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Colonel Mustard
This is my first written piece submitted to chorrol.com, and having only bought a copy of Oblivion a month or so ago (but owning a copy of Morrowind for about six), I am still a little unfamiliar with the extensive background that the Elder Scrolls games have, so if there are any glaring errors, I would be happy to have them pointed out.

Bad cargo

Part 1

The moon shone full and bright over the waters of the Niben Bay, its reflection resembling that of some cosmic, metallic discus caught in a shimmering heat haze. Here and there circular ripples formed as fish surfaced the water, either plucking insects or leaves off the surface, or engaged in the desperate struggle of life and death as they tried to escape a predator. It was one of the most beautiful nights that Cyrodiil had been gifted with for many years.

Such beauty was lost on Reneah Sternis. The bulky Dunmer stood on the deck of his ship, The Wave Runner, and surveyed the still waters the ship was anchored in. To the west the lights of Bravil twinkled and glimmered, and far to the north Reneah could just make out the massive flame burning in the lighthouse in the Imperial City’s waterfront.

He couldn’t sleep. Despite the fact that he felt exhausted, sleep continued to evade him, taunting him like some imp that would flit out of his grasp before he could catch it. Eventually, he had given up trying to sleep and went up on deck to relieve the night watchman. The duty was hardly dangerous, but it gave Reneah something to do while he waited.

The world was silent save for the chirruping of cicadas as they called across the night, yet the silence was suddenly broken by the thumping of boots across the deck. Reneah turned, hand on one of his cutlasses, to confront the intruder.

“Easy Reneah, easy,” the cautionary voice of Gaius Lacharr said. “Not like you to get jumpy.”

Reneah apologised before turning back to his watch.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Gaius asked.

“No,” Reneah replied. “Just one of those nights, I suppose. You?”

“Same here,” Gaius asked. “That bloody casket was keeping me awake again.”

Gaius’ association with magic had been a recent toll on him lately. A wizard was a useful asset on any ship, able to summon winds, and in the worst case, burn pirate ships to cinders, but the casket The Wave Runner was carrying was causing Gaius several problems, sleep deprivation being the most minor.

“Well as soon as we reach the Imperial City tomorrow, we’ll be rid of the thing,” Reneah said. “And thing of the cash we’re being paid. Five hundred thousand septims…We could live like kings on that.”

Gaius nodded.

“First thing I’ll buy with that cash is a sleeping draught,” he said, smiling the thought of a good night’s sleep in the first night in weeks.

#

Many people had died in the Niben bay. Whether ships had been caught in storms, murder victims were dumped in the waters for their bones to be picked clean by slaughterfish, or for any other reason, hundreds, if not thousands, of corpses had been accumulated in the waters. And they were being called to.

Necromantic power called out to the bones and the rotten flesh, causing them to twitch in an unholy semblance of life. Slowly but surely, rotting zombies stumbled up from the river bed, skeletons rose from the mud and even some shambles formed from the bones scattered around.

As one, they turned to face the anchor chain of The Wave Runner.

Grasping with shining white fingers, skeletons shimmied up the chain, while zombies used their natural buoyancy, strength and endless reserves of stamina to propel themselves to the surface. Over a hundred undead creatures answered the call of the casket, all of them converging on the hapless ship. The Wave Runner was well and truly doomed.

#

“What was that?” Gaius asked.

“What?” replied Reneah.

“That clicking noise,” Gaius said. “There it is again. It’s coming from the hull!”

The pair dashed over to the railing, and saw to their horror that the side of the small ship seemed to be caked in skeletons, slowly but surely making their way towards the top. Reneah and Gaius stared for a moment, struck dumb by the awe inspiring terror of the scene. Reneah got a grip on himself and screamed at the top of his lungs, “ATTACK! WE’RE UNDER ATTACK! GET TO YOUR STATIONS!”

The crew dashed to the deck through the hatch, most of them in their night clothes, holding cutlasses and bows, and a few other weapons. They rallied around their captain, who had drawn his own weapon, forming a circle, and prepared to fight.

The skeletons reached them first, most attacking with only their hands, trying to gouge eyes and pummel their foes as the crew fought back with arrow, mace and blade. Any skeletons that fell were immediately replaced by another, while more pressed on from around the ship. Gaius sent balls of fire and bolts of lightning at the attackers, breaking bones and shattering skulls.

Shambles began to press through the masses, eviscerating crew members with razor sharp talons and raw strength. Gore splattered the deck men were slowly but surely killed by the undead monsters.

Gaius suddenly staggered as if he had received a blow to the head, and in a blast of white light, as skeletal figure smashed through the wooden deck. Gaius sent bolts of magic towards it, but his efforts were in vain. The figure simply seemed to absorb the attacks, and with flames burning in an infernal corona around it, smashed Gaius out of reality. With another blast of magical energy, the figure struck another blow, this time against the ship. The sturdy vessel exploded under the force, sending spars of wood and splinters flying hundreds of metres into the air.

Reneah was flung a good fifty metres from where his vessel was, the force of his impact against the water knocking him breathless. He desperately grabbed a floating plank, praying to the gods that it would support his weight, and lapsed into unconciousness.
xX Kinzer Xx
Well I thought the story was well written, and original. Now I don't have much experience criticizing, so don't take what I say too seriously. From what I can tell though, you have a lot going on, in a small amount of text. I'd say you should write as much as you need to in order for the reader to understand what's happening.
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