This is my first Oblivion fan fiction ever so...please help me get better at TES writing? I'm a natural writer in normal topics but not fan fictions. This story will be have references to Midas Magics and Bladesong. Along with some weapon mods and an armor mod.

Chapter One, Beginning

I was positioned at the hilltops for another assault on a fort taken over by marauders over near Skyrim. I sighed as nearly a hundred Legion soldiers charged head first, not caring for their safety. The marauder archers made quick work of any would be heroes. I held my hand up, waiting for an opportunity to unleash our barrage of spells.

I motioned my platoon to let loose. I myself cast a very powerful spell that unleashes a giant fireball that plumes up. I believe it's called Aurum Nuclear blast. The resulting barrage of spells caused the marauders on the top of the fortress to either die by spells or jump from the fire and die.

Either way, due to my platoon, we emerged victorious. Now then, about me and my platoon.

My parents are both deceased but they left me some valuable things. Firstly, my father was of the Imperial Legion. He fought for good. He kept trying to hammer that into my head but the absent term of Good and the biased term of evil is foreign to me. But anyways...my mother was an alchemist of no small talent. She could cook up potions left and right within a single day. I was more inclined to the teachings of my mother, who taught me various alchemical tricks and even how to create poisons when I was old enough. Although my father did teach me many things about the blade, some that even saved my life.

My father was killed by a band marauders on a particular raid. Due to his death, my mother started to become overly paranoid. She stopped alchemy and went for the more powerful and dangerous magics. It's known as Midas Magics or Spells of Aurum. For over five years, she taught me every spell there was. But after I learned all the spells, she started to go insane from all the alchemy she had to do to produce the spells. In a year, she died from the alchemical poisoning of the spells. But before she died, she gave me a family sword. Gwilth, a light blue Katana with daedric magics carved into the blade.

About me? I'm an Imperial purebred since both my parents were Imperials. I'm trained in many different techniques of both the blade and magics. My name is Riden Snowe. A very unusual name but I like it and I'll stick to it. I have a very exotic armor called Tyrael Armor. It's beautifully carved from ebony and enchanted to make it very durable. You would think that I'm part of the Mage's Guild right? Well absolutely not. I hate the Mage's Guild and wish to see it destroyed.

When my mother was teaching me Midas spells, she was verbally abused by many of the Mage's Guild for teaching a child unorthodox magics. That is until she got tired of it and turned one of them into a sheep.

Ugh, I'm rambling. Well now, about my platoon. The Imperial Legion was more than happy to make the magics I practice legal outside the Mage's Guild so long as I helped them. At first it was just giving support to the troops on the ground but now...I lead my own siege platoon. All of them are experienced mages but none were taught the Midas Magics because personally, I don't trust any of my idiot comrades to wield such magics.
Fan fiction end. I know it's bad but it's the beginning and well...this is my first.

Well Zerker, welcome not only to the forums here but right into the fanfic arena!

It's very early to tell about your story, but here are some of the things I thought were nice: You have an engaging, conversational tone that is fun to read. Your protagonist is of the masculine persuasion - less oft seen in fanfics. Your formatting is good - breaking paragraphs up into shorter bites as you and most of us do here makes it easy to read. Although a 'data/bio' dump in your first chapter is not necessary, you opened it with an action scene to set some focus and gain attention. You have certainly piqued my interest about the unusual nature of the (mod) magics that Riden's mother taught him.

The only criticism I will offer is to gently ask that you consider the jarring effect of the words 'Aurum Nuclear Blast' in a room full of TES Loresters. Perhaps just 'Aurum Blast'?

I'm certainly looking forward to reading more of Riden's journey.

Thank you for the kind words Acadian, and I'll try to incorporate your tips into my next chapter which will come out in about a week or so.

Hi Zerker. Welcome to Chorrol.

You have an interesting character in Riden Snow (would his evil twin brother raised by Daedra be named Walker Raine? ), with a rather unique background and abilities. All are intriguing enough to make me want to see more.

However, as Acadian mentioned, this entry was mostly an infodump, and not much of an actual story. You did not need to tell us all of that about Riden, Midas Magic, his parents, etc... I think it would have worked much better if you concentrated on the battle, and just thrown in a few tidbits here and there about the other things. There is no hurry for us to find out everything. In fact, revealing a bit at at time tends to make the reader continue to want more, and stay more engaged.

Most of all try to show us things, rather than tell us. For example, rather than tell us that Riden has not taught the other members of his unit Midas Magic, it would be better to have one of the others ask him "hey boss, when are you going to teach us that stuff?". This way the information flows naturally from the story, rather than feeling forced. Or rather than tell us that his mother went mad, show it to us when one of Riden's rivals in the legion taunts him with that.

The last thing that comes to mind is that I would suggest you stay away from modern terms like nuclear, or platoon. They do not sound like something from a fantasy swords/sorcery setting. Try to use the kind of terms you might hear in a Tolkien movie. Or pull them from ancient or medieval history. Such as warband, or conroi. That will keep your reader's head firmly in the setting.

Ditto to SubRosa and Acadian.

Avoid infodumps whenever you can. It makes the character more interesting if we learn about him bit by bit, much as we do about people in real life. When you meet someone for the first time, do you tell that person about your parents, your childhood, etc in that first conversation?

I may mention that character-driven stories are very popular here. I consider character-driven to mean the story is about how a character develops through the course of the story - how that character responds and reacts to the situations you, the author, throw at him or her. We, the readers, get to know the character through his actions and words. This mode of story-telling pretty much mirrors real life in that we get to know each other pretty much the same way.

Other than that, I'm interested in more of Riden Snow.

For using Midas magic, describe the spells. And ditto to Acadian and Subrosa.

Also, your character seems to be slightly overpowered, any chance you can fix it?

Welcome to Chorrol ‘Zerker! I echo everything that’s been said already. I agree with Acadian in that you have a very smooth, conversational style to your writing. In fact, I would advise you to be careful of it. When Riden says that he hates the Mages Guild he says it in much the same way that you or I would say that we hate anchovies. And he describes his mother’s madness and death in the same sort of dispassionate way.

As a first effort I think you have a lot of material to work with here. I am looking forward to reading more. Keep reading some of the better writers on this board (many of whom I see have already made a comment in this thread), and keep writing. You’ll be shocked at how quickly you improve through repetition.

And, oh yeah, I know it can get tedious, but keep plugging away at The Odyssey. Not just because it’s an amazing book, but because you can be one of the few who’ve actually made it through the thing!

Alright, here I go for part two...I'm trying my best at integrating what you all said and well here's my real first chapter. Riden goes home...and gets attacked by pirates...Oh and the overpowered thing, well yeah...he looks overpowered to most Cyrodiil fighters but not at all to people like Hannibal Traven or say...A Daedra master or Mannimarco.

REAL Chapter One

It's been a year since my first entry. I was called to the General's office today. I sat down, trying to keep up a neutral face. One of the General's maids just said, "He'll be right with you Riden."

'Yeah...right with me...' I thought, 'Been probably over ten minutes since she said that.'

I looked around once more, analyzing my surroundings. The walls were draped with beautiful curtains and the roof had a very nice mosaic pattern of something nobody really cares to think what it really is.

The red doors creaked open and General Damascus stepped in, still wearing the modified version of the Palace Guard armor, made of mostly silver and ornamented with gold plates.

He spoke warmly, "Well Riden, you've helped us eradicate all but a couple fortresses of potential threats to the empire and not to mention you're a pretty darn good Mage."

I kept my neutral face, "Why did you bring me here?"

The general laughed like a drunk Nord, "Straight to the point as always. Well you're being honorably discharged. I know that you've grown very weary of using your magics all the time and think of it as a nice little thank you."

I nodded feeling very happy to relax back at the Imperial City, where I belong.

"There will be a coach to pick you up and bring you back to the Imperial City in a couple hours."

I nodded again and saluted him, "Thank you sir. What about you?"

The General looked out a small window behind him, revealing the snowy cold of Bruma, "Me? I'll be finishing up here and heading up to Skyrim, near the Norrian plains."

I stood up and saluted him once more before returning to my quarters.

Just like Damascus said, a old but powerful coach stood before the gates of the Imperial Fortress. I climbed on and sat down on a pretty uncomfortable bench inside. The driver closed the wooden door and hopped on his seat. The coach started moving and the horses hooves thundering started to tire me out.

When I woke up, the scenery had changed drastically. The cold snowy mountainside was replaced by the White Gold tower shooting up from a huge white marble wall. The Imperial City! I happily remembered the good times I had here, from my first lessons on magic by my mother, my mastery of Midas' magics, and my recruitment into the Imperial Army. I looked upon a large bridge, connecting the small town of Weye to the main city.

My happy trip down memory lane was soon cut short as ten men were charging straight for our coach. The Imperial Guard was nowhere to be seen and the driver was busy running away. I leaped out of the coach and started running, knowing that I couldn't stand a chance without causing severe destruction to the homes and people in Weye.

The attempt of escape was useless as the ten men immediately surrounded the coach and me. I looked at their clothing, just worn out pants, basic prison shirts, and a bandanna. 'Pirates...easy kills,' I thought.

One of them advanced, holding his hand out to signal an attack. He was much better dressed than the rest and clearly thought I was a posh noble with little to no fighting strategies. He laughed, "Look what we have here boys! New blood," he chanted, then turning his attention back on me, "Listen kid, you're surrounded but all we want is some loot so hand everything you have over."

I started to look up and came up with various options. I had no gold and I didn't want to fight all of them head on. I finally settled on one.

I called to who I presumed was the leader, "Hey you! Yeah, I guess you need an entire band to fight a feeble weakling like me."

He turned around and eyed me with a mixture of rage and curiosity. I got ready to defend myself when he laughed, "Alright little boy! I'll fight you one on one!"

He drew a very long iron sword with dents and cracks from lack of maintenance. The man then charged at me with full strength. Using all my strength, I dodged the blow and managed to take hold of the hilt of the sword. He tried to shake me off but with a small kick, he fell to the ground. The sword was mine.

He growled and sent three men to fight me and he ran. I readied my sword as one of them charged at me with brutality but lacking skill. Heaving a large claymore above his head, he brought it down with all his might. I easily circled around him while he was pulling out the claymore and slashed it across his neck. He fell immediately.

The other two started to lose morale and tried to hide back in the crowd. The leader of the band returned with a silver cutlass and took a defensive stance. I also took a defensive stance, both of us circling one another. At that moment, one of the villagers that was hiding yelled out of the window of the inn, "Use your spells! It's fine!"

I sighed and hoped for the best. The band leader got tired of waiting and charged into battle with his new sword. I dodged and focused a good portion of my magical energy into a single blast. Then with a single shot, lightning released out of my hand and into the pirate. He flew up and fell face flat, twitching before going completely still. The lightning started to ignite the dirt road before a villager quickly doused the flames from the inn with a bucket of water.

The rest of the pirates, demoralized at what they saw left immediately. It was already sunset and I knew it wouldn't be enough time to make it so I rented a room at the inn in Weye. Well here's to the First of Last Seed. Time for harvest for all the smaller cities and a time for all the residents to celebrate. How did I celebrate? By beheading a man and shocking a man. Well that's life for a pirate. You kill and steal and get killed by a guy with nothing but some advanced spells and blade tactics.

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So what do you guys think. Oh and by the way, Midas will have a little duel with Riden, a friendly one but just to show you guys that Riden isn't overpowered. Heck I think Midas is overpowered in my game...

Happy now Acadian? There, I separated it.

So, it seems the battlemage has been discharged from the Legion. Heh, if Riden's 'welcome home' is any indicator, I somehow don't expect he will get much relaxation ahead.

This is really nicely done!

Nice to see you integrate dialogue into this chapter, along with some scenic descriptions and action. Those darn coach drivers - always running away at the first ten or so bandits that charge up.

I'm interested to see what's next!

Oh, your last paragraph, since it is completely outside the story, deserves a device to alert the reader to change gears. Something like a * * * or even 'End of Chapter' inserted before that last paragraph would do the trick. EDIT: Oh, I see you put in some ~~~ - perfect!

Thanks for all the tips and criticism. My next chapter is coming in...a couple days. I'm reading the Odyssey and it's pretty cool right now.

This was much better than the first. Keep going like this and you will be fine. I was going to quote that same line Acadian did, with the General looking outside, but the paladin beat me to it.

My only criticism is that your plot seems kind of weak. First the legion discharging Riden felt strange. If he is the only one in the legion who knows Midas Magic, and they created a unit just for him, it sounds strange that they would fire him. He is their big right hand, and I would think be the last person they want to get rid of.

The rationale for the pirates seem weak as well. What are pirates doing attacking coaches in Weye? It feels like it was just a way to contrive an action scene. If it does not somehow advance the plot or develop the character, it really should not be there. It would have felt more real if you had spent more time on it, devoting an arc of several posts to the having a pirate ship turn up offshore, sending out boats to make landfall, then sweeping out to sack the entire place, then running for it before the Imperial Navy turned up.

Thanks all for the very good criticism. Especially Subrosa. To answer your question, a very competent soldier does not equate out to useful. In the real world, General MacArthur, the commander of the U.S military during the Korean War and one of the commanders during WWII was kicked by Harry Truman, even though he was probably the best in the world. Why? Cause he wanted to advance past the 38th Parallel and was completely legit and Korea did in fact pass Pyongyang, the North Korean capital before being annihilated by the Chinese.

Well there goes my history lessons.

In Riden's case, its just because I'm trying to portray that Midas Magics as a very tiring spell class. It's right that the General discharged Riden. Don't worry though, he'll fight in a pretty large battle in 3 - 4 chapters...if you've played Bladesong(the mod) then you know what it's going to be .

Here we go!

Chapter 2, Midas Magics and the Glyph of Gwlith

I awoke from the inn from a large booming voice coming downstairs. I quickly got dressed and headed down to see what woke me. An Altmer mage was complaining to the waitress about the price for boar meat. I sat down at a table, staring at the commotion.

He had White Mage robes and bright yellow hair which is very rare in Tamriel. I started to remember the years before my service in the Imperial Legion. But before I could fully remember him, the man turned around. His eyes started to move around the room before settling on my table.

He moved forward, his gaze fixed at me with a big grin on his face. With his arms extended, he ran towards me and gave a giant bear hug. I was puzzled by his strangely friendly demeanor towards me.

"Do I know you?" I asked.

The man laughed, "Well friend, don't you remember me? Midas? I'm the one who taught you the so called 'famous' spells in the Legion."

"Midas! Good to see you!" I exclaimed, happy to have a reunion on my first day back, "So what are you doing here?"

Midas sighed, "Things have changed during the 8 years you were up in the Mountains. The Arcane University is being very strict about their policies. Anyone practicing the Spells of Aurum were to be cast off to live somewhere outside the Arcane University grounds. Even my political ties couldn't help me."

"So where do you live now?" I asked.

He grinned, "The Talos Plaza district! The Emperor was very happy to assist the former mentor of the Legion's greatest siege engine! So let's go. I've even bought you a nice home to call your own."

We both walked out and I started to cross the bridge. A sound like wind blowing started coming from behind me. I shrugged it off and kept walking across the bridge until a rare white tiger zoomed past me. Midas was on it, laughing.

I sighed at his playful and sometimes annoying nature and kept walking. After half an hour of walking the longest bridge ever built, we arrived at the stables.

Midas knocked on the large wooden gate and after a couple seconds of silence, the doors burst open. I gasped in the change. What used to be a dirty district was totally cleaned and roofs were remodeled from basic wood to tile.

An Imperial Guard ushered us in and shut the door as fast as he could, nearly getting me by the heel. Midas started walking and I followed. In a couple minutes, we were at a normal looking house. He opened the door to reveal the house was completely different on the inside.

Instead of basic furniture, the center of the room was an Aurum Reactor. Made of pure ebony, it's used to convert raw materials into spells. Alongside it were various devices including an alchemy set, the Aurum Separator, used for separating jewelry to their raw form, and a portal to the Astral Pocket, a very weird place that's apparently in between the Daedric plains and our planet.

I gasped at the set while Midas immediately started to get to work. He opened the Reactor and placed various assortments of ingredients, some of which I caught as human flesh. How he got it...I really don't want to know.

He then placed a small lump of gold in. He closed the Reactor and set his hand on it. Pulses started to come off and then, sparkles started coming off of the Reactor. I peered in to see what I saw for 15 years of my life, the same misty ball. Midas grabbed it and ate it. A small aura appeared around him and dissipated.

He smiled at me, "It's called Astral Combat. Apparently, if I make contact with another person or creature, I can transport them to the Astral plains. Want to try it out?"

I nodded, a bit uncertain about what he means by "try it out."

I realized what it meant when he placed a hand on my head. Pulses started running down my entire body and I was knocked unconscious. When I woke up, I was in a broken world.

The whole place was a light blue hue with no suns or any light but was somewhat bright. I looked behind me to see planets of red, green, and blue orbiting around the plains. But the main attraction was the broken pieces of land. Every platform and landmass was floating with their bases ripped off, all having unnatural rocky formations.

Midas yelled to me, "Hey Riden! You alright?"

I snapped back into reality, fully realizing that I've been here countless times, searching for new spells in my youth.

Unsure about how to exit I had to ask Midas, "How do you get out? I don't see a portal anywhere."

Midas gestured towards the eternal horizon, "Just jump down and you'll get back to my house."

I jumped down and the whole area started crumbling before I was teleported back to Midas' house.

"Wow...that's pretty useful!" I said.

Midas nodded and looked towards the ceiling, painted with a huge star map, "Riden, do you remember Aleswell?"

"Of course! The former invisible town right?"

Midas nodded, "Yeah...I've heard of a scroll known as the Scroll of Retribution."

I puzzlingly looked at Midas. He sighed, "It's a very dangerous scroll and is able to take out entire armies by slowing down time itself around the caster."

"Oh...wow!" I exclaimed.

Midas laughed and fixed his gaze on me, "I knew you would look for it. It's being sold by the proprietor of a store, her name is Tess Rysan."

"Then I need to find Tess and buy that scroll!" I said.

I started to get ready to leave. When I was about to head out the door, Midas called out to me. I turned around to see him holding my family sword, Gwilth.

I started to grasp it, my hands shaking. When I had a firm hold on the hilt, I examined every detail I missed the last time I held it. The same light blue sheen, the Akavir design, and the daedric symbols were all there. But I recently noticed a carved message on Gwilth.

It was from my great grandfather, the one who forged this sword with Mehrunes Dagon casting an ethereal old spell from the Alyeids.

It read...

Kill your enemies
Smite them with this blade
Save all Kin
Our bloodline is pure.

It then said something in Daedric underneath, I assumed it was the same phrase just repeated. The moment I said the phrase out loud, the blade unleashed a dim light.

It got brighter and brighter until it started shaking in my hand. Then I felt pain indescribable by words as the sword started to burn the back of my hand,

I tried to let go but my arm wouldn't budge. Hearing screams, Midas rushed down and tried to pry the sword away from me, then the sword started to pulse with fire, cold, and lightning all at once and inflicted the full force of that deadly combination on Midas.

I fell unconscious and when I awoke, Midas was slumped down, his body charred from the pure energy. I stared at the sword, the Daedric symbols, which were once glowing started to fade. I looked at the back of my hand and saw a glyph with similar Daedric markings as the sword.

The body was too much for me. I slumped down myself in front of him. I wasn't crying but it was very sad to lose the mentor that guided me for 15 years. I grabbed a small rose on a dining table and placed it on his body.

I quickly prayed to the Nine Divines for Midas and rushed to a stack of books. Eventually, I found a translation. The glyph translated to, "Protection seal"

The bottom said this, "Magical Object Reservoir sealed."

I was confused by this statement but tried out some lightning spells and it worked perfectly, nothing changing. I shrugged it off and went out of the Imperial City, heading for Aleswell. I tried to conjure up a flying beast to use to ride into Aleswell but nothing. I tried harder and harder to no effect.

The seal started to pulse and I felt a small stinging sensation on my arm. I guessed that the glyph prevented me from conjuring up anything. I sighed and teleported myself to the Astral Plains. The glyph also made a stinging feeling but not as bad.

Then, using a small portal, I teleported again near Aleswell. Then came a long and grueling walk to the town of Aleswell, 'This scroll better be worth everything I had to go through,' I thought.

I arrived at Aleswell when the sun was already set. I knew the shop was closed so I bought a room in the Aleswell inn. Sleeping came hard that night as I thought about what happened to Midas and what Gwilth really is.

The morning was great. I ate a great breakfast and I'm getting ready for the walk to the shop!
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So uh...yeah, this took me about half an hour to write. I tried to squeeze this in with my reading of the Odyssey. I've got only 8 chapters to go(well it's called books but I call it chapters)!

Notes,
Gwilth is an Alyeid weapon actually...and the appearance is Akavir origins. It's based on a Chinese slashing sword the the great Sun Tzu wielded known as the Xian. It's not overpowered, especially since it used up all it's energy killing Midas.

Midas was downplayed HEAVILY since he's dead...alright? We'll only see him ONCE more in a flashback or something.

Actually, in the real mod, the quest for the Scroll of Retribution just pops up like the Official DLCs but I thought this was more realistic. Especially since Midas is a mage...and...mages would know that.

Tess is coming up! I'm still thinking about how to portray her.

Again with Gwilth...Gwilth will only have one enchantment and that's to sometimes kill enemies instantly. By sometimes I mean about 2% of the time. Oh and the glyph is to prevent Riden from summoning an army without just saying 'he didn't summon an army cause he forgot.' Kinda thing to make him less powerful and it's a good thing.

I will apologize up front for the length of this. I also hope you will realize that my comments are simply those of another scribe - not anything definitive. So, please take them with a grain of salt and understand I am simply sharing thoughts with you. Let me organize my comments into three areas.

1. Plot decisions. I start here because I am hopelessly uninterested in plots and not very good with them. I read plots very simplistically and am easily lost. That is why I like the 'anchor' of familiarity that the world of TES provides when it is used as the basis for fanfic. I like the familiar locations and ways that things work on Nirn. My point here, is that you may certainly discard any comments I make on plot decisions.

I like mods within fanfic for logical things like adding saddlebags or bedrolls and other minor tweaks to the game provided a reasonable explanation is offered. You are obviously using some large mods that change the very nature of magic as we understand it in Tamriel. I must confess I don't understand the type of magic that Riden is using. TES has a fine magic system that I do understand though and I will probably gloss over things that very much diverge from that. Eating the products of reactors certainly diverges.

An awful lot of events happened in this chapter, with potentially massive impact. You certainly recounted what happened, but I don't feel I understand what Riden is thinking or feeling. That brings me to . . .

2. Character development. Unlike plot considerations, I am very comfortable in this arena. In fact, I am all about character-driven fanfic. The only disclaimer I will offer here is that I tend to overemphasize character development when I read (since I don't care that much about plots).

I generally could care little about the plot as long as it features an endearing protagonist. I'm not getting enough of what is going on inside Rinden's head for him to really grow on me yet. Yes, effectively presenting internal thoughts and dilemmas and such can be harder with a man than a woman as a character, but you have the great intimacy tool of using the first person. We really should be much deeper into his head. His actions should flow from, and be supported by, his internal thoughts - since you are using first person, we should be snooping in on that - a lot. I want to like and root for Riden, but I need more to work with. I am looking very much forward to the possibility that the introduction of Tess may lead to some richer character development.

3. Basic fiction mechanics. Here I'm talking simple things like word smithing and spelling and grammar and such. I'm pretty good in this area actually.

Your spelling and basic grammar are good - perhaps from experience writing outside the fiction arena. Let me use just a couple of representative examples from your story to hopefully illustrate the kind of things that numerous edits of your story before posting can smooth out:

In this paragraph, all four sentences start with 'I'. This is something that us first person writers need to constantly watch for. Editing is where you should look for this. There are many ways of wording sentences so you don't have too many in close proximity with the same structure.

Several problems here. I would avoid the use of 'great' two times in such close proximity. Beyond that, consider that 'great' is rather a throw away word that says little. Was the morning full of beautiful sunshine with not a cloud in the sky as butterflies danced in a gentle breeze? Don't tell us it was great - show us. Same with the breakfast - tell us what he had for breakfast. Sweet strawberries, fresh aromatic bread still warm from the oven, strips of still sizzling boar meat grilled with herbs, and a tankard of apple-berry juice - that is a great breakfast. Again, show us. Finally, you changed tenses here during the latter part of the second sentence. Since this is the finish to this chapter, I would have loved to hear why he seems enthusiastic to walk to the shop. This may have been a good time to show us what he was thinking, using what he was doing as merely the backdrop.

I hope all of that makes a touch of sense. I'm very much looking forward to meeting Tess!

I was rushing. I finished the Odyssey and I'll have A LOT more time. It'll get better. Tess is coming in the next chapter, Beauty and Death.

About the magic mods, the Oblivion magic system in my opinion is HORRID. I mean it's a lot better than most games but still not up to most people's expectations. I use a spell that ups the potency of the spells and of course, Midas Magics changes the very face of magic in the Elder Scrolls.

Next chapter in...4 days or so. I'll be busy playing Elder Scrolls. The direction of the story will follow the Bladesong arc, my own personal arc(with Tess x Riden), and a heavily modified(only in the beginning) main quest arc. So there you have it. Um...actually make that a week. I'm writing a Fallout 3 Fan fiction and it's really needed to be completed.

About Elder Scroll lore, I didn't study the lore as much as Fallout lore so I don't know much about it. I only have Oblivion and right now, only want Oblivion and have no reason to get Morrowind so I won't know ANYTHING about Morrowind or Skyrim other than what I read at the UESP.net.

Got bored, writing this. Oh and the chapter name is different! Mostly cause today, I was playing Oblivion and I shot a flare spell at the Adoring fan yet again but an Orc enemy ran into the flare and died. -_-

Chapter 4, Idiocy comes from Orcs

I strolled over to the Aleswell farm, taking a small break to admire the scenic overview Aleswell has over the Imperial City. Being especially paranoid, I took a quick look inside my pouch with all my money. The gold was gleaming and looked like it had all 2100 Septims I brought.

Tess' store wasn't easy to find, it was secluded from all the other buildings with no pathway or sign to guide me. When I approached the shop, it looked like a rundown shack from Bravil. The wood was old and looked like it was rotting, the paint on the sign was peeling off and even the store itself started to smell pungent.

I sighed and went in, thinking I was going to be greeted by some hag. Quite the opposite! A young, pale Imperial girl who I presumed was Tess was sitting on a very old stool, drinking tea. She leaped to her feet and took her place on the shop counter.

"Can I help you?" Tess asked very nicely.

"I'm looking for a scroll. A scroll of retribution?"

She snapped her fingers, "Yes! We have one on auction. Current bid is 2500 gold."

I sighed disappointingly, "Sorry, only got 2100 gold with me right now."

Tess stared at me and then smiled, "Alright. How about this? If you give me these supplies for my shop, I'll let you have it for only 2000 gold."

She handed me a list with different foods and a couple alchemy ingredients to me. I nodded and headed out with the list. Tess hollered when I was at the door, "The Imperial City has all those foods in stock!"

I called to my horse, Palid. It ran towards me and I saddled it. With the reins in my hands, I got the ash black horse to run at breakneck speeds towards the Imperial City.

An hour passed and I saw the White Gold tower for the second time that week. I unsaddled Palid and walked into the city. After navigating through the crowds of people and buildings, I found the Three Brother's Trade goods, where I used to buy my groceries.

I guessed it was a good place as any so I shrugged and walked in. Sergius greeted me with a fake merchant smile, "So what can I get you today good sir?"

I slid him the grocery list and smiled, "For a friend."

He looked at the grocery list wide eyed and he immediately got working on it. I puzzlingly looked at the list to see why he was so surprised. The food was tremendous!

Sergius came back with three medium sized sacks. He handed them off to me and it was pretty heavy. As I struggled to carry all three, he proudly announced the price, “One hundred gold please!”

I breathed a sigh of relief and handed him off a hundred gold. I worked my way out of the Imperial City yet again and mounted Palid with all the foods.

I rode through the road to Chorrol to see a man laying face flat on the dirt road. There, a Minotaur was towering above the dead man. Without thinking, I cast a barrage of magic missiles. When the purple projectiles were close to the Minotaur, an Orc the same size as the Minotaur rushed at me from nowhere. The missiles collided and the Minotaur stomped away.

I rushed in on my horse to see who the Orc was. It had regular Iron armor and a huge glass battleaxe. Then my attention turned to the dead guy on the road. After sifting through his pockets, I found a small letter.

“Dear Tess Rysan,
I will not be able to make my regular stops in Aleswell due to the demonic orcs that are starting to surface. It’s not that big of a threat so don’t worry, the Imperial Legion and the Fighter’s Guild are working to rid Cyrodiil of these heinous creatures.
Your friend and supplier, Jongeron.”

I grabbed the letter and rode to Aleswell to deliver the message. In an hour, I was back in Aleswell. I walked to Tess’ shop and dragged the three bags of food behind me. When I entered, she nodded and pointed at a small corner, “Alright, you can set the food over there.”

After I got the food there and she finished organizing, Tess tossed a small scroll at me. I opened it and saw more daedric symbols. ‘Like I haven’t seen enough of those this week,’ I thought.

I walked up to Tess, “So do you have anything you need done?” I asked, trying to keep myself occupied.

She thought for a minute, “No, no! You’ve done enough. Helping me with the food was enough, especially since you used your own gold to buy the food.”

I studied her and looked around at the shop, “You don’t seem like the shopkeeper type…” I commented.

She giggled and it instantly made me feel a little warm, “You’re not the first person to say that you know! I’ve only kept this shop for six months now and it’s been much tougher than you think. Those merchants in the cities don’t know how lucky they’ve got it.”

I raised an eyebrow, “So what did you do before you started running this shop?”

Tess glared at me and spoke with a stern tone, "Ahem, does it matter?"

"Sorry if I offended you Tess, just wanted to know." I quickly said defensively.

She nodded, "Yeah, sorry I snapped, just don't want to talk about it now. So what do you do?"

I sighed and pulled up a chair, "I used to be the commander of the Legion Siege team. Now? I'm thinking about alchemy."

Tess smiled, "A mage? So how's Hannibal Traven?"

I froze dead in my tracks from the mentioning of Hannibal. Rage started to well in me but I just breathed deeply, "Let's not talk about the Mage's Guild, okay?"

Tess looked at me quizzically, "So you're a rogue mage then right?"

I shook my head, "Just in the Arcane University. Bu back to the matter at hand, do you have anything that needs done?"

"Well...if you really want to help, there's a supplier that hasn't come back for a good month now. His name's Jongeron and he usually comes to town about this week but no word from him since he last left."

I dug into my pockets and pulled out the letter on Jongeron's body, "Here. I found this on Jongeron's body down the road."

She gasped and sniffled a bit before thanking me. Tess looked at me seriously before talking again, "So...what killed him?"

I recounted my "encounter" with the Orc that ran into my magic missiles. I sighed at it's stupidity, "Some sort of beefed up Orc. It's dead now...due to major stupidity on it's part."

All that came from Tess was an "oh,"

She walked out of the shack and gestured for me to follow. After she sat down on a small stool outside, Tess looked at me with longing.

"What?" I asked like an idiot.

"I have to admit, you're the most helpful and nice man I've ever met...you helped me to no end even though you just met me..." She stopped and clamped her hand over her mouth. Then an awkward moment came and left before Tess started talking again, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, you must be tired from dragging all that food for such a long time."

I smiled at her, "No it's okay. Whatever you have to say, just say it."

"I don't know how to say this but I'd like to know more about you. How about dinner tomorrow night?" She asked.

I nodded and sat down on the porch, "So dinner tomorrow huh?"

Tess leaned back on the stool, "Yup! I'll close shop an hour early. We're not eating at the inn since there are a lot of gossip girls around here..." She said jokingly, "I'll get ready but there would be something missing, something special."

I gestured for her to go on.

"A fine bottle of Elven Merlot. It's the most tastiest wine in Tamriel other than Shadowbanish wine and my favorite. The Jerrall View inn always has at least two bottles in stock."

'Great...been less than a week since I came from the Jerrall Mountains and now I have to go there again...' I thought grumpily.

"Sure." I muttered.

She clasped her hands, "Great! Don't forget, tomorrow night...around 9PM."

I nodded and walked over to Palid. After a quick saddle and a couple mumblings, I got ready for a trek all the way back to Bruma.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: Alright, another semi-rushed chapter. I've been with my...friend for a while(facebook ftw) which gave me no time to write this. Especially since I also have a Fallout 3 fan fiction.

Oh and all the lines you think are cheesy, take it up with the creator of Bladesong. The only lines I changed are the ones about Jongeron because personally, I hated that one quest and the one coming up next I will hate so much, it will take all my willpower not to blow my brains out with an Uzi.

The Orc running into my Midas Magic missiles actually did happen on my second run through the quest. Somehow, a Minotaur was positioned 5 feet away from the spawn position of the Orc and it ran straight into my missiles. PWN!!

Look out for the next chapter in a week, "So are you GLaD I got burnt?" with all the good Portal references.

It didn't seem rushed. My suggestion on that remains, if it doesn't 'sing' to you, keep editing until it does.

Cheesy lines? My advice is to change any game lines you find cheesy. I use quite a few lines from the game, but only if they fit. If they are awkward or cheesy, I change them to retain the feel, while still trying to be in keeping with the tone of the story. If the lines come from mods, then you may want to be even more careful, because many will not be familiar with them.

Rogue orcs roaming the countryside, laying waste to travelers.

So, we get to meet Tess. And she has a couple 'honey do' lists for Riden already. Lol.

Keep going Zerker. This is fun.

I was editing this for 3 hours with my friend. She was laughing her butt off when I was writing the scene with Tess asking Riden to come to dinner.

Thanks for the advice to change in game lines. In my fallout fan fiction, I write the game lines like a video game Nazi.

This fan fiction is as of right now, discontinued, a new journal with a new Riden Snowe will be released in a month or so. My computer had a huge overhaul yesterday and my oblivion save was deleted. I have an Assassin version of Riden as a backup and that's what I'll be focusing on.

So sorry you lost some data on your 'puter. Thanks for letting us know though. Good luck.

the "Riden Snowe's NEW Journal of Cyrodiil" Will be coming out soon...