I was watching t.v. today and every news channel that i flipped to had the piligamy issue on it. i was just wondering about your opinion on it. i think you should only marry one person.

"edit" sorry i some how f-ed up the poll again. i spaced between the lines.

"grabs chair and smashes computer"

I think its spelled Polygamy. As it deals with a belief system, I am perfectly comfortable if some people choose to follow this path.

I for one couldn't even comprehend having to share someone. I don't believe most people are wired for such a relationship unless they are born into it and lived with it throughout their entire lives. So I am with you on the the whole monogamous relationships there.

However, I also tend to be biased against marriage for the most part. Far too many people make that commitment far far too early before they are ready simply because that is what is expected of them. This usually ends up with either a divorce or just going through life unhappy. I know this one from experience.

As someone who's 29th wedding anniversary is coming up next month ... I am very in favor of monogamy. I don't believe that polegamy is natural for humans. I think that one woman/one man was what God intended. Guess I'm very traditional that way.

However, I am in agreement with Neela that way too many people are getting married too young and for the wrong reasons. That it is expected of them is one wrong reason, another is to please the mother-in-laws, another is simply loneliness. People should learn how to be alone, before they ever learn how to be married. Both take effort and patience, to get right.

All women are evil and if you are unlucky enough to want to suffer more than one of them, then by all means go for it. Four times the headaches, four times the mood swings, and twenty times the evil (women band together in their little covens to multiply your misery).

But... seeing as how that's not going to be considered 'serious', I personally have no problem with it. It depends on culture, and cultural acceptance. Islam for example allows up to four wives, and whilst some may argue that it is a very masculine dominated society (which it undoubtably is), if the man and the women are happy in that relationship, then why not allow it? The reasons it isn't allowed in the majority of the world is more to do with Christianity than any other particular factor, and even then you've got to remember that historically certain flexible liberties did exist (prima nocte, anyone).

Of course its always curious to see the modern countries such as the US, who were supposedly arelgious at their inception (the 'under God' bit was added later), make limitations based on one religion.

Personally I have no intention of getting married. It just seems like a scam for women to steal your money and cause you grief.

I would disagree with Ibis (in a small way) & Neela and say that humans are wired up for polygamy; I see humans characterising basic animal instinct all the time. For the male it is to sleep with as many females as possible and try to stop any other males from mating, (most) guys don't because they know its wrong but it comes across more subtily. Women sleep with only the best male, best doesn't mean good looking, best means confidient and able to jump over many hurdles, you see many woman making men go out of their way for them and they always seem to go for the confident jackasses, well thats the same way men are tested in nature. Now lots of people will try to say I'm wrong because they are thinking of this blatent sense rather than subtile instinct. Think about how girls interact with men, there are "friends" who are not considered sexually and then there are love interests who the girl will seek out; men can be shifted catagories easily as a women might develop lust for a woman, but it is always on or off. Men are more blurred and are often very attracted to their friends but simply ignore it because they are friends. Thats because women are only ever attracted to their alpha male(s) while men need to be attracted to as many women as possible.

While males are wired up for polygamy I think monogamy is better option because polygamy gets far too emotionally complex. Especially in a time where men aren't going out and dieing so the male/female ratio is fairly even.

Id simply say that if youre prepared to be in a relationship or married to more than one person, you obviously dont care about them all that deeply. Im not religious or anything but I believe you can meet someone perfect for you and spend the rest of your life with them quite happily. I wont go as far to say soul mate or anything, but a little like that.

Tradition has nothing to do with it if you ask me, if youre with more than one partner you obviously dont care about any of them in the same sense as say a happily married couple (while Im not for marriage myself). To put it blunty I dont think there is anything special about these people (men mostly I think?) who have multiple partners. Its probably most done just so they can satisfy themselves in their own weird way.

And i belive that Sheikhs have even more.
Still, in Islam you are obligated to ''buy'' a woman with gold, and if you don't have enough money to pay how much she needs you can't marry her. Also, if you have more than 1 wife, you're obligated to threat them all equaly. So, not just any Joe Shmoe can marry more than one woman

Anyway in theory, I have nothing against polygamy, although I intend to have only one wife If a woman or a man is willing to accept this, why forbid them?

On the other hand, that would significantly increase the number of emigrants from poor countrys to richer countrys. For example, if I could marry 10 woman from Serbia or Croatia (all my good friends), and be just formaly in marriage with them for citizenship purposes, i would do it. And, this is also a way for a rich country citizens to make money. 15,000 Euro per marriage, and the marriage is only formal. How is this method called in English? Legalising polygamy would just improve this ''market''.

Well, that depends. What if you and your wife have an equal source of income?
Or if she isn't working, she must at least cook you a meal, and clean the house. As goes for grief, well every relationship has it's problems at some point. It all just depends on both individuals. Still, i think i will listen to my old man and marry somewhere around 30. I don't want to make the same mistake as he did with my mother. Marriage in 20 isn't a wise move.

It doesn't matter HOW much money they make. A womans spend/earn ratio is completely wrong, and they'll just leech off the first poor sap that falls into their cunning, diabolical little trap. That sap being the husband.

She can earn 5 million a year whilst you earn 15k, she'll STILL take all that money from you. There are NO benefits to marriage. At all. Not one single blooming benefit. It's just a scam.

Just keep them away from fashion stores, and you'll do fine
What is the point of a well-dressed woman? They look best naked anyway.
J\K

Well, there are some financial benefits. For example when buying a house or apartment on monthly mortgage, a married couple has an advantage of buying a more expensive and better one, over a single man. And if one of you two loses a job, the other one will cover the expences for house, car, water, electricity, or any other payments. It's just temporarily until a new job is found. Social Help you get from country may not be able to cover all of these things, and if that happens you can relly on your wife\husband

I know of few more benefits, but i can't remember them right now.

I wonder how would Polygamy affect this?

Hehe lots of opinions on this matter, as would be suspected.

Personally I think people should do what they want in this matter. It's religions that have set the 'standards' for the different types of partnerships anyway, so it doesn't really mean much (religion is getting a bit outdated in this day and age, or what?). I see no reason to get married. If you like each other you stay together anyway, and then split up if you don't like each other anymore.

Being a very avid reader of popular science articles I agree with Pisces. Our human nature, instincts, speaks for itself. Males tend to seek out new mates constantly, sowing their seeds to ensure future survival of the human race, while females have a more stable and caring nature so that they can raise the children until they can survive on their own. This is very much like so many other species on our planet. We are also animals, after all.

I also read an interesting article recently. Research have showed that smells play a very large role when two people are very attracted to each other. This 'smell compatibility' means that certain cell structures/DNA of the couple will ensure that any offspring from these two will be very resistant to various diseases. Nature's own way of creating healthy children...

Today's society with all the pollution and perfumes etc. inhibits this sense of course, thus children born today have more diseases like allergies etc. So not only does the pollutants directly cause sick children, but also indirectly, since people are having problems sniffing their way to the perfect mate...

I'm getting way off topic (again)...

I admire very much people who can find a partner for life and be happy with them, like Ibis going for her 29th anniversary. Well done!

Bottom line, whatever makes you (and your partner(s)) happy is best, whether you are single or have one partner or 10 partners... I think it's wrong to feel forced to live your life like your local religion expects you to do, no matter where you live.

(Btw I didn't vote, since I think both is ok)

Rainer thinks it depends.

Just like many things, Polygamy gan bring you joy or stress depending on how it is used.

Rainer knows it is a part of life that we like more than one person, and sometimes the whole "pairing" thing is what causes people so much stress when you decide who to live with.

Exampe:

Male A likes Female A and would like to marry.

But then he meets Female B and he likes her too, but he has already decided to marry Female A

With Monogamy, Male A is left with Female A and cannot share time with Female B as much as he would like because he s married to Female A

With Polygamy, Male A can marry both of them and Female A and B can both share time with Male A and be on even ground becuase they are both his wife.
Also, it means more people to help provide for income for Marital support. And both Females might even become good friendsm thus strengthening Marital ties.

The same can also apply if there is one female and two males.

The problem is though, if The husband marries another wife and the Wife marries another husband, then complications start to occur.

So, if used properly Polygamy can be benifical instead of Harmful.

I don't mind it - If it makes you happy, and no one gets hurt, do it.

Humans are not monogamous creatures. Unlike some animals - we don't roll over and die in the department of romance once our mate dies. And hell, most times people break up because it don't work out. Way back when the only reason people stayed together was because you couldn't back out once you married. That was it.

:shrug:

Now what kind of opinion is this??? There must have been a poor female that hurt you terribly.....jeez! I can´t believe you just stated this opinion!!!



Poor you! I´ve been married for 20 years.....And it´s been a pretty good marriage, I won´t complain.......at least that much, even though I´m married to a cheapskate!

uhhh ....

I have been in a monagamous relationship for 3.5 years (I know, it pales in comparison to many of the others here), and I just don't feel like I could handle polygamy. That's not to say that it couldn't work for other people, but I think it takes a lot of effort to maintain the degree of emotional intimacy required for a truly close relationship. Certainly there are great benefits to sharing yourself so completely with another, but I just don't see how I could be able to have that same level of relationship with multiple people at the same time. Perhaps the real question is whether anyone could truly achieve this; or perhaps this is not the sort of relationship sought in polygamy. One of the major reasons that many societies have banned polygamy is out of concern for the financial welfare of any children born into a polygamist family, especially if any break-ups occured within the family. So, perhaps, polygamy is something that really only works if you are willing to sacrifice individual closeness and have the financial means required to support the large number of children that would most likely result. Well, I think I've rambled on long enough. I'm not sure I really said anything useful. Oh well.

ROFL
What would your husband say to that?
Anyway, In your moment of fury, you forgot to state your opinion about polygamy.

Yup...I did, my bad! (hubby does know I think he´s a miser, but he thinks it´s a good thing being the opposite of me!)

Well frankly I respect those who live in a polygamic relation out of religious reasons, but I would never do it myself.

Maybe I should look for a possible lover?...Uhhh what did I just say?

I´ll vote no.....

In modern day America, Poly-whatever is kinda dumb in part that the general peoples that practice it are apartt of general religious whatever that severely restricts females.

So, A) being that most open pre-poly-whatevers have come out now saying how horrible it is... (abuse, rape, neglect, etc) I can't cast my vote in favour of it.. No matter what my manhood is trying to tell me.

LOL

Which brings me to another thought......

What do people think about love affairs?
Is polygamy better (your wife knows you have another wife), then having an affair (your wife doesn't know of your little ''adventure'') ?

Is it better to know that your partner has sex with another person, or not to know?

NO! I think it´s better not to know! Hmmm if I knew hubby was with someone else I´d probably be upset but what I don´t know, doesn´t hurt me.. And vice versa!

To make a statement regarding a major international religion without knowing enough about it is a way of going about things that is generally unacceptable.

First off, Islam does not promote nor Condone more than one wife in itself, this is a Western Myth. Those who do marry more than one female (or male) do so based on their cultural (non-religious) background and influence, and not their religion.

Second, pleae name a country, especially a "modern one" (a phrase which I take it you mean as referring to a country in which it is acceptable to practice immature sexual behaviors (one practiced before a person is old enough (18) to legally engage in such activities, or has made a responsible decision (marriage) and found a source of income that could support the result of intercourse (a child)), which is not male dominated.

On another note, I am against polygamy, I believe it morally wrong. You may call it natural, but that doesn't make it acceptable. Especially if a person lives in a "modern" country, where primitive behaviors such as more than one sexual partner, are rapidly gaining popularity.

Minque's just trying to excuse her own affair

Anyway, I think what these pundits aren't getting is that's all tied to the culture, and the culture is in direct response to the times and to what's necessary for survival. For instance, in Taiwon, women are allowed more than one husband because of land issues, if a famoily has two sons then their land keeps getting divided in half, with their system however oftenly a female marries every male in that household.

I think polygamy plays in chauvinism though, as it takes away from emotional attachment and more into being the big pimp. It also makes it harder for less successful men to find a partner, as they're all part of richer men's partnerships.

I don't really like the way the poll is set up. Do I think it's good or not? Or do I think it should be legal? I don't like it, and I'm much too fond of emotionally attaching myself to one partner, and sharing my life experience with one intimate, to ever practicing polygamy myself, but don't think marriage should be in the state's hands at all, and they shouldn't get any say over who marries who, at what age, or under what circumstances

I am not particularly for or against the situation as I cannot do either, but I definetly lean towards having a single partner as opposed to several. My reasoning for it is more of a health risk and a lack of intimacy.

and I have to agree with Gamer that "modern country" is a strange term to use, and one very ill defined.

I didn't quite understand this, but I'd just like to say that the legal age for having sex in Norway is 16 years.

Actually I think it's strange to have age limitations for having sex. Reproduction is the true meaning of life for all species, and as long as a female is capable of having children she should be allowed to.

Unfortunately today's society with its prejudices would probably break a 13 year old female trying to raise children. This is probably one of the reasons those age restrictions are in place, but remember that the average age for humans was about 50 only a 100 years ago. In the stone age it was about 20. This meant that humans had to breed children as soon as they could to ensure survival of the human race.

I can of course understand age restrictions for having sex in overpopulated countries. Not that age restrictions for having sex in ANY country is ever respected by its citizens though, so there is no real point in having restrictions anyway, except for spending tax money on pointless beurocratic positions...


Regards,

Olav the Philosopher

Olav is right that humans used to live shorter lives and I think marriages began at the beginning of the teens in the middle ages (sometimes the man was older so he had established a profession and his bride was a teen,)

Pisces also was right about monogamy not being the natural instincts for hunter/gatherer societies, for instance, the men hunted afar from the village together and the women stayed and did the gathering of fruit/vegetables at the village itself. When a man & woman mated and had a child, they would live seperately from the village and the man would stay & protect his little family until the child was 5 or 6 years old, able to follow its mother around - then the man went back to the hunting group and the woman & child went to the village. No more union between them.

But now it's the modern day and the industrial revolution has changed everyone's lives and we have high school & college to go through before marriage in many cases. Establishing a profession is still very important to forming a family. But our natural urges are still set at that teenage time for mating. Since we all will live long lives probably (some of you who are young now reading this may live well beyond 100 years old just due to medical innovations continuing to happen.) So, controlling the instincts toward polygamy, early mating, rushing into marriage with any number of partners, etc. is a wise choice in an age of infinite choices.

If we all followed our instincts then the alpha males would mate as much as possible but they would lose all their wives as soon as their wives meet someone better. So eventually all the women of approximately the same age would be married to me . Hence why polygamy is bad, I simply do not have enough time for all those women Sticking with one is saving me from being attacked by millions of horny women

Well, you could always give to Foster the wives you did not want.

LOLOLOLOL.....!!!

Is that so?
Well, here's an intresting quote:



This is quote from Islam holy book Qur'an. So, as you see Islam DOES alow 4 wives, but only if you are sure you can take care of them, and threat them properly.
That means you will need some good public reputation, and be a little richer than average man. It all depends on your wives needs. It's not the same if you married a girl from wealthy family, and a girl from a poor family.

This however excludes extremly rich and important people such is the Sultan or a Sheikh. It's well known that through Turkey hisory, Sultans had a LOT of concubines. Some of them never even had a chance to see the Sultan . So in these cases, Islam alows more than 4 wives. Otherwise, if you're a normal citizen and you know you can support 4 wives, you can do it no problem.

Yes indeed.
You should do your homework before calling someone ignorant, and especialy if stating something like this. Take no insult in this, you stated this, not me.

EDIT:

*whispers* Shhhhhh! Don't say that! You might envoke the wrath of the Wise Woman, and a mysterius power of her banhammer

ARRRRGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Unless her first name happens to be Kiera and her surname happens to be Knightley, I'll pass.

I definitely think that HyPNO has a very good point here! Also I hope we can keep this thread as civil as possible, it´s hard when it comes to religion and related topics but I have good faith in you guys.......

Everybody on this forum are civil, that's why I love this place so much. Why would it be any diffrent now? But I do understand your point. When it comes to poiltics and religion, opinions very often conflict.

Oh, and sorry I didn't want to spam, but since we're talking about polygamy, Islam is the best living example, don't you agree?

*Takes out Hammer* (just a normal one!) *points it at DoomedOne*
"It's HAMMER TIME!!!!!" *hits DoomedOne over the head multiple times*

Anyway... Polygamy (w/e) was a good thing back in the good ol' days (6000-5000 BC) but now we have dozens of dieases and other things... that and a court of law... (Ladies can sue for ANYTHING if they have the guy's child)

No one respects a joke made at someone else's expense anymore...

Anyway, yes, the Qu'ran states in one single line at only one specific part that marriage with multiple women is okay if you're having a hard time bearing children with just one, and can support more than one, however, I bet you if the right researcher went at it, the Bible could be made out to say the same thing.

Generally, it's not religion that decides how many wives you can have. Religious laws are based off very practical things, I think it comes down to the environment and what's naturally best for the people as opposed to what their religion states (The Church of Latter Day Saints being a very bad example). Humans seem to me to be more like birds. Birds, I think all birds but I'm not positive, have one partner their entire life, and never switch off. This would be pretty far opposed to the octopus, where the females build shelters and the males act as vagabonds roaming shelter to shelter doing any female ripe for it. But, it's whatever works for the individual species, and humans have lived in many different tribes and lifestyles.

For those of you who have tried to generalize all hunter/gatherer humans into what their habits were, that's not true. Many individual groups or tribes followed those examples, but many followed other ones. The Inuit people had one wife their entire lives, and oftenly marriage was arranged but they never divorced. What's funny, is if a traveller happened to roam by then part of Inuit hospitality is if the traveller was exceedingly lonely the husband might offer his wife for the night.

Virtually every tribe was a ittle different in their practices. The amazons would kidnap men and rape them, then kill them after they got their seed, and kill all the male babies born in their tribe. In most tribes, both the man and the woman were equally valued, even if the man or woman was allowed multiple partners. There are exceptions, such as the Mesai, which practiced removing the woman's lamp post to ensure loyalty to her husband.

Here's my point, there no one way or another way humans should be, and there is no way that's more natual than another way, or more moral than another way. Multiple wives does not automatically mean a patriarchal society. Hence, I with-hold my stance, I don't care, I don't make it my business what people want to marry or how many they want to marry, and I don't think the government should legislate their viewpoints on the subject, any government.

there ya go Doomed! you just made up for all your insults... i mean...
i suppose i can agree with DoomedOne (in his 2nd statement) humans are adaptably creatures, we live by how we want and religon is mainly a scam... oops did i say that out loud?

Yes, you did. And if this turns into a flamewar, guess who'll be blamed?

umm... me? yeah, but... saying more would make it worse wouldn't it?

Yes, you.

Yes, it would.
I strictly recommend editing your post and deleting the offensive statement about religion. I'm not offended myself, but a lot of people who are religius can.

Ill definately agree to Doomedone's point on not being able to put all humans into either group. I like to distance myself from the point that I am supposedly obeying my more......animal instincts.

Well this is true, and I can't understand the strong reactions for this. All religions were founded by the leaders of ancient civilizations. It is a well known way of making the citizens feel like they belong somewhere, and that they should not move to other, more culturally advanced societies. In short: A scam to keep people from moving away - to ensure taxes for the empire - and to ensure that the people would fight for their empire if necessary.

I mean, if there really was a god or several gods, wouldn't it be logical that they showed themselves and that everyone on this planet worshipped those same gods?

Sorry for drifting off-topic, and if I'm banned for this, so be it. But it was just a reaction for the above posts. Like mentioned earlier in this thread I'm having a hard time understanding that people can be religious in this day and age, when we know so much about our own existance, and know so much about the other 'unexplainable' things that have been integrated into religion since the beginning of civilized behaviour.

You won't be banned. Yours and Dark Hunter's posts are both acceptable, since there's no rule against it.
But what I actualy mind is using such hard words like ''scam''.

Just like you, I don't belive in god (or gods). But again I would state ''I think that religion is not valid and not supported by facts'' instead ''it's a scam''. Just saying the same thing In a diffrent way can make a huge diffrence. I was just concerned that this will turn into a flame thread. But now when I think of it, I have full confidence in moderators and admins they know what they're doing.

Anyway, this is not the thread for this. Maybe we can start a new one? Olav, will you do the honor?

Sorry I don't feel competent enough to do that, but I agree with you that scam is a strong word. My apologies if anyone got offended by that. Since English is not my native language I tend to misuse and/or overlook misused English terms. To be honest I'm not really sure about the exact meaning of scam...

But like Hypno says if this is to be discussed further it should be in another thread.

Allright then. Here's the thread link. Let's post there

Yeah it's not bannable, what you siad, but would give the modders justification to close the topic.

I didn't mean all religion was a scam, and to get this back on topic, I don't even have a problem with religion enforcing a certain lifestyle, that's the decision of the institution, and it's the decision of the people that follow it to follow it or not, they're not forced to. What get's me is when government starts telling people what they can and can't do on a civil level, where it's not even a metter of security vs freedom, it's just them being ideologues. That's what get's me about this whole polygamy thing, certain politicians think they have the right to enforce their own personal viewpoints over everybody else.

For me, it's unthinkable to attach myself to more than one woman, I couldn't dream of it any more than attaching myself to a man or an animal (promiscuous sex with more than one woman, that I'm less against) but I don't try to enforce these beliefs over other people, especially when I'm not part of their culture or situation.

Well, my problem with polygamy is not so much about the idea, its about the people behind it. So many polygamist colonies have (often truthful) accusations of sexual crimes of many kinds under their belts, and I can't let those slide for the few polygamists that live a happy life. I've seen the people who leave those families and they are not one bit happy that when they didn't accept being someones wife, they were discommunacated or worse.

Also, even if every polygamist was a good person and everyone was happy in those relationships, I personally wouldn't feel comfortable with it. Having more than one person trying to get me up in the morning might actually end in me getting up, and thats a world I don't want to live in.

If men weren't human-beings, and they wouldn't misuse, again, a thing like polygamy no problem. But i've, only recently, heard of french people, where many just convert to islam to be able to legaly bang/marry and abuse (in all ways possible) women. I think i feel like red on this one.
I know a person, an egyptian, for whom polygamy works perfectly well. He lives the islamic ideal of "more wifes - do not treat any one worse or better than the other one".
The women like each other and their common husband, he loves his wifes - it's just darn expensive he said ;P , but other than that it works.

Conclusio:

For those rare noble men, yeah why not, for everything-misusing bastards, nah.

Well for abusing bastards it doesn't really matter if he has 1 or 10 wives. If he only has one wife he'll probably abuse other women anyway...

true, but my statement was ment for: "If you were to pass a law..."

Yeah you're right. Well, who needs laws? Noone seems to respect them anyway...

''Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.''

- Plato

so true Have you read his "Laws" ? Just out of plain curiosity, since they are one helluva volume

Although polygamy is practiced in many cultures, I think the motivations of many have changed in this modern world.

Personally, it doesn't make sense - one female is born for every one male, so what's going to happen? Are people going to just mill around and die off? I don't think so while Mr. Rich has 15 wives.