I accidently reported the wrong one to be closed...

Prologue

I stared into the night sky; stars gleamed over the city of Anvil. I sat upon Benirus Manor. Clothed in my black-leather uniform with a black, hooded cloak, I stared at the sea. My older brother left for a career as an Imperial Soldier to Akavir. A long time ago they tried that, but the settlers were all killed by mysterious circumstances.

“You’re always waiting for him, Minx,” a voice whispered. I looked behind myself and noticed her. My friend, a khajiit smiled at me. Her eyes were dark and her fur was vibrant orange with ebony black stripes. Unlike most of her kind, she spoke like a normal citizen, probably due to the fact that she was raised by Imperials.

“I’ll never stop waiting for Fargoth. He always wanted to join the Legion and when he finally did,” I whimpered. “They were supposed to return six months ago.”

She hugged me and whispered, “Fargoth will return or my name isn’t Aunya.” Aunya always knew how to comfort me. The Khajiit was a few years older than me, but mentally it was as if she had been around for eras.

We lived in the five-hundred, twenty-fifth year of the fourth era, but Aunya could recite events back before the second era. I climbed down the Mansion and a well-dressed man fled past me. “Help me,” he shrieked as he fled. I looked and a group of Anvil guards charged after him.

I threw down some flash-powder to create smoke, but before I knew it they had me surrounded. The Guard Captain spit in my face and scowled. “You just helped the head of the Thieves’ Guild branch in Anvil escape,” he barked. “You sap-sucker, I’ll make sure you serve at least fifty years.”

Aunya was nowhere to be seen, she was always a non-confrontational type. One of the guards shoved me to the ground and hissed, “Poor sap-sucker, I can’t wait until Countess Alessia lets me enjoy you. Reman Septim holds no power in Anvil.”

He was right; Reman had no power in Anvil. It was lawless. Countess Alessia was a known member of the new Thieves’ Guild. The Thief Wars were occurring day-and-night; the guards were all servants of Alessia who held high rank in the new Thieves’ Guild also known as the Imperium Tong.

I felt a coarse, linen sack thrown over my head and cold, iron shackles shoved onto my wrists. For several minutes, they carried me. Various scents filled my nostrils as we walked, but the cold bit my flesh. After they tore the sack off me, I was in the dungeon. “You stopped the local Old Guild leader,” the Guard-Captain scowled. “You’ll suffer, for that, Sap-Sucker.”

I gulped. He really needed something to make his breath stop smelling like Nix-Hound feces. This man was insane; I could see it in his eyes. The Imperium Tong weren’t like the Old Guild. Aunya was an Old Guild member; she held the rank of Operative. The Guard-Captain exited with a smile.

The person across from me wore sackcloth pants. He thinning, gray hair and was thin. “I’ve been in here for five years, every day they’ll beat you like they have me. I got in here for insulting a ‘guard’ also known as an Imperium Tong Thug,” he coughed. “Listen Bosmer, my life is over. My body is broken, you’re just a girl. I picked the lock on my cell, when the guard comes by; I’m going to cause quite a ruckus. Snatch his keys, open your cell, and run. He’ll kill me, but you can still escape.”

This aging Imperial was going to give his life for mine. His nobility knew no bounds, I merely nodded. I needed to be patient for the plan to fall into place, and if I failed then I’d be as dead as him…

Chapter One: Escaping the Castle Anvil

For hours the guard didn’t come, then I heard the door creak open. He was a Dunmer in a suit of steel plate-mail. In his hand was an ebony morning-star. “Ready for your slop, prisoner?” he asked the prisoner across from me.

The prisoner slammed against the cell-door and looked at me. His dull-blue eyes said one thing, “Run.” I snatched the key-ring and opened my cell. With speed that rivaled Aunya’s I sprinted out of the room, only stopping to grab my bow and arrows.

I heard two people talking, Countess Alessia and a raspy-voiced one, I assumed a Dunmer. “Lord Dren demands you give me the head of the local Captain,” the Dunmer barked. “It would be best you execute him now if you have him.”

I peaked out from a corner and saw it was a dark elf in Ebony Plate-mail. “Raynil, I don’t have him. One of the prisoners helped him escape,” she pleaded with fear in her voice. “Give me another chance, please, I beg you.”

“Saryn warned you six weeks ago if you didn’t have him you’d be dead,” the Dark Elf sighed. “You were warned Countess, now you’ll die.” The ebony-clad enforcer ripped the sword out of his scabbard and plunged it deep into her chest.

The Dunmer walked off and I took the opportunity to take a few steps into the throne-room. Countess Alessia already had blood pooling around her, she was dead now. I can’t say I’m sad about it. Baan Dar, the Bandit God is probably sad, but not I.

I heard a foot-step behind me and that was the last thing I heard. A spell drained me of my energy instantly and sleep dominated my mind. When I awoke, an Argonian and a Khajiit stood over me. “Minx, are you okay?” the Argonian asked. He wore black-leather armor like me and a similar cloak. The khajiit wore a faded gray robe that once might’ve been any color. The khajiit had the hood up.

“Who are you?” I asked.

“Quick-Strike and my companion is J’skooma,” he stated. “Don’t worry; we’re not friends of the Imperium Tong. We’re actually trying to destroy it. Unlike the Old Guild, the Imperium Tong has a very tight grip on the newly re-founded Septim Empire. Alessia was had a very high rank, she was the local Captain.”

“Where are we?”

“We’re three miles north of Anvil in an abandoned farm-house.” I looked around, it was run-down and the windows were boarded up. The smell of rotten potatoes also filled my nose, I almost puked, but I kept it down, luckily.

“So are you guys going to arrest me for the murder of Countess Alessia?” The Argonian seemed to be one of Reman’s Bounty Hunters. Wouldn’t surprise me, he had the look of an assassin.

“No, quite the contrary. Minx, we’ve watched you for the past six months, you seem to be quite the archer, we could use your assistance in taking down the Imperium Tong,” Quick-Strike explained. “There are Imperium Tong lords in each province. The Kingpin, Vedam Dren, is the great grandson of the old Camonna Tong kingpin, Orvas Dren named after his great uncle, Duke Vedam Dren.”

“So you’re asking me to help you take out the Lords of the Imperium Tong and help you kill Kingpin Vedam Dren? Are you insane?” I asked in disbelief. They had to be if they thought they could end the Imperium Tong. Vedam Dren had more mercenaries serving him than the Fighters’ Guild had members.

“J’skooma is a little odd,” J’skooma chuckled. “J’skooma likes to be strange; it’s no fun being normal.” Oh joy, a khajiit with a case of insanity.

“The Camonna Tong was wiped out by the Nerevarine,” the Argonian pointed out.

“He also killed gods; I couldn’t hold my own against a Redguard in a fistfight.”

“Perhaps you’re right, but you would be as revered as greats like the Champion of Cyrodiil and the Eternal Champion…”

I always did want to be famous, ever since I was just a little girl and Father and Mother were still alive. “Fine, Quick-Strike,” I nodded. “I’ll help you.”

The Argonian gave me a nod of approval. That was the beginning of my story. Just like the Hero of Daggerfall. He wasn’t special in any regards, just a survivor… Like me…

Chapter Two: The Journey to the Imperial City

When I awoke, Quick-Strike was stroking a fire. It was cold in the mornings by the ocean. “Quick-Strike, I think if we go to the Imperial City, we can talk to some informants and get some information on the Imperium Tong,” I said as I looked in the mirror. I realized for a second, I was only in a loincloth and brassiere and grabbed a blanket to cover myself.

“Relax,” the Argonian stated. “I will not stare.” After a moment, I released it, my hair was a mess and I needed to bathe. I looked around for my armor and bow, but to no avail.

“Where is my armor and my bow?” I asked curiously. “I would really like to have them.”

Quick-Strike tossed her a knapsack, “Don’t wear it, we want to be inconspicuous. In the bag there are some folded up clothes, wear them. J’skooma has your bow in a Wizard’s Chest, as well as your armor.”

I looked in the bag and pulled out the contents. A white blouse with a brown vest, doeskin shoes, and a light, brown skirt were the contents of the bag. “You expect me to wear this?” I asked. “You’ve got to be kidding; I’m a rogue, a thief, an agent, not some girly merchant.”

“I’ll be going in with a green, flax tunic; coarse, linen pants; and no shoes. I am as unhappy as you, but we must go in incognito,” Quick-Strike explained. “Not many people will talk to adventurers about the Imperium Tong, but gossip amongst other people is fine.”

With a deep sigh, I stepped into the skirt and pulled it up. I put on the blouse and buttoned it up and over it went the vest. I put on the shoes and smiled a little, “This is quite a comfortable outfit.”

“I’ve worn it many times when I was trying to assassinate a Daedra worshipper who had too tankards of ale.” Quick-Strike glanced at J’skooma who wore his usual attire. The Argonian changed into his attire and they started walking.

After about six hours, we reached the Imperial City. The sun was high in the sky and extremely hot, but I didn’t complain. The guards held their halberds perpendicular. The one on the left asked, “What’s your business, Bosmer?”

“My father is ill,” I lied. “We’re here to get medicine.”

“Very well,” he said. “You may enter.” They pulled open the doors and I walked into the Talos Plaza. A plethora of people wandered the streets. I scurried into a tavern and saw an elderly Imperial woman drinking. Her hair was dull-gray, her face was wrinkled, and her eyes lacked luster.

“Madam?” I asked. “Are you alright?”

She stood up and looked into my eyes for a second. She hugged me tightly. “They killed him, Martin was such a good son, and now he’s dead.”

“Who killed Martin?”

“The Imperium Tong, those bloody scum, they killed my boy,” she sobbed. “A thousand blights upon their kingpin.”

I gently patted her on the back and noticed my white blouse was wet with tears. A patron came over to me and whispered, “I heard you talking about the Imperium Tong, come up to my room if you want information.”

The patron was a middle-aged Dunmer with graying hair. He climbed the shoddy stairs, heading to his room. I followed after him hastily. Once we reached his room, he said to me, “You want information? I want a night in bed with you.”

“You swine,” I screamed in his face. “You’re foul, Ashen-born.”

He grabbed me and threw me on the bed, but as I fell, I kicked him in the jaw. This pig was trying to assault me, I don’t know what women he was used to, but I wasn’t one of them. The Dunmer pulled out a silver dagger and hissed, “Take off your clothes or I’ll slit your throat. I’m an Imperium Tong Enforcer. I could have you killed, Sap-Child.”

Obediently, I slid out of my skirt, but the door opened and I saw an ebony short-sword emit from the man’s chest. “We need to leave, now,” Quick-Strike ordered.

Marching up the stairs were Imperial Legionaries, I pulled up my skirt and dived out the window. I hit the ground… Hard. It hurt, but I got up and started running. Quick-Strike and J’skooma were nowhere to be seen.

I looked around and saw a mob of guards. I cut into an alleyway and a gloved hand covered my mouth. I tried to scream, but I couldn’t. The last thing I knew a sack was put over my head and a club hit the back of my skull…

I'm liking this Zalphon. Minx is likable, and having QS and the J-cat along is great. This is quite fun to read. She gets out of one close call, only to be bagged & knocked out! Great fun.




nit:
I think you mean 'too many tankards'. Although less likely, I suppose you could have meant 'two tankards'.

Too many was the intended meaning.

I truly adore this line. You've got some really nice phrases like that throughout your work, and they make me smile, both because they're creative and downright humorous. I also like your characters quite a bit, and I'm waiting to see where you take them.

And now an observation for improvement:
Perhaps it's simply an editing oversight, but I've noticed that you frequently use commas where there should be periods, and sometimes vice versa, especially in dialogue. For instance, this section:

“I’ve been in here for five years, every day they’ll beat you like they have me. I got in here for insulting a ‘guard’ also known as an Imperium Tong Thug,” he coughed. “Listen Bosmer, my life is over. My body is broken, you’re just a girl. I picked the lock on my cell, when the guard comes by; I’m going to cause quite a ruckus. Snatch his keys, open your cell, and run. He’ll kill me, but you can still escape.”

Corrected, it would look like this:
"I've been in here for five years. Every day they'll beat you like they have me. I got in here for insulting a 'guard', also known as an Imperium Tong Thug," he coughed. "Listen, Bosmer: (or you could just use a period here, but I don't think that's as effective.) my life is over. My body is broken. You're just a girl. I picked the lock on my cell. When the guard comes by, I'm going to cause quite a ruckus. Snatch his keys. Open your cell, and run. He'll kill me, but you can still escape."

I realize that a lot of people make mistakes along the lines of "Listen Bosmer", but whenever there's a form of address in a sentence like that, there needs to be comma before the name/title being used. I hope that you don't think of this as nitpicking, because these things really do affect the story. Even when the meaning of your words is clear, it makes the writing look unpolished. And again, perhaps you simply wrote the chapter very quickly, but these little mistakes add up for a reader, and they distract from a worthwhile story.

I look forward to seeing more from you.

Alright Ornamental... Anyone ever told you how you're just nonsense?

Me? Full of nonsense? Where on earth would you get that idea?

Seriously though, I hope that you find my comments useful, and I really do like your stories.

I'd love to use them, but writer's block sucks.

There are several wonderful turns of phrase like this one that make Minx’s narration a pleasure to read. ‘Strike and J-Cat continue to pop up throughout the Tamrielic timeline in your writing. I have come to rely on seeing them every time I start a new thread of yours, and they never disappoint.

Your descriptions have improved immensely in this. You put me on the roof of Benirus Manor with Minx, pining away for her wayward brother. I could almost see the stars gleaming over the city of Anvil. Nicely done!

Thank you Destri. Quick-Strike and J'skooma have saved Nirn from a few apocalypsi (or is it apocalypses) in their time

Chapter Three: The Imperium Tong Lord
I awoke in a tan, sackcloth skirt with a matching brassiere. I lay on a wooden board, my hands and feet were shackled to metal stakes on the huge piece of wood. A cage was over me and night was a veil.

“You are a fool, little Bosmer,” a raspy-voiced Dunmer hissed. “If the Lord of Cyrodiil allows me, I’ll use your spine as a cane.” I turned my head to look at where the voice was coming from. A tall dark elf in a suit of ebony chain-mail smiled.

“Minx, you won’t escape punishment for this.”

For several hours I was silent after that as the horses pulled my wheeled cage. Finally we reached a manor. The Dunmer unshackled me, but first he put a leash around my neck. “Milord, I bring you a present,” the Dark Elf called.

After several moments, an Argonian female in a skirt, slave-bracers, and a strange, metal collar answered the door. “Come in, Muthsera.” The Dark Elf who captured me slapped the female across the face with the back-side of his hand.

“You don’t speak unless spoken to,” he snarled. “Do I make myself clear?”

She nodded vigorously in fear. As we entered I saw artifacts in display cases, rosewood and velvet chairs. It was beautiful. Down the stairs came a Dunmer with black hair and red eyes. He wore a white shirt with a black jacket over it. Curled black shoes and matching pants. “Lord Korvan, I bring you Minx. She is the reason that the Captain of Leyawiin couldn’t be caught.”

“Why does she have a leash around her neck?” He asked in disgust. “Take that off our guest.”

“But s--,” My captor was interrupted.

“Take it off her,” he ordered. “She is our guest.” Suddenly the guard untied the leash and bowed.

“Minx, I am a Lord of the Imperium Tong, one rank below the Grandmaster of the Tong. You stopped our guards; I will gladly put you on my payroll as a Captain. Equal-rank to the Countess and your captor, the offer is open.”

“S-s-sir, I don’t think I’d like to join,” I replied. “You people want to destroy the Old Guild, correct? I have a friend, Aunya who is in the guild.”

“Sleep on it, Minx. If you join, we can get you up to the title of Countess of Bravil to replace Countess Alessia. We have strong power in the Empire. I hold no rank in the Empire, because I control many who do. I could control the entire Imperium Tong, and we control most of the nobles in the Empire,” he smiled. “And we won’t kill Aunya if you join.”

I hugged him. “I’ll consider it, Muthsera. Could I please go to my quarters?” Benevolently, he led me up the stairs and across the hall to my room. It was as big as any house on the Imperial Waterfront.

“Please send up one of the concubines,” I asked.

“We only have female concubines,” he said sadly. “I’m sorry.”

“Send her up.”

“As you wish, Minx,” Korvan said as he walked down the stairs. I looked in the drawers and found a blue-velvet dress. I took off my skirt and brassiere. Soon after that, I slid on the dress.

The door opened and a khajiit stood there. She wore a linen skirt and a matching brassiere. “Madam, you aren’t the usual type of person I service,” the Khajiit curtsied. “What would you like me to do?”

The khajiit’s smooth and slender body was beautiful. I felt an attraction for the furry woman, but told her, “Eat.” On the nightstand was a bowl of shredded nix-hound meat and gooey kwama-egg yolk.

She asked in disbelief, “Are you sure?”

I nodded and with her hands, she shoveled it into her mouth. “What’s your name?” I asked.

“S’traya, Madam,” she said. “What would you like me to do?” As soon as she finished the sentence, I noticed the bowl was empty.

“Sleep, in the bed. It’s big enough for the both of us,” I glanced at the giant bed.

“Yes, Madam.” She lay on the bed and pulled the covers on her and faced the wall. I pulled off the dress and put on my undergarments and climbed into the bed that was full of pillows and covered with blankets.

I hugged the short khajiit. Her orange fur with black stripes was soft as I cuddled with her. Sleep came quickly and I faded into the land of dreams…

Oh no! 'Strike & J-Cat let her get away, and now she's sleepin' with the Tong! They better find her fast!

Chapter Four: Decisions

The warmth of the sun caressed me and brought me back to the world of the living. S’traya stood in the center of the room in her slave’s uniform. “Farewell, Madam,” she said as she walked out.

Farewell, S’traya. I walked over to the closet and pulled out a white, silk blouse; a black, silk jacket; a black, silk skirt, and a pair of black shoes. I slid them on and walked down the stairs, I was beginning to miss my old armor.

Korvan sat there in similar attire, but his shirt was a tunic and he wore black pants. “Have you decided, Countess Minx?” He asked. “The choice is yours…”

“Lord Korvan, I must decline,” I said after a long pause. “Can I please have my armor back?”

“Guards,” he shouted. “Don’t kill her, but take her to Varon, he’ll teleport you to Vvardenfell. Make sure she’s escorted to the Kingpin.”

Two nords grabbed my arms. They were both very tall, had wavy blonde hair, and were very muscular. They took me down a flight of stairs and a Dunmer smiled. He had graying, red hair and deep gray skin. “Why isn’t this one a beauty,” he chuckled.

“Varon, we need to go to Vvardenfell. Lord Korvan wants us to take this one to the Kingpin.”

He nodded and muttered under his breath. I blinked my eyes and we were in a rectangular house, similar to old Hlaalu-Style homes. I looked out the window and it was nightfall. “Why is it so late?”

“You’ve been unconscious since we left,” One of the nords laughed. “We’re going to sleep and secure you. If Vedam wants to speak to you, you’re obviously very important.”

I looked down at my attire; they had removed it except for my undergarments. They were kwama-scum. They slammed me against a bed and tied me up. It hurt, my arms against the hemp rope and my head hitting the wall.

After I was securely tied down, they went to sleep. For hours, I lied there, just thinking. Then I heard a scream in the night. A black, sack was placed over my head and they carried me off. Where to, though? That was the question.

Nicely done!

Poor girl! She keeps getting stuffed in a bag and lugged off.

Wow, this new story of yours is stemming with potential!

If you polish your story's chapter even more after finishing them, I will kneel in awe before you.

And I ditto Acadian. Poor cat's body is probably a walking abattoire! (laughs)

Waiting the next update.

Poor Minx, she needs to get a Nintendo DS for when she's being lugged around. Or a playstation portable.

At the very least one would think that she could log some frequent flier miles! I thought at first that racy little Minx was going to set the Khajiit slave free. Imagine my surprise!

Chapter Five: Quick-Strike’s Secret

For hours they carried me and we finally stopped. I heard a door closed behind us as they sat me on a chair. I heard a soothing voice of a young woman, “Take the sack off of her, she saved Captain Meeryn from death at the hands of the Imperium Tong thugs.”

The sack was lifted off of me. A young, Nord woman with blonde hair sat in front of me. “I apologize for the events of what happened, Ma’am,” she stated. I looked back towards the guards that carried me; their entire body was covered in black clothing. Their eyes were hidden behind goggles like the Dark Brotherhood once used. I could tell they were both beast-folk.

“Miss, may I ask who you are?” I questioned. “I am Minx, just a girl who has talent in magicka and archery.”

“I am Eydis Wolfheart, you may know me better as the Mastermind of the Thieves’ Guild,” she smiled. Her eyes were focused on me, but I could tell she was on other things mentally.

“Why do you want me, Mistress Wolfheart?” I inquisitively asked. “I am just a Bosmer who is trying to make her way in the world.”

The Nordic woman sighed, I didn’t know why. “We seek your…help with the Imperium Tong. By the way, Minx, I’m not your master. I am an abolitionist and outspoken enemy of the Imperium Tong,” she said. “Minx, you saved Meeryn. You saved his life; we need you to help us. Quick-Strike has sent word of what happened in the Imperial City.”

The guards pulled off their wrappings on their face. One was Quick-Strike. The other was J’skooma. “Welcome to the Thieves’ Guild, Minx,” Quick-Strike stated. “We watched what occurred in Korvan’s Manor.”

“You were spying on me?” I asked agitatedly. “Why?”

“To make sure you didn’t join him,” Quick-Strike sighed. “Minx, I have fought against and with some of Nirn’s greatest heroes and villains.”

“You’re a liar, Pond-scum.”

“I fought Zalphon in the Obsidian Tower, battled with Korvinus in Coldharbour, dueled the Aldmer Wizard-Lords inside the Forgotten City. I even marched with Kalian as he fought in the Imperial City against his ancestor,” the Argonian snarled. “Now if you get the nerve to insult my morals again, I’ll rip out your still-beating heart.”

I took a step back in fear. “I…I didn’t know,” I barely managed to whisper.

Quick-Strike stormed out of the room. J’skooma growled, “J’skooma thinks Minx is cruel. J’skooma will never come back to Minx.” I made a mistake.

I rushed after Quick-Strike as he walked down a hallway. He didn’t notice me as he closed the door behind him. I peeked into a keyhole and saw him sitting with his legs crossed. “Mind, body, and spirit, the three things that make me who I am,” he said to himself. He took off his clothing and put on a pair of white-linen pants.

He punched into the air and then kicked. “My body is a weapon,” he recited. “My mind gives me reason, my spirit gives me resolve.”

He kicked into the air again. “Death is a lie; physically we all must die, spiritually we’re immortal.” The Argonian after a moment continued fighting the air that surrounded him. His skill was graceful, almost as if he were dancing in a very exotic way.

“The Nine give me grace, the Daedra give me strength.” I sneezed and we meet eyes. He glared at me and made a hand-signal to come in.

“Curious?” he asked. “I’m a Monk. I am a Grandmaster in fact. I worship both the Nine and the Daedra.”

“C-could I learn?” I pleaded. “Surely you can teach me…”

“I could,” Quick-Strike snapped. “However, you lack the patience required. My order is extinct, the Order of the Dragon died when Korvinus sent his necromantic minions. Thousands of skeletons assaulted my students, none survived.”

“I’m so sorry,” I said glumly. All those students, dead… It must be so painful.

“If you prove your worth to me, I’ll train you in the ways of my Order. If you prove your worth.”

He was so powerful and it was so refined. I looked at the bow on my back and sighed. I simply nodded and walked out…

Oooh!

Minx getting spied on + QS getting called Pondscum = SPARKS!

This was a fun read, Zalphon!

And how will worth be proven? I imagine that our dear Minx will need to learn quite a few lessons. Nice chapter, but I do have one question. How did they meet eyes through a mere keyhole?

Well eye-to-eye in the literal sense.

Yeah! That [censored] Alessia is going down! WOOOOT !!! ... Come on Minx!!!



Woo Hoo! Lemonade!

I am liking this story a lot Zalphon!

Dealing with Writer's Block, I'm not dropping this story, just pausing it.

Ok, Z. Thanks for the update. Don't worry, it will come to you.

Well I just hope your writer's block doesn't mean no PM's or emails...did you get my test email the other day?

I'm sorry it's been so long, I've been busy in real life. I should have another update in a few days and I also needed some time to reflect. Been thinking a lot lately about a lot of stuff.

Once again, thank you for letting us know what is going on. We're hoping things will settle down for you soon. Take whatever time you need to get things in order or just think about stuff.

My girlfriend has opened my eyes a lot on love, honestly. I will try to write as much as possible since school starts soon (yay! I'm in advanced english!) and my time will be more limited than it already is.

Acadian, I can 'enlighten' you more on my situation if you'd like, but I don't want to say it publically. My reputation in the eyes of a lot of people would drastically change (most likely for worse).