Author's Note, Five Years Later:

This pathetic attempt at an epistolary short story is in fact a companion piece to a larger story I wrote called "The Interim." You might recall - or you might not, depending on how you stumbled upon this page - that the former story now contains a warning written above it helpfully informing the reader that it is literally a giant monumental pyramid carved out of solid bird poop and as such should not be read by anyone. (By "literally," I mean "figuratively," though I did have to double-check to make sure). This story is somehow even worse. And at any rate, it doesn't make any sense unless you've read the original story to which it is a companion - which, again, you shouldn't because it sucks.

And no, you shouldn't take this as an invitation to keep reading under the assumption that this story is bad in an amusing way. It isn't. It's just pants. I'm leaving it up, but consider yourself relieved of your obligation to read it.






5 Mid Year, 3E 431

Hello, dear friend. My name is Gaeleg. I’m a seeker of thrills and riches, and I’ve decided to keep a journal of my adventures and travels. Recently I made the decision to enter the seedy criminal underworld of Vvardenfell.

Today, my friend Olfrim finally showed me to his friend Golam Berendal. He’s a real bigshot in the organization, he says. I was very excited, because I wanted excitement and I desperately needed the money – especially after the Thieves Guild turned me down. Lousy good-for-nothing dimwits can’t even recognize talent when it’s right in front of them!

But I digress.

Berendal was a really tough specimen of a mer who had a whole bunch of battle scars – even on his face. He asked me all sorts of questions about my background, skills, and loyalty. I answered them all (though I maybe exaggerated a little about how good I was at picking a lock). And he gave me a job! He says he’ll tell me what it is tomorrow. I hope it’s something exciting.

6 Mid Year

As of today, I am a business associate of the Camonna Tong. I’m not a member, but I get to work with them and receive pay for working with them. Not bad, for an outlander like me. Hopefully, they’ll see what a productive and loyal employee I am and make me one of their own.

I’m being sent to help guard and maintain a cave somewhere off the coast of Gnisis. I know, I was kind of puzzled by the assignment myself, but I’m sure there’ll be plenty of opportunities for advancement.

When I asked the boss why he sent me and not someone stronger, he just said “You’re a Bosmer. You live in trees and eat raw coneys for breakfast. Use a bow.”

I don’t really know how to use a bow – I’ve never even held one before. But I didn’t want to make the boss mad, so I didn’t say anything.

Besides, I’ll have plenty of time to learn when I’m staying in the cave.

I’ve always wanted to know what it was like to live in a cave.

8 Mid Year

I finally got to the cave today. It was a lot darker in there than I thought it would be.

I spent most of the day learning the ropes from the experienced smugglers who were already there. Loading, unloading, when to empty the bucket – those were just some of the things I had to learn.

They also introduced themselves to me. One of them was a big, tough Imperial named Cidus Calleius. He says he’s the one in charge when Golam isn’t around, and I believe him. He told me not to get in anybody’s way. He’s strong, but a bit clumsy. I think it’s because he’s so big. For some reason, his eyes look kinda milky.

There was also this tall, burly Nord by the name of Hulgar. He was also very big. He didn’t talk much, but he looked at me kinda funny. He kinda scares me a bit. I’m sure I’ll get used to him, though.

Then there was the big fat bald Breton with the goatee. His name is Astien. I could tell everyone else liked him. He made a lot of jokes – mostly about my height and girlish figure. I took it all in stride, though. I’m sure he was just teasing.

I still don’t understand everything – but I’m sure I will eventually, with all these career criminals living in the cave. I truly feel safe and secure with such competent, level-headed professionals around to help and protect me.

9 Mid Year

Apparently, I’m supposed to look after the slaves. I didn’t know we had slaves in here. I’m not sure if I like the idea.

But I’m getting paid to do it, so I’m doing it. Besides, a Khajit stole my money once.

10 Mid Year

A few of the slaves are getting released today, apparently. Cidus says it’s because deliveries are starting. The shipment got here just before I arrived, and now it’s being shipped out by the slaves.

I don’t really understand the idea of having slaves go back and forth from cave to delivery. Why not have the people escorting them do it? Oh, well. I’m not the guy in charge.

Still, I wonder how they’re able to get the slaves back into the caves without anybody noticing. I imagine it’s the same way they get them into the cave in the first place. Still, there’s something about it that doesn’t make sense. Why make them go back and forth?

I asked Hulgar about it. He kicked me in the groin and told me to shut up.

11 Mid Year

I don’t think the slaves are getting fed much. I brought this up with Cidus, but he told me to shut up about it. He had a bunch of empty bottles of skooma around him. I didn’t know we were allowed to touch the merchandise.

I wonder why he doesn’t want to feed them…

13 Mid Year

Astien stuffed a dead slaughterfish down my pants while I was sleeping. They all thought it was hysterical when I ended up…well, you know. Everyone laughed – even Hulgar.

By the way, I need to remember to get a new pair of trousers when this assignment is over and I get back to town.

16 Mid Year

Another day guarding the slaves. I’m already starting to get sick of it, dear friend. It’s so unrewarding – the look on those beastfolk’s faces just made me so sad those first couple days. They don’t seem any happier when they’re leaving, either. In fact, they actually look scared for some reason. I’m starting to get used to it, though.

This isn’t very exciting at all. Not at all what I was expecting.

This is so boring.

Not to worry, though. I’m sure this’ll be a short assignment.

17 Mid Year

The last of the first shipment got emptied out and shipped this morning. The slaves are all gone now and so are the sugar and skooma. I thought the job was over, but Cidus says there’s another, larger shipment coming in tomorrow.

Speaking of Cidus, he’s been a lot crabbier than usual today. Astien made some remark about his skooma habit and how it was cutting into profits, so he belted him in the jaw. Hulgar had to break up the fight to make sure he didn’t end up killing Astien, as I’m sure he would have. I’ve never seen anyone punch so hard. Now he’s shut himself off in the bunk area and refused to let anyone talk to him. He says my voice in particular gives him a terrible headache.

I’m starting to think that maybe Cidus has a bit of a problem.

18 Mid Year

The new shipment started coming in today. They came in on large rowboats – probably from a larger vessel. We spent the day bringing the shipment in case by case. Everybody helped – even me. My back still hurts a little.

After the goods, they brought the slaves in. Oddly, these were different slaves than the ones who made the deliveries before. They must use some kind of rotation system.

Cidus seemed to be in a better mood today, though he still locked himself up in the sleeping quarters once the shipments were finished.

With this new shipment, I’m getting a sinking feeling that I might be stuck in here for a very long time. And I don’t want to spend much longer here. It’s dark, cold, and boring in here. I think I’ll ask Cidus about it tomorrow. If he ever comes out, that is.

19 Mid Year

I asked Cidus when this would be over and I could get to the exciting stuff. He didn’t answer me so I kept asking. Then finally he said he didn’t know. I didn’t believe him – he’s the leader, he should know. So I kept asking until he gave me a straight answer. He said it would be about two weeks.

He sounded really frustrated and angry when he said it, though.

No matter. I’m satisfied.

20 Mid Year

Something strange happened when the group sat down to eat today. Normally, we've been eating fish we’d caught off-shore, but today there was nothing but a bunch of fruit and other greenery that Astien brought in.

I, naturally, could not abide by such sacrilege and demanded some proper food that I could eat. They told me to get it myself. So I got up to get some fish, but I couldn’t find the net!

So I asked them and they pointed up to the ceiling of one of the caves. Sure enough, there it was, about six feet off the ground, just out of my reach. And for some reason, no one wanted to help me, no matter how much I pleaded. And boy, did I ever plead. I pled like nobody’s business. But they wouldn’t help me!

Astien laughed at me, and so did everybody else. Hulgar even picked up the net and dangled it over my head.

I would never have thought that a group of people could be so insensitive. And I thought they were all such nice people.

21 Mid Year

Well, it’s back to fish again. I never thought I would be so glad to eat fish in my lifetime.

22 Mid Year

I’m not feeling good today. I’ve been vomiting all over the place. I think it may have been something in the fish I ate yesterday.

23 Mid Year

I was able to start working again today. Astien and Hulgar seemed to be a bit friendlier than usual. They were talking to me a lot about my illness. Some of it seemed to be genuinely encouraging, but I detected a hint of mocking about the things they were saying.

Hulgar kept slapping me on the back and saying things like “There, there – you’ve just got a delicate stomach.”

Both of them made “gagging” gestures frequently, sticking their hands down their mouths and laughing. Cidus just looked on indifferently.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that those two had something to do with my illness yesterday.

24 Mid Year

I’m beginning to think that all the jokes they’re making about me aren’t the friendly kind of jokes.

Astien was saying all these terrible things about my mother, and what he was doing to her. My mother has been dead for years, and I told him so, but then he said “Well, how do you think she died?”

I don’t think Astien is a very nice person.

25 Mid Year

It’s been about a week since the shipment arrived, and we’re still making deliveries. This IS a big shipment.

Something odd happened with one of the slaves today. Most of the time, the beastfolk just stare on indifferently and keep walking when they’re prodded out of the holding pen. But today, there was one Khajit who started to struggle and fight the moment he got out of the cage.

And this didn’t look like an ordinary escape attempt. He looked really desperate. He kept screaming about how they were going to kill all of them, and how he didn’t want to die.

I couldn’t subdue him by myself, and neither could the two escorts, so we had to have Hulgar come in and hold him down while we drugged him.

I don’t know what he meant by “they’re going to kill us all.” He was probably just hysterical.

Yeah…that’s probably what it was.

26 Mid Year

Hulgar has been looking at me strangely all day. Stranger than usual, even.

I asked him why and he just said, “I don’t like that smug look on your face.”

I looked the other way when I passed him by the rest of the day.

27 Mid Year

One of the slaves talked to me today. He said his name was Im-Kuree, and that he had a son in Ald’ruhn who he desperately wanted to send a message to.

Curious, I asked him what his son’s name was (as Ald’ruhn happens to be my hometown). He said his name was Tee-Lan.

I recognized that name – he actually used to be a friend of mine back in the days when I frequented The Rat in the Pot. He wasn’t Thieves Guild (which is why I don’t still hold a grudge against him). He was actually pretty nice to me. Sometimes we’d play darts. He was way better at it than I was.

I was starting to feel a bit guilty. These weren’t just animals – these were people I knew. Well, relatives of people I knew, anyway. And I was coming increasingly suspicious that I was helping in sending them to their deaths.

I was about to ask him what his message was when Hulgar walked in.

“You fraternizing with that lizard, boy?” he asked.

I shook my head furiously.

He leaned in real close and said “I think you’re lying to me.” He had this strange, aggressive, almost murderous look in his eyes. I was afraid he was going to tear me apart.

"I swear I'm telling the truth!" I cried.

“Well...good, because if you ever do...” He clenched his right fist very tightly. "Got it?"

I nodded.

Satisfied, he walked away.

Hulgar is starting to scare me a LOT now.

30 Mid Year

I’m in quite a bit of pain right now. Hulgar found me and...well, I should probably explain.

I’ve been trying to avoid Hulgar the past few days. He’s still been acting very aggressively. I tried to sleep only when I knew HE was asleep, and to wake before he did. I hid in the secret compartments whenever I could.

But then Astien found me. I tried to tell him to keep quiet, but he called out to Hulgar to let him know I was there!

Hulgar seemed very angry that I had tried to hide from him. He pulled me out of the hollowed-out crawlspace and started to beat me to a pulp. Then, once I was on the ground, Astien joined in, kicking me repeatedly.

It felt like hours before it was finally finished. But it was probably closer to twenty minutes.

Right now I’m bruised all over. I’m still bleeding in about five or six places (I had to put the bandages on myself). At least they didn’t break anything (or kill me).

I really hate this place. The food is meager, the people are horrible, and I haven’t bathed in almost a month. The pay is the only thing keeping me here now. As soon as it’s all done, I’m leaving.

At least there isn’t much time left.

2 Sun’s Height

The supplies are almost out, and there are only a few slaves left! It looks like we’ll be all finished tomorrow! I can’t wait to get out of this horrible place!

3 Sun’s Height

The shipment has finally cleared out. The cave is empty. I expect our relief will come in sometime tomorrow.

I’d ask Cidus to make sure, but he’s locked himself in his room again. The man just can’t function without skooma.

But never mind. Tomorrow I’ll be leaving! I’m certain of that!

4 Sun’s Height

I was up all morning, waiting for the new team to arrive. Then, as the hours passed and no new team had arrived, I began to worry.

I asked Cidus why we hadn’t been relieved yet, since it had been two weeks since I asked him and the shipment was already gone. He avoided the question, but I kept persisting (because my mother, may she rest in peace, always taught me to be persistent).

Then, for some reason, he snapped and started yelling at me. He said that all I do is whine and complain, even though I haven’t even been here for a month yet, while he’s been here for over six months. He also said that, as an outlander working with the Camonna Tong, this was as good as it was ever going to get, and that I was a fool to ever expect differently.

He called me a pain in the ass and said that he hoped I died in this cave.

That really hurt my feelings. I ran into my room and started to cry. I now confide in you, dear friend, because I know I can talk to you.

Sometimes I feel as though you’re my only friend here.

5 Sun’s Height

I tried to leave today. I took all my things and tried to just walk out the front entrance. I just had to get out of here – no matter what it took.

But Hulgar saw me, and stopped me. He dragged me over to where Cidus was and knocked loudly on his door.

Shouting, he told Cidus what I was doing through the locked door.

A decidedly irritated-looking Cidus answered the door. He gave me a thorough tongue-lashing about dereliction of duty (as hypocritical as it may have been for a skooma addict to give such a lecture). Then, to drive the point home, he beat me just as badly as Hulgar had.

Gods, I have to get out of here. I need to get out so badly. But they just won’t let me!

6 Sun’s Height

The new shipment finally came in today. This one’s smaller than the last one, at least.

I’ve been reassigned to permanent shipment duty. Apparently I’m supposed to carry and sort out the merchandise for delivery. Hulgar is guarding the slaves now. Cidus says he’s making me do this because he doesn’t like my attitude. I think it’s just because he hates me and wants me to suffer.

I had a terrible time lifting the crates today. I still have bruises from what Cidus did to me yesterday.

8 Sun’s Height

They’re being even meaner to me than usual lately. Cidus, Hulgar, and Astien are now berating me for my poor performance lifting and sorting crates.

I try to do better to get them to stop, but I can’t. I’m a Wood Elf – I'm not built for heavy lifting! But I suspect that’s the appeal for them. They know that I can’t do any better, and so they’ll be able to keep yelling at me and hitting me for it.

Why do they have to do this to me? Can’t they just leave me alone?

My back hurts.

11 Sun’s Height

A bunch of crates fell down. Everyone still hates me.

12 Sun’s Height

Hulgar beat me again. Oh, Stendarr…Y’ffre…anybody! Please...grant me release…

13 Sun’s Height

The blisters don’t hurt as much anymore. I suppose that’s good news. Perhaps the gods were listening after all. A thousand thanks to you, oh Supreme Masters of the Aurbis.

14 Sun’s Height

The old shipment is gone. Long live the new shipment. Huzzah.

17 Sun’s Height

Something horrible just happened. I don’t think I can talk about it now. I don’t know if I can ever talk about it.

23 Sun’s Height

I’m sorry it’s been so long, dear friend, but I just don’t know how to put this down into words. Well, here goes…

I was bending over to help sort out the moon sugar when suddenly Hulgar came up to me and said – oh, gods.

He said, “What’re ye doin’ there, squirt?”

And I said, “Sorting out the cargo.”

And then he said, “I’ll show you somethin’ you can sort out, ya damned twerp!”

And then he…oh…it was horrible…

And everyone else – Cidus, Astien…they all watched! And they didn’t do anything!

Oh, it was horrible! Absolutely horrible! Why couldn't he have just beaten me instead?

I want to go home.

24 Sun’s Height

I still haven’t heard the end of it from Astien. He calls me all kinds of horrible names, which I won’t repeat to you, dear friend. You won’t want to hear them, and I don’t want to write them.

I’m trying to avoid Hulgar, but I know he’ll find me. And then I’m afraid he’ll do it again.

A new shipment’s arriving tomorrow, and I expect I won’t be able to hide from him while I’m working.

25 Sun’s Height

He did it again. Dammit.

If the gods have any mercy at all, I’ll be dead before dawn tomorrow.

26 Sun’s Height

Well, turns out I AM dead – dead inside! Thanks again!

Boy, someone up there sure is looking out for me!

1 Last Seed

I think I’m going to try an escape, dear friend. I’m going to take one of the shovels or picks and – no, wait. Someone might find this journal. I’d better not tell you.

2 Last Seed

A bunch of people from the Tong just came in. There were at least twelve of them. Even the boss, Golam Berendal was there, dressed in an expensive and well-crafted suit of armor (no doubt purchased with the blood and toil of naïve lackeys like me, plus a couple hundred slaves here and there).

They say there’s a big shipment coming in – bigger than anything we’ve ever seen before – and they want to make sure it gets done right and on time. They also say the Nerevarine is leading the Great Houses on patrol, and they don’t want anything bad to happen.

I hope he comes and ends it all soon. With all these people around, there’s no way I can hope to escape.

3 Last Seed

Well, the shipment came in, and they weren’t kidding. It was huge – far larger than even the biggest one we had ever received. It took all day and even part of the night to get it all hauled in.

I’m exhausted right now. I really can’t write anymore. Good night.

4 Last Seed

Apparently, I’ve been reassigned to help guard the front entrance. Well, it’s a welcome change from lifting and sorting out crates, at least.

They’ve been keeping a close eye on Cidus. I think they know about his skooma habit. He must’ve spent hours angrily hammering away at that dull shortsword of his. He hammered it until he broke it, in fact. And then he took my bow.

I tried to make him give it back, but he wouldn’t budge, and the Tong didn’t seem to care. He took a few practice shots at some empty bottles by the wall. Surprisingly, he was actually a pretty good shot.

This essentially saddled me with the only loose weapon available – a huge claymore that I could barely even lift up off the ground. I basically had to drag it behind me. This caused Astien no small amount of amusement.

Sure, I may not have been the best shot with a bow, but at least I could lift it. If the Nerevarine came, I would almost certainly be the first to die.

5 Last Seed

Dusk is approaching, and still no sign of the Nerevarine. I suppose that’s a good sign – for them at least.

Deliveries began in earnest today. There were about six major ones by my count.

I’m currently in a chamber near the seaside entrance with Cidus and Berendal. Cidus seems to have found a way to get his hands on some skooma after all, because he seems just as frenetic and milky-eyed as he usually does. I wouldn’t trust him with a bow under the circumstances, but Berendal just seems mildly peeved about his condition. He may soon think otherwise when the Nerevarine comes.

And he IS going to come – and it WILL be him, not just an ordinary patrol. Or at least I hope so. And when he does, I hope he kills everyone in the cave by himself. That skooma-guzzling brute Cidus, that dreadful, cynical sociopath Astien, that big, dumb, vicious creature Hulgar, that scumbag Berendal who does nothing but get rich off other people’s suffering…all of them, dead by his hand.

But most of all, dear friend, I hope he kills me. Not just for release, but for fulfillment. I became a criminal because I wanted excitement and adventure – which I now realize are things that only a fool seeks from that profession. To think I was such an idiot just two months ago…

But if I can’t live gloriously, I can die gloriously – at the hands of a great warrior. I can be a part of history…if only a minor one, that few people know or remember.

Make no mistake – I will not simply roll over and die. I will fight as best I can with this ridiculous sword. I will charge full on, a crazed berserker Bosmer with full intent to kill. I may not be any good with a sword, but I’ll do my best.

I now wish only for a memorable death. One that has meaning and significance to SOMEONE, at least. Let there be at least one person who remembers it and records it for history. It’s all I have left to pray for. If the gods have given me nothing else, I ask that they at least grant me this.

Let me go out in a blaze of glory.

Now I feel sorry for the poor lttle Bosmer! At least he got to go down in glory like he wanted. In the journal entries he sounds so innocent saying things like, "I don't think they are very nice people." Great job BBQ.

An intersting story, certainly the bosmer wasn't cut out for crime. He was so nieve you have to feel a bit sorry for him.

Good stuff.