Here is mine, add yours !!!


Never eat Chinese Sweet and Sour Chicken while the odor of your wet dog is drifting up from below the table.


*

Never place a vase of roses on a table where a cat can get to it!

********************

I should have known that the vase wasn't safe. I should have waited until my better half was about to be home.
Shoulda, coulda, woulda......

Someone won't be happy tonight, lol.

Are you kidding me? I fixed that right up post haste! My fee-on-say was quite pleased.

Smart move, lol. Glad she was pleased !!

once when I was 10, my parents made me try the new flavour of ice cream they made, peanut butter.

loved it, had a whole bowl full. 5 minutes later i'm being rushed to the emergency ward with a severe allergic reaction.

I didnt have ice cream again untill I was 13!

The first thing Alabama drivers do when they purchase a vehicle is snap that annoying stick off of the left side of the steering column.

------------------------------

I swear that maybe 10% of the drivers here signal their turns...

Never EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER...

Fall into temptation and eat chicken withOUT oil. In fact, Never In Your Life, eat chicken without cooking it. The moment I popped a piece into my mouth, made a bold move of ACTUALLY CHEWING IT and swallowed it quickly..

Let's just say that I felt like complete idiot the moment after.
----------

Silly, you only have so many hands. I mean your right hand is for changing radio stations and drinking coffee, your knees are for working the steering wheel and you need your left hand to hold the cell phone to your ear. What are you supposed to work that silly turn thingie with?

Seriously now, Mrs Acadian is very diligent about signaling her turns. She is currently visiting some of our family in Perth, Australia where they of course drive on the left side of the road. Their cars naturally are set up for that. On the right side of the steering column on our daughter's car is the turn indicator. On the left side is the windshield wiper controls. Yep, being the diligent creature of habit that she is, Mrs Acadian is reliably turning those wipers on every time she gets ready to make a turn.

If you are accessible, a cat WILL sit on the book you are reading without fail.

Very very true! Book, newspaper, magazine...it matters not. One of mine thinks my keyboard is his own personal foot massager.

When you are about to do something daring, funny, acrobatic of similar NEVER utter the words "Hey guys check this out", this will make sure that your attempt to be awesome will turn into fail of epic proportions (top ten on failblog at least).

Yes I can testify to this, I had a bike, a lot of friends (one with a video cam) and a long set of stairs. long story short, five month hospital stay with a total of eleven broken bones and nine fractures.

@ Grif11 - Better watch peanut butter too!

***
@ TheOtherRick - That 10% that is using the signal probably have over large endowments (male or female does not matter) and it is bumping the turn signal when they turn their head to look which way they are about to turn.

***
@ Ureniashtram - GAAAAAH !!! Never eat raw chicken - salmonella city !!! GAAAAK !!!

***
@ Acadian - ROFL !!! Poor Mary !!! You have spilled her secret.

***
@ King Coin - Try playing a card game. If they don't lay down ontop the cards, they run into the center of them and spin, throwing them everywhere. - Good one !!!

***
@ TheOtherRick - I was going to mention keyboards, but saw you had beat me to it, lol.

***
@ Tellie - Oh Tellie you are SOOOOO right about this !!! Bless your heart for being hurt, I hope you recooperated well !!!

The toothbrush was invented in Alabama...because if it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

Actually, my son did lose a tooth after moving to Ala, but the military did that to him... and although during football season we have several crude jokes regarding specifically (the Crimson Tide or Crimson Tide Cheerleaders...or both) - other than that I cannot sling [censored], lol.

ROFL....I am picturing an Austrailian motorcycle cop writing a ticket while Mrs. Acadian's wipers are slappin' away...

Indicators are awkward, I'm sure that's why people here use them after they've turned so they can pay attention during the manouver.

I have two motorbikes. One is Japanese so has the gears on the left foot and brake on the right, the other is an old can-am and has the gears on the right and the brake on the left... This leads to fun of a similar variety.

"What was that streak that just flew by?"

"That was Olen. OLEN! BRAKES ARE ON THE RIGHT ON THAT BIKE !!!!"

Like switching from a manual shift vehicle with a clutch pedal- which I almost exclusively drive- to an automatic.

It is late- you are getting ready to make that left turn- take left foot and slam pedal on the left ALL the way to the floor.

Remove forehead from windshield and remember- "OH. That's the BRAKE!"

"SCREEEEEECH...BAM!!"

An additional version of this is switching from a 4-speed truck to a 3-speed Mustang:

2nd- whiirrrrr

3rd- rrrrmmmm

2nd- erkkkkk

[sound of grinding gears followed by transmission dropping onto road with the reverse sheered off]

Do not let the dyslexic child help his sister learn her spelling words. No matter how sweet he’s being.

tac - n. 1) Feline animal.

SPEW!!! Good one !!! On the one hand you really don't want to discourage, but on the other hand ...

Never mistake one party for another. PArticulary if they're near to each other.

Let's just say that it is very awkward. Just as so when you start eating like its none of my business.

"Umm.. I don't remember you being invited.. Heck, I don't even know who you are!

"Don't be silly, you silly little wench! This is little Sammy's Birthday, no? Now, could you kindly pass that bowl of rice? I'm starving and you shall feed me."

"... No. This is Holden' funeral party."

"Oh. Well, let me finish this BBQ."

"NO. GET OUT!!"

That literally happened to me. Seriously.

SPEW !!! ROFL !!!

If you climb a tall tree, don't just tie yourself to one if the branches with a rope, because if you fall, you'll be hanging upside down until someone comes and rescues you. Happend to me last summer, and I've definitely learned my lesson.

Or like my neighbor, don't trim tree branches with a chain saw while drinking mass quantities of cheap beer - most definitely not by sitting on the branch you are cutting while drunk.

That's just not smart You shouldn't microwave chicken. It tastes real nasty

ROFL !!! Yes, and that one should be on the "Gross things you've eaten before" thread, ROFL !!!

I remember microwaving an uncooked sausage back when I was 7 years old. Didn't taste good either.

If your gas tank has a crack in it, trying to weld it shut yourself is not a good idea...

Nor if you need to check how much gas is in it and use a lighter...

The only problem is I knew I should of read the instructions and I didn't. I thought sticking them in the microwave was the perfect solution, but I was real wrong

The sausage probably would have tasted nastier though,but that sounds like something I'd do.

Both of these nearly caused my ice cream sandwich to spew!

You have an Ice cream sandwich? Lucky I want one.

My husband did all the shopping while I was at my Mom's - I came home and all we had in the house was enough beer to start our own store, two boxes of Oreo cookies, a box of ice cream sandwiches, and a box of mini Bavarian chocolate eclairs.

OH - forgot: There was a huge bag of potato chips and an even bigger bag of Doritos Nacho chips too.

ROFL Did you flip out when you saw that? I'll take the ice Cream sandwiches if you don't want them.

It looked like Party Central here, but a one man party.

In not a big fan of Doritos or potato chips. I just can't stand the taste.

I like the taste of them, but wouldn't have bought any of that stuff if I was shopping. I guess when I leave town he goes hogwild on snacks, lol.

Ok, I admit it. I like the taste of Doritos, but not the blue kind. Potato chips are a different story though.

When my I'm babysitting the kids at my sister's house, I drink the milk straight from the carton

Ugh, you don't know who else has been doing that!


I'll be right over!


Yikes.

Blech! Urgh...bleah...URK!

I'm ready for one hellacious Super Bowl party! Lol.

I wish that was my sisters reaction instead if her screaming at me and making me go to the store to buy her a new milk carton. I guess it's Karma's way if getting me back though.

Have you thought about using a glass at her house?

Yes, but just to annoy my dear sister I drink from the carton anyway. It's worth it to watch her flip out momentarily even if she does scream at me and send me to the store.

Lol, wicked! I'll bet that's why she left you curdled milk that time! Teaching you a lesson!