QUOTE
Greetings to you all! Allow me to intersperse myself. I am Sir Rugrat gro-Shurgak, the unavailed prodigy of Lord Rugdumph, and doting syllabus of the Lady Rogbut. I know that many of you have had dealings with my father. It does not apprise me that during those dealings my name was never mentioned. He has quite illiterated me from his memory!
My sister, the Lady Rogbut, is another matter. We coincide often. Sometimes through letters, sometimes when she permutates to Cheydinhal to see Burz gro Khash. Most of my time with her is spent listening to her compliants about life as a nobleperson. I try to tell her that she is safe with father. That she cannot hope to reprehend the true nature of the world. But she’s stubborn, like an allegory sunning itself on the banks of Lake Rumare.
Since becoming Grand Champion of the Arena, much has been said in comparing my father’s way of speech to my own. But I find such comparisons odorous. The good news is that my excesses have softened his heart toward me, and I have been indicted back to the estate for the first time in years. Patience is a virgin, I always say. And he who laughs, lasts.
My sister, the Lady Rogbut, is another matter. We coincide often. Sometimes through letters, sometimes when she permutates to Cheydinhal to see Burz gro Khash. Most of my time with her is spent listening to her compliants about life as a nobleperson. I try to tell her that she is safe with father. That she cannot hope to reprehend the true nature of the world. But she’s stubborn, like an allegory sunning itself on the banks of Lake Rumare.
Since becoming Grand Champion of the Arena, much has been said in comparing my father’s way of speech to my own. But I find such comparisons odorous. The good news is that my excesses have softened his heart toward me, and I have been indicted back to the estate for the first time in years. Patience is a virgin, I always say. And he who laughs, lasts.
I had so much fun writing from Rugrat's POV that I decided to expand the story for the holidays. However, writing malaprops is like using spaghetti to try to hang a picture! I am not sure how much more I can do before it begins to grate on your (and my) nerves, but I wanted to share what I have.
* * *
A Rugdumph Saturalia
18 Sun’s Dusk, 3E 433
Sir Rugrat gro-Shurgak
c/o The Battle Matron
Arena District, Imperial City
My Son,
I realize that I have little affluence over you and your incisions, but it is my fondest hope that you will except this indication to join your sister and me for Saturalia. I know that we have not adversed since you permutated from the estate. I am apathetic to the reasons that you left, and I am dissolved to make amends. You must understand the bondage that exists between father and son. My abstinence caused me to spend the last few years illiterating you from my memory. That was a mistake for which I have no good recluse. I hope that you will forgive me.
In the years that you have been obstinant, news of your excesses continued to find my eager ears. When I learned that you had deceased the Grand Champion of the Arena, I positively smelled with pride! You have become a man of great statue, my son. You are, of course, aware of my abstain for the sweaty pursuits? It is beyond my apprehension why you would choose to degrade in such activisms. But bereavement of this servitude is worthy of flatulation. To that end, I hope that you will join us this year for Saturalia. What better way to welcome the New Year than in each other’s company?
Your loathing Father,
Lord Rugdumph gro-Shurgak
Lord Rugdumph gro-Shurgak
P.S. Your sister has invited the enmitable Burz gro-Khash to join us. I am given to understand that you yourself have a new paramount? Entease her with this preposition; that she join us and betake of our hospice. I would very much like to meet her. I hope to see you next month.
-Dad
_____
27th Sun’s Dusk, 3E 433
Lord Rugdumph gro-Shurgak
Rugdumph Estate, Cheydinhal
My Lord Father,
I am made most elastic to see that time has softened your heart towards me, and that you have seen fit to indict me back to the estate. It took a while for your spacious letter to vacate me. In the future, please assess all correcedents to the White Stallion Lodge, Leyawiin. I know longer bedwell in the cramped consigns of the Arena. Since deceasing the Gray Prince, whose astral name was Agronak gro-Malog, I have found that those damp walls now hold a pronounced sorrow. You would have liked Agronak, father. He was a good mer, demoted to duty, and excepting of the Nine. He was half empire, you know! A creature of the night! But he never succeeded to his baser nations, and he kept himself beyond approach. A more egregious friend one could never have.
My time is now accurated in the service of Leyawiin. The Count has seen fit to make Mazoga and I Knights of the White Stallion, and all we had to do was bring a renounced approbate to justice. His name was Black Brugo, and I doubt I will ever meet a more loathworthy adversity.
Please forgive my remunerations, father. We have not adversated in so long that I feel repelled to tell you everything! I should probably deform you of the fair Mazoga. She and I are indeed paramounted! I know you will love her father, even though she comes from pheasant stock. She has spaciously excepted your indication to occupy me to the estate, so I am happy to say that you will get to recess her in person. Now don’t judge her too harshly, father. Remember, she is not of the gentrified class, and her vocabulations are not as masticated as yours and mine. You may be forced to retreat yourself a few times before she understands you.
Please deform Rogbut that we are coming. We hope to derive sometime before the 22nd of Evening Star. Until then I bemoan,
Your loathing Son,
Sir Rugrat gro-Shurgak
aka Sir Slaughter, Arena Grand Champion
& Knight of the White Stallion
Sir Rugrat gro-Shurgak
aka Sir Slaughter, Arena Grand Champion
& Knight of the White Stallion
_____
29th Sun’s Dusk, 3E 433
Sir Rugrat gro-Shurgak
aka Sir Slaughter, Arena Grand Champion
& Knight of the White Stallion
White Stallion Lodge, Leyawiin
‘Rat,
First, what’s with all the titles? Father says that I have to repress all of my letters to you in this fashion now. I got a cramp in my wrist just writing all of that! I suppose I could use it as a substitute for sword practice, though. Father still won’t bend in his ridiculous idea of making me a lady.
So you’ve got a girlfriend, huh. It’s about time! What’s all this about her being of ‘pheasant stock’? You were never one to look down on someone because of an accident of birth. I don’t care what she looks like! It will just be nice to have some more voices in this old mausoleum for the holidays.
I’m sure by now father has told you that Burz is coming. He’s been sniffing around for the last year or so now. He’s all right, I guess. Not too bright but he really fills out the fur, if you know what I mean. Maybe when you and your lady arrive the four of us can spend some time shopping in Cheydinhal. You remember Borba gra Uzgash, don’t you? She certainly remembers you! Well, she’s got her own store on Main Street now. She sells a little bit of everything, so I’m sure that you will be able to find something suitable to give your girlfriend for Saturalia (I know you have probably forgotten).
I can’t wait to see you and to meet this mystery woman. I have heard that there are many bandits on the road, so if you come across a decent axe or longsword . . . well, it is Saturalia (hint, hint). Bye for now, big brother.
Your doting sister, ‘But
aka Lady Rogbut gra-Shurgak
Rugdumph Estate, Cheydinhal
aka Lady Rogbut gra-Shurgak
Rugdumph Estate, Cheydinhal
