This is a kind of project. I'm posting this first part and if you like it and if it doesn't prevent me from writing my other story then I will keep writing it. Without further adew, chapter one.


Calagrius stepped out of his estate and into the cool night air. He was wearing a full set of nordic fur and wielded an adamantium spear. He was going on yet another hunting trip with some of his friends.

"Calagrius! Hello my friend." came a bellow from a heavy-set man who approached him.

"Are you ready, placrio?" asked Calagrius.

"Of course. We must wait for the others to arrive now though."

"We will wait then." Replied Calagrius.

After a moment two more men arrived. They all said thier greetings and set off to the north into the forest. They were looking for bears and hopefully they would have a good hunt this night.

After thirty minutes of searching everyone except Calagrius was ready to return to the colony.

"Let's go Calagrius!" whispered a man

"No, 10 more minutes. We'll find something."

"Fine."

After around 5 more minutes of searching the hunters came across a bear. It was rather large, perfect for food for the miners. Calagrius decided to make the move. He inched forward until h was nearly 4 feet from the bear. A growl came from his right. He turned in time to see a large brown figure leaping toward him.

Calagrius immediatly took action. He dropped to the ground, allowing the beast to fly over his head. He instantly stood back up and turned to the creature.

It was the strangest thing he had ever seen. It was almost like a wolf, only it stood on it's hind legs when still and it's paws were almost like hands, except for the razor sharp claws on the end of them.

Calagrius held up his spear, pointing it toward the creature. He lunged and the beast dodged to the right, swiftly biting him on the shoulder. This angered Calagrius who dropped the spear and reached behind his back, pulling out a silver dagger. Before the creature had time to dodge Calagrius had already thrust the dagger into it's face. It let out bellow before falling to the ground, dead.

Calagrius suddenly felt very weak. His legs began to tremble and, try as he might, he could not stay upon his feet. He gave in to an over-whelming exhaustion and fell unconcious to the ground.

AUTHORS NOTE: Let me know what you think!

Looks good, but more discesprition and more length would be nice.

Aside from that, good.

Good work. Im glad you still are writing. But i agree with what Aki said. "More length and Discription".

:goodjob:

ALso when using the "He said" or "She said" Remeber to add facial expressions with them. Like for example.

"I have somthing I want you to do Mr." Calagrius said in his best impression of a deep sounding voice when the large man got close enough to hear him clearly.

yes i like it, so follow the given advices and it´ll get even better. Storyline´s good and the pace so just keep writing...mkay? :goodjob:

Pretty good, but more description would make it much more detailed, and it would flow better. But keep it up.

Off to a pretty good start :goodjob:

As I said, I'm only trying this out for now. I don't know if I'll continue with it or not. Thank you for the comments and advice.

Oh, should've said this sooner: Hope your leg/ankle get better (if it hasn't already)! *gives Ryden cake and blows a :kiss: * You're an awesome story-teller, so don't let people put you down! Keep writing if you like writing!

[quote=MerGirl]Oh, should've said this sooner: Hope your leg/ankle get better (if it hasn't already)! *gives Ryden cake and blows a :kiss: * You're an awesome story-teller, so don't let people put you down! Keep writing if you like writing! [/quote]Thank you mergirl. Expect new additions to both stories tonight. If not tonight then sometime tomorrow. I'm debating on whether or not I've done enough writing for them both.

Very nice beginning here, Ryden. I can't wait for the next part.