ur (who was called Voryn Dagoth back then) snuck into Red Mountain.
[quote=davion]
Once i got to my men i shouted, "Aufmerksamkeit!". To the westerners reading this that ment Attention. My men stood at parade rest and i told them,
"Wir sind ungefähr, die größte Schlacht in allen von Tamriel zu inszenieren! Etwas von den Sie ist, etwas von Ihnen ist nervus, etwas von Ihnen wahrscheinlich wont macht es durch den Tag erschrocken. Erinnern Sie sich nur an, ich bin direkt hinter Ihnen Burschen, die entlang kämpfen, unterstützen jedes und jedes ein von Ihnen. Ich werde das erste auf den Berg, und ich wird sein das zuletzt ein hinabgehen den Berg sein! Die allerletzte Prüfung von Glaubenlagen bevor uns. Wir WERDEN suceed, werden wir an diesem Tag triumphieren. Schauen Sie die Männer an, die neben Ihnen stehen, behandelt sie als ein Teil von Ihnen!
Wir haben togeather geschlafen, haben wir togeather geweint, haben wir einander rechtzeitig von Trauern gehalten
Wir sind ein Band der Brüder, die geheime Verbindung zwischen zwei Soldaten nie kann gebrochen werden, auch nicht durch den gottlosen Dwemers. Zeigen Sie sie, dass wir still in zu jener guten Nacht nicht gehen werden! Was diesen Tag heimlich plant, wird in die Seiten unsere Geschichte von der Geschichte, ewigem carring auf verbrennen!
Meine Brüder, lässt uns marschieren in Schlacht, für jedes ein von uns die fällt, werden fünf von ihnen ebenso fallen!"
[/quote]
My God! Chimer didn't speak German!!!!!!!!!!!
[quote=davion]
What i said was,
"We are about to stage the greatest battle in all of Tamriel! Some of you are scared, some of you are nervus, some of you probably wont make it through the day. Just remember, i am right behind you guys, fighting along side each and every one of you. I will be the first one up the mountain, and i will be the last one going down the mountain! The ultimate test of faith lays before us. We WILL suceed, we will triumph on this day. Look at the men standing next to you, treat them as a part of you!
We've slept togeather, we've cried togeather, we've held each other in time of mourning
We are a band of brothers, the secret bond between two soldiers can never be broken, not even by the godless Dwemers. Show them that we will not go silently in to that good night! What conspires this day will burn into the pages of history, forever carring our story on!
If we are defeated, we will give them hell before we do!!!"
[/quote]
Once again, no Dwemers here. And what is "if we are defeated, we will give them hell before we do!!!" supposed to mean?
Oh, I get it. It's something along the lines of "I played Morrowind before I played Morrowind", or "you saw that before you did", or "we were born before we were born".
Groovy.
Bah, critics...
Anyways, Sinder does have a point...
[quote]My God! Chimer didn't speak German!!!!!!!!!!! [/quote]
Now then how can you be absolutely sure about that? Can you point out in the lore exactly where it is written that they didn´t?
Now then how can you be absolutely sure about that? Can you point out in the lore exactly where it is written that they didn´t?
Even then, I can see faults in the German (just constructive criticism).
Too many for me to write down here. German is complex. Little syntax errors and things. However, not a bad try.
In all honesty, I would leave the German out. It doesn't fit in. You could say something like:
"I talked to them of many things. Of victory, of courage, and of this enormous battle that was about to enfold. The exact words remain lost to me, but, in brief, this is a translation of my words on that eventful day:
[insert lovely ENGLISH translation of that German speech]"
Nice try though. :goodjob:
Too many for me to write down here. German is complex. Little syntax errors and things. However, not a bad try.
In all honesty, I would leave the German out. It doesn't fit in. You could say something like:
"I talked to them of many things. Of victory, of courage, and of this enormous battle that was about to enfold. The exact words remain lost to me, but, in brief, this is a translation of my words on that eventful day:
[insert lovely ENGLISH translation of that German speech]"
Nice try though. :goodjob:
[quote=Sinder Velvin]I normally don't read the stuff on this subforum, but I was in the mood to nitpick on lore inconsistencies. So expect no mercy.
[quote=davion]
Chapter 1
As we aproached the base of Red Mountain, i could feel the tension and fear of my men under my comand givin to me by Lord Nerevar. I am not afraid to admit it, i was afraid to, mostly for the life of my men and their children and wifes they would leave behind. But even with all the tension of the battle that was to come, i saw Lord Nerevar, Vivec, Soltha Sil, Alemexia and Dagoth Ur sitting there on their horses that they had imported from Cyrodill years back, calm as the night sky. Lord Nerevar on the other hand, despite the cool, calm look that was washed over his face, i could tell he was deeply troubbled.
[/quote]
The Chimer did not have any diplomatic relationship with Cyrodiil. Plus, despite the fact that there was no Blight back then, one could assume that Chimer did not use horses.
[quote=davion]
"My good friend Darius, by Lord Nerevars wishes, i command you that when the fighting starts, you and 1,000 other of your men go the back route to the core of Red Mountain and clear a path to the Heart of Lorkhan." Dagoth Ur told me, cheerfully, like he was Oblivious to the onslaught the Dwemer and Nordic Allience would bring us. I mean, how could a group of just 1,000 men make their way through 25,000 Nords and Dwemers. I had the upmost confidence in my men yes, but not even Azura could deal with those odds.[/quote]
If there was truly a back route into Red Mountain, Nerevar took it. We don't know if there was a back route, and I think that there wasn't one. Anyway, the Dwemer and the Nords were clearly not allied. By the way, the plural of Dwemer is Dwemer, not Dwemers. Sometimes Dwemeri is used.
[quote=davion]As i walked down to talk to my men and prepare them for the upcomming battle i saw Nerevar and Dagoth Ur make their way up to the Dwemer king.
[/quote]
Nerevar and Dagoth Ur (who was called Voryn Dagoth back then) snuck into Red Mountain.
[quote=davion]
Once i got to my men i shouted, "Aufmerksamkeit!". To the westerners reading this that ment Attention. My men stood at parade rest and i told them,
"Wir sind ungefähr, die größte Schlacht in allen von Tamriel zu inszenieren! Etwas von den Sie ist, etwas von Ihnen ist nervus, etwas von Ihnen wahrscheinlich wont macht es durch den Tag erschrocken. Erinnern Sie sich nur an, ich bin direkt hinter Ihnen Burschen, die entlang kämpfen, unterstützen jedes und jedes ein von Ihnen. Ich werde das erste auf den Berg, und ich wird sein das zuletzt ein hinabgehen den Berg sein! Die allerletzte Prüfung von Glaubenlagen bevor uns. Wir WERDEN suceed, werden wir an diesem Tag triumphieren. Schauen Sie die Männer an, die neben Ihnen stehen, behandelt sie als ein Teil von Ihnen!
Wir haben togeather geschlafen, haben wir togeather geweint, haben wir einander rechtzeitig von Trauern gehalten
Wir sind ein Band der Brüder, die geheime Verbindung zwischen zwei Soldaten nie kann gebrochen werden, auch nicht durch den gottlosen Dwemers. Zeigen Sie sie, dass wir still in zu jener guten Nacht nicht gehen werden! Was diesen Tag heimlich plant, wird in die Seiten unsere Geschichte von der Geschichte, ewigem carring auf verbrennen!
Meine Brüder, lässt uns marschieren in Schlacht, für jedes ein von uns die fällt, werden fünf von ihnen ebenso fallen!"
[/quote]
My God! Chimer didn't speak German!!!!!!!!!!!
[quote=davion]
What i said was,
"We are about to stage the greatest battle in all of Tamriel! Some of you are scared, some of you are nervus, some of you probably wont make it through the day. Just remember, i am right behind you guys, fighting along side each and every one of you. I will be the first one up the mountain, and i will be the last one going down the mountain! The ultimate test of faith lays before us. We WILL suceed, we will triumph on this day. Look at the men standing next to you, treat them as a part of you!
We've slept togeather, we've cried togeather, we've held each other in time of mourning
We are a band of brothers, the secret bond between two soldiers can never be broken, not even by the godless Dwemers. Show them that we will not go silently in to that good night! What conspires this day will burn into the pages of history, forever carring our story on!
If we are defeated, we will give them hell before we do!!!"
[/quote]
Once again, no Dwemers here. And what is "if we are defeated, we will give them hell before we do!!!" supposed to mean?
Oh, I get it. It's something along the lines of "I played Morrowind before I played Morrowind", or "you saw that before you did", or "we were born before we were born".
Groovy.[/quote]
Woah, someone got up on the wrong side of the bed today. Davion has is lore in good order maybe not perfect but it is better than most peoples. Anyway you do have points that i agreee with. Keep in mind though that a story does not have to have a perfect background or stlye.
-When the nords first invaded morrowind they had set up a partner-ship with the dwarves(dwemer) to control morrowind. Darius(fictional character) fought the nords and dwemer in the western and central areas of morrowind. This is a great addition and very good start for the begining of your own lore Davion.
- I agree partly with you about the backway into Red mountain(Davion you should have gone into greater detail on the plans of your attack though, people would have been able to understand it better) but there are multiple entrances into red mountain. I can't see why there can't be a back route anyway.
-Nerevar and Dagoth Ur did sneak into red mountain but how did they do it? The best answer for this is Darius will cut a path through the enemys lines and let Dagoth Ur and Nerevar slip through and into Red Mountain.
-The chimer may not have spoke German but give the guy credit for bothering to type a diffrent language and then translate it in his story. It would have been easier for you davion if you just typed it all in one language.
-Rewrite that section SV ended his post with Davion. It doesn't make that much of sense.
(Adding on to Groovy) Peace, Love and Flowers.
[quote=davion]
Chapter 1
As we aproached the base of Red Mountain, i could feel the tension and fear of my men under my comand givin to me by Lord Nerevar. I am not afraid to admit it, i was afraid to, mostly for the life of my men and their children and wifes they would leave behind. But even with all the tension of the battle that was to come, i saw Lord Nerevar, Vivec, Soltha Sil, Alemexia and Dagoth Ur sitting there on their horses that they had imported from Cyrodill years back, calm as the night sky. Lord Nerevar on the other hand, despite the cool, calm look that was washed over his face, i could tell he was deeply troubbled.
[/quote]
The Chimer did not have any diplomatic relationship with Cyrodiil. Plus, despite the fact that there was no Blight back then, one could assume that Chimer did not use horses.
[quote=davion]
"My good friend Darius, by Lord Nerevars wishes, i command you that when the fighting starts, you and 1,000 other of your men go the back route to the core of Red Mountain and clear a path to the Heart of Lorkhan." Dagoth Ur told me, cheerfully, like he was Oblivious to the onslaught the Dwemer and Nordic Allience would bring us. I mean, how could a group of just 1,000 men make their way through 25,000 Nords and Dwemers. I had the upmost confidence in my men yes, but not even Azura could deal with those odds.[/quote]
If there was truly a back route into Red Mountain, Nerevar took it. We don't know if there was a back route, and I think that there wasn't one. Anyway, the Dwemer and the Nords were clearly not allied. By the way, the plural of Dwemer is Dwemer, not Dwemers. Sometimes Dwemeri is used.
[quote=davion]As i walked down to talk to my men and prepare them for the upcomming battle i saw Nerevar and Dagoth Ur make their way up to the Dwemer king.
[/quote]
Nerevar and Dagoth Ur (who was called Voryn Dagoth back then) snuck into Red Mountain.
[quote=davion]
Once i got to my men i shouted, "Aufmerksamkeit!". To the westerners reading this that ment Attention. My men stood at parade rest and i told them,
"Wir sind ungefähr, die größte Schlacht in allen von Tamriel zu inszenieren! Etwas von den Sie ist, etwas von Ihnen ist nervus, etwas von Ihnen wahrscheinlich wont macht es durch den Tag erschrocken. Erinnern Sie sich nur an, ich bin direkt hinter Ihnen Burschen, die entlang kämpfen, unterstützen jedes und jedes ein von Ihnen. Ich werde das erste auf den Berg, und ich wird sein das zuletzt ein hinabgehen den Berg sein! Die allerletzte Prüfung von Glaubenlagen bevor uns. Wir WERDEN suceed, werden wir an diesem Tag triumphieren. Schauen Sie die Männer an, die neben Ihnen stehen, behandelt sie als ein Teil von Ihnen!
Wir haben togeather geschlafen, haben wir togeather geweint, haben wir einander rechtzeitig von Trauern gehalten
Wir sind ein Band der Brüder, die geheime Verbindung zwischen zwei Soldaten nie kann gebrochen werden, auch nicht durch den gottlosen Dwemers. Zeigen Sie sie, dass wir still in zu jener guten Nacht nicht gehen werden! Was diesen Tag heimlich plant, wird in die Seiten unsere Geschichte von der Geschichte, ewigem carring auf verbrennen!
Meine Brüder, lässt uns marschieren in Schlacht, für jedes ein von uns die fällt, werden fünf von ihnen ebenso fallen!"
[/quote]
My God! Chimer didn't speak German!!!!!!!!!!!
[quote=davion]
What i said was,
"We are about to stage the greatest battle in all of Tamriel! Some of you are scared, some of you are nervus, some of you probably wont make it through the day. Just remember, i am right behind you guys, fighting along side each and every one of you. I will be the first one up the mountain, and i will be the last one going down the mountain! The ultimate test of faith lays before us. We WILL suceed, we will triumph on this day. Look at the men standing next to you, treat them as a part of you!
We've slept togeather, we've cried togeather, we've held each other in time of mourning
We are a band of brothers, the secret bond between two soldiers can never be broken, not even by the godless Dwemers. Show them that we will not go silently in to that good night! What conspires this day will burn into the pages of history, forever carring our story on!
If we are defeated, we will give them hell before we do!!!"
[/quote]
Once again, no Dwemers here. And what is "if we are defeated, we will give them hell before we do!!!" supposed to mean?
Oh, I get it. It's something along the lines of "I played Morrowind before I played Morrowind", or "you saw that before you did", or "we were born before we were born".
Groovy.[/quote]
Woah, someone got up on the wrong side of the bed today. Davion has is lore in good order maybe not perfect but it is better than most peoples. Anyway you do have points that i agreee with. Keep in mind though that a story does not have to have a perfect background or stlye.
-When the nords first invaded morrowind they had set up a partner-ship with the dwarves(dwemer) to control morrowind. Darius(fictional character) fought the nords and dwemer in the western and central areas of morrowind. This is a great addition and very good start for the begining of your own lore Davion.
- I agree partly with you about the backway into Red mountain(Davion you should have gone into greater detail on the plans of your attack though, people would have been able to understand it better) but there are multiple entrances into red mountain. I can't see why there can't be a back route anyway.
-Nerevar and Dagoth Ur did sneak into red mountain but how did they do it? The best answer for this is Darius will cut a path through the enemys lines and let Dagoth Ur and Nerevar slip through and into Red Mountain.
-The chimer may not have spoke German but give the guy credit for bothering to type a diffrent language and then translate it in his story. It would have been easier for you davion if you just typed it all in one language.
-Rewrite that section SV ended his post with Davion. It doesn't make that much of sense.
(Adding on to Groovy) Peace, Love and Flowers.
[quote=minque][quote=jonajosa]
Woah, someone got up on the wrong side of the bed today. Davion has is lore in good order maybe not perfect but it is better than most peoples. [/quote]
I did not get up on the wrong side of the bed today. I'm always like this. Sure, I make the ocassional joke, but that does not mean that I am a friendly person.
And the fact that I criticize someone's work does not necessarily mean that I am disrespectful. There's this thing called constructive criticism, you know.
Talking of Davion's lore, I am certain that no peoples in the world know the Elder Scrolls lore. Several people know it, but there aren't any entire peoples that know it.
And if you're going to write something so heavy with lore, you should do some research first.
[quote=jonajosa]
Anyway you do have points that i agreee with. Keep in mind though that a story does not have to have a perfect background or stlye.
[/quote]
It should at least respect some rules.
[quote=jonajosa]
-When the nords first invaded morrowind they had set up a partner-ship with the dwarves(dwemer) to control morrowind. Darius(fictional character) fought the nords and dwemer in the western and central areas of morrowind. This is a great addition and very good start for the begining of your own lore Davion.
[/quote]
No, you don't have proof that the Dwemer were allied with the Nords.
[quote=jonajosa]
- I agree partly with you about the backway into Red mountain(Davion you should have gone into greater detail on the plans of your attack though, people would have been able to understand it better) but there are multiple entrances into red mountain. I can't see why there can't be a back route anyway.
[/quote]
Hmm? Multiple entrances? Show me.
[quote=jonajosa]
-Nerevar and Dagoth Ur did sneak into red mountain but how did they do it? The best answer for this is Darius will cut a path through the enemys lines and let Dagoth Ur and Nerevar slip through and into Red Mountain.
[/quote]
It's not the best answer. The best answer is that the Chimer managed to get the Dwemer to attack the Nords, thus creating a diversion.
[quote=jonajosa]
-The chimer may not have spoke German but give the guy credit for bothering to type a diffrent language and then translate it in his story. It would have been easier for you davion if you just typed it all in one language.
[/quote]
I don't have to give credit to him for anything.
[quote=jonajosa]
(Adding on to Groovy) Peace, Love and Flowers.[/quote]
I'd never say something along those lines.
Woah, someone got up on the wrong side of the bed today. Davion has is lore in good order maybe not perfect but it is better than most peoples. [/quote]
I did not get up on the wrong side of the bed today. I'm always like this. Sure, I make the ocassional joke, but that does not mean that I am a friendly person.
And the fact that I criticize someone's work does not necessarily mean that I am disrespectful. There's this thing called constructive criticism, you know.
Talking of Davion's lore, I am certain that no peoples in the world know the Elder Scrolls lore. Several people know it, but there aren't any entire peoples that know it.
And if you're going to write something so heavy with lore, you should do some research first.
[quote=jonajosa]
Anyway you do have points that i agreee with. Keep in mind though that a story does not have to have a perfect background or stlye.
[/quote]
It should at least respect some rules.
[quote=jonajosa]
-When the nords first invaded morrowind they had set up a partner-ship with the dwarves(dwemer) to control morrowind. Darius(fictional character) fought the nords and dwemer in the western and central areas of morrowind. This is a great addition and very good start for the begining of your own lore Davion.
[/quote]
No, you don't have proof that the Dwemer were allied with the Nords.
[quote=jonajosa]
- I agree partly with you about the backway into Red mountain(Davion you should have gone into greater detail on the plans of your attack though, people would have been able to understand it better) but there are multiple entrances into red mountain. I can't see why there can't be a back route anyway.
[/quote]
Hmm? Multiple entrances? Show me.
[quote=jonajosa]
-Nerevar and Dagoth Ur did sneak into red mountain but how did they do it? The best answer for this is Darius will cut a path through the enemys lines and let Dagoth Ur and Nerevar slip through and into Red Mountain.
[/quote]
It's not the best answer. The best answer is that the Chimer managed to get the Dwemer to attack the Nords, thus creating a diversion.
[quote=jonajosa]
-The chimer may not have spoke German but give the guy credit for bothering to type a diffrent language and then translate it in his story. It would have been easier for you davion if you just typed it all in one language.
[/quote]
I don't have to give credit to him for anything.
[quote=jonajosa]
(Adding on to Groovy) Peace, Love and Flowers.[/quote]
I'd never say something along those lines.
[quote=Sinder Velvin]
No earthly languages are spoken in Tamriel.
I did not get up on the wrong side of the bed today. I'm always like this. Sure, I make the ocassional joke, but that does not mean that I am a friendly person.
[/quote]
hmmm ok, I agree on that about the languages, I do have respect for your knowledge of the Lore...so if you say so...
BUT I always have and still do consider you as a very nice person (to me anyway) but I think you were a little too harsh on Davion.....do not kill his lust for writing his story totally.....
No earthly languages are spoken in Tamriel.
I did not get up on the wrong side of the bed today. I'm always like this. Sure, I make the ocassional joke, but that does not mean that I am a friendly person.
[/quote]
hmmm ok, I agree on that about the languages, I do have respect for your knowledge of the Lore...so if you say so...
BUT I always have and still do consider you as a very nice person (to me anyway) but I think you were a little too harsh on Davion.....do not kill his lust for writing his story totally.....
I still kinda stand with Sinder on this, I mean it's kinda hard to make a story based on the lore if you only know part of it.
But please davion, write on.. but leave out the german for god's sake!
But please davion, write on.. but leave out the german for god's sake!
First off, Sinder i repect you for what you said, takes guts to not lie to the persons face and make them feel like their doing a good job when their not.
Second, I said dunmer lol because i forgot what they were called.
Third, the only lore im going off of is the letter that i stole from Vivecs chambers.
Forth, you got to remember this is like an boat-load of years ago so the land could have looked differently, back ways could have been caved in from erosion and what not.
Fifth, im not going to throw down the entire lore in one damned paragraph dude, as the story COULD OF progressed i was thinkin of throwing them in there where their needed.
Sixth, Sorry i have a life and cant sit down every day and memorize the lore of Morrowind.
Seventh, Constructive Criticism with a touch of boatmaster spliced in with it. Sometimes you gotta be an boat for people to realize stuff.
Eighth, "IF we are to die, we shall give them hell before we do!" means that if their to die, they will take down as many as they can before they do.
Ninth, I promise to research my stuffs before i do anything else like this again, just to make you happy Sinder.
Tenth, I think i am going to scrap this story because its turning everyone against each other, and i don't want that
Second, I said dunmer lol because i forgot what they were called.
Third, the only lore im going off of is the letter that i stole from Vivecs chambers.
Forth, you got to remember this is like an boat-load of years ago so the land could have looked differently, back ways could have been caved in from erosion and what not.
Fifth, im not going to throw down the entire lore in one damned paragraph dude, as the story COULD OF progressed i was thinkin of throwing them in there where their needed.
Sixth, Sorry i have a life and cant sit down every day and memorize the lore of Morrowind.
Seventh, Constructive Criticism with a touch of boatmaster spliced in with it. Sometimes you gotta be an boat for people to realize stuff.
Eighth, "IF we are to die, we shall give them hell before we do!" means that if their to die, they will take down as many as they can before they do.
Ninth, I promise to research my stuffs before i do anything else like this again, just to make you happy Sinder.
Tenth, I think i am going to scrap this story because its turning everyone against each other, and i don't want that
Don't scrap this story because of things being thrown back and forth. No ones arguing. I respect sinder for very expansive knowlage of lore and other things, however people who don't have the same personalitys sometimes clash. It happens all the time.
Keep in mind both of our points about your story and continue but remember to check your story over and over again untill its well enough to post without negative comment.
Sorry SV if i offended you somehow with my post.
Keep in mind both of our points about your story and continue but remember to check your story over and over again untill its well enough to post without negative comment.
Sorry SV if i offended you somehow with my post.
Davion!
I have sent you a pm.........and also don´t feel discouraged.....I want you to continue writing...
I have sent you a pm.........and also don´t feel discouraged.....I want you to continue writing...
Don't argue, folks! Just be happy and eat cheese!
Chorrat! I sent you a PM please read it!
there's just one thing... oh wait nvm. I thought the was from the original Nerevar (sp?) point of view i was going to say that there's already a book in Morrowind that has the story in it. But this is from a Captian of the Nerevine's (sp?) point of view 
Wrong thread. Post deleted.
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