Guard in the Aldmeri told my Altmer girl that her face would curdle milk, and to move on!

Guard in Daggerfall asked Bubba if he wanted to lose 10 pounds of ugly fat; and offered to cut his head off!

I heard another in Ebonheart, just yesterday; but can't remember it.


Have you heard any good ones from Guards or NPC's? Post them here!

Not something she heard, but something Lil found in an Acolyte of Auri-El�s pocket.

Oh my! Look what Light-fingers Lil found.

I guess the lesson is to not make those priest types angry at you!

I found some oldish screenshots from Jerric�s game that I had saved for their dialog Here we go:

Here�s a horny sailor Jerric had to disappoint in Shadowfen. He suspects Sharad says that to all the males, the females, and those Sharad can�t quite identify.

Here�s a Saxhleel lass who confused him until he got about ten steps away and figured out her meaning.

This fellow�s forthright remarks made Jerric laugh. They didn�t both die there after all, but it was refreshing to work with someone who wasn�t foolishly optimistic about their chances.

With all of the Nords and Dunmer around for pact activities, Eastmarch has been a treasure trove of NPC dialog hilarity. It�s often not what they say to the player but what they�re saying to each other. There are a lot of folks in Windhelm for the big party, so it pays to just walk around with a flagon handy and enjoy the atmosphere. It helps that I�m traveling with Jerric, who�s never met a stranger.

Two Nord men in a tavern were discussing a Dunmeri lass. One commented that she looked good in a dress. The other sounded wary if not a bit frightened of her. Then the first described her appeal. �Those fierce eyes! Her� bossiness! She makes me want to� Well, I like her.�

At the camps outside Fort Amol there has been some drinking. As Jerric walked by he heard a Dunmeri man say in a cultured, perfectly serious tone, �Do my eyes look red?�

"Are Argonian maids really...well, y'know..." - Various NPCs