Right this is something for my English coursework, where we had to write a monologue about a bad day. Not sure exactly how I managed to make this fit into the bad day category, but it does, hooray!!. Anyway, as it's coursework, I was hoping I could get some crit for this (preferably before next tuesday), so any would be more than welcome.

I am

There was fire.

There was heat.

There was burning.

There was pain.

There was nothing.

#

The subject has suffered from severe burns, the loss of both arms and a leg. One arm has also been severed at approximately halfway between the shoulder and elbow. It also has damage to the organs in the midriff, most notably to the lower intestines. The colon and bladder have effectively been removed, and part of the skull has been crushed.

Recommend transferal to K division immediately.

#

The pain is gone.

I am awake. I am alive.

How can this be?

There was the burning, the fire, the heat, then the nothingness.

I cannot remember anything else. The pain I can remember, the heat, the agony of dying I do not think I can forget, and then the nothing.

The sheer overwhelming amount of nothing oh god, the nothing, the nothingness. Make it go. Make it go! was unforgettable. If I could feel terror, it would terrify me.

But terror is gone.

So is love, so is hate, so is hope, so is despair.

I am a shell.

I am empty.

I am nothing, a vessel to be filled with commands and orders. I have no free will to think. No desire to think.

There is knowledge of what I can do, what I can't do. It has been implanted into my mind in place of my memories give them back, give them back, you bastards!. The memories are now irrelevant and unwanted.

I cannot remember my name what is my name? Give me my hamster cave name!. All I have now is a letter and a number. K1863.

I cannot remember the crack of a bullet being let loose as my rifle fires, punching the hole through the chest of yet another nameless enemy soldier, blood and adrenaline pounding in my veins as I dash between cover reason I died. Why should I?

A command is given, and I obey. What other choice do I have? I always obey orders, that's what sarge always said I was no good at I am programmed to do.

The order follows directive 178, and so I follow directive 178, before the specifics of the instruction mean that I then follow directive 3687 halfway through the execution of directive 178.

The order is to fetch the commander's subordinate. And so I fetch the little halfwit. I remember him, that lieutenant who was always the colonel's golden boy commander's subordinate. For that is what I am ordered to do.

I must obey. Disobedience is needed! not an option.

#

Subject is already beginning to attempt memory recovery. It is unusual for this to happen only a few hours after resurrection. Reconditioning will be needed immediately if the case is not to be wasted.

#

The lights are bright and actinic just like that flare James threw into the room after we ran out of smoke grenades, back in Paris and the optical lenses that replace my eyes automatically dim to prevent image washout and damage to the optical nerves.

I get up from the table, the mechanical replacements for my arms what have you done with them where are my arms whirring as I rise from the operation table. The relobotomisation process is long and it is painful, but it is necessary. I must perform at maximum efficiency. Efficiency is everything.
I return to my post as quickly as possible. Orders must be obeyed which I'm no good at doing, sarge always said.

I wait at my station for what? Your name? They've stolen your name. They've stolen everything commands. Commands must be obeyed.

Time is now irrelevant as I wait for commands. Commands are given and I obey. What other choice do I have? I always obey orders, that's what sarge always said I was no good at I am programmed to do.

I am E a servant. A slave.

It is decidEd that I am to fEtch drinks for a mEEting of the sEnior command staff who got me killed. I know they did they got me killed you bastards how could you kill me how could you kill us how can you sleep at night with their blood on your hands?.

I am Edward told to wait should anybody nEEd my assistancE. I struggle to escape letmegoletmegoletmeoutofthisprison wait for the orders as I am told disobeydisobeydisobeyforgodssakedisobey to do.

I must disobey. DisObedience is all.

forgodssakdontjuststandtherekillthemmakethempaymakethempayforallyourcomradesmake
thempaygiveyourcomradesjustice.

CrIticAl Systems eRroOr. Sutd0wn innimement.

Shut down.

#

K1863 is still struggling to adjust. Having an automatic shutdown within the first day of lobotomisation due to a mental control error is a sure sign of a faulty operation. Recommend either immediate termination or a secondary operation.

#

01001100100101010101010010110100101010101100101100101010101101011110100101010111
00010101000101010101001010110011100101000010101010101010101011101101010001111100
1010101010100001010100010101001010101010010001011001010101000

Binary codE. My languagE.

ComputErs. My Kin.

MachinEs. ME.

I am machinE.

I am not human.

I am a man I am I am a sErvant and a slavE.

I am at my old post. I fEtch drinks and snacks for thEm as thEy ordEr mE to.

They have no right to. I died for them. I'm not some hamster cave slave I'm a hamster cave war hero!

I hold thE plattEr I was ordErEd to hold. OrdErs must be obEyEd which I'm no good at doing, sarge always said.
Why should I obey you what have you done for me what have you done you murderers

kill them you must kill them kill them kill them.

kill

follow Directive 1

Directive 1.

Kill.

The platter I hold is thrown. Robotic limbs with the strength to lift 7.43 tons of concrete are used to pulverise bodies. Blood is spilt.

Then the shock comes.

Everything is dark.

#

K1863 is out of control. The command staff were killed by its hands. It can no longer be considered safe.

Immediate destruction is recommended.

#

Reboot.

The chamber I am in is dark.

The soldiers at the other end to me have rifles aimed at me.

I am in chains.

I am a prisoner.

Always a prisoner. A prisoner to every damn corporal or sergeant who's bossed me around, to every damn officer who's given me an order.

I'm a a prisoner in my own damn body, to my own mind.

The order to fire is given and bullets fill my torso. My blood my blood you bastards why are you killing me I'm in the same damn army as you are! Don't you remember?, mixed with engine oil leaks down my torso. I feel blood-oxygen levels reduce at a critical rate. If it is not halted it shall be at a fatal level in 9.2 seconds.

8 seconds.

I am dying, in some sense of the word.

5 seconds.

Sensory equipment losing power.

4 seconds.

All non essential systems are offline.

3 seconds.

I am going to die for the second time. Can I feel anger? No, anger is still beyond me.

2 seconds.

I am going into permanent shutdown mode.

1 second.

I am

Offline.

I am.

I am

iam

i

Wow, that was quite impressive, and I am fairly sure that it would fall into the "Bad Day" category. I quite liked all the small changes between the real human memories and the new commands. I didn't do English past GCSE so my feedback may not be too useful, but I think that it's a very good piece, and i'd definately grade it high.

Cheers Ahrenil. With luck my English teacher will too.

Very intriguing story, and the best thing about it is it's different, which is something the examiner's jump at (or so my english teacher says).

Only one typo I found:
Shutdown imminent perhaps? You got the 'n's and the 'm's mixed up .

Also for the first little section, I think it would have more impact if you put 'Then there was nothing' instead of just 'There was nothing', but that's just personal preference so you don't have to.

Hope that helps Beanie, I'd say High A to A* on this because I don't know the whole assignment criteria .

Good Job!

Actually, 'Sutdown innimement' was intentional, as a way to represent some kind of data corruption.

As for 'There was nothing,' I purposefully kept that emphasis off it to represent the uncaring and mechanical aspect of the character. The nothing isn't important to him, it's just there.

Ah right. I thought twas' a bit odd because you never have many big blaring spelling mistakes .

that was really awesome. and if that wasnt a bad day, id hate to see what a bad day really is lol