Under the dark skies Elestar held his sword against his chest, his thoughts whiting his blade, he saw them all standing there, like the shadow of a star on a demons heart, with their twisted minds and broken souls. The black armours with red eyes coming toward him, he did not tremble for he was a man with nothing left.



** My english is not very good so perhaps this will make no sense.

No, your English is fine.

Now pleeeaseee write more.

:goodjob:

Under the dark skies Elestar held his sword against his chest, his thoughts whiting his blade. He saw them all standing there, like the shadow of a star on a demons heart with their twisted minds and broken souls. The (monsters maybe) in black armour with red eyes were coming toward him, he did not tremble for he was a man with nothing left.

Take a look, use a period more often and you should be fine.

Is this a story, or like a short poem? I'm confused... :confused:

Under the dark skies Elestar held his sword against his chest, his thoughts whiting his blade, he saw them all standing there, like the shadow of a star on a demons heart, with their twisted minds and broken souls. The black swords and the red eyes coming toward him, he did not tremble for he was a man with nothing left.


Once he was a mighty warrior, now he is a scarred ghost, seeking revenge against the denizens of hell, they where now within a blade swing but he waited for their souls to be felt, his blade moved like a tortured soul, possessing their bodies and quenching their entrails. When the sun rose he wasn’t a man anymore, but just a memory in a demons mind.


I really dont know its just what comes to my mind in the moment, perhaps i will write more about him. its about a man against the dremoras. Again my english is not very good so any advice is welcome.

:goodjob: Though it should be "Oblivion" instead of "hell". Other then that I did not see any english errors .

Oblivion is often caled hell, if i'm not mistaken...

(Some lore master correct me if I'm wrong...)

[quote=Dantrag]Oblivion is often caled hell, if i'm not mistaken...

(Some lore master correct me if I'm wrong...)[/quote]

Well I only hear "Oblivion" in Morrowind, but I could be wrong.

[quote=Dantrag]Oblivion is often caled hell, if i'm not mistaken...

(Some lore master correct me if I'm wrong...)[/quote]

Only by those who have missed a lot of books.

Oblivion is simply the realm of the Daedra.

Even though some of the spheres might be hellish, as in a really bad place for mortals, it is not wise to say that Oblivion is hell.

I think i am going to write something larger about this, and also not so poetic ?

Guess i will have to look some lore about oblivion.

This would be the best place to do it. http://til.gamingsource.net/ It has everything and anything you would need to know. But why get rid of the poemness? That makes it better.

I like it.

Now that I know it's a story, I can talk about how awesome your descriptions are!

I'll give you a goodjob - jonoajosa style. :goodjob: :goodjob:

Its rather interesting and yes the poeticness of it gives it character.

First Part:

Elestar was very young that day, the clouded sky and heavy rain was the perfect painting for what was next to come, he was leaving the mages guild tower very late as usual, after hours of reading and writing he was exhausted, he had never wanted to became a wizard, he preferred a sword an a shield instead, but his fathers will was greater than his, the imperial city streets were desolated, the rain and wind must have scared the nobles he thought, he has never liked them even as he was one himself, covering his head with the hood of his robe Elestar ran toward his manor in the richest district of the imperial city.


Midway to the manor the rain got stronger; the sky became a battle of grey spells, Elestar´s robe winged violently in the wind, as a demon flying towards its prey, the clouds seemed to enrage as he approached to his house, a deafening sound made him stop, looking up to one of the manors balconies he saw a dark figure fall in a flaming death, he ran fast towards the scorched corpse, he had never saw one before but he learned in the guild about the denizens of oblivion, he was before a clannfear, he had no idea of what was happening running to the entrance he took a dagger from his belt, before him was a incredible sight, two dremora lords fighting against a Breton.


The Breton screamed as a ball of fire appeared in his hand, he pronounced some words and bolts of lighting surrounded the ball, he then sent the ball flying towards one of the dremoras hitting it on the chest making him to fall on his knees, as Elestar was closing to help the Breton the remaining dremora cut the mans arm with his sword, the Breton brought to his knees by the pain tried to scream but was silenced by the dremora with one final slash to his neck.

Elestar became blind in anger and charged towards the dremora, using the telekinesis he learned at the guild he pulled the sword from the dead dremoras hand and grabbed it, he swing the sword against the dremora but it was repelled by the demons blade, coating his blade in fire elestar made another attack, this time he broke trough the dremoras defence piercing his chest, Elestar could sense his anger fuelling him, driving him mad, he stabbed the dark corpse several times before running toward the Bretons body, the head an arms were severed, he was obviously death, across the hall in the library another body was laying in the floor, it was an altmer women, a beautiful one, his body was intact, but still lifeless………

Elestar lost both his father and mother that day, he knew that the dremoras were sent by a rival of his father but he had no idea of who nor why, but he knew that only revenge will appease his soul.

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So what do you think ? is it a good start ? any suggestions ?
this is supposed to happen before the gates of oblivion have opened, so the dremoras were summoned by someone, and thats why they were only two. what i wrote earlier is supposed to happen after the gates open, and has little to do with the death of elestars parents.

It´s good I think very good.... :goodjob: :goodjob:

If you want some real good stuff about Oblivion visit

http://waiting4oblivion.com/index.html

[quote=minque]It´s good I think very good.... :goodjob: :goodjob:

If you want some real good stuff about Oblivion visit

http://waiting4oblivion.com/index.html[/quote]

I think he means the place, not the game...(unless there is more on the place there as well that I missed....:ashamed: )

I dont understand, i mean the story take place in cyrodil, this part in the imperial city, and before the events of the next game, althougt at some point (if i keep writing) the emperor will die and the gates will open, and of course elestar will be in cyrodil when that happens.

i have one question, what or who is jonoajosa ????

[quote=Eldar]i have one question, what or who is jonoajosa ????[/quote]

A forum member in here.

And use the edit button.

[quote=Eldar]i have one question, what or who is jonoajosa ????[/quote]



Hello. Good work. :goodjob:

[quote=Rane] A forum member in here.[/quote]

Care to rephrase that Mr global moderator?

[quote=jonajosa]
Care to rephrase that Mr global moderator? [/quote]

Not really, because that's all that you are outside of the Tes F'Ruum subforum, Mr Local Moderator.

Good descriptions, an interesting main character, and a fine start. As to the "poetic" first part, please continue with that style. Obviously, you don't have to write everything in that fashion, but an occasional description of the the sort you first provided would be most welcome.

How come he get Treydog to reply in his thread but I dont. J/K

Secon Part:

Many came to Elestar`s manor to give their condolences, most of them from the mages guild were his father was kept in high regard, but to Elestar nothing of that mattered for he was consumed by revenge, he sought for one of his fathers closest friends, Adian Caius, a dragon of the imperial legion.

The study of Elestar`s manor was magnificent, hundreds if not thousands of books and tomes collected by his father in many of his journeys across Tamriel, it seemed as if the whole knowledge of the empire was kept secreted in that lonely study, the only illumination came from the chandeliers hanging on the ceiling, the chair on which Elestar was sitting had a series of complex patterns and writings, as well as the table on which many scrolls and papers laid, they all were about Elestar`s family properties, among them where documents about the manor in the imperial city, a keep in the Colovian forest region, several ships as well as a plantation and many buildings and shops in Vvardenfell , all this and more belonged now to Elestar, the only heir of the Velian family.

One of the many servants in the manor opened the door that day, this one had nothing in particular, she was wearing the red and white colours of the Velian family shield, recognising the honoured guest she bowed as he entered, it was Adian Caius in his golden armour, a sight worthy of a king’s eyes, years of experience and training, countless battles and legends surrounded this mans name, and he was standing in front of her, a simple servant from the Ashlands whose only accomplishmet in life had been leaving the wastelands of morrowind, she led him to the study where her master was awaiting for him.

Master Velian… - she said softly, calling Elestar by his family name as the family customs dictated – The imperial dragon has arrived.

The conversation started about Elestar and how he was dealing with his parents lost, after a while Adian revealed the motive of his visit.

I have found him Elestar, I have found the assassin of your father – Silence reined the room for a moment, then Adian got closer to him and said – it’s a wizard of house Telvanni, his tower lays in the colovian forest region, near the frontier with Valenwood.

This wizard you tell me about, can he be… removed? – Elestar spoke with anger and suffering, although he was clear on what was needed to be done, he knew that a house noble could not be killed with impunity.

My men’s and I are leaving to the colovian forest the coming week on a assignment, you could come with us, I want to help you in this son, Aluseron was my closest friend – Elestar haven’t heard anyone pronounce his fathers name since his death, it came like a daggers bite to his heart.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

for one that doesn't know much english, you sure can write it well!

:goodjob:

Believe it or not i "learned" english palying comp games, here in my country, venezuela, we only speak spanish.

I know a *tiny* but of spanish from spanish class at school...

and I can't type it because I don't know how to type accent marks and stuff

[quote=Rane][quote=jonajosa]
Care to rephrase that Mr global moderator? [/quote]

Not really, because that's all that you are outside of the Tes F'Ruum subforum, Mr Local Moderator. [/quote]

Im glad you listened to me.

Great next part. Keep it up. :goodjob:

Dont worry i dont know to tipe them either !! :confused:

They are a pain in the ..... thats why i like english more, much more simple to write it.