Rak’nor the free slave.

Prolouge

It was a hot day in Sadrith Mora today, Rak’nor and the other slaves were serving their master Neloth, many thought of Neloth being one of the kindest of Telvanni Councilors, but the slaves knew they were wrong. The slaves were abused in any possible manner, they were kept in cages during the nights and forced to do hard labour, they consisted of mostly beastfolk; Argonians and Khajits. All of their wills were broken long ago, they hadn’t seen anything except the old tower and some parts of Sadrith Mora. Though they met many important people and knew what has been going on, one of the most prestigious people they had met was the Nerevarine himself, when he came to ask about becoming Telvanni’s Hortator. One night a slave no different from the others an argonian, Rak’nor started dreaming once again. He dreamed of how life would be outside these walls and halls on the mainland or other countries, how wonderful it would be if he saw the black marsh and while the others kept working and working he kept dreaming, one day his dreams got so strong that he took the courage to go to Neloth and asked to be freed, Neloth was suprised by the question, no slave ever dared to even speak to him before, if he had not spoken first. He declined the offer and after that started to give Rak’nor more work one harder than the other, he was willing to do anything to break the argonian’s spirit. Sadly, nothing seemed to work, the argonian came back everyday and asked to be freed, over and over again. Soon they started to call him Rak’nor the free slave, after about a year of asking, master Neloth finally gave in and decided to give Rak’nor a chance to be free, he created a otherwise forbidden slave bracer that allowed him to kill the slave anywhere anytime he wanted and put it on the argonian and kept the key close to himself, he asked the argonian to bring him kagrenac’s tools(Wraithguard, Sunder, Keening) that had been distributed around vvardenfell’s most important dunmer temples, master Neloth knew this was no easy feat so he gave the slave exacly a year to do this task to have the death trap on his wrist removed. Rak’nor knew what he had to do was wrong and bad and a betrayal to the nerevarine, who thank the gods has not been in vvardenfell for awhile. Rak’nor accepted the deal and the deal was sealed with a magical bomb, being attached to Rak’nor’s wrist.


What do you think of it, my first time writing fir elder scrolls and made it short, cause i wanted to be sure i can write decently Elder scrolls, so comment. Constructive criticism welcome and my home country does not talk in english, so don't mind the hordes of spelling mistakes and grammatical errors, if it really bothers everyone, maybe someone here can fix them

Dragon I like your idea and would love to read the story. You've introduced a cool item (an exploding bracer), set the background for a journey, and the "deadline of one year" and the nickname add to the realism. The pace is just right for me as well.

As for your English, is it perfect? no. Does it bother me? not that much. The story itself is so interesting that I find myself glossing over the errors as I read, and the errors themselves are not so horrid as to make the piece unreadable.

Certainly if you can keep up the pace of the narrative, continue surprising us with slight extensions to the familiar TES world that give me the reader the feeling I am exploring something new, find a good plot and ending to the story, AND keep up with what I think is a great streak of originality, what you have started should evolve marvellously.

One advice I could give you though - try to split up the text into paragraphs. It is good for the digestion.

Thanks that one reply gave me the enthusiasm to write the first chapter and yes i got to learn to paragraph, that's something everyone ha told me to with stories i write, so thanks.


EDIT:

Rak’nor the free slave.

Chapter 1: Twin Lamps

Day 1

Rak’nor had nothing but the measly clothes on his back as, he walked through Sadrith Mora, he was stopped by the guards multiple times mistaking him as a escaped slave, though when they inspected the bracer, they remembered the order they got from master Neloth today and let the argonian pass. When the Argonian finally made it to the shipyard, he remembered he had no money to rent a boat, he amused himself of swimming to the mainland, but he would get killeb by slaughterfish’s and dreugh’s easily. Suddenly a beggar from a corner near by the shipyard walked up to Rak’nor. Before the beggar could say anything, Rak’nor told him he had no money, then the beggar explained that he is here to help, Rak’nor was confused about what was going on, but the beggar paid for the boat and waited for Rak’nor.

Rak’nor had a decision to make, either he goes with the stranger or makes some money in Sadrith Mora, actually it was no question to him, hr had wanted of this island for so long. The boat ride was intense as they were nearing their still unknown destination. Night was nearing and Rak’nor was thinking his first day as a free slave was about to be over, they finaly made it ashore. Rak’nor recognized this place as Vivec from descriptions, he also confirmed it by asking his beggar friend.

It was a long walk and Rak’nor started asking questions from the mysterious companion. Getting nothing out of him, he decided to go with the flow.

Day 2

Rak’nor dead tired and his companion finaly made it to their destination in the early morning after hours of walking. Rak’nor apropriatly asked where they were and all the answer he got was a look, so Rak’nor Looked at the entrance to a ancestral tomb and told his companion theres no way he’s going there, his companion answered that with twin lamps and it all became clear to the argonian and the reason for all the secrecy. He followed his friend inside the tomb and was greeted by a strong looking male redguard a female breton who was obviously a mage judging by her clothes and two argonians.
His companion finally took of his hood and revealed to be a imperial named Jack. Jack explained to Rak’nor about the twin lamps how they are a organization that helps escaped or freed slaves, he also explained this tomb is only one of the many hideouts the organization has, they also told Rak’nor they were here to take him to Black Marsh, Rak’nor refused immediatly and also explained his situation(except the part about stealing precious artifacts) to Jack, but Jack answered not to worry Jenny here can break any lock, being a master of Alteration. Jenny glared at Jack and put her hands on Rak’nor’s bracer and channeled her magic into the bracer, but it had no effect whatsoever. Jenny tried again, but with a small explosion both Rak’nor and Jenny were out cold.

When Rak’nor woke up, it was already night outside. Jack was looking at him worried and told Rak’nor there is not much they can do for him, they gave him fresh clothes, a map, a robe that would hide is bracer, some food, a couple of bottles of alcohol, a steel long sword for protection and a 150 septims. They also offered to take Rak’nor to Black marsh, but he still refused saying he still had something to do here. When Rak’nor was about to leave they offered to let him stay for the night and he gladly accepted.

Day 3

Rak’nor woke up in the tomb again after a long night of rest, he was ready to travel. He had woken up early and didn’t want to wake anyone, but Jenny who had recently regained conciousness met Rak’nor at the door and apologized she couldn’t do anything and offered Rak’nor a ring. Rak’nor was confused what the ring was for and Jenny explained that if Rak’nor ever needs help, he only had to put the ring on and talk and thanks to a telepathic connection with the ring. Jenny could hear him and talk abck using her thoughts. Rak’nor was still confused, he had never studied magic, he amused himself in his thoughts that all those eyars in a Telvanni tower and no skills in magic. Jenny explained it again in lament’s terms and Rak’nor now understood, sliping the rinf in his robe pocket he was on his way waving goodbye to Jenny.

Chapter 1 is up so enjoy

Disclaimer: I don’t own Morrowind.

Chapter 2: Way to Balmora

Rak’nor walked a few meters from the tomb and then checked his map where he was. It seemed he was north of vivec and there was quite a walk from here to his destination Balmora. He heard from one of the members in the tomb about the thieves guild having a branch in Balmora and thought that might be a good organization to hire for the job. He started the journey and suddenly he was attacked by 3 scribs, the first 2 were killed by a few slashes, but the third one managed to paralyze him, the scrib attacked him for the few second he couldn’t move, when he got moving again, he slashed through the scrib. Rak’nor was injured and bleeding, he managed to patch himself up with his old shirt and rest a few hours.

He started to move again, he crossed 2 bridges and made his way towards Pelagiad, he chose to use the road this time, so he wouldn’t get attacked again, but no luck half way to Pelagiad and he was attacked by a couple of Nix hounds, He drew his sword and took a fighting stance, the nix-hounds are much stronger than scribs and he was scared, suddenly another adventurer came running behind Rak’nor wielding a daedric katana and slashed through the nix-hounds, he took a knife out and cut the meat out of the hounds. Rak’nor asked who he was and found out he was an adventurer just on his way to Balmora like Rak’nor, he also told Rak’nor that Rak’nor’s fighting stance is all wrong and offered free training, time seemed to go fast with a little company and they reached Pelagiad.

Before reaching Pelagiad, Rak’nor had trusted that he is a free slave to his new companion. His dark elf companion who hated slavery, promised to help Rak’nor whatever it takes though he didn’t know the terms Rak’nor was free on, it was night time and they chose to stay at the halfway inn. They took two rooms and before going to bed cooked the two pieces of hound meat downstairs in the fireplace. When they ate the meat they opened a bottle of sujamma, Rak’nor had gotten from the twin lamps and had a good time and then they retreated to their rooms for a goodnight’s rest.

Day 4

Rak’nor and his mysterious companion both wake up to a headache. They bought a few pieces of bread in the morning for breakfast and then started training behind the Halfway tavern, Rak’nor’s blade skills were weak and his trained companion that Rak’nor now knew as Ian could probably kill him with a few good slashes, but even when Ian toned down his own skill, Rak’nor had a hard time blocking his attacks. When the sun was high they visited the smith in Pelagiad. Rak’nor’s companion bought Rak’nor chitin armors for protection and a silver dagger if Rak’nor faced a ghost or any other creature as such. Then they set off for Balmora, hoping to reach there in nightfall.

Time flew past like always with Ian. They were attacked by a pack of nix hounds again, this time there were 4 and Rak’nor managed to kill one himself. Ian was pleased with the argonian’s progress. They were nearing Balmora and Rak’nor chose to confide his secret to Ian fully after all Ian had done for him. Ian was shocked by the idea of stealing sacred relics, but also understood Rak’nor and promised to tell no one. They finally reached Balmora in Nightfall and without hesitation went to nearby inn Eight plates. They took two rooms there as well and cooked their pieces of hound meat at the fireplace once again. This time they chose not to drink any sujamma, they were very tired after the long walk and wanted to rest, they went to bed.

It was night and suddenly Rak’nor heard a sound in his room, he stayed quietly under his covers and gripped tightly the silver dagger he had gotten from Ian. When someone was at his bed, Rak’nor quickly got up and stabbed a masked man through the heart. Entire inn ran to Rak’nor’s room and Ian asked what happened, Rak’nor explained what had happened and Ian walked up to the dead man and pulled off his mask, it was a redguard. Ian searched the redguard’s belongings and found a note after reading it he said aloud that it was just a bandit, when one of the other customers asked why the bandit was in Dark brotherhood armors, the only explanation Ian could muster up was that the bandit had killed a Dark brotherhood operative somewhere. Ian urged everyone to go back to their rooms. The tavern keeper gave Rak’nor a new free room and called the guards to get rid of the body, Rak’nor went to sleep with unease.

I'm still reading your work... I'm interested in your story. I sense that if you could get someone to help smooth out your English the creative ideas in your mind might appeal to a wider public. What I'm seeing in your story is a person who embarks upon a journey, meets many people along the way who help him, and maybe teach him vital clues about what it means to be free.

This is a wonderful background for a story, since what you have is a character that can evolve, with the story, and we the readers can be a part of this evolution. We will always want to know what happens to this character.

Good formula!