“Ugh….help, please” My voice faded in the darkness. I had been pulling myself along the ground using the grass for hours, maybe even a day. My left leg hanging by a mere thread, my life along with it. Gasping for water, a small settlement came into view. I tried to call out to the group of Argonians and Orcs that were talking, yet not a sound came out of my mouth, only a cough of blood.
The determination to stay alive was the only thing that kept me going, trying to reach to the village so that they could provide me with drink. After realising that they would not notice me as long as I was on the ground, so with my last ounce of energy, I pulled my Mage staff from my back, stabbed it in the ground, and used it as a prop to stand up. As the very last of my plagued spirit was used to stand up, and ounce of hope was swept into my body, as a young Argonian woman sitting at the edge of the town spotted me, standing alone in blood stained tattered robes, crying.
She called a large Orc over to carry me into the inn, and as I was lifted, all went black.
“I wonder what happened to him”

“Well, he has a huge dent down here on his left, which gives me the suspicion of a war hammer hit, and the gashes are certainly blade cuts, no wolf could cut so viciously.”

“But who would do that to an innocent person”

“You cannot be certain that he is innocent, never judge people like that, it can end up getting you killed.”

“I suppose” and the voices faded away…

I awoke in a small wooden in, a beautiful young Argonian looking over me. “’Morning, mister!” She said in an elegant voice. “Golog, he’s awake!” she called over her shoulder, and was approached by a large Orc.
"Friend!” he called in a surprising jolly voice for such a burly Orc. “Welcome to the small town of Thornsink! Feel free to stay!”
“Th- Thornsink?” I stuttered back at him, glancing around the wall, all carved with intricate patterns and swirls.
“Impressive eh?” The Orc asked after observing me looking around the room. “My great great grandfather built this with is own two hands, a real role model.” He told me with great pride. “You look confused, let me explain, my great great grandfather was good friends with an Argonian warrior name Jomaaja. He and Jo decided to leave busy life, and set up their own settlement, so behold, Thornsink! It was named after my great’s signature blade that he defeated a bandit war party with. Anyway, enough rabble, shall I show you around?” The Orc said with a smile.

After a long tour round the Orc and Argonian village, the Orc named Golog-Mro-Borg took me into a dark corner and requested me of some assistance.
“Friend, I am about to ask you of a favour worth more than a thousand Septims. Recently, despite the others not knowing, the Thornsink blade that was holed up it a cavern below us, was stolen, I, friend am asking you to retrieve it. The reward I will pay is, the town’s gratitude, trust, 100 Septims and Jomaaja’s armour, one that the pattern so intricate not even a master crafter could replicate it. Do you accept?”

This is just kinda' a starter for this, what do you guys think?
I appreciate all comments/criticism is welcome.

It's a fast start. You get right down to bussiness. Doesn't sound that bad though. It makes me feel like I'm playing the game and just ran into a quest. So as far as fanfictions go, this one manages to replicate the gamefeeling quite well.

Only one bit of advice you can ignore at your leisure. Your protagonist sounds quite beat up, let him feel the effects for a while. In other words, don't let him go all out till he's got the chance to heal. Does he know restoration spells?


Oh, and one more thing. Please explain why the protagonist is trusted with such a task right away. Remember, he is a stranger who crawled in half-dead.

Yea, that was the only criticism I was going to make myself. I personally wouldn't think someone who just arrived would be trusted with the tast of retrieving the town's most revered object. Like it was said earlier in your introduction "How can we know he's innocent?". I suggest that your main character should build up some trust between himself and the townspeople before they ask of him to find their weapon. It would be a bit more realistic (ironic given the "fantastical" nature of TES) that way.

Other than that, I thought this introduction was written quite well. I'm actually more curious about why our unnamed friend here was at the brink of death than anything else. Hopefully information about that will be revealed eventually.

Hope this advice helps and please continue whenever you can!

An interesting start, though I agree with the others that it's kind of strange to ask a stranger who's just recovered from the brink of death to do something like that.

I'm guessing that your protagonist is an Argonian, judging by his description of the female argonian.

I've been thinking about our main critiscism a bit more. Consider this some free advice.

It is obvious that you either have to ignore it and build further on what you have, which honestly won't be such a big problem to me, or you have to fix it somehow. You could easily have another villager come up and berate Golog for his naivety. That would fix things up.

Or you could turn it into a test. If the protagonist accepts, than Golog will call him a fool for expecting such a request to be real.

Just my two cents.

Actually I do have a reason now that I thought up, which is the main reason for the story, which I'm writing now and will get it up ASAP after finishing.
Thanks for the advice everyone!

Sorry for the double post, but it's sort of a bumb too, as my newest part is out. Sorry it took so long to update, I've had a really bad case of the flu recently, preventing me from getting up, although every now and again I have popped in.
But I'm all better now, so hopefully updates will be coming more quickly.

Thornsink: Part 2
“Erm, well sure… But wh-? Never mind, I better get some rest before I do anything, let my wound heal up y’know? “ I replied to his proposition.
“You should go see Tee- la again, I hear she made a new healing potion for your leg.” Golog-Mro-Borg replied, as he smiled walking away.
Pondering to myself what I had just accepted, and why it was offered, I walked round the town. Only about 5 houses, an Inn and a sheepfold made the settlement. It was a very quiet village, it was a rare occasion for more than two people to be outside. Knowing the fact I would get some peace and quiet if I stayed where I was, I sat and thought. Why does he trust me? Is this a conspiracy? Do they want to kill me? Why am I so suspicious? I need to get my head straight. I thought, as I dozed off into a gentle.. soft sleep.

“This punk better be going down there, otherwise the plan will never commence.”

“Don’t worry, he will, and then the army will be complete, and our names will be written in history forever!”

I awoke to the sound of voices.. yet nobody shared the air of the outside with me. As I began to lean up from the bench, I felt my leg pain kick in. “Argh!” I cried, "Better get to Tee–la, get this baby healed." I muttered to myself.
As I approached Tee-la’s house, I felt a shiver down my scaly spine. I turned round to, once again be stared in the face by nothing apart from air. I shook my head, and opened the door.
“Hey Tee.” I called on entry of the small shack. She popped out from the corner, a wet clay bowl and a cloth in her hand, smiling.
“Hi Jalnos, good to see you.” She said. “Is your leg healing?”
I smiled at her, “Yep, thanks to that potion of yours, you’re quite the alchemist.”
She blushed at me “Just a little every now and again.” She walked back into her small, wooden kitchen, and came back with a pink, fizzling potion. “Here you go” she said as she handed the bottle over to me. Just dab a bit on a cloth, then rub it on the wound, and it will be healed soon enough.” She told me whilst handing me a small, green cloth.
As I followed her instructions, we began talking, me telling her of my past, and what I was once like, what star sign we are, and we kept talking. “How did your leg get like that?” Was eventually asked. “Just curious,” She added.
I nodded in understanding, paused, and then told her “I was with my family, quite a big family mind you, we were camped out at the fort Burstrius somewhere south from here.” I told her. “My mother wanted us to move out of town, and just when we where about to make building an active thing, terror struck, one of those wretched Oblivion gates opened up just a little west, and we were being plagued by Daedra, so we ran, and temporarily settled at the fort. I suggested that I would go inside the gate and find a way to close it, but my mother told me not too, as it is far too dangerous, and I have only fought things like Skeletons, Zombies, Goblins and Bandits.” I paused
“A few days later, we were raided by an army of creatures, which looked deeply like Dremora, yet had Orc features, which is still a mystery to me.” They slew my family heartlessly, and went for me, my side was pummelled by a war hammer, and my leg sliced by a blade, before I fell off the first floor of stone castle. The creatures assumed that I was dead, and left me, lying on the ground, bleeding. From there, I waited for them to leave, then I crawled along the forest ground, and found here.” I smiled, as I stood up to check my leg. I stamped that foot a few times to see if it was alright, then I smiled in the fact I had to limp no longer. “Thanks again Tee-la” I said, giving her a kiss in my thanks. I smiled again and walked out the small house, and back out into the open fresh air.
I ran over to the inn to check the stability of my leg, and entered. “Golog-Mro-Borg” I called, and the big smiley Orc came to me “I’m ready to get that blade” I told him.
He grinned “Perfect, it was in the catacombs below the town, that should be your starting point.” I nodded at him as he pointed to a small trap door at the corner of the inn. He unlocked it with a rusty iron key, and I jumped down into a cavern darker than black.

Once again, all C&C is welcome, thanks for all the previous tips too!

Nice. The paranoia is good and so is that voice. It does feel like there is more to this quest than meets the eye. Perhaps our eversmiling Orc isn't as friendly as he wants you to believe? I'm looking forward to reading more.

Solid update, especially since a few questions are answered about Jalnos. I look forward to seeing how he fights whatever creatures might be lurking in the catacombs.

Hehe, now I got Diablo II stuck in my head.

Thanks for the comments guys, I'm glad I could straighten up what needed fixing in the first one.
More to be updated soon.

It'd be quite interesting if you described just how it is that your argonians blush, or kiss. It's hard to picture with that scaley skin and elongated lipless mouths. In other words, I think you could be a bit more descriptive. Other than that, I'm interested in seeing the next update.

Sorry for the delay, everyone, but here is the new chapter.

As I entered the pitch black caverns, I lit a torch so I could see, yet it was still a gloomy, dark place. I jumped at the sound of the trap door being shut behind me. I stepped nervously, towards a faint light, giving off an orange glow down the corridor. I nervously made my way towards it, my signature blade: Katana of the Perished drawn. Suddenly, I heard a scuttle on the ground behind me; I turned and looked for where it came from. “Probably just a rat” I mumbled, as I turned back to the eerie orange glow. I neared it, stepping silently, hiding in the shadows. As I swiftly turned the corner towards the light, I was met by a punch that sent me flying back. “Ouch!” I cried, lying on the floor, rubbing my back. “Obviously that wasn’t a rat.” I exclaimed. I slowly got back up, picking up my katana, and charging. I sprinted at where I was hit, and swung my weapon, to be met by thin air. Behind me I heard a kind of ripple; I turned to be met by a standing, fully black creature, in no armour, with no weapons. It grabbed my wrist, and threw me into the cavern ceiling.
Boom “What in Oblivion?” asked Golog-Mro-Borg as the floor of the inn rumbled. “Must be the Night Atronach ‘kicking’ in” He chuckled, as another Orc laughed with him. “That reminds me, he is nearing the end! Once he has fallen to the poison water, we will have a complete army. From then, we will take the legion by surprise; I will do my great great grandfather justice by killing his murderers. Then, as there is no emperor, the city will fall into chaos as the Oblivion crisis has already done half the job. And we, my friend, our names will be written in the books of Tamriel, our death beads made of pure gold, treated like kings!” He called out with glee.

Tee-La sat in her house thinking about what had just happened. Orc like features? No, surely it was not Golog and Togron. But could it have been? Togron does have his locked “alchemy room”. She shook her head at her thoughts, it was impossible.
She walked outside to get some fresh air and to clear her thoughts. As she shuffled her way across to the inn, the ground thumped. “What the-?” She muttered to herself. She turned back on her path to the wooden inn without second thought, when she paused. Jalnos? She turned back to her house, ran in holding her garment as not to get it caught in between her legs. She opened the door and ran inside, grabbing a few potions and poisons, and her silver dagger. She ran back outside towards the inn, busted open the door and screamed at Golog “What have you done with him you dimwit!” Golog turned round in astonishment.
“Wh-what are you talking about my dear? I would never harm that poor Argonian, especially seen as what has happened to him, poor soul.”
Tee-la gave him a ferocious look. “I should bash your face on that wooden beam right now, but no matter how much I hit your face, you’ve already reached the ugliest you can be, scumbag Orc!” She shouted, storming out the inn. What can I do to help Jalnos? I’m no fighter! Think Tee-la, think!

I lay crying, hoping for the pain to stop. Yet it didn’t. This… thing kept hitting me, pummelling my back. I gathered up the strength to lift up my arm, and cast a spell. A purple hole appeared in mid air, and Daedroth formed under it. The large, dinosaur like best took hold of my attacker, and threw it into the cavern wall. It then whacked the black creature with it’s large tail. The black beat then teleported to behind the Daedroth, leaving only a purple mist behind it. It hit the Daedroth, knocking it back. The Daedroth then charged, but as charging at the attacker, it seemed to fade away. “Bugger!” I screamed, as the amount of time I had summoned it for ran out. I tried to repeat the conjuration spell, yet nothing happened. “Come on, you can do this!” I muttered to myself, and with utmost determination, I reached my hand in the air, and once again, summoned my loyal Daedroth. I ran back and hung on to the wall, to gain my lost energy back.
Just as I looked up to see how my ‘pet’ was doing, I noticed it had the black creature in its arms, ready to throw it. I ran out of the way as the attacker came crashing into the wall next to me. I drew my enchanted Elven dagger, Crimson night, and pierced the creature through the heart, and as a result of my blade’s enchantment, a red glow passed over the creature’s body. I sighed in relief, and lay on the cold floor, my back getting wet off the moist walls, and a gentle trickle of water running down my face from the small hole in the wall. I didn’t care, it was refreshing. I lay there, trying to figure out how in Oblivion I was going to continue, and survive to even see the sword.

So that's my new update. Hope you like it!