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The Way to Daedric

==Day One==

A round table of immense size held all sixteen of the Daedric Princes, arguably the most powerful entities in a single collection, yet from the whole gathering and purpose of the table, only a few bits of conversation spoken were fit for a mortal’s ear:

Hermaeus Mora: I am the most erudite among us.

Hircine: I may not be of a scholarly mind, but who needs it during the hunt.

Sanguine: Exactly, being inebriated by the blood of mortals makes for a better hunt anyway.

Hircine: I wouldn’t dare hunt with you.

Clavicus Vile: He would wobble and sit on his bottle just trying to leave this table.

Sanguine: Oh yeah? Watch me!

Sanguine proceeds to slip on the recently waxed carpet.

Peryite: Oh, come on…I just cleansed the floor. Who waxed my carpet!

Sheogorath: The lowest order, eh? Speaking of business done out on the lawn, how are you Malacath?

Malacath: …

Vaernima: (After checking through an orb.) Another mortal has felt my wrath.

Mehrunes Dagon: You know it’s just a dream, right?

Vaernima: How did your plan to rule Tamriel go?

Mehrunes Dagon: Not my fault the Camoran fool had his facts wrong.

Sheogorath: I couldn’t resist.

Clavicus Vile: That’s okay. At least we aren’t cursed.

Jyggalag: I will get you and your little dog too!

Clavicus Vile: Leave Barbas out of this.

Sheogorath: Why should I?

Molag Bal: Try and stop him, the Madgod doesn’t seem to lose.

Hircine: Don’t remind me…

Hermaeus Mora: He could never have a win over me.

Sheogorath: You are too boring.

Sanguine: He never drinks.

Hircine: He never hunts.

Mehrunes Dagon: He never fights.

Vaernima: He never sleeps.

Boethiah: He never participates in a tournament.

Molag Bal: He never corrupts mortals.

Clavicus Vile: He rewards mortals with a book.

Hermaeus Mora: A book of POWER!

Clavicus Vile: Still a book…

Nocturnal: What’s wrong with a book?

Vaernima: Nothing, if you can read in your nightmares.

Nocturnal: Looking at you is a nightmare.

Meridia: I agree.

Vaernima: and how did YOUR plan to have your pal rule Tamriel go?

Meridia: I know nothing about that!

Hermaeus Mora: (laughs) I know EVERYTHING about that.

Sheogorath: Enlighten me.

Hermaeus Mora: The knowledge is mine and mine alone!

Meridia’s eyes shift left and right.

Meridia: I know about it…I saw the whole thing fail.

Namira: The fool walked around with golden armor. Shadow is the stuff of victory.

Sheogorath: but who could see it?

Mehrunes Dagon: Bah, I’m glad he wore bright armor. Perfect for showing the enemy their killer!

Vaernima: Except he was swiftly defeated.

Meridia: Don’t remind me.

Peryite finishes rebuffing the carpet.

Peryite: At lease I’ll be consistent. (As much to himself as anyone else there.)

Hircine: How go the plans for the next tournament?

Boethiah: I might mix it up a bit. Care to enter?

Hircine I have a Blood Moon to prepare for.

Vaernima: and how did…

==End of Day One==

==Day Two==

Noticeably silent from yesterday’s rabble-babble, Azura previously told her fellows she would stop talking to them until she got respect. Mephala had nothing better to do than join her in the silence.

Hircine: (Sighs.) This is the entertainment?

Molag Bal and Malacath look at him and continue on with their arm-wrestling match.

Mehrunes Dagon: I call winner.

Malacath’s eyes bulge and lets Molag Bal slams his arm down.

Molag Bal: I win! (Remembers who Dagon is.) Oh crap!

Sheogorath: Oh Malacath, indeed!

Malacath: …Stop that!

Peryite: Aha! I just created bleach!

Sanguine: Does it get out brandy?

Peryite: Of course!

Sanguine: GIMME!

Sanguine drinks the bleach.

Sanguine: Nope, I still taste the brandy.

Peryite faints down into his chair.

Hermaeus Mora hands Sanguine a quill. Sanguine draws on Peryite.

Hircine: Give me that. You should be ash…(Draws on Peryite.)

Clavicus Vile: Is that Feyfolken! Give it to me!

Hircine hands it to Clavicus Vile, but Sheogorath goes for it.

Sheogorath: YYYYYYYYYOINK! (Runs over and writes “CV wuz here!”.)

Mehrunes Dagon and Molag Bal are still arm-wrestling.

Mehrunes Dagon: SILENCE. I’m trying to cheat here!

Molag Bal: Oh? (Slams Dagon’s arms down.) I am the undisputed arm-wrestling champion!

Clavicus Vile: (After getting the quill back.) How did you get this quill?

Hermaeus Mora: Sheogorath was having an auction earlier.

Sheogorath: Yeah, I hawked your artifacts.

Molag Bal: I have your masque!

Malacath: I have your Sword!

Jyggalag: I have your dog!

Peryite: (After waking back up.) I have Umbra!

Hermaeus Mora: I’ll need my pen back…

Sheogorath: Don’t worry, I’ll just give you Goldbrand as a replacement.

Boethiah: What!

Hermaeus Mora: but, the pen is mightier than the sword!

Sheogorath: but this is a might sword!

Boethiah: Give me that!

Sheogorath: I’ll trade for Mehrunes’ Razor I sold you at the auction.

Mehrunes Dagon: What? You said if I bought Sanguine’s Rose, you wouldn’t steal my razor!

Sheogorath: No that was if you bought Spell Breaker.

Peryite: Okay…Two things. First, why did you sell my shield. Second, why did Clavicus write on me?

Hircine: I bought it for a steal!

Sheogorath: How’s the Oghma Infinium treating you, hunter?

Hermaeus Mora: YOU SOLD MY BOOK!

Sheogorath: of power!

Clavicus Vile: And? You bought my pen!

Hermaeus Mora: So? You bought the arm-wrestling champion’s mace. Just trade back for your masque.

Molag Bal: I’ll arm-wrestle you for both!

Clavicus Vile: Nah, I at least want my hound back, though.

Sheogorath: No can do!

Clavicus Vile: NOW!

Jyggalag: Fine, he urinated on the carpet anyway. It stained the wax.

Peryite: MY FLOOR!

Sheogorath: I’m still trying to move Azura’s Star. Anyone want it?

Hermaeus Mora: Sure, I’ll take it.

Boethiah: I’ll trade you for the Wabbajack!

Sheogorath: Why would I want my own artifact. That’s boring.

Boethiah: How about for Hircine’s Spear?

Sheogorath: SOLD!

Trade continues for quite some time.

Peryite: To be precise, who has what, now? I have Azura’s Star.

Boethiah: I have Spell Breaker, Umbra, and Savior’s Hide.

Clavicus Vile: I have Barbas, Mehrunes’ Razor, and Wabbajack.

Hircine: I have Molag Bal’s Mace.

Hermaeus Mora: I have my Book, and Feyfolken.

Molag Bal: I have Vile’s Masque.

Mehrunes Dagon: I have Volendrung and Goldbrand.

Meridia: I have Namira’s Ring.

Namira: I have Sanguine’s Rose.

Sheogorath: I have more souls than I could possibly need for the next hour or so.

==End of Day Two==

==Day Three==

“Each event is preceded by Prophecy. But without the hero, there is no Event.” – Zurin Arctus, the Underking

After yesterday’s kerfuffle, one would hope the Princes would settle down. Too bad it didn’t work that way.

Peryite: Aha! I just created deodorant! (He holds it away from Sanguine and opens it.) Who ate my deodorant?

Mehrunes Dagon: Who knows? (He flashes a smile of white teeth with a green stripe running across.)

Malacath: Not fair, I wanted a taste.

Peryite and Hermaeus Mora: It’s not for eating!

Sanguine: How do you know…Oh, right…

Hermaeus Mora sticks his tongue out.

Molag Bal: Anyone want to arm-wrestle?

All 15 other Princes, including Azura and Mephala: NO!

Hircine: Finally, the other anticipations talk!

Mephala: Well, Azura can’t speak perfectly…What with Vivec and all.

Azura: FHUPT RHUP!

Hircine: What’s that?

Azura: FHIREP BFUSHUF

Hircine: Huh?

Azura: HRRPFFU MRFRD

Fourteen of the Princes: HUH?

Sheogorath: I understand it. She wishes to divvy up her realm to everyone and give him or her “pleasures” only someone who ate the Muatra could give.

Azura: NFF FWHFFF

Sheogorath: Yes that’s what I said.

Hermaeus Mora: No…She’s saying you’re an idiot, and that she needs help with the cotton balls stuck in her throat. Is this right?

Azura shakes her head yes.

Sheogorath: She’s dazed and confused, what does she know? I vote for extra realm space and Muatra-mouth! All in favor say I!

Silence.

Sheogorath: All oppose, say…nay?

The other fourteen: Nay!

Jyggalag: I vote nay.

Sheogorath: Eh, who are you to vote?

Meridia: Who are you talking to?

Sheogorath: Sanguine.

Hircine: No you aren’t.

Malacath: Yes he is!

Boethiah pulls the last of the cotton balls out of Azura’s mouth.

Azura: Finally I can talk! (She gets out of her chair and slips on the carpet.) This carpet is STILL waxed?

Peryite: It makes sense to me now.

Sanguine disappears and reappears away from the table. Starts running towards it.

Sanguine: (As he jumps and slides.) SLIP N’ SLIDE!

He rips the carpet, sustaining massive rug burns.

Peryite: You ripped my carpet!

Sanguine: Yeah, okay. Don’t mind me…I’ll just help myself up.

Mehrunes Dagon: (The closest in proximity.) Okay…

Hircine: (Second closest in proximity) Sure thing…

Mephala: Just voicing a thought. Why hasn’t anyone challenged Molag Bal for the arm-wrestling championship recently?

Mehrunes Dagon: If he could beat me, than no one could beat him.

Azura: Oh?

She challenges and quickly loses to the arm-wrestling champion.

Molag Bal: I win!

Sheogorath: You sure showed him, eh Azura?

Mephala: Don’t you have a Greymarch happening soon?

Sheogorath: Sooner than the next Blood Moon!

Azura: At least Hircine doesn’t always lose.

Hircine: Hey, the Nerevarine is a monster.

Azura, Mephala, and Boethiah: We don’t see how!

Mehrunes Dagon, Molag Bal, Malacath, Sheogorath: We do!

Sheogorath: or do I? No, I do…not. WAIT! I remember it like it was yesterday. He was! Who are we talking about? The Septim or the Skooma Den?

Azura: How can the father of were-beasts call someone a monster?

Hircine: Easy, I just did. I’ll do it again: HE WAS A MONSTER!

Peryite: (After finishing the floor.) There, it’s done. Nobody mess up the floor!

Clavicus Vile: I have twister! (Lays down the sheet and grabs Mehrunes Dagon.) I’ll spin.

Clavicus grabs the wheel and spins it.

Clavicus Vile: Azura, left foot green! (Spins the wheel.)

She does so.

Clavicus Vile: Boethiah, right hand blue. (Spins the wheel.)

He does so.

Clavicus Vile: Namira!

Namira: (Getting exited.) YEAH?

Clavicus Vile: You aren’t playing.

He spins the wheel, Namira lays her head on the table.

Clavicus Vile: Mehrunes, left lower arm red, right upper arm yellow, left upper arm purple.

Mehrunes Dagon: That’s not a color in the game!

Clavicus Vile: Can’t do it? (Blows a whistle.) YYYYYYYYYYER OUT!

Sheogorath: Bad call ref!

Clavicus Vile: I made the game, so you’ll play by my rules. (Spins the wheel harder than he should have, it breaks.) RIGHT FOOT BLUE!

Sheogorath: (For the first time in known existence, the Madgod is speechless.)

Hermaeus Mora: Too bad I can’t play.

Clavicus Vile: Third right tentacle, green.

Hermaeus Mora: Yippee!

Hircine: Enough of this. Time for the Hunt!

Boethiah: No, time for the tournament!

Vaernima: No, time for nightmares!

Sanguine: No, it’s time…to…get…FUNKY!

All sixteen Princes get soaked in the most potent liquor.

Hircine: Now on to the hunt!

All sixteen: HEAR, HEAR!

==End of Day Three==

==Day Four==

Middas is the center of the week. It is a time when everyone and everything is in the middle of something. Including the Daedric Princes.

Hircine, Mehrunes Dagon, Clavicus Vile, and Sheogorath are out hunting, but the tale ever takes place at the table. Molag Bal is arm-wrestling Vaernima and Malacath.

Molag Bal: (After beating both.) I still got it!

Namira: Boethiah, why don’t you try?

Boethiah: I have no reason.

Molag Bal: Of course not, I always win. I am the champion!

Peryite: Aha! I just created toothpaste!

Molag Bal: Can I use it?

Peryite: You definitely need it that’s for sure.

He hands it to him along with a brush. Molag Bal squeezes the tube and rubs the stuff on his armpits.

Peryite: That’s what the deodorant is for!

Meridia: In all fairness, Mehrunes ate it all.

Molag Bal: My armpits tingle…

Boethiah: Is that how you know it works?

Hermaeus Mora: Well considering it should go on the teeth, the stuff is supposed to clean the decay and rot. This IS Molag Bal…so I think it MUST be working.

Molag Bal hangs his head in embarrassment.

Malacath: I could use some as well. (Mimics Molag Bal.)

Peryite: No! No! No! This is how it’s done.

He jumps up off of his chair and slips on the waxed carpet. He recovers and grabs the paste and brush.

Peryite: Like…THIS. (He demonstrates.)

The other eleven Princes in attendance look on in bewilderment.

Namira: Why would we need that?

Peryite: Unlike you, some of us might care about appearance and hygiene.

Azura, Sanguine, Hermaeus Mora and Meridia all nod in agreement.

Boethiah: Even Mora agrees. You might need the full Peryite hookup.

Hermaeus Mora: Even I?

Boethiah: Not my fault you are a squid / crab / pile of Malacath.

Malacath: Hey now! Stop that!

Boethiah: Sorry, someone had to…If not Sheogorath, then who?

Malacath: I guess you’re right…

Hircine, Mehrunes Dagon, Clavicus Vile, and Sheogorath return from the hunt. Each is carrying a lesser Daedra, except for Sheogorath, who was carrying a twig.

Hircine: Greetings! The hunt went…well enough. The Madgod got himself a twig.

Sheogorath: Hey now, it’s a Daedric twig. (He holds his catch up.)

The other fourteen laugh, while Clavicus Vile maintains a straight face.

Sheogorath: Jealous? (He winks at the twig.)

Boethiah: What did you other guys catch?

Hircine: (He puts his kill down.) Scamp.

Mehrunes Dagon: I got four Scamps. (He throws the bodies on the table.)

Clavicus Vile: I got a Clannfear.

Hircine: That thing’s a runt.

Sheogorath and Clavicus Vile exchange a look.

Hermaeus Mora: Uh oh!

Clavicus Vile: Come here, Barbas!

Hircine’s kill gets up and reverts to his dog form.

Sheogorath: (Still holding the now giant twig up) Come here Everscamps!

All four of Mehrunes Dagon’s kills get up and walk toward the Madgod.

Boethiah: Ha! Seems you didn’t catch anything?

Sheogorath: Vile won, with my help of course.

Mehrunes Dagon and Hircine: DRATS!

Hircine: What have you all done since we were gone.

Molag Bal sticks his arms up to reveal the toothpaste. Malacath does likewise.

Peryite: They wasted my newest invention, toothpaste.

Molag Bal: I also continue the undefeated streak!

He sticks his arms up in the air revealing the toothpaste once more.

Mehrunes Dagon flashes his smile with the green stripe still intact.

Sanguine burps up a white T-shirt.

Peryite: Oh, why do I even bother? (He slips on the carpet once more.)

==End of Day Four==

==Day Five==

The goings on at the table are moving slow. Patience is wearing thin and someone must break the boredom. This is where Peryite comes in.

Peryite slides his way to the table. He is holding something in his hands.

Peryite: Guess what? I just invented Q-tips!

Malacath: They look like double headed maces!

He reaches over and grabs a handful.

Malacath: What are they used for? (As he starts eating them.)

Peryite: They go in your ears!

Malacath crams them in Molag Bal’s ears.

Peryite: Not like that!

Molag Bal: (He turns to Malacath and shouts.) WHAT IS HE SAYING?

Malacath: HE SAYS THEY AREN’T USED LIKE THAT!

Peryite: You clean your ears with them.

Sanguine: Of course they are for cleaning.

Peryite: It’s all about the hygiene!

Sheogorath: I thought it was all about Molag Bal and Malacath’s stupidity.

Malacath: No need to be rude!

Mehrunes Dagon: Give me those, maybe if I cram enough I won’t have to listen to any of you!

Peryite: They clean your ears so you can hear well!

Azura tries it.

Azura: Hey, I can hear a lot better!

Peryite: REALLY?

Azura: No…

Peryite looks down in shame.

Hircine: These shall be useful for my little mortal hunters. I shall hand them out of gifts and say they are enchanted. Just like all the crap we give out.

Mehrunes Dagon: Those mortals are suckers.

Meridia: Yeah, the suckers!

Sanguine: Says the three who most recently were BESTED by mortals.

Hircine: I never said I wasn’t bested.

Mehrunes Dagon: BLAH BLAH BLAH! I CAN’T HEAR YOU!

Meridia: I wasn’t bested by a mortal, my boyfriend…err…pal was.

Sanguine: If you say so.

Meridia: Oh, I DO say so.

Boethiah: Personally, I think mortals are better than we credit them.

Malacath: You just say that because they fight in tournaments for you.

Boethiah: No shame in that!

Hircine: Nope, not at all.

Sheogorath: Shall we keep an eye out for the Tournament of Ten Blood Moons?

Hircine and Boethiah: Sure, anything’s possible.

Peryite: Does anyone else want anything? Bleach, toothpaste, deodorant, Q-tips?

Malacath: Why call them Q-tips?

Peryite begins to explain, but Hermaeus Mora jumps in.

Hermaeus Mora: the general shape of the mortal, human, ear resembles a slightly contorted Q.

Malacath, Mehrunes Dagon, and Molag Bal: Oh!

Peryite: I could’ve answered that, they ARE my invention after all!

Boethiah: I could use these on my newest venture, called American Gladiators. Oh, the ratings!

Sheogorath: and it can be played on my new station…Daedric Realm TV! And it could come on right after “Guess the Disease!”

Malacath: I’d watch that!

Hermaeus Mora: “Guess the Disease”, eh? Need a host?

Sheogorath: Sure, you’d be perfect. One look at you and EVERYONE will think they have to guess your disease until they realize, “Oh that’s just an ugly pile of Malacathsquidcrab.”

Hermaeus Mora and Malacath: Hey now! That’s uncalled for!

Boethiah: I said that yesterday.

Sheogorath smiles.

Hircine: I don’t see any of these ideas happening.

Mephala: Me either.

Mehrunes Dagon: I agree.

Peryite: Can I host a cleaning show?

Sanguine: That’s the last thing you need!

Vaernima: I could do a…

==End of Day Five==

==Day Six==

The week begins to die down and everyone gets lazy. Everyone except for the Table of Daedric Princes.

Sanguine: So she says to the atronach: “but, you’ll melt!”

The others laugh.

Malacath: That’s always a good joke!

Molag Bal: Well, good for you he always tells it.

Peryite begins laughing.

Peryite: Aha! I just created shampoo!

Vaernima grabs the bottle Peryite was holding.

Vaernima: (After drinking some.) It tastes awful!

Peryite: It goes on the hair.

Vaernima pours a lot on Namira.

They all stand around looking at Namira covered in shampoo.

Hircine: Now what?

Peryite: You need to be in water.

Malacath: but that would wash it off!

Peryite: Exactly.

He walks over to Namira and squirts her with a hose. Begins rubbing her hair down.

Peryite: See? (He continues to lather.)

Namira: Am I pretty yet?

The others: Not even CLOSE!

She remains silent and lets Peryite finish up.

Peryite: (Sighs.) I’m not a miracle worker.

Hircine: She looks better than before, that is for sure.

Malacath: Me next, me next!

Peryite: You have no hair!

Malacath: Oh. (Sits back down in his chair.)

Sheogorath squirts shampoo in Malacath’s eyes.

Malacath: WHAJADOTHAFERR?

Clavicus Vile: Barbas is covered in hair…and he stinks…He could use the Peryite hookup almost as badly as Namira!

Azura: Almost? That filthy beast is worse than Namira. That’s saying a lot, though!

Namira: I don’t have to take this!

Peryite: You do until I can work the knots out of your hair!

Hircine: How come Dagon has been silent lately?

Mehrunes Dagon: How so? I haven’t been talked to until now.

Sanguine: Aww, you mean we could’ve kept it that way?

Mehrunes Dagon slaps Sanguine into unconsciousness.

Clavicus Vile: Sanguine?

Mehrunes Dagon: He can’t say anything…He’s unconscious.

Sheogorath: and for once it’s not from the drinking…

Sanguine: What’s that supposed to me…(He goes back to being unconscious.)

Azura: Quick, where’s Feyfolken?

Clavicus Vile: Not this again!

Azura: Why not? You enjoy it.

Clavicus Vile: …That’s besides the (He draws on Sanguine and hands the quill to Azura.)

Azura writes obscenities on the unconscious daedroth.

Malacath: My turn!

Azura and Clavicus Vile: No!

Malacath goes back to the table and sits down in his chair once more.

Peryite: There! Your hair is beautiful, Namira. A shame about that face, though.

Namira: Oh, don’t even…

Malacath: I like it!

Namira: Thanks!

Malacath: I meant the invention…Good job, Peryite.

Peryite: Thanks, I aim to keep SOME things clean.

Sheogorath: Now you just need to create Pooh-B-Gone. (While looking at Malacath.)

Malacath: I’m going to just ignore your comments of me.

Sheogorath: Oh…CRAP…(He tosses a wink to Peryite.)

All sixteen Princes share a hearty laugh.

==End of Day Six==

==Day Seven==

Loredas, the final day of the week. It is a day of celebration for surviving the week. The Daedric Princes, on the other hand, can’t die. So they just celebrate knowing they can.

Given the nature of the day, Sanguine has been drinking more than he does during the rest of the week. For the sake of reader intelligence, his comments are omitted.

Hermaeus Mora is holding a poetry competition. Hircine was up first.

Hircine: (Clears throat.) The Hare’s Revenge. One day, a tortoise beat a hare in a race. The next, both are subject to a life-or-death chase. My wolves are on the prowl, oh to hear them howl!

Azura, Boethiah, and Clavicus Vile clap. Sheogorath isn’t impressed.

Sheogorath: Ode to Azura. The hunter may hunt and the trickster may trick, but only by being subject to the false-god can Azura [Omitted by request of the Imperial Library.]

[Sanguine insult omitted]

Hermaeus Mora: Very nice effort, Hircine. To you two, though, how dare you call that poetry?

Vaernima: Deep sleep. The man sleeps in the wild, naked to the elements as a newborn child. He takes a tumble down the hill, still asleep never feels the chill. His senses while asleep are dull, and never saw his death at the hands of a troll.

The others clap.

Malacath: My turn…He once was a man, but how now he can. No one knows and all he throws. Making a blue foot as he chews the chute shut. (He rambles on for a few more minutes in a consistently horrid manner.)

Hermaeus Mora: Wow…I think I want to kill myself.

Namira: Even I now know suffering.

Mehrunes Dagon: I think my ears are bleeding.

Molag Bal: YOUR ears? I still have Q-tips lodged in mine. They’ve been bleeding since.

Malacath: Like it?

Azura: No…Just…No, give up and never try again.

Malacath puts his head in his arms.

Sheogorath: Shall I go again?

Everyone else: NO!

Clavicus Vile: I’ll try. He danced around evil fire, and earned from the divines nothing but ire. He was hated by humanity, so exclusive it was unanimity. He learned to serve the dark arts, to not to venture near inhabited parts. He fled to the forest in the cover of night, he soon died from an incurable disease of blight.

Hermaeus Mora: There is our winner!

Clavicus Vile: Hooray, Feyfolken wins me another one!

Hircine: Boo, cheater!

Malacath: I liked it.

Hircine: That seems unlikely.

[Sanguine response omitted.]

Boethiah: Like that’s relevant?

Mephala: Oh, even he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

Sheogorath: I do.

Hircine: Not surprising…

Boethiah: I’ll try one. (Cracks his knuckles.) The fighter punched the other, which was called rude. The punched fighter turned to his attacker, and was blinded when he found out he was nude. He yelled out to his attacker, “I can’t see through either eye.” The attacker said, “Too bad, you should be able to see how you die.”

Hermaeus Mora: Clavicus already won.

Boethiah: It was for funzies, then…

Peryite pulls a large bag with him. He tears it open and flaps it in the air. Dirt flies everywhere.

Peryite: Aha! I just created the vacuum cleaner! It is powered by a soul an hour!

He demonstrates by cleaning the room in efficient time.

Boethiah: That’s miraculous!

Sheogorath: I have one of those!

Peryite: H…How? I JUST invented it.

Sheogorath: Easy. I just took it.

He flips a switch to send it from suck to blow.

Peryite: No…DON’T!

Everyone gets covered in the dirt.

Peryite: Well, not the best invention…

Azura: Agreed.

Namira: MY HAIR! It’s dirty again…

Peryite: I’ll grab the shampoo.

Molag Bal: Anyone want to arm-wrestle?

Mehrunes Dagon: Sure, I’ll try again.

Molag Bal quickly beats the four-armed Prince.

Mehrunes Dagon: Drats!

Malacath: Don’t feel bad.

Mehrunes Dagon: Bah, it’s fixed…

Molag Bal: Says the loser!

[Sanguine comment omitted]

Sanguine slips on the waxed floor.

Sheogorath: We should all listen to Sanguine, time to leave the readers wanting more of what will never come!

The Daedric Princes send the writer away and just as he is sent away, he can just make out all seventeen Princes, Jyggalag included, slip on the waxed floor one last time.

==End of the Week==