Yes, I will post my rough draft very soon. Probably sometime this week or by next Wednesday, when homework is not so demanding. Thank you for lore suggestions and such. I will try to post at least part of Chp. 1 later today, but do not expect great writing. I am awful at grammar, so my drafts may need lots of work, but I love to write.

I'll edit this post when the Chp. 1 draft is almost finished, 'kay?
___
EDIT: Little bit of Chp. 1. May need some serious editing. Oh, I would just like an opinion on whether or not this beginning is good to begin the plot of the story and any suggestions would be appreciated. I'll post little by little whenever I can.

Chp. 1
The Bosmer mother rocked her baby roughly whenever it gurgled, becoming more light-headed and giddy. The baby started to cry, for he was hungry, and it was nearly feeding time. However, the Bosmer mother was becoming too drunk to notice, hiccuping and constantly swaying in her seat, blue eyes glazed and her hair unkempt.

She slouched a little in her seat, trying to take in her surroundings. Trying was a lot harder to do with blurry, hazy vision. It was nighttime, and the tavern was crowded and loud. There were all sorts of noises and conversations, low, shushed gossip, shouting, cheering, and drunken talk. People were moving and dancing, or slumped in their seats, sleeping off their hangovers. The nude dancing girls were one of the top main entertainment showings, receiving much comments and approval. (Marigold shouted out her approval as well.) People were drinking, eating, sleeping, or playing darts, while others went upstairs to the bedrooms for other kinds of “entertainment”.

Apparently, the young man sharing the table with the Bosmer girl was interested as well. He moved his chair close to her, and whispered a few lucid suggestions into her ear. Some of these suggestions included a bedroom and leaving the baby behind.

The Bosmer girl did not reply, but giggled instead. She leaned her head back and was about to chug down a bottle of brandy when a male hand roughly snatched it out of her hands. Annoyed, the Bosmer turned her head towards the bottle-snatcher, scowling darkly. Her eyes could not figure clearly, but she could tell that he was a tall Dunmer. “Gif me back my bwandy,” she slurred.

The Dunmer shook his head, his face full of disappointment. “Marigold, here you are, topless and drunk, and offering 'entertainment' ", the Dunmer glared at the young man, who creeped away, “when you are already married—“

“Was married, Dalos!” The Bosmer girl retorted, now more awake and more alert. “He’s dead, dead, dead, dead, dead!” Her voice rose to a shout on the last word, her fist slammed onto the table. “Stupid, stupid, stupid Khajiit! I hate ‘em all!” The baby sobbed a bit, which spurred Dalos to put away the brandy and to take the baby from the drunk Bosmer.

“Marigold!” The Dunmer chided. He leaned towards her whispering, “There’s Khajiit here, and might I also remind you, this tavern is also run by a Khajiit…”

The Bosmer started giggling again. “Especially that rich one I stole from.” Being a loyal member from the Thieves Guild, Marigold enjoyed stealing from others, no matter how rich or poor they are. “That swit deserved it for stealing something of mine.” She chuckled again, despite her Dunmer friend’s concerned expression. She said in a low voice. “I stole some very valuable artifacts from her husband’s chest, and then replaced the artifacts with rocks… The expression on his face…priceless!”

The Dunmer held the baby closely and said sternly, “Didn’t the Thieves Guild teach you not to announce your accomplishments, especially in public places!” Dalos was a secretive type probably because of his occupation as a Morag Tong assassin. “You never know who’s listening!”

“I don’t care!”

“Well, as a friend, I do!” He grabbed her hand not so gently and pulled her up over his shoulder.

The Bosmer’s temper flared. “Put me down! Put. Me. DOWN!” Dalos ignored her, and asked the barkeeper for a room. Some men jeered or winked, obviously thinking of some other suggestive reason why a Dunmer man with a pretty and top-less Bosmer girl draped over his shoulder would request for a bed…

The next morning, Marigold stretched and sat up in bed, sore and grouchy. She glanced at Dalos, who’s peacefully sleeping at the edge of the bed next to her. She traced the line of his delicate cheek and glanced at his muscles, jealous of his strength and beauty. She smiled, grateful for a friend like him. Placing both feet against his half-naked body, she kicked him hard. He fell limply against the floor, but a moment later, he jumped to his feet, instantly awake and a bit miffed.

Marigold smiled sweetly. “Good morning!”

_______

Okay, that should be only one part of the first chapter, currently writing the second part which should be very important to the plot. Remember, I am not good with grammar, so if you notice any grammar mistakes, please tell me.

Sounds good I think.....btw have you read the other stories here..maybe you can get some tips and hints from them?

Sounds good :goodjob: Myself not such a skilled writer like to see other's peoples work and learn! :lickinglips:

[quote=Fuzzy Knights]Sounds good :goodjob: Myself not such a skilled writer like to see other's peoples work and learn! :lickinglips:[/quote]

Aww Fuzzy....you already have proved to be a good writer.... :goodjob:

[quote=Fuzzy Knights]Sounds good :goodjob: Myself not such a skilled writer like to see other's peoples work and learn! :lickinglips:[/quote]

Oh, Fuzzy. Stop putting yourself down! At least you go into more detail in your stories. Keep writing, you!

[quote=Fuzzy Knights]Sounds good :goodjob: Myself not such a skilled writer like to see other's peoples work and learn! :lickinglips:[/quote]
Dont worry about it, Im a terrible writer. The only reson my story here is good was becuase of constant editing. It doesnt even have the same story as the first rough draft (Like when Kane dropped the bug on Isabel, it was originally a rat. And Darrol, the necromancer, wasnt originally a daedric worshiper, but an organized crime leader that used Goblins to do his bidding). Little things get changed when I typed it that just didnt make logical sence on the first rough draft.

Anyways, MerGirl, Nice story. I didnt notice any grammer problems either.
[quote]The Bosmer’s temper flared. “Put me down! Put. Me. DOWN!” Dalos ignored her, and asked the barkeeper for a room. Some men jeered or winked, obviously thinking of some other suggestive reason why a Dunmer man with a pretty and top-less Bosmer girl draped over his shoulder would request for a bed… [/quote] That part made me laugh.

good start.

your first chapter completely obliterates all 8 of mine.....

:embarrassed2:

Don't you have another story? I was sure i saw one that had your name as the author... But as long as your writing, :goodjob:

Er, I don't think so... Not posted here, anyway...

I have been thinking about alot of stories, but haven't posted any. I was thinking of posting a rough draft about the story of my young Necromancer, Emma. But I'm not sure if I got the lore right. (It was an old draft.) :ashamed:

Heh, nice. Nothing like Drunk Bosmer.

Very nice. I will be reading more of this. I didn't see many grammar mistakes and the story was well written and easy to read keep it up.

BTW, this part reminds me of my girlfriend, lol:

[quote]Placing both feet against his half-naked body, she kicked him hard. He fell limply against the floor, but a moment later, he jumped to his feet, instantly awake and a bit miffed.

Marigold smiled sweetly. “Good morning!”
[/quote]

[quote=Miazma]Very nice. I will be reading more of this. I didn't see many grammar mistakes and the story was well written and easy to read keep it up.

BTW, this part reminds me of my girlfriend, lol:

[quote]Placing both feet against his half-naked body, she kicked him hard. He fell limply against the floor, but a moment later, he jumped to his feet, instantly awake and a bit miffed.

Marigold smiled sweetly. “Good morning!”
[/quote][/quote]

lol. or women in general...

[quote=Dantrag][quote=Miazma]Very nice. I will be reading more of this. I didn't see many grammar mistakes and the story was well written and easy to read keep it up.

BTW, this part reminds me of my girlfriend, lol:

[quote]Placing both feet against his half-naked body, she kicked him hard. He fell limply against the floor, but a moment later, he jumped to his feet, instantly awake and a bit miffed.

Marigold smiled sweetly. “Good morning!”
[/quote][/quote]

lol. or women in general... [/quote]lol, that's the truth. No one hold my words against me, lol.

none of you women W4O members hold that against me, either....

Lol i think it may be too late for both of you now *cue Empire theme as Minque/othe female member enters*

Ta-da-damm, enter Minque the scary mod......who doesn´t hold anything against anybody....

btw nice story :goodjob:

If you wait much longer to continue, I may have to toture you with my stick figure comics.....you don't want that do you?

Alot of naked girls but hey! Nice story pretty sad and funny at the same time

Quite an interesting start. One suggestion- once Dalos gives us a name for the main character, you could do something with that-

"Marigold. Yes, that had been her name once. When having a name mattered. When anything mattered besides the next drink and the one after that."

As I say, a suggestion, an way of getting us "inside her head" a bit.

Please write (and post) more. As far as the grammar, I didn't see anything that caused me to have screaming fits.

No, not an update. Sorry. *is sad*
Sorry for not updating. I had a bunch of stuff going on right now. I've been tired, stressed (SATs and other tests), distracted, and a bit unmotivated to write, let alone draw lately. (That doesn't mean I gave up, though!)

Also, I want to write to about my other characters and their stories, too! (Short attention span, I guess). :embarrassed2:

Also, I have summer school and the volunteer community service stuff to do over the summer, so I won't be able to update until the after summer is over. (Sorry! :verysad: )

But, maybe, during the summer, I may write a little story or two about my Necromancer girl or about Celia, since they are much easier for me to write about.

So, update after summer! (I really hope!) :paperbag2:

that sucks...SAT's should probably throw themselves off a cliff. Into a giant pool of acid. Located in another dimension. Guarded by women wielding hepatitis b-infected needles. get the point yet?

Anyways, I will look for your story come the end of summer... (there had better be an update....or twelve.)

Sweetie! Don´t be sorry! We love your story but we can wait for you to be ready for updating! Never force yourself then the quality will decrease, writing comes to you just like that....it may take time it may come instantly...


Look at me.....haven´t updated for a long time now..due to a lot of stuff IRL....

So just come here when you feel like it and have fun, don´t feel any pressure...we love you just as you are..... :hearts:

No, no update yet.
This is just a tiny snippet of an old rough draft of my really old Emma story. Hope you like it as you wait for the after-summer-update. I didn't grammar check this one because it is really old, and I wasn't sure if it was a good beginning in the first place. But I consider it... a sort of a classic? So, any comments, critques(sp?), etc. are appreciated.

~~~
Emma the Young Necromancer
Chp. 1 Part I


The small Breton girl, Emma, was young, much too young to understand what had taken place that night. She didn’t understand the seriousness of the situation. All she knew was that her parents went to hunt out some vampires and had not come back yet. It was nearly midnight, and she was getting angry, for they had promised to her that they would come back soon. But she wasn’t anxious or scared, for her Dunmer father was very serious about keeping his promises and vows. Her mother even more so. So, Emma waited inside the house as her father ordered her to.

As she waited, she picked up her dolls, Marie and Lila, and played house with them, using her newly made wooden dollhouse. Marie and Lila were having a bit of a dilemma: They both shared the same room, but had different opinions on what colors the curtains and bed-sheets should be. Marie wanted a darker look for the room, but Lila wanted more… lively, feminine colors, such as pinks, yellows and light blues. Of course, this fierce argument soon disintegrated into a fight of the physical kind, and Emma made the dolls slap each other silly, giggling as she did so. And of course, the doll that wanted the happier colors won the intense doll fight between what Emma considered good and evil.

Emma grew tired of the game, and went into the kitchen to search for some snacks. Rubbing her eyes, she stepped into the kitchen. As she walked into the kitchen, her bare feet stepped into something wet and sticky. Picking up her skirts, she glanced down at her feet.

Splotches of red covered the edges of her feet, and a large, dark red puddle surrounded her. The puddle trailed from her feet all the way to the windowsill. Curious, Emma sampled a small amount of the puddle with her pinky. It tasted really salty, but it was familiar... It tasted like when she had cut herself… It tasted like…blood?

In disgust, Emma shook off the red liquid from her finger and ran out of the puddle, shaking and wiping her feet as well. Her heart started beating loudly as she studied the blood. Why so much blood? Did some wounded animal drag itself inside the house? This has happened before, so Emma was not too worried. However, at least two questions stuck into her brain as she climbed a wooden chair to look out the window: Where were her mother and father? And, more importantly, where was the animal now?

Her answer came from behind her as she heard a long thump as well as felt fingers lightly touching her neck. Gasping, she spun around to face whatever was hovering behind her. Her eyes widened as she recognized the figure behind her for what it was.

It was a tall vampire, a very messy vampire from the looks of it. His hair was unkempt and oily, as if he had not washed it in days. His expensive-looking robe was in rags and was darkly stained with blood and dirt and who knows what else. Bloodshot eyes stared contemptibly at her small form, his arms tense and ready.

Emma glared back, her hands motioning before her, preparing to set up a spell. However, the vampire struck her before she could utter the words to cast her spells. Surprisingly, his weak-looking hands hit her with a powerful blow that sent her flying into the wall. Her entire right side felt battered and bruised, her legs felt numb, and she collapsed onto the floor, dazed and almost as limp as a doll.

Breathing heavily, she tried to get up on her elbows, even as the vampire walked casually towards her. Her body felt weak and tired, but she fearlessly lifted her chin up to look the vampire in the eye. She spat at him the only insult she learned from her father, “You, N’wah!”
~~~~

If that sounded cheesy, please forgive me. It's very old (but I still love it) and Emma's only six years old when this stuff happened, so yeah. Again, any comments, etc. are appreciated. :ashamed:

AAAAAHH....only one comment.....MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE please.....just gotta know what´s going to happen with Emma.....I mean you just got to have some more written don´t you? So then post it immediately I beg you

*shrugs in lustfillled fear*

Ahh...the suspense! More!

*flail*

Good. I like the way you describe the characters, as well as their actions.

(If this is old stuff, your newer writings must be amazing!)

its a very good start to a story
good luck with it

Great MerGirl...! :goodjob: Keep it up... :lickinglips:

[quote=minque]AAAAAHH....only one comment.....MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE please.....just gotta know what´s going to happen with Emma.....I mean you just got to have some more written don´t you? So then post it immediately I beg you

*shrugs in lustfillled fear*[/quote]

Yeah, strange thing is, I can't find all those old rough drafts of this story... This is a character whose story has been re-written in many different ways! For example, I had one rough draft that had her buying slaves in Sadrith Mora in order to use the slaves' corpses for her Necromancy art!

Hmm... I can only find this part of
_______

Emma the Young Necromancer Part II:

The vampire just chuckled, angering the girl even more. She said sharply, "Just wait until my Da get his hands on you! He's a Telvanni, and he'll whip you hard!" She clenched her teeth in nervousness as the vampire hovered over her.

She yelped as the vampire lifted her up with one hand, clutching her neck. Being already sore, her neck muscles were burning with agony due to the weight of her limp body. Grasping at the vampire's grimy hand, Emma tried to break his hold onto her, but to no avail. A small gurgling sound came out of her mouth as the vampire tightened his grip even more.

"Let me go or my Da will kill you!" She gasped, her voice raspy. Rage had filled her heart as well as great fear. She hoped that the vampire would put her down... However, the vampire just laughed sadistically, and Emma whimpered as the vampire started applying pressure to her jaw.

The vampire smiled, his fangs gleaming with blood. "You stupid child... Apparently, hasn't taught you enough to fear and respect us..."

Emma obviously could not answer back, due to the tight grip he had on her throat and jaw.

The vampire inspected her with his crazed eyes, and his eyes widened. Then, he shook her unmercifully, as if he was a spoiled child who was angry at his toy. Pain stabbed through her body like daggers, and her consiousness was slipping away fast. "So, you're the child of that vampire-hunter! Well, he has tortured me for the last time--"

Before the vampire could finish his words, he suddenly release his grip, screaming in rage as well as pain. His robe became engulfed in flames which licked and spread all over his body. The screams were ear-piercing, but Emma's head was much too dizzy to hear them clearly. All she could hear was a muted screech, lots of fire, so much of it, and then, darkness as she fell and slumped onto the bloodied floor.

_______

That's as far as I got. At least in this rough draft. I can't find the others though (for I had written them as far back as when Morrowind was still, er, kind of new). I had not written more, because I was still noob to the Morrowind lore (and still sort of am), especially on vampires, undead, Telvanni House, etc. :paperbag2:

So, is it good so far? The reason that the story seems to be more... well-written than my recent Marigold story is due to the fact that Emma was an older character and had a more simplistic storyline. Plus, she was a more easier character to write about, like Celia.

Again, comments/critiques/suggestions/lore concerns, etc. are appreciated. :ashamed: Also, should I put this story in a seperate thread? Is it good enough to be revived? Should I even continue it?

Nice work MerGirl
if you can find any more drafts, post them, but no pressure

I like it very much and you should really make a thread called Emma the Necromancer, and put it there..and of course continue it....

It´s really GOOD you know, well written and easy to read...


i´ll give you......5 jonajosas: :goodjob: :goodjob: :goodjob: :goodjob: :goodjob:

[quote=minque]I like it very much and you should really make a thread called Emma the Necromancer, and put it there..and of course continue it....[/quote]

I plan to! The only thing is, I have been researching about vampires, and I still don't know if they can be affected by magic, their weaknesses and stuff. (Because I have never been a vampire and I still haven't battled a vampire yet).

So for now, I will post this in a different thread, and PM some people for info. Well, then, I plan to update this story a little later on, because Emma's my fav character besides Lilim (assassin girl). Hopefully, people will like Emma despite her... er, occupation.

Nice fic! No wonder you were telling me I needed more detail...

WOW awesome stories. Seems to me that you writing is rather well. Keep up the good work.

Well done....I really need to see one about Celia though.... :crying: :incrediblysad: :drool: :crying2: :crying3:

I'm getting motivated to write again after seeing the fanfiction of awesome fanfics, so hopefully, I will update tiny bit by tiny bit. I just got back from volunteer work, so bear with me. :ashamed: Next week, I may be going somewhere, since it's breaktime from volunteerwork. But the week after next week is another volunteer week, so I may not be on too often that week.

Also, I think I'm encountering writer's block at the moment.

Again, please bear with me. For right now, a tiny, tiny tidbit. Any comments, constructive criticisms, etc. are appreciated. This is still a rough draft, so I may edit/change things from time to time.

Oh, and the picture below is supposed to represent Marigold as I think she would look like.
__________
[img]http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y203/DigGarden/FlirtyMarigold_7358.gif[/img]
Marigold story cont'd


Dalos glared at her, mouth open to argue, but changed his mind. Then, he remembered something important, something that was nagging at his mind, he acted.

Swiftly, the young Dunmer hurled some clothes at her face. "Put on some decent clothes, you uncivilized animal!" He ordered gruffly and covered his eyes, but a smile was slowly forming on his face.

Marigold sighed, her squeaky voice muffled by the clothing, which now covered her head. "Such a Dunmer thing to say. You're all a bunch of prudes!" She was still grumpy, but relieved that the baby was safe, lying on the piece of blanket that hung from a large nail on the wall. A small feeling of love swelled inside her whenever she thought of the baby.

At least, whenever her mind was not clouded from drunkenness.

As she dressed up, the teenage Bosmer mother herself noticed something. A loud gasp rose out of her mouth as she fitted the dress onto herself. Colors of red bloomed onto her cheeks. “You broke into my house last night and went through my dressers, didn’t you, you little sneak?!”

The Dunmer gently tickled the baby’s toes as he answered in a neutral voice, “I dropped by your house as I was completing my last few writs.” He shrugged, his movement casual. “Nothing to get all in a huff about. Oh, here.” He tossed a pair of fancy high heels onto the bed.

“And here I thought you were an old prude!” Marigold rolled her eyes as she tried to rearrange her messy hair into two neat pigtails. With one hand, she threw a shoe at Dalos, but missed him by several feet.

The baby gurgled suddenly, and Dalos grinned, his teeth almost pure white against his dark skin. “So, what’s his name?” He asked as he held the baby high above his head.

“Feldor, after his father, since you are so interested,” Marigold snapped as she spread out her arms, reaching upwards on her tippy-toes. “Now I demand you give him back to me!”

The Dunmer raised the baby higher, so that the Bosmer couldn’t reach. “Oh, I don’t think so. Not after what had happened last night. I’ll hold onto him until you are both at home, safe and sound.” He frowned darkly at her dress and muttered. “I never noticed that long slit last night…”

Margold put her hands on her hips, indignant. “Why do you keep criticizing my clothes? And are you questioning my parenting?”

Dalos sighed, exasperated. He ran his fingers through his hair as the baby squirmed. “Listen, I’ll escort you on your way home, and, if you’re a good girl, I’ll give him back.”

“Fine. Then start escorting me right now,” she said, opening the door and gestured for the Dunmer to go first.

As she followed him out the room, she noticed a large Khajiit emerging from a room across from them. Her eyes widened in amazement as well awe as she noticed that the Khajiit was much more muscled and taller than any Khajiit she has ever met. He was tall, lithe, but bulging with powerful muscles, and his fur was covered in different patterns of black/brown spots.

What kind of Khajiit is that? She thought, becoming frightened of the furry behemoth nearly hovering over her. Then, her heart nearly stopped when the Khajiit’s piercing green eyes glanced down at her. Oh, why is it staring at me?

Nice update

:goodjob: :goodjob: <----a couple of jonajosa's for you madam

Nice story, really interesting.

Yay a update...! :hugesmile:

Yet again its quite good MerGirl, the writen is nice as always, detailed.. And it doesn't sound cheesy, your writen is exellent IMO :goodjob:

More please.. :lickinglips:

[quote=Fuzzy Knight]Yay a update...! :hugesmile:

Yet again its quite good MerGirl, the writen is nice as always, detailed.. And it doesn't sound cheesy, your writen is exellent IMO :goodjob:

More please.. :lickinglips:[/quote]

Wow, Fuzzy. You really liked it?

If you're having this much of a reaction for a tiny update, I wonder what will be Dantrag's when he comes back...

Great updates. Cant wait to find out what the Khajiit wanted.

And about some of the weaknesses of vampires, some of my knowlage from the older games could help.

The are (Like were-wolves) affected by silver weapons more than normal ones. Also, they take damage from entering holy areas. They (If memory serves) regenerate magika at night, or in dark places, and they are imune to poisons and desease. Once one is infected with vampirism, they gain several new abilities, like levitation. I havent become a vampire in Morrowind yet, just daggerfall.

[quote=Andric]Great updates. Cant wait to find out what the Khajiit wanted.

And about some of the weaknesses of vampires, some of my knowlage from the older games could help.

The are (Like were-wolves) affected by silver weapons more than normal ones. Also, they take damage from entering holy areas. They (If memory serves) regenerate magika at night, or in dark places, and they are imune to poisons and desease. Once one is infected with vampirism, they gain several new abilities, like levitation. I havent become a vampire in Morrowind yet, just daggerfall.[/quote]

In Morrowind, Silver has no special effect on Vampires, other than it damages them normally ('normal' weapons like steel must get through a 50% normal weapon resist if not made of refined (Silver and higher) material, or enchanted). And Temples did nothing for vamps in morrowind, and Magicka only regenerated with sleep, or potions. And then 'bite' was the only new ability a MW vamp gained beyounded massive stat boosts across the board.

I guess it depends what game your playing when you talk about Vampire weaknesses. But Aki has it right when it come sto morrowind.

Goodjob Marigol- :eek: I mean Mergirl. :goodjob:

A great update- I am glad to see that you are still working on your story. Good use of a bit of obscure lore- the idea of Dunmer prudishness. This in an engaging, well-written story, with nicely realized characters. I shall anxiously await more.

Have some cake-

:hearts: :cake:

Good job, Mergirl.

Excellent writing, a usual - I like the way your characters interact, and the realistic dialogue, as well as your descriptions of the environment and the characters in it.

:goodjob:

Now this is a story I like.....i can´t understand I didn´t notice the update! it´s just great, your descriptions of the charachters and situations are so vivid. i can see them in front of me......

more pleease?


i´ll toss in a bunch of jonajosas... :goodjob: :goodjob: :goodjob: :goodjob:

*Slaps himself for not noticing the update.* Wow, great story.

But no pictures of the topless marigold?


Can't wait for the next update.