Subject: McBosmer - The Despoliation of Valenwood
newsflash:
Imperial Fast Food Tycoon Big Mac announcs the Grand Opening of a new kind of establishment in Falinesti, the Capital of Valenwood. Called McBosmer it will serve his new pure meat burgers at an amazingly low price to help feed the famished hordes of Bosmer who have lost their jobs and homes due to the devestation of Valenwood in the War with Elsweyr.
newsflash: (2yrs later)
The McBosmer growth phenomenon has astonished the cognoscenti who sneered when it first appeared. MCBosmer is now the fastest growing business in the Empire, and is desperate to increase production to cope with the astonishing demand everywhere. Very soon there will be no village of cornerclub in the Empire that does not serve McBosmer.
In a recent interview, Big Mac, the founder of the McBosmer chain of Franchises and the richest man in the Empire told anxious reporters that there are no worries about supplies as the endless Forest of Valens=wood is big enough for all.
newsflash: (3 yrs later)
In a titanic effort to prevent the overpopulation of the Forest from devestating the region The Silvenar has just passed a law that no pair of trees may bear more than one offspring! And he has also invited Imperial Logging Teams to gently prune back excessive growth.
newsflash: (4 yrs later)
Reports of corruption proliferate with accusations flying back and forth that certain members of the Court of the Silvenar are taking kickbacks to permit ovelogging.
newsflash: (5yrs later)
McBosmer have decided to sue an ex-employee who claims to have witnessed McBosmer factory-elves in the McBosmer McMeat McProcessing McPlant, in direct violation of the Green Pact (which makes the destruction or consumption of the vegetable matter of Valenwood a capital offence) nibbling on lettuce leaves, and even sneakily inserting small strips of lettuce into McAll-MeatMunchies! The employee also claims that half the Forest has already been laid waste and that this is beginning to affect the climate of the entire continent.
Sources in McBosmer say that the Big Mac (currently on holiday in his Southern Mansion at Southpoint since an Imperial logging team mistakenly matchsticked the Family Tree in Falinesti) states categorically that these rumours are being spread by anit-Green Pact infiltrators and terrorists and has already consulted his family chef who is creating a splendid new recipe to do justice to the Big Mac's plans to roast and devour the ungrateful Bosmer rebel at the heart of this scandal!
newsflash:
Following their historic victory over the McBosmer Besmircher in the Sivenar's Royal Courts of Justice (and the subsequent successful prosection in the Arena) McBosmer announce the opening of their 5,000th Silvan all-Green Pact Diner - with a special new deal to ensure that those family feuds have a proper resolution. Now you can bring the carcass of your favorite enemy to any McBosmer outlet, and the resident chef will prepare it for you McBosmer style!
The Big Mac (still burping and drooling contentedly to himself) announced that he had been so impressed by his family chef's new recipe (specially created in preparation for the consumption of an unruly and libelous ex-employee) he had decided that this must be shared with all his friends and customers.
newsflash: (20 years later)
The Silvenar is immensely proud of his new McHoliday Home in High Rock, and plans to spend a loong holiday there - several thousand years
newsflash: (25 years later)
At the Silvenar's Charitaritable Fund Raiser for the re-training of out of work Imperial Logging Teams our correspondent praised the Big Mac on the spleandour of the building in which the Ball was being held. The Big Mac replied: 'Yes we are very proud here at McBosmer of our Green Credentials. Would you believe, this is actually the Last Living Tree in the whole of Valenwood? It has been our Family's Summer residence for generations, and we have vowed to protect it with our lives. You may find it hard to visualise, but once upon a time the entire Province was covered in trees! Then a rebelious and unruly ex-employee set in train a scandalous programme of deforestation purely out of misguided personal envy and malice. And this is the result. By the way, I hope you realise that although our chef will prepare your meal the McBosmer way he does rely on you to bring your own kindling'