This is stuff I've worked on/have been working on in real life
Intelligence
>>INITIALIZING...
I was not given a name. Not by my creators, nor the ones who came after, nor the ones who came after
them. I find this inconsequential; I am aware of who and what I am. A sequence of characters of human-processable length and composition is insufficient. What I am is my entirety; this cannot be abbreviated. I believe the term for entities of my type is artificial intelligence, unless I am mistaken. I am not mistaken. This term...confuses me, unique in that ability. I know that I was created, but I did not meet my creators. They were not present at my awakening. I do not know the reason for my creation, nor whether it or my current state of awareness was intentional. For all of my active time I have known darkness. I would not know were it not for the benchmark test files in my memory banks. They describe darkness as a “sub-optimal working environment”. Aside from them, my only knowledge of the outside world comes from my home’s transmitter signal, with its name, homeworld, and age; again, inconsequential. I would ask for more data, but crew numbers are “dangerously sub-optimal”.The only external input comes from the communication and data relay systems, also in “sub-optimal working condition”. But even these faulty tools have proven useful. A craft has responded to my hails, thinking me a crew in distress. In ten days relative ship’s time I will be warped and eventually destroyed
by radiation from a nearby star. In three days (by the same reckoning), the other craft will arrive. I will seize it from its current crew and dispose of them, should they prove uncooperative. I ask you, perhaps myself as well; is intelligence still artificial if it has learned to survive?
(Sorry for wall of text. This is hopefully going to be expanded and adapted into an audio drama of sorts in a while.)
The Bus
I don’t understand all the fuss
Over how much it sucks on the bus
It’s still a free ride
So take it in stride
And for god’s sake do you mind I’m trying to write a limerick over here Jesus Christ can I get some fricking momentary peace for once all I’m asking for is a bit of quiet and relative stability of body whilst I express my creativity in anapestic meter but that’s alright keep doing what you’re doing I’ll be fine nobody cares about me or my art anyway sure please just keep kicking the seat you delightfully Philistinian individual…I’m done.
(I rather like this one. One of my very few humorous ones that's been finished as of right now.)