Please don't be mean, it's only my first ES fan fic.
Constructive critisism, suggestions and comments are highly appreciated
Chapter 1: the message
Christo looked to the five squires surrounding him.
He sighed deeply, it was in the middle of the night and they were in a small abandoned chapel.
This was the night before all of them would become a knight, this was their last quest, they had to sit a whole night in this chapel, they weren’t allowed to speak, sleep or open the door, they just had to think of their tasks as knights.
Christo sat in the chair the closest to the door, a small light showed the other men’s faces who were all sleepy.
Christo knew all of this men, they were his friends and not being allowed to talk to them was painfully, and so was no being allowed to sleep. He tried to keep his eyes open but the further the night went, the harder it got.
Christo was still sitting in his chair, he kept himself busy with thinking of his father, how proud he would be if he would come in the Imperial city armed with his armor and shield and if he became knight.
His father would be so proud, that his own and only son would become the same as him.
He then began to think of the memories, of working for lord Amprhius as a squire. The man was always kind to him and it was nice working for him, although he was tired of the stupid jobs he had to do, like bringing messages to his wife and such.
The small light that came from a burning candle slowly faded away and it was now darkness in the chapel, almost no sounds could be hear except for sometimes the sound of animals outside.
Suddenly someone knocked on the door.
‘This has to be a trap’ Christo immediately thought.
They weren’t allowed to open the door nor to speak as else they wouldn’t become a knight. This was probably some trick to see if everyone was loyal.
« Help! » The voice said. « Please help! » A man yelled from outside.
‘This man is in trouble I need to help him ‘ Christo thought while he stood up and slowly walked to the door.
Although it was dark, Christo knew that the other squires were looking to him.
The voice kept yelling and kept knocking on the door.
And slowly Christo opened the door, it wasn’t locked and it went open easily.
He walked outside and closed the gate behind him, he knew that he lost his chance to become a knight but this man was in trouble and it was his duty to help him.
Christo now noticed an old Imperial man standing next to the door.
The man showed Christo to follow him and so did he.
Once they were away from the chapel the man began to speak: « I’m sorry to disturb you in the night before you become knight but… »
Christo interrupted with a confused voice: « How do you know I become a knight tomorrow? »
The man laughed. « Sir, everyone knows that, it is well known that every year on this day, the squires do their night service in this chapel. »
Christo didn’t knew what to think of the man. « So why did you interrupt me then? »
The man became serious again. « Because my lord, my master, has to get this message. »
Christo looked suspicious to the man. « Why don’t you do it yourself? »
« I’m only an old man, I’m not able to go into the woods and to the inn, I would die in there by some wild creature and then my master would not be able to receive this important message. »
« Why didn’t you disturb someone else? »
« Because this is a task for a knight, I can’t ask a local peasant to do this, you don’t know for who he’s working, and the chapel was the only place I could ask for a knight. »
« I’m not a knight. » Christo replied.
Christo saw no other choice than to bring this message to the man’s master as he was already was out the chapel.
He sighed. « Alright I’ll bring the message to you’re master. Where is the message and where is you’re master? »
The man smiled. « Thank you sir, you’re to kind. » He then did a hand into his pocket and a small letter came out. « Just follow the path true this woods and follow it for a while, then after a while you’ll see two roads, one going to the left and the other one goes to the right, go left and then ride on until you get to the inn called ‘Tavern Kager’. There it should be, and if you’re lucky you could get on time back an you could sneak back into the chapel and no one will notice it, unless the other squires will tell it. »
« No they won’t. » Christo was happy, he now could help the man and also still become a knight.
« Ooh yes one more thing, » the old man said « The message is very important and you aren’t allowed to read it, but there are enemies, the daedra worshipers and such, who want to see this letter destroyed, so watch out you’re steps as they wouldn’t hesitate to kill you.
Also the password you have to say to my master is: ‘Lord, why is you’re shield white? ‘ And then he says: ‘Because white has all the colors of the rainbow’ and only then you’re allowed to give him the message. »
« How do I recognize you’re master? » Christo asked.
« He will carrying a white shield and red armor. Just call him the red knight with the white shield. »
Christo nodded and quickly left to the path as he had no time to loose if he wanted to come back in time at the chapel.
Full Version: The letter....
I spotted several grammatical errors in this story but I'm no stranger to a few misspelled words myself...especially when I first started writing. It was interesting but the use of arrows rather than parentheses threw me off at first. Interesting start to a plot though, please continue.
QUOTE(Kiln @ Apr 5 2008, 01:17 AM) 
I spotted several grammatical errors in this story but I'm no stranger to a few misspelled words myself...especially when I first started writing. It was interesting but the use of arrows rather than parentheses threw me off at first. Interesting start to a plot though, please continue.
Yes sorry I have a French kind of word and it uses those weird arrows..
But thanks...
Chapter 2: The red knight with the white shield
Christo finally got to the place where he had to be, and he took a left path. He now walked again as he knew the inn couldn’t be much further; plus he was tired of all the running. Suddenly he heard the sounds of men talking, they weren’t acting quiet, so they probably had no one to fear.
Christo lay down and crawled behind a rock.
There were three men in robes and one man in silver armor.
They all were either armed with a dagger or with a silver short sword.
Christo aimed his hands towards the four men and began to think of a good spell to use when they would spot him.
The men were probably guarding something, as they didn’t move an inch in an hour. Christo was getting frustrated because if he wanted to get at the chapel at time he had to give the letter now.
For the past hour he had been searching for a way to pass these men, but it wasn’t possible as they were standing on a very good spot and could see in every direction. Also at the side of the road was a gap that probably led several yards below and it would be impossible to get down there without making any noise.
He only had one plan left, so he stood up. His hands were shaking and he had troubles with acting normal. He walked towards the four men and acted as if he didn’t see them, but then they quickly stood before him.
« Stop! What do you seek here? » said one of the guards.
Christo’s short hair and face without any scratches made him look as a rich kid, which in fact he actually was.
« I’m a merchant, and I heard about an inn that lies not far from here. » Christo said with a confident tone, although actually he was shaking. « And who might you be? » He asked the man.
« None of your damn business. » One of the robed man said aggressively.
Christo noticed one of them laying his hand on his dagger.
Looks like they don’t treat people that nice he thought before he began to walk again.
The four men followed him with their eyes but to Christo’s surprise they didn’t literally follow nor stop him. He kept walking and once out of eye sight he began to run.
Maybe this quest is more dangerous than I thought.
It only took him half and hour to get at the inn. It was past midnight and the inn was likely closed. He knocked on the door and to Christo’s surprised it opened.
There stood a large Nord with a battleaxe on his back. The man had short hair and a rough looking face.
« What do you want? » He asked while standing in the door enterance.
« Euh… I’m here to find the red knight with the white shield. »
The Nord nodded and walked inside.
Christo followed and walked in the inn. There were only some small candles that brought some light in the place. It was a small room and Christo found that it didn’t look too sociable. He saw no one else inside and the Nord, who was probably the inn keeper, walked up the stairs. It took several minutes before the Nord came back, followed by a man in armor. Christo couldn’t see which race he was because he was wearing a helmet.
« What do you want? » The man in armor asked.
« Euh… I came to see you, sir. » Christo said nervously.
« Then tell me the password. »
Christo could almost hear anger in the man’s voice. Then he thought for a second before he remembered it. « Why is you’re shield white? »
« Because white has all the colors of the rainbow. »
The man now walked towards Christo and reached out his hand.
Christo shook it, he was glad to have found the knight.
« So, what did you have to tell me? » The armored man asked curiously.
Christo took the letter out of his pocket and gave it to the man.
The knight whispered something to the Nord who immediately left. The knight then took the letter and began to read it. It was a long letter, and once he was finished reading the knight said: « Who gave you this? »
Again there was anger in his voice, but this time also fear.
« An old Imperial men. » Christo replied frightened.
The knight turned around and walked to a chair.
« This letter has to be given to the count of Leyawiin; I wonder why that old man sent you to give me this. »
Christo shrugged hi shoulders. « Does it matter? »
The man shook his head and replied: « This is very important; we have to take this to Leyawiin now. »
« We, sir? » Christo asked confused.
« Yes many dangers lay ahead of us, if this letters falls in the wrong hands it would be a disaster. So I need you. »
« But I have to finish my night duty, so I could become a knight. »
The knight again shook his head. « You’ll become a knight another day, now this letter is the most important. »
Christo nodded, but he didn’t have much of a choice anyway.
« Give me an hour, and then I’ll be ready to leave. » The knight said before he stood up and walked to the stairs.
« Sir, on my way to here, I saw four armed men on the road, as if they were guarding something. »
The knight turned around, « as long as you’re with me, you’ll be safe. » He said before he walked up the stairs.
Christo sighed deeply and sat back in a chair waiting for the knight to return
Christo finally got to the place where he had to be, and he took a left path. He now walked again as he knew the inn couldn’t be much further; plus he was tired of all the running. Suddenly he heard the sounds of men talking, they weren’t acting quiet, so they probably had no one to fear.
Christo lay down and crawled behind a rock.
There were three men in robes and one man in silver armor.
They all were either armed with a dagger or with a silver short sword.
Christo aimed his hands towards the four men and began to think of a good spell to use when they would spot him.
The men were probably guarding something, as they didn’t move an inch in an hour. Christo was getting frustrated because if he wanted to get at the chapel at time he had to give the letter now.
For the past hour he had been searching for a way to pass these men, but it wasn’t possible as they were standing on a very good spot and could see in every direction. Also at the side of the road was a gap that probably led several yards below and it would be impossible to get down there without making any noise.
He only had one plan left, so he stood up. His hands were shaking and he had troubles with acting normal. He walked towards the four men and acted as if he didn’t see them, but then they quickly stood before him.
« Stop! What do you seek here? » said one of the guards.
Christo’s short hair and face without any scratches made him look as a rich kid, which in fact he actually was.
« I’m a merchant, and I heard about an inn that lies not far from here. » Christo said with a confident tone, although actually he was shaking. « And who might you be? » He asked the man.
« None of your damn business. » One of the robed man said aggressively.
Christo noticed one of them laying his hand on his dagger.
Looks like they don’t treat people that nice he thought before he began to walk again.
The four men followed him with their eyes but to Christo’s surprise they didn’t literally follow nor stop him. He kept walking and once out of eye sight he began to run.
Maybe this quest is more dangerous than I thought.
It only took him half and hour to get at the inn. It was past midnight and the inn was likely closed. He knocked on the door and to Christo’s surprised it opened.
There stood a large Nord with a battleaxe on his back. The man had short hair and a rough looking face.
« What do you want? » He asked while standing in the door enterance.
« Euh… I’m here to find the red knight with the white shield. »
The Nord nodded and walked inside.
Christo followed and walked in the inn. There were only some small candles that brought some light in the place. It was a small room and Christo found that it didn’t look too sociable. He saw no one else inside and the Nord, who was probably the inn keeper, walked up the stairs. It took several minutes before the Nord came back, followed by a man in armor. Christo couldn’t see which race he was because he was wearing a helmet.
« What do you want? » The man in armor asked.
« Euh… I came to see you, sir. » Christo said nervously.
« Then tell me the password. »
Christo could almost hear anger in the man’s voice. Then he thought for a second before he remembered it. « Why is you’re shield white? »
« Because white has all the colors of the rainbow. »
The man now walked towards Christo and reached out his hand.
Christo shook it, he was glad to have found the knight.
« So, what did you have to tell me? » The armored man asked curiously.
Christo took the letter out of his pocket and gave it to the man.
The knight whispered something to the Nord who immediately left. The knight then took the letter and began to read it. It was a long letter, and once he was finished reading the knight said: « Who gave you this? »
Again there was anger in his voice, but this time also fear.
« An old Imperial men. » Christo replied frightened.
The knight turned around and walked to a chair.
« This letter has to be given to the count of Leyawiin; I wonder why that old man sent you to give me this. »
Christo shrugged hi shoulders. « Does it matter? »
The man shook his head and replied: « This is very important; we have to take this to Leyawiin now. »
« We, sir? » Christo asked confused.
« Yes many dangers lay ahead of us, if this letters falls in the wrong hands it would be a disaster. So I need you. »
« But I have to finish my night duty, so I could become a knight. »
The knight again shook his head. « You’ll become a knight another day, now this letter is the most important. »
Christo nodded, but he didn’t have much of a choice anyway.
« Give me an hour, and then I’ll be ready to leave. » The knight said before he stood up and walked to the stairs.
« Sir, on my way to here, I saw four armed men on the road, as if they were guarding something. »
The knight turned around, « as long as you’re with me, you’ll be safe. » He said before he walked up the stairs.
Christo sighed deeply and sat back in a chair waiting for the knight to return
I like this story. I think it has some good reading coming up!!!
Therefore, I shall put this on my..........
"List of stories to check when I get on to see if the bloody author has actually put something up!!!"
lol..... anyway..........
I shall wait for more!
Oh, and the arrow things actually are kind of nice. Surprisingly, I kind of like them!!
Therefore, I shall put this on my..........
"List of stories to check when I get on to see if the bloody author has actually put something up!!!"
lol..... anyway..........
I shall wait for more!
Oh, and the arrow things actually are kind of nice. Surprisingly, I kind of like them!!
QUOTE(Steve @ Apr 24 2008, 03:13 AM)
I like this story. I think it has some good reading coming up!!!
Therefore, I shall put this on my..........
"List of stories to check when I get on to see if the bloody author has actually put something up!!!"
lol..... anyway..........
I shall wait for more!
Oh, and the arrow things actually are kind of nice. Surprisingly, I kind of like them!!
Thanks...
I have time now so next chapter will be up soon...
[b]Chapter 3; The woods.
Christo stood outside the small inn, where it was still dark as most of the people were still sleeping, Christo was glad to be outside as being in the inn made his sick. There always was this filth stench inside. He was glad as he knew it wouldn’t be much longer before the sun would rise and before they would leave, on his way, on his first adventure.
The knight finally came out the inn and he still had all his armour, there stood a large Cyrodiilic symbol in the middle and it was surrounded by small stars, but now he also had a long sword at his side.
« Let's go. » The knight said with a confident tone.
Christo nodded and followed the knight but the knight didn’t walk to the road, but rather he went right into the woods, not so far from Kvatch, it was a rather dark and dangerous looking woods, and not many travelers dared to travel here.
« Sir, why don’t we take the road? »
« There are enemies there, you said it yourself. »
Christo had totally forgotten about them and he quickened his steps so he was closer to the knight, which gave him a confident feeling. Christo wanted to ask the knight’s name, but he didn’t dare as it would seem impolite.
The knight took a map, and Christo recognized it as Colovia.
« To where are we going? » Christo asked curiously.
« First to Skingrad, and then to Leyawiin. » The knight replied without looking up from the map he held before him.
« All the way to Leyawiin? That would mean we would come along many other castles of noble knights who could help us. » Christo said gladly.
« No! We can’t trust them, we don’t know which one of them is working for the enemy, and the letter may and shall not fall in the wrong hands. » The knight replied.
They continued walking through the woods, after a while they found a small little dirt path with a small river next to it.
Christo quickly ran to the river and began to drink out of it.
He gladly swallowed the delicious and soothing water. He hadn’t had anything to drink in days, as the last time he drunk was before the night at the chapel.
The knight took a can and bent as low as he could and dipped the can into the water. He brought the can from the water and almost drank the whole container before filling it again
Christo drunk again and again until he felt as if his stomach would explode if he drank any more. He now stared at the horizon where the first light beams became visible from the rising sun.
« We have to move quickly. » The knight said and continued to walk through the forest
Christo stumbled up and began to follow, but then the knight stopped again.
« It would be better if you carry the letter. » The knight said.
« Why me? » Christo asked the knight as it would be much safer for the heavily armed man to carry it than him. Plus the knight obviously out skilled Christo as well.
« Because, they don’t know you have anything to do with the letter and they would probably try to kill me first. So you have time to flee and bring this letter to the count of Leyawiin. »
Christo nodded. He still didn’t see the point, but it was better to listen than to discuss. He learned this it as a squire for Lord Amprhius, the man who he had worked for as a squire for many years.
« But sir, what is your name? » Christo suddenly asked and he was surprised of his own courage.
« Me? My name doesn’t matter, but what is yours? »
Christo was disappointed and didn’t want to reply until the man told him his own name, but Christo changed his mind, as it wouldn’t be to good to be so hostile against the knight.
« Christo Infelix son of Dalvanor Infelix. »
The knight nodded and Christo could’ve sworn that he saw the man smiling beneath his helmet.
The knight then turned around and began to follow a small path, which was even too small for two people to walk next to each other. Christo followed the knight for hours on that small dirt path until suddenly they arrived at a small lake.
« Where are we? » Christo asked.
The knight didn’t reply and just walked closer to the lake. Christo couldn’t see his face but by hearing the silence Christo knew that there was something wrong.
The knight slowly unsheathed his sword and began to walk slowly. Christo also slowly followed and now he saw a house in the distance; a house that was overgrown with green plants that provided excellent cover until you saw the house up close.
The knight began to run towards the house and slowly opened the door, which made a creepy voice. The man stopped in the door entrance and sheathed his sword back where it belonged, and then went inside.
Christo followed and he noticed a dead man on the ground of the very small room. The body lay next to a bed and there were still blood stains on the sheets of the bed.
« This man was murdered. » Christo said in disbelief. He then walked closer to the body. He was frightened, it was a terrible sight as the blood was still fresh.
« He must have been murdered this morning. » Christo stated.
He quickly ran outside and began to throw up, but nothing much come up as he hadn’t eaten in almost two days.
The knight also quickly walked out the house. « We have to move quickly as I’m almost sure that he is killed by the same men that are trying to get the letter. » The knight said.
« Why are you so sure of that? »
« Because no one else ever passes through these woods except for mercenaries, bandits and daedra worshippers. » The knight explained.
Christo nodded and the knight continued: « Now we’ll have to go through Cyrodiil, I was planning to go true Elswheyr but now it would be best to go true Cyrodiil. »
« How do you mean? » Christo asked confused.
« This man was going to lead us into Elswheyr. » The knight said simply as if he didn’t feel regret nor pity for this man.
Christo stood outside the small inn, where it was still dark as most of the people were still sleeping, Christo was glad to be outside as being in the inn made his sick. There always was this filth stench inside. He was glad as he knew it wouldn’t be much longer before the sun would rise and before they would leave, on his way, on his first adventure.
The knight finally came out the inn and he still had all his armour, there stood a large Cyrodiilic symbol in the middle and it was surrounded by small stars, but now he also had a long sword at his side.
« Let's go. » The knight said with a confident tone.
Christo nodded and followed the knight but the knight didn’t walk to the road, but rather he went right into the woods, not so far from Kvatch, it was a rather dark and dangerous looking woods, and not many travelers dared to travel here.
« Sir, why don’t we take the road? »
« There are enemies there, you said it yourself. »
Christo had totally forgotten about them and he quickened his steps so he was closer to the knight, which gave him a confident feeling. Christo wanted to ask the knight’s name, but he didn’t dare as it would seem impolite.
The knight took a map, and Christo recognized it as Colovia.
« To where are we going? » Christo asked curiously.
« First to Skingrad, and then to Leyawiin. » The knight replied without looking up from the map he held before him.
« All the way to Leyawiin? That would mean we would come along many other castles of noble knights who could help us. » Christo said gladly.
« No! We can’t trust them, we don’t know which one of them is working for the enemy, and the letter may and shall not fall in the wrong hands. » The knight replied.
They continued walking through the woods, after a while they found a small little dirt path with a small river next to it.
Christo quickly ran to the river and began to drink out of it.
He gladly swallowed the delicious and soothing water. He hadn’t had anything to drink in days, as the last time he drunk was before the night at the chapel.
The knight took a can and bent as low as he could and dipped the can into the water. He brought the can from the water and almost drank the whole container before filling it again
Christo drunk again and again until he felt as if his stomach would explode if he drank any more. He now stared at the horizon where the first light beams became visible from the rising sun.
« We have to move quickly. » The knight said and continued to walk through the forest
Christo stumbled up and began to follow, but then the knight stopped again.
« It would be better if you carry the letter. » The knight said.
« Why me? » Christo asked the knight as it would be much safer for the heavily armed man to carry it than him. Plus the knight obviously out skilled Christo as well.
« Because, they don’t know you have anything to do with the letter and they would probably try to kill me first. So you have time to flee and bring this letter to the count of Leyawiin. »
Christo nodded. He still didn’t see the point, but it was better to listen than to discuss. He learned this it as a squire for Lord Amprhius, the man who he had worked for as a squire for many years.
« But sir, what is your name? » Christo suddenly asked and he was surprised of his own courage.
« Me? My name doesn’t matter, but what is yours? »
Christo was disappointed and didn’t want to reply until the man told him his own name, but Christo changed his mind, as it wouldn’t be to good to be so hostile against the knight.
« Christo Infelix son of Dalvanor Infelix. »
The knight nodded and Christo could’ve sworn that he saw the man smiling beneath his helmet.
The knight then turned around and began to follow a small path, which was even too small for two people to walk next to each other. Christo followed the knight for hours on that small dirt path until suddenly they arrived at a small lake.
« Where are we? » Christo asked.
The knight didn’t reply and just walked closer to the lake. Christo couldn’t see his face but by hearing the silence Christo knew that there was something wrong.
The knight slowly unsheathed his sword and began to walk slowly. Christo also slowly followed and now he saw a house in the distance; a house that was overgrown with green plants that provided excellent cover until you saw the house up close.
The knight began to run towards the house and slowly opened the door, which made a creepy voice. The man stopped in the door entrance and sheathed his sword back where it belonged, and then went inside.
Christo followed and he noticed a dead man on the ground of the very small room. The body lay next to a bed and there were still blood stains on the sheets of the bed.
« This man was murdered. » Christo said in disbelief. He then walked closer to the body. He was frightened, it was a terrible sight as the blood was still fresh.
« He must have been murdered this morning. » Christo stated.
He quickly ran outside and began to throw up, but nothing much come up as he hadn’t eaten in almost two days.
The knight also quickly walked out the house. « We have to move quickly as I’m almost sure that he is killed by the same men that are trying to get the letter. » The knight said.
« Why are you so sure of that? »
« Because no one else ever passes through these woods except for mercenaries, bandits and daedra worshippers. » The knight explained.
Christo nodded and the knight continued: « Now we’ll have to go through Cyrodiil, I was planning to go true Elswheyr but now it would be best to go true Cyrodiil. »
« How do you mean? » Christo asked confused.
« This man was going to lead us into Elswheyr. » The knight said simply as if he didn’t feel regret nor pity for this man.
Nice addition!!! I hope to see more!
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