I changed my name, because my last one didn't sound so creative. i am the author of "Redemption of a Vampire", it's somewhere in here and a couple of you guys liked it. only problem was i didn't even come up with a whole plot, i just started writing and made it up after each chapter. finally i just ran out of ideas, didn't have any clue as to how to end the story, and got lazy. this is another story i cooked up because of my enthusiasm for TES, and spent some time on it. though again, i dont know what the plot will be, and might just be too lazy to finish it after a couple chapters. if you guys like it, i might just post more.



After spending five years in an Imperial prison, you would think I learned my lesson…

Either it was the planning and experience or my significant intoxication of sujamma that kept me calm. Which ever it was, I know things will go how I planned. As the lights of Pelagiad grew brighter I got my crossbow ready and put on the hood of my black cloak. It was a cold dark night, with the clouds blocking the moon. Helpful if we need to make a quick get away.

“So, what’s the story on this guy? Are we going to get some gold or what?”

“The trade shop is right there, the owner is Mebestian Ence. During business hours he has a guard that keeps watch inside the store. We wait for the guard to leave, then we enter the shop and rob the man senseless.”

That’s my best mate, Evander a very clever dark elf. He knew what he was doing, and since I was usually drunk, he had to make sure I knew what I was doing. I took another drink from my bottle of sujamma as we approached. Just outside the village now, we saw the guard say goodbye to Mebestian as he was walking out the door. The guard strolled back into the Imperial fort, and soon the lights of Mebestian’s trade shop went out.

“Damian, why can’t you ever be professional when we do this? That habit of yours is going to get us back in prison. Or worse, dead!”, Evander complained at me again, he always despised my drinking habit.

“Well it helps me stay relaxed, and this Dunmer liquor does the trick really well. It’s a lot better than that Mazte stuff I usually drink. Also the women seem to be a lot more pretty when you drink enough of this.”

Evander just gave a sigh and continued on. We walked up to the door of the trade shop and looked around for any onlookers. It was moonless night, and everybody seemed to be in bed. After making sure that it was clear, I reached for my lock pick and slid it in the lock of the door. A brief moment and I it cracked. Evander and I put on our masks and stepped inside very quietly and closed the door behind us. Slowly we walked upstairs and found Mebestian Ence lying in his bed. He was asleep, so I took the opportunity to lower my crossbow and walk up to him and give him a minor slash on his leg. The dagger I used was enchanted with the ability to temporarily paralyze, so Mebestian stood frozen in his bed but his eyes were now wide open. Before he could scream, Evander covered Mebestian’s mouth with one hand, and with the other hand he put the dagger to his throat.

I've been lax in my duties and hadn't gotten around to reading this. Perhaps you've already decided to abandon the story. If not, I'd be up for some more. It's certainly off to an interesting start; I have a feeling this theives are going to get a lot more than they bargained for.

Interesting story, really is. The detail of the parts that don't include conversation is relatively high, but-

A suggestion:

Work a little on the descriptions following conversation (Small actions and such, basically describing in deeper detail what your characters are doing while they speak. Doesn't add much depth to the plot, but makes it a smoother read.)

i was about to abandon my story because i got no replies. but alright, ill start it up again.

Sorry for not having responded earlier. I've been dealing with an unusual wrist problem, and haven't been able to spend as much time on the computer as I would like. I'm excited that you are planning to continue the story, and I will look forward to seeing where you take it.

“If you scream, I’ll stain your bed with blood. And we both know whose blood it’s going to be. I’m going to let you speak, and you will tell me where you keep your gold.” Evander said with a very intimidating voice.

Mebestian replied with a voice that seemed frightened and helpless,
“It’s in that chest against the wall, take whatever you want.”

“Where is the key?”

“I give it to the guard that works here to..to take back to the fort with him during the night, for…safe keepings, he..he brings it to me in the morning.”, Mebestian replied with a voice that seemed even more frightened.

Finally I entered the fruitful conversation, “You are probably lying to us, but that won’t be a problem.”

I walked over to the safe and began to try and solve the lock mechanism. The case could not be broken open since it was made of iron. Either way, I preferred the finesse of lock picking. Though saying that makes me a hypocrite, as I am drunk every time I steal from people. After a good 20 minutes the lock gave a sharp crack. Inside was a chest full of gold, about 1500 drakes. That wasn’t all, there were a couple gems, rubies, diamonds, and emeralds. The best was a bottle of vintage brandy, worth 500 drakes. Evander and I bagged them all, if I wasn’t drunk, I would feel guilty for doing this. Before leaving we searched around more for other merchandise. One closet had a couple bottles of liquor, flin and cyrodiilic brandy, I took that to of course. Lastly we grabbed a couple more valuable items such as the soul gems and gagged Mebestian.

“We apologize for taking your wealth and making it ours Mebestian, it’s just what we do.”, Evander said it so politely he was mocking the man. Mebestian made no noises, he just glared in fear and hatred. But like Evander said, it’s what we do.

After making a hasty run away from the town of Pelgiad, we went back to our guar that we left behind and mounted sacks of stolen merchandise on it. The walk back to Balmora was a sweet one, Evander and I spent the walk joking and reminiscing prison. I could already imagine myself drinking away at a tavern in celebration of my new found and most likely short lived wealth.

Great story and I love the theif scene. Please continue.

Nice, a drunken thief is interesting. I bet something is going to happen in the tavern. Please write more.

That went much more smoothly than I had anticipated. Letting Mebastian see them probably wasn't a good idea; you seem to be setting them up to get caught. I'm curious to see how far they can get before their crimes catch up with them.

Very good start to this story I like the character's drinking habits they add a bit of comedy to any story and the thief approach to a story is very interesting. I also like the personality of the character's friend alot, he just seems like the "noble" thief type if there is such a thing. Anyways, update soon.

ive been working on the next part. Though its taking me a while, because this one will be interesting. though i keep erasing and starting over. it will take time